Sleeve1stFitNext

So the ex-bf is completely out of the picture. I could not handle the uncertainty of his behaviors. One day he likes the way I dressed, the next day I was begging for attention. Once he started with the insecurities, I had to let it go. Truthfully, it did not hurt me as much as I thought it would. And that is because I had falling in love with someone else. 

I fell in love with a woman. She is the most funny, beautiful and caring person I have ever met. She is strong, confident and dorky at the same time. She is everything I ever wanted in a person and she is ME!! I FELL IN LOVE with MYSELF again. I forgot the person I used to be and went searching for her and I found her. I never want to lose her again. If that meant giving up someone else for the sack of myself, then I would do what is necessary to keep me as a I am.

I guess sometimes you have to be selfish. I cannot sacrifice my success to make someone else fell secure in themselves. I cannot sacrifice my peace of mind to give some one a peace of mind. I just could not keep living my life through other peoples wants, hopes and desires. I want to live my life for me. I have wants, hopes and desires and I plan on making them happen. 

"Like a Phoenix, out of the Ashes comes NEW LIFE!"

There is a hill that is along my bike route to work. Everyday I ride, I take that hill. Today was the first time that I made it to the top without having to stop. I am getting stronger a bike rider. My calories for today are 672 but that does not include dinner. I will be buying Standard Gold Whey Protein Powder to add to my fruit smoothies. 1 scoop is like 26g of protein (Something that is much needed as I am trying to build muscle). I am having a hard time increasing my protein intake in the form of food lately. I just have not been hungry.

Things I am adding to my diet to see if I can take them:

1) Whey Protein

2) Dannon Oikos Triple Zero 

Also, I have started doing mediation to help alleviate some stress. I retain weight when I am stressed out. It also causes pain in my neck and back because that is where I hold all my tension. I also want to be flexible and by relaxing myself, I am able to stretch and bend a lot easier. 

I fit into a size 12 ya'll. A SIZE 12!!!! OMG!!! Yes. I only lost 2.2 lbs but I dropped 2 dress sizes. I have to get a 14 in pants because my butt is big and the 12 wont go past my booty. 

This week is buffalo chicken for lunch and breakfast is turkey bacon and eggs. That is small bag of ranch (1 tbsp). 

So I have come to the conclusion that I have a racer back gym shirt problem. I keep buying more shirts and they are soo cute and they make me feel cute. I am still kicking butt on my workouts and I have decided to end Keto for now. I have been stressing a lot about food and unfortunately, I hold on to weight that way. It is time to go back to just being mindful of what I eat and how much. 

Although I look great in clothing, I wanted to show what my body looks like outside of it. My stomach is sagging lower than before I lost weight. My arms are sagging and my breast have deflated. 

With that being said, I would not go back and change anything. I would not give up being able to jump, bike, go shopping easily and feel comfortable in clothes for anything. I would not trade this confidence or happiness. I am soo a peace with myself and my body. The aches that I feel are from soreness of pushing my body, than from being too heavy that my body cannot handle the weight. 

This journey has saved my life in more ways than I could ever imagine. I do not hide from the world anymore. I do not hide from people. I go out and want to explore. I meet new people. I have been freed from the burdens my weight had placed on me mentally and physically. 

With being said, "I LOVE MY IMPERFECTLY PERFECT BODY!!" 

So where my job is located, we have live music on Thursdays  - Sundays. There are all kinds of bands that perform here at the building we work in. 

I noticed that I now have a big booty. Lol. I do not know where the butt came from but in this video, I got caught showing it off lol 

IMG_4218.MP4

Since my hair will not stop falling out and I still have a lot on my head. I decided to stick with the up-do. 

I also added a picture of my ID at my highest weight versus today. I was sooo shocked by the difference. 

My gym day. I wanted to show my setup at the gym so you can see what I do. 

I have stopped losing weight but I am losing inches. 

