(Deleted through replacement

So you're boiling all this down to "just try harder"? ...Yeah, ok, maybe I shouldn't have posted here. I have tried my ass off since I was a literal child and got made fun of in school for being the chubby kid. I have been on like every diet ever. I have done sports. You seem to think I'm being lazy, and that, frankly, is a pile of "stuff I can't say on this forum apparently because it will get bleeped." I was hoping people who got these procedures would understand that "suck it up and try harder" hasn't worked for most of the population and sure won't work now. I have zero shame at doing things for vanity. I'd rather be gorgeous and depressed than, well, me and depressed. It's like they say, money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather be sad on a yacht. Can we delete threads? I'd like to delete this whole thing.

I say "think" because I'm not like, weighing my food. That makes me neurotic and ain't nobody got time for that level of panic. I do record what I eat and drink. I have to balance absolutely hating myself whenever I think about weight (and yes I'm in therapy, this hasn't gone away despite like a decade of work on it) with actually managing to count calories. Your earlier post: Is it really "fatphobic" to not like the way fat looks? I really don't think so. People have preferences. You can't be attracted to everyone. I have zero health issues related to my weight (several doctors can attest), and so if it weren't about vanity, I wouldn't be doing any of this, I'd be eating a damn cupcake the way I want to. As for timeline: My doctor says if I haven't lost at least 15% in a year, it's not enough. I see a dietician monthly. The thing is, since my scale kept showing slightly lower numbers, and they were good lower numbers, we all thought what was happening was fine. I actually settled into a life that I liked, even eating less food. But I can't really go any less, or cut out any more things I like, without running into "now this is a drain on my daily mental resources," which I can't afford to have. I already have depression and anxiety going on. I have a difficult career. I can't do much more.

I'll be straight up with you, I have never found a fat person pretty. I'm sorry. I've tried so hard. (Really -- I did my best to date fat folks a couple times because otherwise they were super cool, but my sex drive just cannot work with that. Fat is the opposite of hot to me. I feel bad for those folks having to deal with me. It was over a decade ago haha.)

And now I just want to give up entirely. This is the opposite of helpful. I guess I'm really just bad at everything.

Crap, so I *have* failed in some catastrophic way, and all this is a wash. But there's no way to gain weight on 1000 cal/day. I very much do track *everything.* And yes, I've continued to lose inches despite the scale going up. There is literally no way I can physically consume enough food (since I'm not eating sweets/lots of carbs) to gain weight with how much I can eat. I've logged it all. My instructions are to eat 1000-1200 calories a day. That's from my doctor.

But I haven't lost *anything*! It's not a stall, it's "nothing happened" ><

Sorry, with anti-fat, I meant elsewhere, especially in like...packets telling you how to eat post-op. I don't want boring awful food and never getting to eat butter again...