MsCallieigh

**Update** I did discuss things with him and he seemed to understand but it was definitely underlying insecurity. He has lately been constantly telling me what men at work are looking at me and "like me" We haven't ever dealt with this before but I don't like it at all. Overall I think he doesn't trust me and that really sucks. I think counseling is the remedy if he agrees to it and if not we may very well be another couple/ relationship ended.

I'm not a relationship expert either. However, based on what you've shared, I would guess it's insecurity. When you were obese, perhaps he didn't worry about other men being interested in you, but he could see this as a real possibility now that you've lost so much weight. He may simply need reassurance of your commitment to him. This should be obvious after 20 years, but your circumstances have changed. Even if we know it's true, we all want to hear our partners tell us that they love us and would never leave us!

I am by no means an expert on relationship behaviour, but from I take from your post is that it maybe insecurity / jeaolousy but also some control issues, in the sense of controlling you. His behaviour certainly isn't acceptable in the workplace.
Does your husband show the same behavour in other aspects of your life outside of work?

It's hard to know if this is jealousy or him wanting to protect you. Especially in a very male dominated field, he may feel that you are unsafe without him there to keep the other guys "in check".
You may not feel the need for his "protection", but I think to some extent, that behavior is ingrained in men from a very young age.
I could be completely off base here, but wanted to provide a male perspective so you understood it may not be what you think?
I do agree, the only way to move forward is to talk with him. Hopefully you can do so in a loving and non-confrontational way.

good morning.... Pretty much the same status i started with .... it was 2009 and at 5'2" and 232lbs. I had NO self confidence and NO sense of self. My x brought me to nothing. He (6'4" not overweight) is the most self-centered, selfish, controlling, norcicistic man you will ever met. I took it for 26 years... technically 29, we dated for 3 years. It was a gradual thing... At first it was my friends, then my co-workers, then my family. We would only do things with his friends and family. I could never do anything with friends and co-workers only if he was there. Family, i could on holidays and he would never come. He controlled everything even though i work all the time (2-3 jobs sometimes). He took all of my main jobs money. I was able to keep the cash of the other (waitress). This is what i used to buy personal stuff and my kids things. I couldn't even buy underwear without his approval. I would sew up the holes just to avoid an argument. Cut my kids pants for shorts for school.... it was ruff.
I thought all those years ago, if only i were skinny i could make him happy. Make him love me again, make him want to be with me sexually... and life would be fine. But NO, life after the band got worse. From day one he hated the thought of me losing weight. He was very degrading to me and one of the biggest was my weight. Of course, he told me all the "normal" things you tell a large person..... Your fat, no one will ever want you, you are disgusting, Lazy.... that i was ugly... But when i tried to lose weight he would always sabotage it. He knew and would still make me bring him home cake, pie, ice cream...., Then say, you don't have to eat it. Well when i decided to have WLS, he fitted out... he did everything in his power to get me to change my mind, and when i didn't and was doing my 2 week liquid diet..... he decided to go on a 4 day bike drive to the mountains. I stood strong and didn't cheat not once. As it would turn out, that trip saved me.... My company did a massive lay off and i was to be part of the over 100 to be let go. But because i wasn't there they couldn't lay me off. That Tuesday i had the band sx and went back to work the following Monday and lost my job and insurance.... It was a blessing in disguise. Over the next year, i lost 69lbs. the next year i lost 20lbs and that's pretty much where i stayed. In 2012 without him know till two day before i had a TT w/MR and Lipo to the flanks..... HOLY HELL was he mad. I thought i didn't come all this way to be left with saggy skin... As my confidence grew my tolerance of him got less and less. Even with him still degrading me.... I was too skinny, looked like a bag of bones, still ugly, but now he pointed out the wrinkles. And through it all...... Why are you losing weight? You must be cheating... NO. In 2014ish.... i got to the point where i hated going home. My oldest was out the house and married and my youngest was on his way. There was nothing at home except my dog and a hateful miserable husband. I asked him so many times for counseling... he said, if you pay for it, i'll go, but i don't need that, there is nothing wrong with me.... It's all you. That was it, the last straw... i started preparing my self to be on my own. In July of 2015 i told him that if things didn't change, i was filing for divorce come January. He of course didn't believe me, well January came and i filed. He still didn't believe i would go through with it.... but when i started going out and leaving him home he finally got it. I was gone forever. I made him move out July 4th.... My independence day..... It was like the world was lifted off me. I could breathe. And i figured if i had too, i would work 3 jobs again... My weight went up and down over the years, but never more than 20lbs.... i was at my lowest when he left 130ish. But got back to my normal 143lbs.
Dating was exhausting and fun all in one. Then in Oct i signed up for Match on a "free" week just to see what was out there in crazy land. And i met the man of my dreams.... we talk, texted for a few weeks and then met in person. I never knew men could be like this. Opened doors, pulled out chairs, walk nearest the road, carried my luggage, complimented me, listen to all my crap... Including that i was dating others and was NOT interested in a relationship. But i found myself comparing all the other men to him... and my friend said, men like him and one in a billion, take him before someone else does..... and i did. He is the most incredible man, supports me in everything including my revision to the sleeve a year ago..... and our 1 year wedding is on the 28th...