9/12 - Went to the trainer to new a training regiment. The first was just cardio and light lifting to get me smaller and my body to be a lot more flexible. Now, is the real stuff. I have a HIIT workout 3 days out of the week. Heavy cardio of 30/30 for 45 minutes and a light elliptical day. 

Monday: HIIT

Tuesday: 30/30 Cardio

Wednesday: HIIT 

Thursday: Light Elliptical 

Friday: HIIT 

She says now its time to get to the real stuff. She knows that I want my body to look like and she created this to start me off. I have 4 weeks of it. She also added room to modify the work out if I am really hurting to do one less set. I am just so excited. This a work out that she does but her's is way more intense and done a faster pace. Will be increasing my calorie intake from 775 to 1000 calories on these HIIT days. I will need to make sure that I am eating enough to sustain my body. 

9/17 - My mom decided to buy me a Pandora Bracelet. Lol she was not prepare for the cost of it and told me, "Happy Birthmas" lol. She told me to add charms and numbers for every goal I achieved. She told me she was proud of me and was so happy for all my hard work. 

As I reach my 6 month post op. I wanted to just update you guys on a meal prep day for me. 

Breakfast: Coconut oil (1/2 tbsp) green tea - 65 calories

Snack 1: 14 olives - 60 calories 

Lunch: 15 shrimps and 4 leafs of Romaine Lettuce (this is eaten over the course of 1 hour) - 248 calories

Snack 2: 1/2 Pickle - 5 calories

Drink: Coconut oil (1/2 tbsp) green tea - 65 Calories

Dinner: Tuna Fish (water), Light mayo and cucumbers (over the course of two sittings) - 240 calories

Drink: Karma Fitness Water Bottle Fuser (After Gym) - 20 calories

Slim Jim (Snack Size): 2 - 80 calories 

Calories: 778

carbs: 8g 

protein: 81g

You can also view the picture below. 

On average I eat anywhere between 700 - 800 calories of food a day. 

9/7 - I got my butt kicked. She did not hold back on cardio today. I crawled to the locker room. I sat on the floor for 20 minutes. I think I died at one point lol jk. It is all worth it though. I could not even lift my phone to take an after. I noticed that I am losing inches now. 

i LOVE my fitness shirts and pants. I will be getting more shirts. The place I order from always has a special sale. https://www.thefitnessteeco.com/

9/5 - Went to my for my 6 month Check up. I am good. My hair falling out has slowed down a lot. Thank goodness!!! I am doing well. He wants me to increase my exercise. My workout increase below: 

1) Weight lifting: 

From 3 days to 4 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

2) Bikes: 

From 4 days to 5 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

3) Walking: 

From 10,000 to 12,000 steps 7 days a week. 

9/6 - I went to the gym and worked out. I was feeling myself today. I have stayed at the Onederland and I am happy to post that picture. Finally sticking!!!!

Worked out with the trainer. I an really proud of this success. 

So when I say my hair is coming out....I mean it. Please view the picture below. Each ball is from a side of my head. Honestly, I still have a ton of hair left on my head. I did not know I had that much hair. 

I went to Wendy's with my mom and got a Jr. Cheeseburger (no-bun). They put that little burger in a huge container lol. I was like, yall know you could have given it to me in a fries holder lol. 

Here is my dog thinking that he is a human.  He climbed under my cover and went to sleep. This dog is too much lol. 

I am starting to lose my edges ya'll. I cannot say RIP the edges. I have been slicking those babies back and wrapping them up at night. My babies hairs are laid for the gods as always. But them edges are splitting from my baby hairs like the Moses splitting the red sea. You could sail the Titanic between my baby hair and edges as this point. I will be damned if I am out here looking like Naomi Campbell. 

Now I know people are going to say use a protective style. However, braids, weaves, twists and wigs will only pull more of my hair out. I have very fine hair with a lot on my head but my cute fro is a no go!

