sassfordays

I have not had the surgery yet, so I can't speak from that particular place. However, I know that surgery is really hard on the body, even when done in a way which is considered "minimally invasive". It could be that you are still processing through the physical trauma of the surgery, and it's causing a lot of weird emotions.

Also....having this surgery can be really emotional. Even if it's not the type of anxiety that's easy to link back to the surgery, it doesn't mean it's completely unrelated. I can imagine how there would be a lot of anxiety after the surgery. Lots of "unknowns". Lots of questions. What is my healing experience going to be? Am I going to have any difficulties or setbacks? Am I going to have all the success I hoped for? I would imagine the first few days after surgery could be pretty nerve-wracking. Also, your hormones are a mess right after surgery.
All of this to say that I don't have any evidence or experience with this specifically (I DO have pretty serious anxiety disorder, fwiw), but that it doesn't surprise me at all that you're having anxiety.
I had a recent unplanned hospital stay, and there was no surgery involved, but after I was released I spent a few days just being amazed and afraid of what felt like everything. Again, I have anxiety, so that wasn't completely unexpected but for a few days it was much different and more severe than my usual anxiety. Sometimes I think that increased anxiety is just a sign that the brain is working overtime to process through something that feels like a major change to us.

@Debbieduck4 PM me if you want to attend my online support meeting tonight at 6pm CST. We're a great group of committed folks who really motivate each other and help us with accountability and focus. It's hard to go back to basics, but IMHO that's what it takes. Plan, weigh/measure, log EVERYTHING that goes in your mouth for a baseline. Everything. Then look at ways to cut the trash out and emphasize the healthy stuff. Prioritize Protein, Water, healthy veg, healthy fats. You can do it. Seen too many people succeed in getting back to goal to believe it won't.
Hang in there. These are tough days.

Great list! As an 80s hairband fan, I would add:
AC DC - Shook me all night long
Warrant - Cherry Pie
Def Leppard - Pour some sugar on me
Bon Jovi - Living on a prayer

I've seen some folks in their 20's have remarkable skin reshaping (skin snaps back and doesn't sag). Nice young elastic skin helps a lot.

I think one thing is that you might be weighing yourself at the doctor's office after eating/drinking all day in the afternoon and with clothes and maybe even shoes on. I would see if you can get an early morning appointment and go before drinking/eating too much and dress very lightly, see if that makes a difference. I always weigh myself first thing in the morning at home naked and right after peeing and if I step on the scale in the afternoon or at night it's several pounds more - even on the same scale!
I am pre-op too and I also have to lose a few pounds during my 4 months of nutrition classes. I'm freaking out because my starting weight was my home weight first thing in the morning at home, and I think my final weight will be at the doctor's office.

It appears to be resolved! I fought with appeals for 10 months to get approved for my surgery, the big hurdle was weight loss surgery wasn't included in my coverage. I won my final appeal because the surgery was my only viable option to properly repair my hiatal hernia.
I called insurance, they told me it was automatically rejected based on my coverage, they will process it again and it should be fine.

Well thank you to both of you who responded. You gave me really good information. I'm not sure why when I log on the Aetna website, and search any of the surgeons associated with these hospitals, none of them come up, but this gives me a direction to go. Thank you for holding my hand like a child lol I don't know how I was missing all of this

I found these:
http://www.aetna.com/cpb/medical/data/100_199/0157.html
https://www.castleconnolly.com/top-doctors/giselle-g-hamad-surgery-81cc043162
https://www.excelahealth.org/Services/Weight-Management-Center
https://www.upmc.com/services/south-central-pa/bariatrics/surgery/choose

I am on day 5 of pre-op diet and have lost 10 pounds. I am excited about it even though it's surely just Water weight. I have told a few people (who have asked) that I have lost 10 pounds. They keep saying "it's just water weight." I DON'T CARE! 10 pounds is 10 pounds

