TheMoxieMama

Took the picture on the left today. The right was a couple of weeks before surgery. Almost 70lbs down in total. A little of 3 months out. I can’t believe it. I have long legs?! What?! Just prod that even if I can’t see the changes every day, they are there. So thankful I got this surgery.

I won’t say this is before and after because I’m almost 6 months post op and still going. So before and during.
5’10, 40
HW: 339
CW: 210.4
GW: 165

Congrats!

Welcome, Chris! Thanks for sharing your story. Not as much attention is given to the topic of men trapped in abusive relationships, but the problem is all too real. I'm glad you were able to rescue yourself from that situation and start over. As a woman who rescued myself and my son from domestic abuse, I know all too well the costs of starting over. But, the benefits far outweigh the struggles.
As for addressing weight and health, like you, the death of a parent was a LOUD wakeup call for me. My mother died November 11, 2019; I had my first WLS appointment on December 5, 2019. COVID-19 set back my surgery to October 6, 2020, but I lost 36 pounds "on my own" before I was set up with the amazing tool of the gastric sleeve. I was ready to change and at 6 months out I remain committed to continually changing to move forward, especially through the plateaus and "stalls".
Congrats on your great progress! Keep on keepin on!

Thank you so much! Really, I just thought of my dad through it all... what he went through, how he fought to live and everything I've done has been so tiny compared to that. We only get one life.... we can't waste it.

WOW!!! Congratulations!!! So very impressed with how you have taken control of your life in so many ways!! You are an inspiration! Glad to have you here!!

Hello all!
I just signed up after reading some of your stories and I wanted to become part of this community. I will try not to make my story too lengthy.
I am a 38 year old female, originally from the Midwest, although I have lived quite a few places in my life. Midwest will always be home, though. For almost ten years, I was trapped in an emotionally abusive, sometimes physically abusive marriage with a narcissist wife. I didn't really care about myself or my well-being. During this time, my father - who never had any major ailments in his life - came down with congestive heart failure, fighting for his life with an LVAD for three years... dying in the middle of a restaurant with my mom and their friends.
I am sure you can imagine at this point in my life - I didn't even care if I lived. There were many times I thought about driving my car off of the bridge on the way to work - but I thought of my mom and sister. I couldn't do it to them. My health declined, I had chronic feet issues that led to me finding out I had Hashimoto's Thyroiditis so bad that I had neuropathy in both legs/feet. My weight was in the 260s. Even after my medicine lined out my thyroid levels, I still could not lose weight - this was around December 2017 - also the time I had Achilles repair surgery.
Flash forward - May 2018. I knew I had to get out. I started working out, low carbing... I could only lose around 25lbs on my own, then nothing. No matter what I tried. July, I finally did it. I left with two duffle bags, 100 bucks in my pocket and my truck. I moved in with family - surprisingly all of them being there for me after they all pulled away because of my ex. I then applied for transfers with work because I knew I had to start completely over. I was accepted and moved to the east coast in December 2018.
Since then.. I met and married the absolute love of my life this past summer, June 2020. I was promoted to management with my company. I've paid off all debt from my previous life. I've rediscovered all of my old hobbies and likes. Now, I just had RNY on 4/13/21 to finally take control over the last part of my previous life.. to lose the weight and enjoy the life I deserve completely.
I couldn't have done it without my new wife. She is my rock and my biggest supporter. The most amazing person I've ever met. Sometimes things in life happen... we can't explain them. We have to have the courage to go with it and to see what's out there. We all deserve to live our best lives.
Down 25lbs so far and already feel so much better. Thanks to you all for being such great inspirations to me!

I walk 30 minutes each morning and center myself for the day.

I couldn't remember where I'd heard of Dr. Vuong until came across this post again. Thank you for sharing that you follow his blog. Because of you, I checked out his Youtube videos and have found them to be incredibly helpful. I like his sassy attitude and straightforward approach. He's posed some crucial questions to ask before surgery and dispelled some myths--that I was then able to validate. I know we're here to help each other, but wanted you to know that your post really did help guide me to a deeper understanding of the process.
Thank you again and I hope things are turning around for you.

Girl you just said exactly what I discovered a few days ago (I'm 3 weeks post-op). I'm not hungry, but sometimes I just CRAVE and I stopped myself several times - but why? It's usually the same thing for me as for you, meetings that go the way I planned, missed deadline, overall anxiety.

Jaelzeon--Thank you for your thoughtful sharing. You reminded me we can always take a moment, take a breath and make nurturing, self-supportive choices.
DoodlesMom--Thank you for your suggestions. I will look deeper for the free cponseling/groups.
WanderingHeart--Thank you for the Rachel Goodman tip! I signed up for some of her free content & her $9 course. It looks like great stuff so far.
NovaLuna--Thank you for responding and giving suggestions.
I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond.

I realized why I've been so emotional (cranky/sad) lately. While I have not reverted back to disordered eating, I've been dealing with the loss of food as a way to calm myself, numb out, or otherwise cover up uncomfortable emotions. I read helpful blogs, follow Dr. Duc Vuong, and while I want to see a therapist, I just can't afford the extra co-pays right now. (I am saving $ for this,)
Have any of you experienced this?
How do you handle it?

Congrats!

Staying hydrated the first couple of weeks is a full time job. You have to watch the clock and sip sip sip all those little cups to get your 60 ounces in. If you drink one ounce every 15 minutes while you're awake....you will hit your goals.
Pour a teenie little once ounce medicine cup. Sip it over 15 minutes.
If you do this every 15 minutes, you will be able to drink 4 ounces an hour.
Most people are awake 16+ hours a day.
4 ounces x 16 hours = 64 ounces
You can stay hydrated, but you have to be incredibly diligent. Drinking WILL become easier as you go....but the first week it's tough.
Sip. Sip. Sip.

