ScaredButReady2.0

I am very sad, I can't drink anything without feeling pain. I miss eating a full meal with my family. I don't want to hear I will be better for it, I don't want to hear I'll be happy in the end!!! My Husband and me bond over his cooking (he is an amazing cook) and how great it taste and a Martini or 3 almost every night. He is athletic BTW! All the people I told about this surgery said why are you doing this, you're beautiful, you're not that big! I spent most of my life feeling like an IMPOSTOR in my skin. I feel beautiful some days and some days I felt just unattractive and honestly FAT! I could never say that out loud before.
I am depressed alot but I'm functional and the one thing I could control whether happy or sad was what I wanted to eat! Now I don't even have that anymore. It's been replaced by emptiness, unsatisfactory feeling, pain, and loneliness. God I want that beef stew and white rice it smells amazing and probably tastes 100 times better than that. Instead I have to settle FOR MASSIVE Indegestion and 30 MLs of emptiness! I ABSOLUTELY REGRET THIS SO MUCH!!!
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Thank you in the Keys FL

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I am doing a bit better than before ... today was not a very good day... not making very healthy food choices and still feel like I'm starving! My Husband drinks heavy so I've fell back into drinking because I can eat. He can't fix my mood so he drinks and I hate when he drinks and I can't eat food so I drink. I need therapy but I also don't feel it will work so here I am .

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Thank you

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I’m glad to hear you are doing better but sorry you are still struggling.

I’m working closely with a therapist (for years now) … since my accident, and talking through my decision to take this step (surgery … I’m scheduled for next Tuesday). I also see a separate therapist with my husband.

There are days I feel like both are a waste of time, but usually I feel like it helps and I even look forward to it sometimes. Even sessions when I don’t think are really head on dealing with “things”… usually end up lightening my load and making everything easier to deal with until my next session.

My best therapy advice is find someone you connect with and you enjoy talking to. Sometimes you need to go through more than one, and that’s ok. When you find the right person - it will make all the difference in the world.

Thankfully my therapist is experienced with bariatric / weight loss issues. If he wasn’t, I would reach out to my bariatric program (they have a great therapist in house) or if I wasn’t comfortable with their person, I’d ask them for a referral.

I hope things continue to get better.

I am doing a bit better than before ... today was not a very good day... not making very healthy food choices and still feel like I'm starving! My Husband drinks heavy so I've fell back into drinking because I can eat. He can't fix my mood so he drinks and I hate when he drinks and I can't eat food so I drink. I need therapy but I also don't feel it will work so here I am .

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Elesir8 you are so right! I do need a distraction. Not sure it's work for me , I'm highly successful a day I hate my job most days. So coloring sounds like a great suggestion.

Thank you so very much

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Thanks for your support hard to see my way out just yet... nothing about this process has been stable or encouraging... nothing makes total sense right now but again THANKS YOU for your kinds words

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Thank you ... I'm 6 days post op 263 to 254 before surgery 5'6 and now 252 scale not moving! Horrible intestinal issues too [emoji25]

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How are you doing now? I hope you're better!

I think we all have this reaction after the first few weeks. I was not really comfortable with eating and drinking for over six months. I recently took a trip to Cancun and was able to eat when I wanted and drink what I wanted. The drinking has gotten infinitely better after 10 months or so post surgery. I can pretty much drink however much I want. I usually nurse a drink before and during the meal and hold off about 30 minutes after but I was able to maintain my buzz all day/every day in Mexico. Sometimes I wish I could really indulge in food but it is not worth the pain and the guilt. I also like being a size 34 waist vice a 48 or 50. There are some foods that I can splurge on like popcorn, nuts, tortilla chips etc from time to time when I get the munchies but it is very rare that I will do that. Since it is summertime, I have been eating a LOT of watermelon which gives me the hydration I need and a nice sweet, low calorie snack.
Things get much, much better....hang in there.

