Carrot64

This is the party season and what else is there to do but be gluttonous ... I decided to mingle and talk and converse instead of hovering around the appetizers and cupcakes and it isn’t always easy.. especially if someone is messily consuming said cupcake as you try to talk to them.. I look around and see people who were never food addicted and they seem to be there for the fun and not the food. I try being like them!

The “ what if’s” turned around on me and I had to ask myself how long did I have if I didn’t do the surgery .. you may be young enough that being over weight hasn’t effected your health yet .. my co-morbidity’s were getting worse and the most I could ever lose was 20 lbs and I’d gain it all back plus some. Sleep apnea . Acid reflux and joint pain , high blood pressure and pre- diabetic .. I wasn’t huge, my BMI was 35 at surgery ... you have very valid concerns and I wouldn’t talk you in or out of it .. only you can decide, dont let anyone get in your head you’d be hard pressed for anyone here to give you the answers because it’s such a personal decision. I woke up from surgery not even sure anything was done , I felt so good . I went into it with a positive outlook but I’m sure if I had complications I may think differently.. it’s all your choice to make on your own.

It comes and goes.. recently I went to a fund raiser and could only eat salad with no dressing... I was so crabby , next time I’ll bring what I can eat even if it’s just for me..these changes can make us feel resentful but I look at it this way.. at 55 I hit my quota on bad food like 20 years ago.Eating that food brought me to the most unhealthy place I could be and I view the stuff I can’t have like drugs or alcohol to other addicts and I focus on the people around me and not the food I don’t get to eat!

Put it in the past.. you are different now, no longer will a slip define you or lead to regression ... forgive yourself and get back on track and don’t look back !

Plastics are not an option for me either and I’m currently a size 8 , I guess my struggle is my proportions are off compared to the weight loses of the past( there have been many) my arms and legs are too thin in my opinion and my mid section is still thicker than it ever was even at a higher weight which makes me feel at 163 that 140 would definitely bring me to a smaller mid section but by then my legs will be sticks and I’m not liking my current shape at all.. I guess I should go for it and build that muscle in the legs and arms and forget numbers.. there is a current photo for my profile that’s a month old and I see the disproportionate shape from legs to mid section that seems new to me from any other time I have gotten this low.. now I know I’m older but it just seems different... could it be how rapidly I’ve lost compared to the past? Perhaps .

Surgery date: 2/4/19 surgery RNY HW: 240 hgt. 5-4” pre-op 226 current wgt. 163 goal:140

“If I stall I will freak” sounds silly but my thinking has been so skewed from years of indoctrination that the scale numbers mean something... if I didn’t feel accountable by a WLS team who put emphasis on numbers I might not be so torn . Add to that I’m losing rapidly and that feels soo good... all those around me seem to be numbers focused as well "how much are you down now?!”..I can be a small 140 (but flabby) or thicker but more toned... it sounds like a no brainer unless you are the Queen of overthinking (ME)... trying to explain a stall like that would not be believed by my nutritionist.. that’s 💯

Throw a handful away... brilliant, I’m on it..having them in my hand though, what if they pop up into my mouth unwittingly... could happen?🥴

So I was of the mind set because of many past experience’s in the gym that I should not go too heavy with my weights till I’m closer to maintenance because I may have some scale stalls well, I tell ya.. since I have practically NO muscle tone and a lot of loose skin I am at the point that I’d like to push myself even if my thighs and arms increase in size ( I never minded looking muscular) I’d rather them jacked than skinny and flabby... I once trained for a woman’s naturals ( ahem, 30 plus years ago) and I had to do cardio and heavy weights , I wasn’t small but very toned and defined.. i know if I start to stall I will freak... I’m torn... should I wait and get close to my goal and lose more fat with cardio? Or, should I go heavy and fill in with the muscle and look how I like to look!.. and probably take longer to get the scale down..I weigh 163 and I’m 5-4” with a goal weight of 140 ...

I have a pair of very old gap jeans and a boho top from back in the day.. last time I rocked those babies I was listening to Joni Mitchell on a Saturday, no kids around ... cup of tea and some incense..I’m a few pounds away from wearing them and recreating that moment but, it’s coming soon !! It sounds like a minuscule goal but the last time I felt really peaceful and healthy was that day and I’m starting to feel the old me coming back and I miss her!

Can’t really move them out of my sight since they are for everyone... the huge container has significantly less than last night so people are going to town on them and I’m sure it won’t be long before they are gone... it’s not really about the Cheese balls , I think it’s about mourning the loss of a go to behavior from the past... people here are eating with gusto and I miss that.. but believe me not enough to EVER go back to my old ways.. this obsession with the Cheese balls makes me realize how easy it would be to slip back and I was over confident that I had that all behind me and I have more work to do than I thought.. Cheese balls 😪😡

Well, with all the braggadocio and confidence that I no longer succumb to my old temptations I’m here in Maine with the fam and guests and everyone is eating their celebratory vacation food and I’m in the corner ( not literally, just having a inner pity party) and the only food that is crushing me is the Cheese balls..now , I know I’m at the stage where I can try a few things but I have not cheated or tried anything to undermine my success so far but, those buttery , melt in your mouth , salty little things are taking up space instead my head . If I try some and get sick I won’t be able to be present enough for those I care about and if I give in I’m afraid of starting the ball rolling back to bad behaviors... oh Cheese balls! Help!

That is awful , sometimes it really sux when we can’t tolerate an old food which we once considered healthy and get sick . At least you know we get it and you can vent. Good luck with the interview, let us know how You did !

I’m so sorry, good luck to you and I’m praying a dilation will occur and it is possible it might but, you need that appointment with a gastro and tests.. best of luck 💜

Yes , yes and yes... we have lots of elderly clients at my job and for the most part they are well groomed , well coifed little darlings... but then there are a few who smell like rancid depends and Avon’s honeysuckle and I am literally 🤢🤢🤢🤢But , I also appreciate some smells more.. oranges , since my acid reflux has been healed by my RNY I can eat oranges... I squeeze the skin to smell the Orange essence... love it.. maybe I’ll keep some at work for under my nose 🥴