TheGh0st

You and your entire family are in my prayers tonight. Please keep us posted! As far as your band. I agree with everyone else especially JulieNYC. I'm not a big advocate for the necessity of Protein supplements replacing good food choices over the long haul but during this time of stress and healing it may be the quickest and healthiest choice for you. My list would include: Liquids: Grape Frost Isopure from GNC (add some Crystal Light Lemonade if the flavor is too bland) SlimFast Low Carb drinks 20+grams protein, 2 g Carbs (after you deduct fiber), 190 calories plus approx 30% of many daily Vitamins & minerals. Hate the brand name but it's about the best Protein Drink I've found for nutrition. Mushies Protein puddings - either buy them premade from places like GNC or make them yourself by adding protein powders to sugar free pudding made with Skim Milk. (though making them does take more time it gives you much more flavor options including cheesecake) yogurt (with or without stirring in some protein powders) Nacho cheese Soup Protein Snacks String Cheese (I like dipping them in yogurt) Microwave some Hormel Turkey Pepperoni until crisp for a high protein alternative to potato chips but watch the sodium. for a healthier emotional eating option freeze the protein pudding until nearly frozen, stir and eat like soft ice cream. You can also take the edge off that fake chocolate taste buy stirring in a spoonfull of Peanut Butter.

I'm sorry if this is slightly off topic, but I wanted to post a clarification to my previous comment about divorce just in case it may have hurt or offended anyone. Just because I stated that in my view of Christianity I would not divorce my husband unless he was unfaithfull does NOT, I repeat DOES NOT! mean I believe others are sinner or wrong to have done differently. It is strictly my own personal belief system in my own personal life, and not one I presume to force or expect anyone else to follow. Each person must walk their own path and I respect all who have the conviction to follow their own belief systems, wether it be Christian, Buddist, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist or otherwise.

NU ME - As a christian & mother myself I can respect your desire to want to stay with him and make it work. I'm currently having some severe problems with my own marriage and if it weren't for the church and the children I think I would be strongly thinking of leaving him. But some of what "Enterprise" is saying hits home with me as well. My parents were married for 35 years in a very loveless marriage. Staying together for the same reasons. And since before Junior high I begged, yelled, cried for them to give it up and divorce, even though at the same time I didn't (and still don't) believe divorce is something God want us to do unless one has been unfaithfull. But as thier child it was very painfull to feel as if it were my fault in part for them remaining together. Finally after 35 years of marriage and years after my sister & I moved out my father did leave her and now 6 years later and after much sould searching and scripture reading my mother has remarried. And now at the age of 62 I am finnaly seing her truly happy for the first time. I guess if I have any advice to give to both you AND I, it would be to try to get counseling (or continue to receive counseling). In the church, outside of the church, anywhere you can. Do be careful in selecting counselors though as many have admitted they see there main role in counseling struggling couples of that of facilitator in helping a peaceful breakup rather than one in healing the relationship. But more to the point. If it becomes apparent that the children are aware of and being affected by the relationship then we may want to consider seperating from our spouses. You and I may not be able to reconcile divorce with our religion but IF it comes to it, wouldn't it still be better to seperate from him FOR the childrens sake and remain celibate that to remain with him, hurting your children, yourself, AND still being celibate? You are in my thoughts and prayers. Enterprise - Please understand I am not trying to make any implications about wether you are or aren't a Christian or if that it matters one way or the other. By the way love your handle, I'm a big Sci-Fi "Geek" myself. :nerd:Currently reading the new (2002ish) Dune series written by Frank's son. And Tivo nearly all the sci-fi shows out right now.

Uhgghhhh!!!!

Argon / Nume - I posted a PM to Puddin just the other day saying I was thinking of starting a new thread myself to discuss the "sexual" problems I think many of us are having. For some like Puddin' & I it's the urges to do things we feel are wrong for us. For Nume & Lepez it appears to be the lack thereof. They seem to be opposite ends of the spectrum but I suspect they are a lot closer in reality. I've really wanted to talk to someone about the problems I'm starting to have but have been too afraid to post online for fear my husband might somehow find the threads. And don't have anyone else around I can talk to about it considering my own christian background. Not that all my friends are christians but even they have placed me in a certain role that they expect me to conform to. But things are getting bad enough I feel I really need to talk to someone even at the risk of my husband finding it. I will try to start a new thread and post a reference to it on this thread. Probably sometime next week. If anyone else wants to start one sooner please post a reference to it here so I can find it. I actually searched for nearly an hour earlier this week to see if I could find one already started on Lapbandtalk and even though I found several mentions of sexual addictions and other problems like here they were always on fairly non-related threads. PS - Puddin - Good going you do sound like you are starting to feel some hope. Speaking as someone who went through this once before in my 20's, once you are able get to the other side, try not to let it drag you down for life. After all once God has forgiven you that is it, and to continue to beat yourself up about it would only be doubting his grace.