I was soooo jealous of the people in my support group. I was really like why do I not look like them and why am I not losing like they are? Then I did a side by side comparison for support group and noticed it. I really could not believe the difference. Sometimes we truly have to look backwards to see how far we have come. I never liked comparing myself to others but I always felt a little way about people reaching their goals faster then me. However, after this picture, I will never feel that way again. I am proud of my success and how far I have come. Granted I am starting to notice lose skin, but I will take that over being unable to jog up the steps or run across the street. 

After reaching the goal of 200 lbs (finally dang I thought I would never get there lol). I went to the Spa. I was soo proud of myself and how I looked. I even got myself a Male Masseuse. He even complimented me on how soft my skin was and how well hydrated it looked. I felt so pretty with my facial and nails done. I did not worry if the bed was going to hold my weight or if I was going to fit on it. I fit just fine. 

Afterwards me and my mom went to Buffalo Wild Wings (Her favorite Spot). I was able to fit into the booth without having to suck my tummy in, lift it up or push it down. I looked at my mom and I said, "Mom I fit!! I really fit!!" She started laughing at me. The Waitress was really confused. My mom told her, "My annoying daughter lost over 60 lbs and now can fit in the booth..sooo...this is an important moment for her." 

Went to visit my Dad and he was shocked to hug me. (Note: My Dad lost a lot of his eyesight to Diabetes and he now takes very good care of himself. He was one of the reasons why I wanted to change). He said, "Moocha!! I wrap my arms around you now!!" I said, "Daddy so can I lol !!". We spent hours talking about Game of Thrones and how much weight we have lost. My dad used to weigh almost 385 lbs. He now weighs 220 lbs (he did this by going vegan and working out). I am very proud of him. It has taken him 2 years but he never gave up. The man is amazing. 

I have placed a picture I took at the restaurant lol. 

My clothes have been hanging off and baggy. I decided to just suck it up and buy a few shirts and two pairs of jeans today. I fit into a size 16 jeans. I was a size 22!!! I fit into a size Medium shirt. A MEDIUM!!! From a 2XL - 3XL to Medium. OMG!!! YES. 

My doggy is now back home in his cute little splint and cone. He is soo adorable and annoyingly smart. He figured out how to push the cone back so he can bite at the splint. He also is running on 3 legs but walks on all 4 (Except in the dirt lol). 

My stall is finally over. I moved 1 lb on the scale on Sunday. I finally moved. I have been bouncing between 203 - 205 lbs for the longest. I am finally 202 lbs. I think its over. I have been sticking to my Keto and meal prepping. I cannot believe that I look like this. I feel amazing. I look amazing and although I have a long way to go, I am soo proud of the progress that I have made. I am almost to my second goal of being under 200 lbs. I have made the decision that I want to bring in the New Year at 155 lbs. That is an average of 9 lbs over the next 5 months. I can handle that. I have already prepared my Keto weeks and the grocery lists. I just want to reach that third goal by the end of the year and I believe that I can. 

My ex-bf has been texting me and calling me a lot. Honestly, I really do miss the fool. I just do not want his insecurities destroying my progress. I am highly conflicted. I know he is a great person and I truly love him a lot. I just do not understand why he has any insecurities. The man workouts and is built. He is very handsome and extremely intelligent. As of now, he is being supportive. Sending me work out routines to try, new recipes and even went as far as to get me a class doing Aerial Silks (Something I have showed extreme interest in). I really need to have a one on one with myself regarding our relationship.

7/26 - Worst day EVER!! My dog was hit by a car and his back leg paw is broken. My mom had him off of the lease and he was peeing on some grass near the curb. He was walking on the edge to come back around when he fell into the street and a driver clipped his back right leg. The driver didn't even stop. 

He is okay and just requires surgery to get pins in his right ankle. He has surgery on 7/28 in the morning.

I broke my Keto for the day. Anxious eating has always been my problem. I had Tostitos and salsa and just ate half a bag without realizing it. It took over an hour, however I still ate it. 