I hope you have been able to get past this initial upset OP. Lots of things (including our own expectations) need to be reset after surgery. But in the middle of that we need to be alive to the expectations of our families and friends - it isn't and will never be all about us. We have chosen a path, we need to align that path to the paths of our family as best we can. Best of luck sorting this out

I have always enjoyed eating, and still do but differently. While everyone else is eating plates of food, I am focused on bites of food, usually off their plates. It fosters a great sense of sharing and connection.
You can eat one bite of the absolutely worst food and a more bites of food that fits into your plan with nary an argument to be had. If it's what everyone wants' to do, you can play.
Really, fighting on vacation is a great way to ruin a vacation, especially when you are the cause. You are above living to eat now. But it doesn't mean you can't enjoy eating while you live.
Good luck,
Tek

Sorry you are feeling so out of step with your family. Maybe turn meals into a social event for you? you can enjoy the small portions of things at the restaurant and really try to spend the time talking or maybe playing some games around the table? Change it into an advantage for you since you won’t be spending as much time consuming as much. Or go on after meal walks or other low budget adventures.

If there is more to it, I hope you can find the cause and bring it out in the open and deal with what’s upsetting you.

Perhaps just talk to them and have good conversations. Enjoy their company. It isn't about food but being together.

I think you should talk to a therapist or doctor. To cause family disruption just because you can't eat and be this upset suggests other deeper issues, either physically, emotionally or mentally. For example, one of my siblings had anger issues and many times it was due to a chemical imbalance.

Are you in Canada? (Just assuming)
I love Canada!

Just curious where you… there has to be free events going on. Find a festival or something like that? Not sure your kids ages and what not, but there has to be some space in your trip for a variety of activities- not just eating. Sounds like he is being passive aggressive towards you, maybe resenting that you can’t join them in the gluttony.
Sounds rough. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

I am very sad, I can't drink anything without feeling pain. I miss eating a full meal with my family. I don't want to hear I will be better for it, I don't want to hear I'll be happy in the end!!! My Husband and me bond over his cooking (he is an amazing cook) and how great it taste and a Martini or 3 almost every night. He is athletic BTW! All the people I told about this surgery said why are you doing this, you're beautiful, you're not that big! I spent most of my life feeling like an IMPOSTOR in my skin. I feel beautiful some days and some days I felt just unattractive and honestly FAT! I could never say that out loud before.
I am depressed alot but I'm functional and the one thing I could control whether happy or sad was what I wanted to eat! Now I don't even have that anymore. It's been replaced by emptiness, unsatisfactory feeling, pain, and loneliness. God I want that beef stew and white rice it smells amazing and probably tastes 100 times better than that. Instead I have to settle FOR MASSIVE Indegestion and 30 MLs of emptiness! I ABSOLUTELY REGRET THIS SO MUCH!!!
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I am very sad, I can't drink anything without feeling pain. I miss eating a full meal with my family. I don't want to hear I will be better for it, I don't want to hear I'll be happy in the end!!! My Husband and me bond over his cooking (he is an amazing cook) and how great it taste and a Martini or 3 almost every night. He is athletic BTW! All the people I told about this surgery said why are you doing this, you're beautiful, you're not that big! I spent most of my life feeling like an IMPOSTOR in my skin. I feel beautiful some days and some days I felt just unattractive and honestly FAT! I could never say that out loud before.
I am depressed alot but I'm functional and the one thing I could control whether happy or sad was what I wanted to eat! Now I don't even have that anymore. It's been replaced by emptiness, unsatisfactory feeling, pain, and loneliness. God I want that beef stew and white rice it smells amazing and probably tastes 100 times better than that. Instead I have to settle FOR MASSIVE Indegestion and 30 MLs of emptiness! I ABSOLUTELY REGRET THIS SO MUCH!!!
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I appreciate your detail and it does help alot so thank you. I'll do my very best to make a therapy appointment. I feel like I'm losing my mind. And this life I have is no longer recognizable and it all I had. I've struggled my entire life with not being good enough and people pleasing. I decided to make a change with that and now with this too much... I didn't actually like my entire life before, so I welcome positive change, this doesn't seem positive it just seems like another very very hard thing. I'm tired of having to go through these very very hard things for happiness I call it SUFFER LOVE!