Ya know every Dr. and nutritionist are different I've saw some people who could eat a week out. Regardless the struggle is real no matter where we are in our journey and I hope every day,hour,and minute gets better and the scale keeps dropping! Cravings so far are hard. They dont hit me until I have to cook or smell food sometimes. Hope it gets better for us all hang in there.

You are very lucky! I cant have anything other than broth, shakes,water pretty much and I was sleeved on the 23rd of July. I can move to pureed next week and am probably gonna buy baby food to be honest. I would love to have some eggs! Cravings are hard to deal with I agree I made dinner chicken and steak green Beans and garlic cheese toast and I got was free smells. Torture but I dont want to harm my new tummy and make it work digesting food before it is ready so I just drink more Water 😫

Ya know every Dr. and nutritionist are different I've saw some people who could eat a week out. Regardless the struggle is real no matter where we are in our journey and I hope every day,hour,and minute gets better and the scale keeps dropping! Cravings so far are hard. They dont hit me until I have to cook or smell food sometimes. Hope it gets better for us all hang in there.

Ya know every Dr. and nutritionist are different I've saw some people who could eat a week out. Regardless the struggle is real no matter where we are in our journey and I hope every day,hour,and minute gets better and the scale keeps dropping! Cravings so far are hard. They dont hit me until I have to cook or smell food sometimes. Hope it gets better for us all hang in there.

Ya know every Dr. and nutritionist are different I've saw some people who could eat a week out. Regardless the struggle is real no matter where we are in our journey and I hope every day,hour,and minute gets better and the scale keeps dropping! Cravings so far are hard. They dont hit me until I have to cook or smell food sometimes. Hope it gets better for us all hang in there.

I also was sleeved on the 22nd. My schedule is WK 1- Clear Liquids & broth. WK2 - Protein Shakes, cream Soups (no lumps) WK3 & 4- pureed food. Fat-free gravies, SF pudding, low fat ricotta, small curd cottage cheese.
WK 5-skinless chicken breast, fish filet, turkey...
So far, I'm over-lapping weeks 1 & 2. I'm staying with clear liquid most of the day, with a shake for 1 meal. I haven't been feeling hungry, so I'm not going to rush it.

Ya know every Dr. and nutritionist are different I've saw some people who could eat a week out. Regardless the struggle is real no matter where we are in our journey and I hope every day,hour,and minute gets better and the scale keeps dropping! Cravings so far are hard. They dont hit me until I have to cook or smell food sometimes. Hope it gets better for us all hang in there.

I agree with @MsCallieigh, I also had surgery on 7/23 and am only allowed, Protein Shakes, broth and Water. Its hard! Everyday i wake up to the smell of bacon, eggs and biscuits... my husband has to eat.. I'm just happy i don't need to cook it.
I too just drink a Protein Drink or water and keep busy.. it's really hard but we can do this.

You are very lucky! I cant have anything other than broth, shakes,water pretty much and I was sleeved on the 23rd of July. I can move to pureed next week and am probably gonna buy baby food to be honest. I would love to have some eggs! Cravings are hard to deal with I agree I made dinner chicken and steak green Beans and garlic cheese toast and I got was free smells. Torture but I dont want to harm my new tummy and make it work digesting food before it is ready so I just drink more Water 😫

So I had to order new small bands for my fitbit because the original was sliding all over the place.

New_Me 2019

I crossed over to the sleeve side July 30. Yesterday was not so good, today is better. I'm home doing laundry making my bed, this issue is nausea the only thing that has been kind to me is the pop cycles. Now sipping on Protein, but the meds they gave me for the nausea is making me sick. They taste awful. Of course, I got onto the scale this morning and I gained 3 pounds. That is not fair.

Discharged and recovering! Everything went well minimal pain,tolerating broth no appetite really. Hope everyone else is doing well.

Discharged and recovering! Everything went well minimal pain,tolerating broth no appetite really. Hope everyone else is doing well.

My preop diet allows for 1 meal a day 4oz of chicken breast, tuna or a meat a veggie. I started mine early eliminating carbs, then sugars. Hanging in there my date is 7/30. Good luck on your journey and keep in touch. I take this one day and one hour at a time.

Getting mine done July 22. This pre-op diet is horrible. I just hope that I’ll be able to some of my favorite things later ie: red meat, spicy

I had my sleeve on July 8. It’s the July 11th and I feel great. The hardest part is getting in the fluids in with small sips. It’s hard but I’m making it work. I’m down 11 pounds since 7/8.

Tenative date is July 23rd in Tijuana, Mexico with Pompeii Surgical.

I knew I was big and very overweight. I didn't really feel that big. I hated what I saw in pictures and denied to myself that I was actually that overweight. What told me was my shirt size, the fact that I had to ask for a seatbelt extension on a plane and the inability to <<warning, TMI>> wipe my behind and to roll out of bed in the morning. Since having surgery it has almost reversed everything. I don't feel like I've lost much looking in the mirror but my husband keeps saying how much I've changed. I'm not down a shirt size yet but they fit better, I can get out of bed and do other things easier. my cholesterol and glucose tests are half of what they used to be. Everything is improving but I still worry that I'm not going to get to the size I want as if its going to stop tomorrow and I'll always be fat. Then sometimes something in me says, wow. you look so much better. I can feel bones I haven't felt in a long time.

I’m scheduled 7/23 at ALM in Tijuana 😀