Robyn, :rain:I am SO SORRY for you! Your band journey has been way too hard. How many complications can one person be expected to handle?!!! :noidea:I don't have any wonderful platitudes or advice to help get you through this. I've not had to overcome the struggles you've had. I'm not saying I feel I've had it easy. I constantly feel like I'm battling depression, food, the band, people around me, etc, etc. But I can't pretend to understand what you are going through. Though I can say if it weren't for my band still functioning on some level in my current state of mind I would have easily gained as much or more weight as you have. :hug:You are in my thoughts and prayers. :pray: I am so glad you posted. I've missed you. :peep:Try to keep in touch more if you can. I know its hard to maintain contact with people when you are down but I don't want to be just a fair weathered friend who only supports you when you are already up. Feel free to PM me or call anytime :phone:913-710-3390 :beer:How about a few of us "old-timers" getting together for a drink soon?

Diane, I see that this thread has been cold for months now but had to post in case you were still lurking out there. My name is also Diane and I was banded in 9/05. Your posts read like they could have been written by me. Right around a year after being banded I hit a "plateau" and haven't lost more than 5 pounds in the last 8 months. Emotionally, I just can't seem to get back into the groove. I am very happy that I seem to be able to maintain the weight I've lost but I am still so upset with myself for not being able to kick my @$$ back into gear and lose these last 20+/- pounds. Have you stayed on track? Have you reached your goal? Did the "spa" reward do the trick? I've tried using motivational tools such as setting up an evaluation appointment with a Plastic Surgeon 2 weeks in advance and trying to dig in and lose weight for the appt. I did take off the same 2-3 pounds that had been coming and going for the last month but no new pounds. I have also started walking once a week with some banded friends here locally but realize an hour once a week is just a baby step. I need to do more in the way of exercise but am still allowing the demands of my 3 year old and 40 year old "child" as well as finances get in the way of joining a gym. And on the food front my problem seems to be that I've become totally bored with food. I don't want to think about it or work for it. I just want it to be there when I need it. And since nothing seems to taste good anymore I've been gravitating towards fast & unhealthy choices such as KFC mashed potatoes, chocolate milk and ice cream even though those foods don't even taste very good to me either.

Glad to hear from you. Again, I know you said it was fine but I want to personally apologize for you if I overstepped in any way by calling them. You know after your "dissaperance" on Lapband I had a talk with my DH about how if something were to happen to me that I would want him to have someone post a notice on lapband and a few other journal sites I'm active in as well as sending out an e-mail to my internet address book. Enough of the morbid talk. I'm just glad your back. I love your before pics. I've shown them to my sister in law and neighbor gal. Saying that minus the tats it could be a pic of me. It's less embarrassing to show them you and make the comparison than offer to strip down for them if you know what I mean.:faint2: But I'm really looking forward to an update as your after shots look way too painfull. (not painfull enough to scare me of PS though) It gives me hope that the doc will say I don't need to lose much if anymore before scheduling my own surgery. I'm 37, 5'2" and currently down to around 167-172 depending on the morning and just bought my first size 10 jeans yesterday. Albeit tight, though less tight than the 24's I could barely squeeze in pre-band.

OK guys I made the "stalker" call. I contacted her Plastic Surgeon's office. (It took the least effort on my part since she had posted their phone number before) I apologized profusely to the gal that answered the phone for possibly making an inappropriate call but told her I was just worried that something had happened. For all we knew she could have had a car accident or something. Well, the gal said she knew who I was talking about and that she had just come in to the office in the last day. I didn't ask for any more specifics than that but she did say that she would relay to Spydr that we were concerned about her out here in LapBand"Land". OFF TOPIC - Or maybe more on topic for this board. I have an appointment with a PS tomorrow for an initial consult. Please keep me in your thoughts. Though the bigger battle may be with my husband over whether our budget can handle this next step.