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Ok breathe. You slipped but you also now know why there is a staged return to eating - to protect & support your healing tummy.
What you are experiencing is grief & regret. This isn’t uncommon. You’ve been through a pretty major surgery, your hormones have gone haywire, you’ve had to make massive changes to how & what you ate & you can’t have food or alcohol which previously comforted you & gave you pleasure.
This will pass. Before you know it you will be eating solid food again, eating more & eventually you will enjoy a drink again. Yes, your tummy may struggle with certain foods to begin but this improves too. You are really learning how & what to eat all over again & learning what your body needs you to eat. You’ll be trying new foods, new recipes, etc. too.
I still enjoy food & I still eat out (went to a French restaurant last night). I’m just more careful with my food choices & portions usually without issue. I still drink (had a cocktail & a small glass of Grenache) but not as frequently - drink quality not quantity now. I look at food & alcohol differently. That old adage of eating to live not living to eat is true.
I didn’t have any comorbidities either but I knew that if I continued as I was or put on more weight it would be a different story. I was obese & I didn’t want to be. I’m a clothing person & I couldn’t wear the designers I loved anymore. Though not physically limited in any way, my stamina was poor & some things needed more & more effort to do. My weight came on suddenly. I always bounced around but ten years before my surgery I was 59kgs. Six years later I was 91 (damn hormones & menopause). Best decision I made. Remember the reasons you had to have the surgery.
You may find it helpful to meet with a therapist (your team should be able to recommend someone). Many find therapy extremely helpful.

Omg you sound exactly like I did, DID being the important word here. You are going through a grieving process and denial in one of the stages. Don't drink any more alcohol until later down the track. How soon after eating did you drink ? Maybe you didn't wait long enough. Sorry to hear you quit your job was that because of how you are feeling now? I would get some counselling asap it's not an Instant fix but it will help. What you are going through is very normal for some of us and believe it or not it gets better much better. Once it starts to get better it gets better very quickly and you wish the heavy restriction stage lasted a bit longer. Hang in there ❤

Are you on a PPI, or any other meds for acid reflux? Painful or burning throat is a symptom of this. (Also, the vodka *may* have contributed as well…it’s advised to stay away from alcohol to reduce presence or worsening or development of GERD)

I promise it will get better.
I’m 3 . 5 years post op and I eat pretty much whatever I want , just much smaller amounts . I do watch my sugar and carbs intake , I do eat them but only tiny amounts .
I still enjoy going out to eat with my husband and I still love cooking .
Thankfully I have maintained a steady 105 pound weight loss.
Good luck and keep your chin up .
You will come out of this phase soon , honestly.
Try to find a new hobby as soon as you’re up to it .
I discovered spin class 4 times a week and it helps me so much with my mental attitude , and allows the indulgences once in a while

Thank you so very much for breaking it down like you have for me I appreciate it! Alot [emoji120][emoji120]

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I am very sad, I can't drink anything without feeling pain. I miss eating a full meal with my family. I don't want to hear I will be better for it, I don't want to hear I'll be happy in the end!!! My Husband and me bond over his cooking (he is an amazing cook) and how great it taste and a Martini or 3 almost every night. He is athletic BTW! All the people I told about this surgery said why are you doing this, you're beautiful, you're not that big! I spent most of my life feeling like an IMPOSTOR in my skin. I feel beautiful some days and some days I felt just unattractive and honestly FAT! I could never say that out loud before.
I am depressed alot but I'm functional and the one thing I could control whether happy or sad was what I wanted to eat! Now I don't even have that anymore. It's been replaced by emptiness, unsatisfactory feeling, pain, and loneliness. God I want that beef stew and white rice it smells amazing and probably tastes 100 times better than that. Instead I have to settle FOR MASSIVE Indegestion and 30 MLs of emptiness! I ABSOLUTELY REGRET THIS SO MUCH!!!
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