mousecat88

My (ex) bf and I have dated for nearly 5 years; he lives with me. The last year of our relationship has been rocky anyway, but ever since I told him I had decided to have gastric he became even more standoffish and argumentative. Two weeks ago we had a huge blowout over something completely idiotic, he comes back to the house, and says he has been acting the way he has because he thinks that once I lose weight I am going to leave him and that's all he can think about.
Mind you... I have not even had the surgery yet. He said I am going to lose weight, gain self-esteem, realize I am too good for him, and leave him.
Well, guess what, pal... I don't need to lose ANY weight to realize I am too good for you. It's been a long time coming, but I think it's even sadder that he is using my choice to get healthier as a justification for being an a*s.
The only thing this does is put me in a rough position as far as someone staying with me while I recover. My mom and stepdad are going to take "shifts" as long as they can, but they both work. And the ex is currently dwelling awkwardly in my basement, but will probably not give me a hand at all. It does make me sad because I had hoped he would be there at the hospital with me... but then all of this BS happens. *insert gigantic eye roll emoji here*
I am okay, though. I need these next 12 months to focus on me and getting healthy and fit and not dealing with unnecessary dramatics and stress. I have always thrived when single and he actually had moved out of the house for a year and it was fantastic. I hate to say it, but I'm looking forward to this new chapter - of not just weight loss, but of being single and free!

Has anyone here been diagnosed with pseudotumor?
I was diagnosed with this in July of 2017, and my neuroopthamologist said it would go away if I lost just 10% of my body weight. Well, I lost way more than that.
That year, I lost 60lbs and NOTHING changed with respect to my optic nerve swelling and diagnosis (I have since gained all that weight back).
After you had the surgery, did the pseudotumor and optic nerve swelling resolve itself? That is one (of many) of the primary reasons I am opting for surgery.

I AM, however, going to be active in the support groups at the hospital post-surgery. I feel like that will be beneficial; to have people around me that can relate.

I know everyone means well, but therapy is genuinely not right for me. I have been seeing therapists on and off for the last 26 years of my life and have never benefited from it. In fact, the last one I saw actually made me extremely depressed (and I do not suffer from clinical depression). It is detrimental to me. And I have tried A LOT of different people, so it's wasn't just me giving up on it or not having the right person. No one is the right person, lol. I do a lot better on my own. I am doing fantastically nowadays and my psychiatrist agrees. If things change, I'll reach out to someone again. But for now, I am not wasting my money. The surgeon's office has a psychiatrist on staff I can see anytime I want to discuss weight issues specifically, so she is always there for me, too. I'd rather go to her, if needed.

This kind of cracks me up because (although pre-op) I went through a list of criteria with my best friend for when I do get back into dating once I lose my weight, and after I went through my list which was something along the lines of "in 30's, wants no kids/has no kids, never married, educated, goes to gym, eats healthy, doesn't enjoy going out to eat constantly, etc)... she said it was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack and laughed. She is 38 with 4 kids and has been married twice and is now engaged again. The older we get, the harder it's going to be to find people without kids or never married. And I feel the same about being with someone who is overweight. I have NEVER had criteria regarding physical looks, even when I was 130lbs. I've dated skinny men, obese men, it never mattered. But I don't think I could date someone after this that is a big foodie or doesn't have a healthy lifestyle. I will need to straight and narrow to keep me on track, and I know that. Single forever? OH WELL.

I AM, however, going to be active in the support groups at the hospital post-surgery. I feel like that will be beneficial; to have people around me that can relate.

Fantastic! Then go there. Be willing to try out the support systems that are provided including people on the site trying to share "elder wisdom" with you. Take it or don't but it's recorded if you ever want to look for it again.

Oh, for sure. I understand that. My coworker's daughter-in-law had this surgery. She didn't really want it, but her doctor told her she "had to". She lost some weight, and put back on 60lbs because she can sit there still and eat ice cream and chips and everything she was supposed to work away from. She still gets hungry.
I don't want to go through all of this and fall into old habits. I think I misspoke when I made my prior comment. I understand that this isn't a quick fix, by no means.

Hm. I haven't had that brought up yet (the angiogram). I did see my ENT at one point during all of this, who had performed several sinus procedures on me a few years prior, and she didn't see any issues in the MRI. I'm going to see if the weight loss helps at all, and go from there with respect to the IIH. Regardless of how the surgery turns out for me, they are ultimately two separate issues and I want to ensure I preserve my vision. The idea of having vision loss is the scariest thing to me.

I don't do well with therapists; I am extremely stubborn and argumentative. I have a psychiatrist I see every two months. I've been seeing psychiatrists/therapists ever since I was four years old. I am very confident in my ability to succeed at this at this point in my life. I'm not banking on the new stomach to be the only thing stopping me from overeating. I realize it's just a tool and it takes a complete overhaul on my way of thinking and my lifestyle to make this work. I've seen enough stories of people regaining and I refuse to be a statistic.

Oh, there's nothing you could say I don't already know, anyways. I never wanted to START dating him 5 years ago... but low self-esteem/self-worth is a bee-otch.

My psych doctor spent the first 1.5 hours just asking me about any prior mental health treatment I've had and why I want the surgery. We went over my history of anxiety. She asked a lot of questions about if I had a history of depression, suicidal thoughts, or if I had any drug or alcohol issues, which I don't. The second 1.5 hours I took a 300 question personality test, which basically tested (again) if I was depressed or suicidal or had a tendency to be impulsive or suffer from addictions. It also had some questions about if you're happy with your job, hobbies, and how supportive your friends and family are. Stuff like that.

