chiquitatummy

thank you for the update! I'm so glad you gave yourself the gift of seeing your therapist sooner rather than later. BTW - you are not a burden or a wuss, this is damn hard stuff. this kind of self-change can expose/open our eyes to things in our life that need changing or that we at least need to step away from for a time while we take care of ourselves.

I sometimes find myself thinking about how weird Covid has made having wls because so many of us will be seeing groups of people at drastically different weights. I still go to work each day so my coworkers are used to it, but I’ve not seen my siblings since 110 lbs ago. If I don’t see them until this summer or fall I could be at a normal weight range- when they last saw me at almost a 50 BMI.

This. I am still pre-surgery, but I think a lot about this. I am planning on telling NO ONE but my husband (he already knows of course). Not even ONE other soul will know. So, I feel like I will avoid part of the rude comments, etc from family whom have made my body the focus of scrutiny and conversations since I was a kid. I do worry though how I will react to the potential compliments and praise I may receive on weight loss. I’ve been both skinny and fat and I can say with out a doubt when I was thin I was treated WAY better by family, friends, co-workers, etc. it’s a really messed up thing. I worry how cynical I may become and almost spiteful to my family over any positive comments. Def considering working with a therapist before and after WLS to help.

I feel this, especially with people where there has been a history of harmful focus on your body and fat shaming. I am proud of myself for having the courage to take the steps to get WLS, the resilience to do the hard work involved, and the self-love to prioritize my own well-being. Unfortunately, many people in my life would miss all of these aspects that I find worthy of pride and focus on praising me for getting skinny. I don't want to be the recipient of this kind of praise and while I will enjoy many aspects of being smaller I don't want to hear praise for my smaller body at the expense of my bigger body. I want both to be shown love.

I am telling select friends and coworkers. Anyone who I trust to accept the information as presented and not say something harmful.
My parents and my living grandmother are the only people I absolutely, unequivocally want to keep this from. Too much trauma from childhood regarding dieting and comments about my body when I was never clinically overweight until my late teenage years. I avoid discussing any subject with them that could even potentially veer in the direction of giving them an opening to talk to me about my body. I am desperately dreading having noticeable weight loss and them praising me for it. I don't want my family's, or anyone's, praise about something that doesn't change my worth as a person. I'm also hoping to get this done before things return to normal so that I can more easily fly under the radar.

Wow, they are advancing you slowly! I hit 4 weeks and they said I can start eating whatever I wanted as long as I could tolerate it lol. But... they advanced me a little faster than others. I think normal diet for my team is usually around 6 weeks. Hang in there!

Not cool, actually a super sh**ty thing to do to someone right before surgery.

I actually seem to be on the opposite spectrum of everyone else... My sister had the surgery first (hers was bypass due to medical necessity of throat and stomach issues, mine is elective sleeve)
My sister and my mother were the ones who pushed ME into getting the surgery... I didn't want to at first, just because I knew how grueling it was for my sister and I felt too lazy/too scared to live a life where EVERYTHING would change... finally, I sorta gave in to their pushing and said "Fine, I'll do it" and it's been the best decision of my life so far.

I finally had my surgery in January of this year... was supposed to be July of 2020, but Covid 😡.
I told EVERY person on my Facebook page back in January of 2020 that I was going through with it, and (knock on wood) every person has supported me through it.
I'm 2 months into the post surgery, and down 44 lbs from surgery, 70 from January of 2020. - I still have about 100 lbs to go before I hit my goal weight, but the fact that I'm at 265 already has me FLOORED! - And I actually do little "Updates on my Life" on my facebook about every month or so updating all of my family and friends about where I am in my post surgery life.
I hate seeing so many people who have had to feel like they've got to hide it due to the stigma that society has created for obese people but frankly - I don't give a damn who knows. - To me, it's definitely not cheating... could I have technically eaten the same thing I am now? - Sure.... would I have without being forced into it by tinier stomach? - No....
The push of being forced into doing something "Against my will" was EXACTLY what I needed to keep me on this path. Even if I went back in time, and told my old self "you 100% want this" I wouldn't believe me.

I only told my immediate family and didn’t want anyone else to know. Bf told his mom and she text me tonight “ FYI you know my friend just died from surgery “ like really I’m having surgery In 2 damn days! Exactly why I wanted no one to know.

I told everyone in my family and at my job. Everyone at my job was very supportive and happy that I am embarking on a new journey. Family though is a different story. I got a lot of pushback from family saying is surgery really necessary and to just eat less. I ignored them, because once I put my mind to something, I always do it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That is how I ended up marrying my husband after a month of knowing him and 5 years later we are still together! So who cares what anyone else thinks. You are doing this for yourself and for your health, and to hey look HOT and feel good in clothes again. Those are the reasons why I decided to do it.

Wow I just made a mental health post. I'm sorry your process is delayed a bit. I had a 20 min phone psych eval for my clearance. To be honest I wasnt ready. Here I am 3 weeks after surgery and mentally in a very dark place. I didn't think I was going to actually have the surgery. This was my second time starting to look into it and up until I was strapped on the operating table I didnt believe it was going to happen. I thought something is going to delay or deny me like last time. Dealing with the cold turkey stopping of food is hard, especially with not alot of support. I can see how easy it would be to swap out eating for Any other self destructive habit and I'm trying so hard to not do that. Best of luck to you on your journey. It may not feel like you need it but hopefully you'll get the tools to deal with the psychological effects of the surgery and have such a better time adjusting post op than if you wouldn't have.

Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

I think that a LOT of people have the reacation "All fat people self medicate with food...why should anyone be delayed from weight loss surgery because they do? Are the therapists on a power trip, are they just making money?"
There is some truth in this...that nearly all of us medicate with food.
But why is that an issue?
There's a very common phenominon that occurs with bariatric surgery called cross or transfer addiction. It is said to affect about 30% of people who have surgery.
When people find they can't eat to self medicate, they can switch to other addictions for relief.
Not just alcohol and drugs.
They can also become sex/intimacy addicts. They can start spending too much, gambling, there are a lot of ways for this to manifest. Exercise addiction. Controlling behaviors with family/children. Annorexia. Most of us think of annorexia as something absurd that could never happen to us....but it happens! Same disordered eating...just a different expression of it.
Also, there's a reason they call it divorce surgery. It can and does add strain to a relationships to have dynamics change profoundly. Eating is a big part of socializing, relaxing, relating to family, friends, coworkers. Eating dysfunction can be familial and codependent. There are some big changes that go with this whole process. Sometimes, they're easy changes, and sometimes they're not.
Sometimes they cause all hell to break loose for the person inside them.
Also, there is tremendous risk of remission...where you lose weight for a little while, then the food addiction and disordered eating come roaring back and you can physically injure yourself if you don't have other coping mechanisms in place.
I am not saying that ANY of these situations describe any particular posters here any more than they could potentially describe all of us.
Just sayin....if at your psych eval your therapist recommends more support, more preparation....that can be a good and responsible thing to do for yourself. That can help guarantee your best chances. It can make this time of change more joyful and less stressful. It can make you more successful in the long run. Figuring this stuff out is a great investment in yourself.
Best wishes to all.

Pre-op one of my big angsts was talking to family about my surgery. I know that, for most of them, they would not be on board. I have a loving and highly opinionated family of people that view themselves as wellness and health experts and I swear if there was a family motto it would be "you know what you should do". All of this contributed to me feeling like telling them about my WLS would open a can of worms. Not telling didn't seem like an option until I realized that, because of Covid social distancing and other distractions in my family right now I could probably pull off a secret surgery. Which is exactly what I did. Only my husband and one person at work know I had WLS. And right now I am so happy about this. It has been a delight to not have to respond to a million questions about how I'm doing or field all the worry and misinformation I feel sure my well-meaning family would bring my way. I feel like I gave myself the gift of healing in peace.
Right now I don't have plans to tell anyone else about my WLS unless they ask directly. I'll see how things go when it comes to handling food related get-togethers in the near future. I'm toying with just giving an explanation that includes the partial truth, that I am working with a nutritionist in a medically supervised dietary program. I am not ashamed of having WLS, I just don't want every person I know to feel free to be all up in my business regarding my weight, dietary habits, personal health, and medical decisions. Getting my mom and sisters to not take every opportunity to talk to/interrogate me about my weight and try to create dieting regimes for me was a hard won battle many years ago. Does anyone else relate to otherwise loving and well-meaning family members having no boundaries when it comes to wanting to "fix" your fatness? I feel like letting them in on my WLS would be a step back and they would revert to their old ways. I don't need or want that in my life. I just want my family to be my family and prefer not to give them any opening to try and act as my nutritionist or Dr. again.

This happened to me too. I had my psych visit a few months into covid lockdown and I kind of melted down when the psych asked me about stress and how I cope. Like you, I also got super honest and talked about a fairly new realization of how much I have used food to resolve anxiousness. I don't have a clinical eating disorder but absolutely have had unhealthy eating patterns that include use of food as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiousness. The psych ended up scheduling one more visit with me and referring me out to a therapist who I still seeing once a month. I was cleared once I started therapy and completed a 2nd psych visit.
Honestly, it's been really nice for me to be back in therapy again during this time. I was worried that being off work and recovering from surgery at home might be rough enough that I would have a depressive slump (I didn't, yay!) so it was really nice to be able to schedule an appointment for one week after surgery as a lifeline just in case that happened.

This happened to me too. I had my psych visit a few months into covid lockdown and I kind of melted down when the psych asked me about stress and how I cope. Like you, I also got super honest and talked about a fairly new realization of how much I have used food to resolve anxiousness. I don't have a clinical eating disorder but absolutely have had unhealthy eating patterns that include use of food as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiousness. The psych ended up scheduling one more visit with me and referring me out to a therapist who I still seeing once a month. I was cleared once I started therapy and completed a 2nd psych visit.
Honestly, it's been really nice for me to be back in therapy again during this time. I was worried that being off work and recovering from surgery at home might be rough enough that I would have a depressive slump (I didn't, yay!) so it was really nice to be able to schedule an appointment for one week after surgery as a lifeline just in case that happened.