I just heard on NPR radio this morning that Walt Bodine's show today is going to be discussing the "reasons and risks behind surgical weight loss". I hope they give the lapband procedure more than just a mention. I'm at work but am planning on trying to listen to live via the internet and either call or e-mail in. Walt Bodine's show is based out of Kansas City but can be listened to live over the internet from anywhere at KCUR.org. For anyone that can't listen live. Walts shows are also available to listen to free online 1-2 days after it airs at the same website.

Mary - please update - how are you feeling? Did the surgery go well?

***NEWS FLASH*** Just heard a couple minutes ago on NPR radio this morning that Walt Bodine's show today is going to be discussing the "reasons and risks behind surgical weight loss". I hope they give the lapband procedure more than just a mention. I'm at work but am planning on trying to listen to live via the internet and either call or e-mail in. For anyone else that can't listen live. Walts shows are available to listen to free online 1-2 days after it airs at KCUR.org.

If we are truly worried we could call her band doc in TX. I know we don't have her full name but I'm sure they would know who she was if we described her. But I'm a bit reluctant as I don't want to look like a "stalker" type. Still I am getting more and more worried. This isn't like her to not post for over a month.

Same here. Any ideas on how we can access it?

Chantay - I understand the gas prices are beating me up as well. And my husband doesn't like me being away from our son but Wednesdays he goes to a bible study and can take Brian for a children's bible class as well so it works out for me. Mary - I'd love to see you come. No reason to wait until after the surgery. You could pick our brains in person with any last minute questions or worries. I had 3 people show up last week. Including one who was banded 6-1/2 years ago, and one that was only banded 6 weeks ago. We walked at the 6-wk post op gals pace. She stayed in the inside lane and the gal (Jen) that was 6+ years out walked backwards (most of the time) in the outside lane. I was somewhere in the middle of the track. Having other people around really made it easier to walk more than I would have if I'd just been there alone with my thoughts, not to mention my aches and pains.

REMINDER There is another walking date tonight (Wed May 9th) at 7:30pm. We are meeting At the Pioneer Trail Junior High Track. Its on the corner of Blackbob and 127th street in Olathe. For those who haven't met me I'm a short red head with glasses. This isn't be a marathon or foot race, just a walk at your own pace to get us all moving. NOTE: If it decides to rain tonight we will be meeting at the Olathe Great Mall of the Plain inside the Entrance to the South of Burlington Coat Factory. Feel free to call if you have any questions 913-710-3390.

I can't believe it!!! Billie was the heart of that place for me!

Angela & Mary - I can relate its a bit of a drive for me as well but I've been so bad about getting back to exercise that I'm more than willing to commit to the drive if that's what it takes to get me off the couch. I just don't seem to live very close to anyone that I can get interested to workout with me and trying to do it solo just hasn't worked for me yet. (copout - I know) Mary - Sorry, I meant to go but I actually forgot. Things have been so hectic at home lately. I looked at the clock around 9pm and realized what day it was. Chantay - I'm not a good person to ask about staples. I'm a bit alergic to the staples so I was pretty infected around them. Some of them felt a bit like plucking an eyebrow but others were worse for me. Try not too worry, no matter how it feels it's only a few moments of potential discomfort towards your new life of weight loss.

Mary and all other interested parties... Our first walking date is Wednesday at 7:30pm. At the Pioneer Trail Junior high and its on the corner of Blackbob and 127th street in Olathe. Currently I'm meeting up with Machelle who has posted here before and possibly her husband to walk. For those who haven't met me I'm a short red head with glasses and wil be in jeans. Machelle says she has glasses and shoulder-length brown hair and usually wear it in a pony tail. Look forward to seeing as many as possible. This could be the start of something great.

Chantay, It does get better. You say you felt "horrible" what was wrong, Surgery, Pain, Gas Pain, Hunger Pain, Mental Pain over the fear of the loss of food, or All of the above? I've heard of people having bad pains from the gases they blow you up with during surgery though I don't remember experiencing that myself. I'd had my gallbladder removed a few years earlier and had a horrible post surgery experience. So all I can remember about my post surgery pain is that I kept thinking it was so much better than the last gall bladder surgery. On the other side I didn't have a very good time with the hunger pains wether it was real hunger or just the head hunger and sense of what have I done and will I ever enjoy food again? To this day I still have no desire for another serving of Jello. I remember being so excited when I could start in on the cream soups, which I promptly decided included cheese soups right or wrong. They never tasted so good. But now I don't really feel any sense of loss when it comes to food. I really can eat most anything assuming I chew it well enough. Though there certain foods I use to think I liked eating that now I feel are just not worth the chewing effort. You will get through this. Look forward to seeing you again soon.