This week I am 4 and a half months out from gastric bypass and down 113 lbs! I am 20 lbs away from goal but more importantly, I've gone from a size 28/30 barely fitting to a 12/14 depending on jeans or shirts and slacks. The red outfit I have was in a photo from yesterday; the outfit has been in my closet through a move from one state to another and 5 years as a 'goal oufit' that I was always depressed to think to never even come close to wearing!
I was jumping up and down when this size 14 outfit easily slipped on yesterday. I honestly teared up seeing it finally come unfolded and the tags come off. Well, we are in NY, it's COLD and by the time winter subsides, I will be out of this outfit for summer and down at least another size so I'm wearing it in the house now lol. I still remain amazed at how much easier it is to move, breathe and even curl up in a ball or take a bath. I can work now in a very physical job and feel tired but not excruciating pain; it's absolutely unreal to me and delightful.
     

I have been in a 26 day stall and my weight was driving me CRAZY as I was convinced I'd hit maintenance, but I felt slightly better after talking to my doctor on Wednesday when she told me my physical therapy was likely part of the reason my weight was fluctuating and not going under 201 but instead bouncing around from 201-204. I was incredibly frustrated and it just seemed like I'd never see under 200 pounds... BUT, this morning I weighed myself and saw 199.6 on my scale and... I cried! I'm so happy! It's super early here, not even 5am yet, so I'm trying to stop myself from waking everyone up to share my good news lol. Took me almost 13 months to get here, but I got here!

It has been 7 months, and 2 days since my WLS.
I finally hit my GOAL when weighing in this morning. I have never been this small in my adult life.
It is such a great feeling, knowing that everything I worked for up to this point has been worth it.
My ONLY regret is that I didn't do this 10 years ago.
I have lost 81 lbs., went from a size 20 jeans, now in a size 6, (I posted a few days ago that I was a size 8, but my new jeans were actually too big, and I had to get a size 6).
I am sooooooo happy!!! 😄😄😄😄😄

I am not the person you were debating with. I just added this because you seemed not to be familiar with the quote she was referencing. And I do find this law enforcement officer's language ("fed up", "at the end of his rope" and "a really bad day") to be minimizing and dismissive of what Robert Long did. Whether that's because he's male is up for debate, but I do find the tone to be excusing.

Just clarifying where the "having a bad day" comment came from:
"“He was pretty much fed up and kind of at the end of his rope. Yesterday was a really bad day for him and this is what he did,” Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office Capt. Jay Baker said Wednesday. He was describing the 21-year-old man accused of killing eight people, mostly Asian and almost all women, in a rampage across three Atlanta-area spas."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/17/jay-baker-bad-day/

This is coming from 21 years in a relationship. You have to speak your truth regardless of a fight or disagreement. You can not live your life scared to rock the boat that you are rowing. It is your marriage too and he doesnt get to say "dont disagree with me". Marriage is work, it is not going to be easy all the time. As long as you are safe speaking your truth speak it. If you are not safe speaking your truth, it maybe time to find a safe space for you to be and that maybe not woth your husband.
If it is on your mind, tell him and ask him to think of another response because he is going to get those kinds of comments. Good luck and know your feelings are worth being heard.

A statistically significant sample size would include 10s of thousands of women, and not just women you know, who are not likely to be a representative sample of all women worldwide. Sorry. And when you make a scientific claim, that men's emotions are inherently different than women's emotions, you'd better believe I'm going to bring the fact that the "data" in this area is pure junk.

Science is NOT "the first thing that pops up on google". Plus there is always more variation across people in one gender than there is between males and females. I have studied statistics extensively and have worked in research methodology. I work in clinical trials now.
Also, one woman that you live with is not a statistically relevant sample size.

Me Too!
And same as you, I hadn't been in the office in about 8-9 months (was at a client site) and when I went to a team lunch after losing 120 lbs, my boss didn't even bat an eyelash. The others at the table tried to follow his lead, but their eyes were visibly bugged out. My boss was cool as a cucumber, and just said, when I walked up to the table, "So good to see you! It's been a while." ❤️
...and for the the first time in many, many months, I had a nice meal without anyone talking about me, my weight, what was I eating, etc. etc . It was just lunch. And it was nice.