The first week is dramatic! Everything feels so weird and out of wack.
I'm three weeks post-op and it got much better for me in week two. The first 3-4 days nausea was a real thing (I had a timer for when I could take the anti-nausea medication) and I was in a lot of discomfort in general. I didn't have too much incision pain and was off pain meds by day 5, but doing anything that tugged on my stomach for the first week+ felt scary. I slept on the couch propped up on pillows for 5-6 uncomfortable nights before I felt like I could lay down in the bed and be able to safely get back up.
At three weeks I'm able to take slow and steady walks around the neighborhood and my incisions are healing over but still a bit tender to the touch. The nausea has gone away (hallelujah!) and I am able to get fluids and Protein in as recommended most days. The have been a few days when I just don't feel hungry, don't want to eat, and have to force myself to get some protein in. I'm still easily tired so naps are my friend.

I'm throwing this here cause it's more of a rant than a question. Just wanna complain to some people who may get it. To get it out of the way, I am not mad at the psychologist, or the clinic or anything like that. I understand why I need more therapy prior to getting surgery and I fully agree that addressing problematic behaviors is important for long term success. The support of bariatric psychologists and support groups is why I decided to go with a hospital close to me that offers that stuff as part of the program instead of going to Mexico where it'd be much much cheaper as a self pay patient.
All that being said, I can't help but feel a bit down trodden and frustrated. I go to therapy frequently, and have for years. The past few years I've felt like I was doing really well. I hadn't had any major bouts of depression or anxiety that lasted for notable periods of time. There had been a few hiccups but they were promptly addressed and such. I thought I was gonna pass this thing with flying colors. Alas, nope. My psychologist that was evaluating me asked if any of the doctors or surgeons I had visited over the years had asked about my relationship with food cause she was seeing some concerning things, and honestly they haven't. That isn't to say I haven't talked with my therapist about my weight, it's just that eating patterns and behaviors themselves weren't ever really discussed. It was more just acknowledgement that depression and anxiety had contributed to weight gain. The bariatric psychologist also stated she doesn't think my current medications are working as well as I think, and that based on what I described as "normal" eating for myself, I am self-medicating with food in addition to the medications, and she'd like to make sure that I won't spiral once that food aspect is no longer a possibility. So I am now scheduled to see a therapist who specializes in bariatric surgery and disordered eating (she doesn't think I have Binge Eating Disorder, but she does think that my eating is disordered), and we'll check in 90 days later. The psychologist did repeatedly thank me for being honest though, so there's that 😕
I had a bit of a cry session yesterday when I found out. I am continuing to remind myself that the behavior and mental support part is why I chose to go with the hospital I did over other places. This is essentially what I wanted. I don't want to fail at this. I know it'll pass and a few months (hell even a year or two) is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of my life. It just doesn't seem that way in the moment and I'm just super bummed out.

I have a special name for this phenomenon: Healing.
The swelling is going down making things less sensitive. You're having less pain because you've been careful to take small sips.
Keep doing what you are doing.
Good job!
Tek

Congratulations welcome to the losers bench!

I agree! My healthcare decisions = my business.

So far I’ve only told my husband. Closer to surgery, I’ll let my kids know. Other than that, I’m not sure. I feel like between not seeing anyone due to COVID and probably having surgery at the very end of summer going into fall/winter coat season I could probably hide it and get away with the diet and exercise answer.

Hello everyone, just wanted to say hi. I am new to this website. I am on day 4 post op of gastric sleeve. Wishing I could eat delicious food!!!!

My surgery is next week. I have told my family (who are all supportive) and my best friend (also supportive) but no one else.
the only one who isn’t really supportive is my husband. He told me over the weekend that as of next week I will officially be “cheating” to lose weight. I was livid. he has seen me at my worst where I couldn’t even WALK because the weight on my knees was too much (My BMI is about 38, but my joints are super bad). He refused to back down and insisted it was cheating. He is super insecure and is against the surgery. I’m against being held back anymore . 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'll admit, there was a time I thought wls was the easy way out, thanks to the lies that are told by so many about it. After my own research and finding out everything I could I realized that was so untrue, and now that I've been through it myself I definitely know better! It makes me so mad. It's the most effective treatment we have for obesity at this point. And I feel like as much as fat people are shamed to lose weight they shouldn't have to justify HOW they lose it. It's a medical condition. No one would tell a diabetic not to take their meds. This is just another medical treatment. This is a big reason I have told everyone about it.. I hope that by being open I can clear up some misconceptions. I'm pretty much an open book though and I understand why someone would want to keep it to themselves. I am so lucky that the people in my life have been very supportive, but if they said something rude they know my big mouth and that I'll let them have it. Lol
I'm gonna be 50 in August and I think I've finally arrived at the "I don't give a sh*t what anyone thinks" part of my life. Ha ha


Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

I like the response to the question 'is weight loss surgery cheating?' on this website
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/weight-loss-surgery-cheating.html
A couple of other articles that may help frame further conversations around 'cheating or the easy way out', I do like the concept of the 'healthy way out'
https://www.smartshape.ca/wls-not-the-easy-way-out/
https://bariatrictimes.com/healthy-way-out-march-2018/