Mary - Congrats! I'm so excited for you. Chantay - How is it coming? Are you doing all right? When do you start into mushies or solids? All - Anyone out there interested in joining me and a few others to walk once or twice a week? I'm not talking about power walking or marathons. Just a nice slow walk. Let me know.

Congrats Mary, and only two days left Chantay! Amazing! I'll keep the both of you in my prayers. - Diane

Pre-Surgery I was very nervous but my mother was so against the surgery and nervous for me that I was too focused on arguing with her to focus on my own fears. It was an odd blessing in disguise. Even at the time I was fighting with her over this. I remember thinking that knowing my own personality I would have been much more likely to get scared and back out if I wasn't so focused on calming her fears for me. I also remember losing a pretty decent amount of weight during the pre-op diet the few days before surgery and talking to my husband as we walked into the hospital that morning about my temptation to just walk back out and post-pone the surgery and see if I couldn't keep losing without the band. But then I remembered I never had too much trouble losing those first pounds when I'd really try. My problem was always in the losing the last few pounds and keeping any of what I lost off. What the band has really helped me with is not necessarily losing the weight but with not gaining the weight back when I don't feel like working on losing it. Don't get me wrong the band has helped me lose, especially the first 75 pounds. But these last pounds are going to take more work on my part. But until I buckle down and put that work in the band keeps me from worrying about gaining back what I've lost so far. .

Marys Said it MUCH Better than I could/did! Just remember no matter how you behave now or for how long. God will always forgive you when you are ready.

(NOTE: I apologize for any rambling or offenses in advance, I'm writing this between phone calls at work and it probably will not be the most polished or elegant post.) Puddin, I've been a lurker on this thread for the last couple weeks and have read your back posts as well. But after your last couple of comments I feel compelled to respond. There isn't one poster that has responded to you that I would disagree with (That I've read) But if you are anything like me even the most up-beat "you can do it" post can feel like a dagger in the heart when you are personally covinced you just can't do it. I'm not sure I can say I've been exactly where you are but I wanted to share my own past experience in the hopes you might feel just a little less alone. I'm 37 now and married with one son. But I was born and raised in a very traditional non-denominational church (albeit not the LDS) I had also struggled my whole life with weight and self-esteem issues. When I got to college I managed to lose quite a bit of weight and combining that with the new location full of people that didn't know the "old" me. I put on a more foreward outgoing party facade. Though still determined to maintain my virginity until marriage. Then one night I was date-raped by a "friend" I had willingly started kissing in his dorm room. I felt so guilty over the whole incident not even wanting to admit it was a rape but feeling instead it was my own fault for not saying no for the 50th time, for not screaming, for not fighting harder to get out the door, for having gone in the room to begin with. Then in the weeks afterwards I felt so little of myself I managed to "sleep" with 1-2 new friends each week after a few months that tapered off to 1 a month or two. It took nearly 2-3 years for me to finally break free of my self destructive behaviour fueled both by my own feelings of religious guilt and the "in-the moment" thrill I would get but didn't want to admit to. OK I know this all sounds pretty depressing but my point is eventually I was able to work through it. Found a good guy and settled down. I have to admit him and I also had relations before marriage with each other and the fact he is aware that a large percentage of my male "friends" from the past have also "known" me has not always been easy. But I did survive. We've been married for 14 years now and are both active in our church. In the long run I think the struggles I went through have strengthened my walk with Christ. There have been a few times I feel like some of my Christian friends might think less of me if they knew my past but most of them do and do not judge me for it. Most days now I can even look back on those days and laugh at them. After all if I don't laugh the alternative is to cry. And I'm done with that. To be honest my biggest fear with losing the weight I have has been that I might be tempted to relive some of those days of my pre-married youth. But I'm not the same person now I was then. I'm not better!!! just not the same at nearly 40 and more importantly married. I'm sorry for rattling and have no idea if I've been of any help or have just been more depressing. My hope is that wether you give up on your efforts at restraint for now or not that you realize that one day you will overcome this and when that day, month or year comes. That you forgive yourself and move forward with your head held high. Until then try to enjoy this time of discovery as best you can and not judge yourself too harshly. PS - just think of the stories you'll be able to share with your grandchildren. I loved both my grandmothers but one of mine had been a cigar smoking wild child herself back in the 1930's. When I got to be in highschool and early college it meant so much to me to be able to have someone like her I could talk to and know she would understand and not judge even if she did wish better for me.