I hate it when people comment on my weight, even though they're all positive comments now, but it's probably true that people feel like they should say something. I can often tell when it's coming, by the way someone looks at me (you know that pause, double-take, up-and-down scan). I am honestly kind of impressed when people resist the urge to mention my weight, and I think more highly of these people who have watched me lose more than half of my body weight and not made a single comment on my body. My boss, for one, has never mentioned my weight, and I never got the sense that he treated me any differently even when I was at my highest weight. I am so grateful for this because if I get a promotion, I won't have to wonder if it's only because I'm now a more socially acceptable size.

I find this offensive and not at all true. We have trained men in this country to be dismissive of women and to treat them as though they are overly emotional. What about a man who "has a bad day" and shoots a whole bunch of people? Or gets drunk and beats his wife and kids? Is that not overly emotional? It's more that men's emotions are considered acceptable and "boys will be boys" whereas women who show emotions are considered "hysterical" and need to be controlled.
OP is entitled to her feelings and what the church ladies and her husband said would hurt me too! They probably weren't thinking about what they were saying, in fact probably saw it as a "compliment" but my grandmother, who loved me soooo much, used to say that I had "such a pretty face" and in her eyes it was a compliment but it hurt so much.
However, OP is facing a difficult situation at home and it's not clear whether the toll of bringing up her feelings is worth it. I would say that she should consider what @catwoman7 said; he may have just been trying not to be confrontational, in which case, maybe he is a little embarrassed about what he said but if he doesn't like to be disagreed with, confronting him could just make him dig his heels in which could lead to more hurt.
I'm so sorry this happened to you @alissajs and I hope your relationship with your husband improves or you find a way to move on.

Feelings need to be felt and they are never wrong. Feelings just exist to tell us something. This is telling you that you might need some reassurance from your husband. I think rather than dwelling on the specific incident, think about what you want and need from him. Ask for it. Kasia Urbaniak is an incredible teacher on asking for what you want.

on another note, I absolutely dread comments about my weight even if they're “compliments.” I am especially Apprehensive on what message my kids will get on weight and the value of certain bodies. I’m not sure what the answer is.

My suggestion would be to have a chat with your husband. It doesn't have to be an argument. Just a conversation.
❤️

on the other hand, he probably didn't know how to respond to that, and he didn't want to sound disagreeable or confrontational around people he really didn't know very well. I'd just let it go. I'm sure he just said it because it seemed like the thing to say to smooth over the situation, with a touch of humor at that, and it seemed like an easy way to just get out of the conversation and move on.

My dad always told me that when you cant stop dwelling on what people say about you, you are letting them live rent free in your head. Well...there was a comment made on Sunday that I cant seem to evict!
My husband and I were visiting my inlaws in another state. We attended the church where my FIL is a preacher. We always attend church with them when we visit. Last visit we made was 2 weeks post op, so I had not lost really anything at that point. This was the first time the people at the church have seen me since my extreme weight loss. A lot of people made comments about how great I looked, and that didnt bother me at all. However, two ladies came up to my husband and I, told me I looked so good, then they turned to my husband and said, "looks like you really made out on that deal!" My husband laughed and said, "Yeah my investment really paid off!" For background, we got married two months before my surgery.
I tried to laugh it off in the moment, but I really had to bite back tears. I have never felt that my husband looked at me any differently at 284 or 140. He himself has said that he only saw me, never my weight. He says he loves me regardless.
Both comments, from the lady AND my husband's reply has been on repeat in my head all week. Who finds that comment appropriate to say to anyone?? I was a catch at my HW and I am no more or less of a catch at my CW. He didnt marry me hoping I would lose weight and look better physically, at least I would certainly HOPE not, seeing as he is overweight himself.
It was inappropriate and hurtful. Normally, I would address my husbands comment with him in private. However, our marriage has been rough (to say the least) lately and I didnt want to start an argument. I know he will tell me that it was a joke, I am being too sensitive and overthinking it. Which...maybe I am but that doesnt make the comments hurt less.
I dont know...I guess i just needed to vent to people that would understand!