I own a scale, for awhile I did obsess over the number as well as the stalls. That being said if I had it to do over again would I change anything? Absolutely not, if me stepping on a scale every day or several times a day is the worst outcome then it has been a good day! There really wasn't any harm that came from my obsession and to be honest with you the scale also assisted me in keeping some of this weight off so far. I plan on weighing myself several times a week. I am keeping myself accountable and do not plan on getting back up to the weight that I was. The scale is a tool just like the surgery itself, when used properly it can be an asset, when used improperly it can be a hinderance to your progress. Please do not get down on yourself when you hit a stall, it WILL happen, as Dory would say "Just keep swimming" and keep going and working your plan, and you will find yourself loosing again!

This movie comes to mind. LOL!

I had a catheter put in when I had liposuction in 2009. They put it in while I was under anesthesia. I didn't even know I had one in when I woke up! I wondered hours later why I didn't have to pee... but I had been peeing the whole time and just didn't feel it. lol. I barely noticed when they pulled it out the next morning. Just some slight discomfort and it burned the first time I peed like I had a urinary tract infection, and it was kind of hard to "get it started". Granted, I'm a female so it had less far to travel, but I don't think it's nearly as bad as it sounds!

Oh man! I hope I'm sleeping for the entrance AND exit of the "hose". LMAO!

In the Japanese culture when a woman gets an abortion, other women send her flowers and are kind to her. She is thought to have made a responsible kind choice that will spare the baby hardship. There are public memorials for aborted children and even ceremonies where the woman says something along the lines of "Dear little spirit, please go in peace and find a home that is ready for you, and if you can, wait for me and come back when I am ready for you"
I have tremendous respect for the kindness and compassion shown women facing this difficult painful choice in the Japanese culture.
it's fascinating to me how different cultures cope with different moral dilemmas.

You can totally organize everything in your home ahead of time to get through it mostly alone, especially if you are resolved to do it that way.
Safe journey!

Oh, I know. LAST TIME I kicked him out, he had a deadline. He had a friend looking for a roommate at that time, though. I am the breadwinner in the household and he only has about 300$ in disposable income monthly, so now it's tricky. I am kind of hoping that same friend will open his door for him. I'm giving him until Jan 1st.

Very true. He eats far worse than I ever did. It would be beneficial to just purge the entire home of those other foods, by virtue of him not being there. lol.

I had no help before or after surgery except transportation to and from hospital. Stock up on supplies and meds beforehand while you can still drive. Post-surgery the nix on driving is just because of your pain meds, which you may only need 2-3 days. I did not NEED or want any help. It sounds like the relationship may not have been built on a solid foundation in the first place, so Celebrate YOU and your FREEDOM. It's an exciting time in your life, Mousecat88 !!!

My (ex) bf and I have dated for nearly 5 years; he lives with me. The last year of our relationship has been rocky anyway, but ever since I told him I had decided to have gastric he became even more standoffish and argumentative. Two weeks ago we had a huge blowout over something completely idiotic, he comes back to the house, and says he has been acting the way he has because he thinks that once I lose weight I am going to leave him and that's all he can think about.
Mind you... I have not even had the surgery yet. He said I am going to lose weight, gain self-esteem, realize I am too good for him, and leave him.
Well, guess what, pal... I don't need to lose ANY weight to realize I am too good for you. It's been a long time coming, but I think it's even sadder that he is using my choice to get healthier as a justification for being an a*s.
The only thing this does is put me in a rough position as far as someone staying with me while I recover. My mom and stepdad are going to take "shifts" as long as they can, but they both work. And the ex is currently dwelling awkwardly in my basement, but will probably not give me a hand at all. It does make me sad because I had hoped he would be there at the hospital with me... but then all of this BS happens. *insert gigantic eye roll emoji here*
I am okay, though. I need these next 12 months to focus on me and getting healthy and fit and not dealing with unnecessary dramatics and stress. I have always thrived when single and he actually had moved out of the house for a year and it was fantastic. I hate to say it, but I'm looking forward to this new chapter - of not just weight loss, but of being single and free!

My (ex) bf and I have dated for nearly 5 years; he lives with me. The last year of our relationship has been rocky anyway, but ever since I told him I had decided to have gastric he became even more standoffish and argumentative. Two weeks ago we had a huge blowout over something completely idiotic, he comes back to the house, and says he has been acting the way he has because he thinks that once I lose weight I am going to leave him and that's all he can think about.
Mind you... I have not even had the surgery yet. He said I am going to lose weight, gain self-esteem, realize I am too good for him, and leave him.
Well, guess what, pal... I don't need to lose ANY weight to realize I am too good for you. It's been a long time coming, but I think it's even sadder that he is using my choice to get healthier as a justification for being an a*s.
The only thing this does is put me in a rough position as far as someone staying with me while I recover. My mom and stepdad are going to take "shifts" as long as they can, but they both work. And the ex is currently dwelling awkwardly in my basement, but will probably not give me a hand at all. It does make me sad because I had hoped he would be there at the hospital with me... but then all of this BS happens. *insert gigantic eye roll emoji here*
I am okay, though. I need these next 12 months to focus on me and getting healthy and fit and not dealing with unnecessary dramatics and stress. I have always thrived when single and he actually had moved out of the house for a year and it was fantastic. I hate to say it, but I'm looking forward to this new chapter - of not just weight loss, but of being single and free!

Very true. He eats far worse than I ever did. It would be beneficial to just purge the entire home of those other foods, by virtue of him not being there. lol.

Friend, this is the first and most important weight you need to lose. This guy isn't your responsibility, and you've already said you think he isn't going to be helpful to you after your surgery. Can you be sure he won't be a liability--sulking where you can see him or whatever, to try to make you feel bad? Can you trust him not to order pizza/cook bacon/whatever would be a food trigger to make you miserable while you recover?
You're exes. Not friends. Let him rely on the kindness of friends, instead of relying on you.