Lapband2009Stephanie

I know that you had surgery in August, but wanted to leave a note in case someone reads this in the future w/ the same question. I know it's easy to focus on the fact that we are taking in very little, therefore, there should be weight loss. However, remember, right after surgery your body goes into an inflammatory process and is in healing mode. It needs to conserve it's energy for healing incisions, water shifts between cells to ensure blood pressure is adequate, nevermind the fact that we have IV fluids that hydrated us and often leaves us with excess fluid volume. First week post surgery should not be about weight loss, simply pain management and recovery

Hi Ash, It is not atypical for partners to feel threatened by WLS, especially when they are overweight themselves. Concepts such as "Will she leave me if I stay overweight and she is thin?" "How will I feel when she gets attention from other men?" etc can certainly result in anxiety and negative treatment may be a means to controlling these outcomes. Unfortunately, this stems from low self-esteem, insecurity, immaturity, trust/respect issues. There needs to be a sensitivity towards your partner as they are undergoing changes themselves. Reassurance is paramount. However, I will be brutally honest. You cannot promise what you do not know. Many people who undergo a major weight loss go through radical physical and psychological changes, in essence, they become new people. What you are envisioning as your future today, may indeed be nothing what you are envisioning. The focus should be on the current moment. What is your goal, to lose weight I'm sure. What is supporting or sabotaging this effort? The focus needs to be on what you need to be successful. It already sounds like your inner voice is telling you that he is hindering your progress and/or your ability to enjoy your journey. Boundaries must be set and self-love needs to be your priority. You've come too far and sacrificed too much to fail. On a side note, my ex husband and I were banded together in 2009. We divorced in 2017. Referring to paragraph 2, there was no way I could ever imagine the extent by which I would change. I lost 120 lbs and you bet it changed how I looked at myself. I not only had a higher esteem, I had a desire for all aspects of my life to be healthy. I am not claiming the divorce was solely based on weight loss or surgery. Rather, the weight loss experience was empowering and I wanted the best for myself. I had a new perspective on life and knew I could be happier. Fastforward to today, I am remarried to the most remarkable man alive and my life no longer feels imbalanced on any level. I hope that you are able to communicate your feelings and needs with your partner and come to an understanding that support is needed and boundaries respected. If not, I wish you the strength to make the necessary decisions to make you happy and healthy

Hi Justathing, I've just (re)joined bariatricpal to get some support myself. I am 9 years out. I got all the way down to 132 (120 lb loss). Than I started to gain, slowly but surely and am now sitting at 165. I am pretty certain I have a leak going on. Anyway, I too contribute excess stress to my weight gain (divorce, career change, ft work, blah blah). Certainly nothing compared to losing a child, which I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. The reason I wanted to reach out to you is because you mentioned "forgetting" the basics. I suffer from the same problem. It's been so long that my life pre band seems like another lifetime and I'm not hyperfocused on the band/rules. After all the stressful times I went through, my brain thought stress before band issues. How bizarre is that? After spending years focusing on the band and being in the green, I'm now needing to relearn these basics and practicing them. I also need to get back to green (which may mean a placement of a 2nd band to get me restarted). I think this is a common phenomenon for us 'old banders' and its one of the primary reasons Im back on the site. I need to think, breath, and be the band again so I can stay accountable and get better management of my weight again.

Hi MWLS, Just (re)joined bariatricpal and your post was the first I saw. I am 9 years out and I too think I have a leak. I go in tomorrow to get an eval. Thrilled to hear your 2nd band is working as it was intended to, and hoping for the same success for myself