BarbieVSG14

It's easy to get upset at the offending partner when they make comments like that, but honestly take it from someone who's been married for 30 years, it all comes from a place of insecurity and fear of the unknown....for both of you. You need to help her understand that your journey to a healthier you is only going to make you a happier, more fulfilled person, which in turn should make her happy, too. Try to reassure her how important her love and support will mean to you as embark on this new chapter of your lives. After all, change is a normal, contstant part of life, and the strongest relationships can adapt.
As far as her not being willing to change her lifestyle, you can't control what she does, only how you react to it. YOU are choosing to do this, not her. Find another support system if need be. As long as she can at least emotionally support you, there's no need for her to change her activity and eating habits if she doesn't want to. My husband didn't, and I did just fine. You will too if you REALLY want to. She may also surprise you and come around.

It's easy to get upset at the offending partner when they make comments like that, but honestly take it from someone who's been married for 30 years, it all comes from a place of insecurity and fear of the unknown....for both of you. You need to help her understand that your journey to a healthier you is only going to make you a happier, more fulfilled person, which in turn should make her happy, too. Try to reassure her how important her love and support will mean to you as embark on this new chapter of your lives. After all, change is a normal, contstant part of life, and the strongest relationships can adapt.
As far as her not being willing to change her lifestyle, you can't control what she does, only how you react to it. YOU are choosing to do this, not her. Find another support system if need be. As long as she can at least emotionally support you, there's no need for her to change her activity and eating habits if she doesn't want to. My husband didn't, and I did just fine. You will too if you REALLY want to. She may also surprise you and come around.

Hi sweetie,
If you absolutely feel it's the right thing to do for you, yiu should feel no hard regret.
I had an abortion almost 25 years ago. Married, 2 toddlers. I felt is wasn't fair to the two we already had and were barely affording. Still married to the same man, and those two toddlers are amazing, successful, kind and responsible adults.
No regrets. We did what we thought was right for our situation. That being that would have been really knows no different, as opposed to the living, breathing wonderful humans I raised.
Hugs to you.

It's easy to get upset at the offending partner when they make comments like that, but honestly take it from someone who's been married for 30 years, it all comes from a place of insecurity and fear of the unknown....for both of you. You need to help her understand that your journey to a healthier you is only going to make you a happier, more fulfilled person, which in turn should make her happy, too. Try to reassure her how important her love and support will mean to you as embark on this new chapter of your lives. After all, change is a normal, contstant part of life, and the strongest relationships can adapt.
As far as her not being willing to change her lifestyle, you can't control what she does, only how you react to it. YOU are choosing to do this, not her. Find another support system if need be. As long as she can at least emotionally support you, there's no need for her to change her activity and eating habits if she doesn't want to. My husband didn't, and I did just fine. You will too if you REALLY want to. She may also surprise you and come around.

LOL I'm with you on the Trump thing!
Respectfully, I don't believe the partner has to be in the same place mentally as the person having the surgery does as far as diet and exercise. Like I said, it's OUR journey, not theirs. I don't expect the entire world to change for me just because I've chosen to change my lifestyle. Lord knows we aren't living in a very bariatric friendly world, that's for sure! He doesn't formally exercise, I do, and have continually for almost 4 years. It hasn't hindered me in the least. He still eats his processed crap, I make up for that by cooking healthy meals minus the starch with just Protein and veggies ;). I understand that having someone doing it along with us is ideal in a perfect world, but let's be real. The world isn't perfect and the only thing we CAN control is us. This can be completely doable without your partner doing it along with you. I and many others are living proof of that. It's all about how bad we really want it.

It's easy to get upset at the offending partner when they make comments like that, but honestly take it from someone who's been married for 30 years, it all comes from a place of insecurity and fear of the unknown....for both of you. You need to help her understand that your journey to a healthier you is only going to make you a happier, more fulfilled person, which in turn should make her happy, too. Try to reassure her how important her love and support will mean to you as embark on this new chapter of your lives. After all, change is a normal, contstant part of life, and the strongest relationships can adapt.
As far as her not being willing to change her lifestyle, you can't control what she does, only how you react to it. YOU are choosing to do this, not her. Find another support system if need be. As long as she can at least emotionally support you, there's no need for her to change her activity and eating habits if she doesn't want to. My husband didn't, and I did just fine. You will too if you REALLY want to. She may also surprise you and come around.

This. The only real concern with lack of exercise regarding these surgeries is the alarming loss of muscle that can happen.
I always say if you want to be thin, eat healthy. If you want to be fit? Exercise and eat healthy.
You really don't have to kill yourself with exercise, either. Any little bit helps.

Weight is lost in the kitchen... weight loss is about the diet.

Now exercise is for heart health and building muscle so it's a great thing to add, I'm a huge exercise proponent. But you can lose weight without it.

Absolutely. But if it's meant to be, they will figure out a way to work it out.
This relationship stuff is hard!

I make the dinner for the both of us! I just leave out the starch. He's used to Protein and a veggie for dinner. That's how it's been for the last 4 years. But he still eats his sweets and Snacks. I find healthier options. See? Compromise

Also, I dont think she wants you to fail, probably she is afraid of how your surgery will change her life (said someone who doesn't know you or her). Her fear may be completely rationale, IMO. I don't get the "you are going to leave me" aspect, but then, I am old. :-) Hopefully others will weigh in.

@BarbieVSG14 I agree with everything in your post!! BUT, the reality is that bariatric surgery is correlated with divorce, and, sadly, it may be worse for people who are not married. I'm 27 years married, and am blessed with a guy who loves my "diets" because he always loses weight. And he's ready to stop drinking alcohol, so that helps, too. I can only assume its awful for couples when they arent in the same place mentally. It would be like be married to someone who voted for Trump! <<haha

It's easy to get upset at the offending partner when they make comments like that, but honestly take it from someone who's been married for 30 years, it all comes from a place of insecurity and fear of the unknown....for both of you. You need to help her understand that your journey to a healthier you is only going to make you a happier, more fulfilled person, which in turn should make her happy, too. Try to reassure her how important her love and support will mean to you as embark on this new chapter of your lives. After all, change is a normal, contstant part of life, and the strongest relationships can adapt.
As far as her not being willing to change her lifestyle, you can't control what she does, only how you react to it. YOU are choosing to do this, not her. Find another support system if need be. As long as she can at least emotionally support you, there's no need for her to change her activity and eating habits if she doesn't want to. My husband didn't, and I did just fine. You will too if you REALLY want to. She may also surprise you and come around.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! This makes me feel so much better about the surgery.

Many people report feeling weak after surgery. So this is a normal thing that gets better with time. Since you are only 8 days out and yet have dropped 21 pounds, there is one factor that might contribute to your mental slump.
As you lose weight, the chemicals and hormones that were stored in your fat cells are being released into your body. These will pass through your kidneys and are expelled in your urine. But they can generate a flush of hormones during the weight loss phase. They should simmer down once you transition into maintenance. It is important to meet your daily Fluid requirements, because it take fluids to flush these hormones from your system.
p.s. Congratulations on the weight loss thus far.

I know you haven't made this decision lightly, and it does sound like it's the appropriate course of action.
Do tell your doctors about it, because it will explain any HCG, and in case you need any extra medical attention.
Don't be surprised if there might be a delay for your surgery, though. The docs may want another month or so in between.
[Hugs] Good luck.