This is a time where I should call a nurse at the hospital you got your surgery done at. I get that it's the weekend and the office is probably closed, but this is something that the nurses within the general surgeon department can probably help with and they are 24/7. Dehydration isn't only common after WLS, but also other surgeries, yet it is still serious.
Alternatively, did your surgeon give you their cell phone number? Not all do, but some do. At the minimum, it's common for them to give you a number in case of questions or concerns.

Hi friends

I’m 4 days post op and am pretty dehydrated I’m definitely getting my liquids in but no urinating. I ended up having to buy liquid IV because pedialyte wasn’t working. Anyone else have the same issue? I just don’t want to go to the hospital again just to get hydrated.

Thanks
Mark

Hi Everyone! New to the forum. Decided after years of being overweight and uncomfortable in my own body, to finally take care of me. Have had all my pre-op testing. Passed everything with no issues. Hoping to hear from pre-op coordinator on my surgery consult date next week. Would love to get surgery scheduled by the end of April!
Ready for a better, healthier version of me! 😊

For “comfort” eating I’ve also tried to replace that with tea or coffee. Hot beverages are very soothing to me and always have been. I have recently replaced my wardrobe- trying to buy used, and cheaper items on clearance since I’m hopefully just temporarily at this weight. I can see how online shopping could get addictive though, so I’m trying to be mindful about that.

I have made a lot of sales on Poshmark for clothes- if you have “known brand” stuff like Lane Bryant, Torrid, etc you can generally sell stuff there. I like that they take care of postage and everything. I’ve made about $600 in the past few weeks- which I’m slowly chipping away at getting a few new things. Being able to dress nicer for my business casual job is really rewarding.

I’m trying to think of things that are actual hobbies and not just time wasters to take up the space that food used to occupy. Going on hiking trips with my family, home improvement projects, gardening now that it’s getting nicer, knitting, quilting, reading, etc.

Gotta replace the comfort habit....with a new comfort habit....while avoiding crossover addiction.
Very easy to get in trouble with spending, intimacy addiction, gambling, alcohol, drugs, (obsessive dieting, obsessive exercize, obsessive internet use)
Jaelzion has an awesome comfort habit...coffee, and a little alone time to think/relax/refocus.
I like baths, walks, light funny TV, calling my bestie, playing with my pooch, gardening. I also love a cup of coffee and a sit on the porch.
OP...it's a terrific question and the root of regain. It's a huge part of the work. Thanks for bringing it up.

Holy crap, @Jaelzion you just made me feel seen. I just realized reading your reply that I too, have replaced food with (online) shopping.
So I’ve mostly replaced this feeling by loom knitting. I learned how to do it in January (about a week after surgery), and it’s fun. You can watch a video about how to do it on YouTube and you get to the point you could almost do it with your eyes closed. It’s repetitive, but it’s super soothing and relaxing. I’ll grab a skein of yarn and my knitting loom, and get to work.
Now I know that loom knitting isn’t the best option for everyone, but it’s what I found. Maybe find a similar hobby you can enjoy? Even if it’s something like photography. Grab your camera, go on a walk, and take some photos of what you see.
The first time I realized that I couldn’t eat my emotions I cried so hard. I had a complete meltdown. I’ve learned to swap the food for my new hobby. It will be ok. We just need to learn new ways to cope.
I definitely recommend talking to someone. I’ve been in therapy for 8 years because I have OCD and ADHD. It’s a great help. I think someone mentioned cost-free options can be in your city. Maybe hit google and take a look around. Ask people you know. You don’t have to tell them its for you—say you have a friend that needs help. Anyway, best of luck.

I've definitely found this. I hadn't realised how much I was using food to "self-soothe" until I couldn't have it. I haven't yet found a way to deal with it effectively, other than trying to distract myself by doing other things. It's difficult here - we're in a full lockdown so no visiting family/friends & no trips or holidays, or even going out for a meal/coffee.
But I've now dropped sufficient weight that I need new clothes and I've started selling my better quality clothes (i.e. the stuff I might have bought for a wedding or party and hardly worn) on ebay and am replacing it on ebay with smaller sized items. It's given me a bit of a boost to get into clothes that are at least 3 sizes smaller; it doesn't cost a lot and I'm making what I spend anyway on my sales. It can get a bit addictive though! I've become someone with lots of party/wedding guest dresses and nowhere to go!

I've been trying to lose a 10 lb COVID regain and am trying to do more of this, too - asking myself WHY I want something. Sometimes I truly am hungry - but other times it's just because I'm stressed - or bored. I've been working on trying to recognize that and finding alternative ways of dealing with it. It often saves a couple hundred calories a day (and sometimes more!) that I'd otherwise be eating!

Where is the "Mad as Hell" emoji? I have no patience for so-called friends who say such rude/mean-spirited/ignorant/clueless things. I'm so sorry you experienced this.

I never really had that issue. food was something I ate when I was hungry. Or bored.
When I get upset I've always read, watched a show to distract myself, played a game, or wrote. I do all that on normal days too... food was never an emotional thing for me. I think that's mostly because when I did the bored eating thing I could eat a whole bag of chips or a whole bag of candy or 6 tacos in one sitting. I was always disgusted with myself afterwards. That's probably why it was never something I did to drown my sorrows, so to speak, because in the end I knew if I did that I'd just feel worse if I did.
Personally, if you're struggling I would suggest maybe you try and find a hobby or something to distract yourself with. It always works for me. Not the best way to deal with your problems, admittedly, but since you can't really see a therapist right now, it's the best advice I can offer. Sorry if it's not much.