7/27 - Got the price of how much this would cost. Over $5,000 for 3 nights stay, surgery, pins and painkillers. I cannot complain. It was funny to watch people look at me as I paid the medical bills up front. They were like, what does this young girl do and how much money does she make? I was looking at them like, I will pay anything for this dog. I just want to be able to take him home already. He is such a resilient dog though. He continues to try and get up although it hurts. I told him we will be twins (I have screws in my right ankle). 

Kept to my keto today. Had beef chevy's for snacks. Sooo good. 

It's been awhile. No reason, I just haven't been feeling anything lately. A lot happening on the personal aspect of life but overall still good.

I have finally reached a true stall. My body weight has been fluctuating between 201 lbs - 205 lbs. Slightly frustrated because my second goal is 200 lbs. I am almost there but this stall is kicking my butt. 

Went for a follow up. Nothing special except I was told I was not eating enough like I used to. It is funny because eating a lot is what got me to need the surgery and now I do not eat enough. They are right though. With me working early mornings, I can eat once maybe twice a day and then sleep the remainder of the day and do it all over again (do note: I am not a morning person). The only time I would eat a third meal this past week is on Gym day. I would eat something small once I am done working out (protein bar or protein shot) and then I head home to sleep. My new bedtime is around 5 - 6pm since I have to be up at 3:00am to start getting ready. 

So I am going to end on a good note though. A smile that has not left my face since finding out the news.....(backstory): I worked on a project at work that made sure all the integrations went in smoothly upon setup of our new system. My manager took credit for the integration and tried to change people's imagine a me at work (combative, aggressive, failing to perform, you know the usual). Fast forward a few months. The company is opening a new branch and office and she was away for two weeks doing the integration there and upon launch it flopped. Everything that could go wrong did. Oh how Upper Management mad with her since they had to delay the launch. Everytime he comes out of a meeting she looks stressed. Everything she did to me, she is getting in return. Karma Karma Karma! 

OOOOOOOHHHH THE HUMANITY!!!

My hair is coming out in clumps!!! I knew it would happen but omg!!! My heart. Being natural since 2013 and going through the crazy hair phases, I just did not expect this much hair. 

Well, its hair and it will grow back.....eventually. 

7/8 - Extremely healthy keto day. 

7/9 - Halo Top 1/2 Cup Chocolate Mocha Chip (I am in heaven!!). Healthy keto day. Weighed in at 208.4 lbs. Gained 1.4 lbs  

7/10 - Hung out at Coney Island with my Mom, little Brother and my dog Buddy aka Rasta Scoobs. At Nathans Philly Chicken with no bun. The guy gave me the nasty look when I ordered it. (It was like really, you are going to come here and want to eat healthy at Nathans?). With a nasty tone, he says, "It's going to be the same price and the same amount of meat." So in an even nastier tone, I said, "Did I ask about the amount of meat or the price? No. I asked for a Philly Chicken with No Bun. Thank you." He just placed my order and my brother says, "Don't be surprise if you find some special sauce or a hair floating around in it lol."

7/11 - Keto Day. Decided to step on the scale and weighed 205.4 lbs. I was like WTF!!! What is going on? At this point my weight is fluctuating up and down. I think I maybe starting stall soon and my body is warning me. It could also be water weight. 

7/12 - Another Keto Day. Went out to eat with my mom and brother and I was upset because I could have the Tacos of Bell. My mom keeps saying, "Oh you have your meal prep and you have been doing so good on your diet. Taco Bell is not good for you." I was like then why are you eating it. She says, "I'm grown and your mama. Do as I say and not as I do."  She is right but sooo annoying sometimes. 

7/13 - My day was healthy. Received two new Hidrate Spark bottles. Gave one to my mom and brother. They are in love and I set them up on their phones. 

Breakfast: 2 egg whites boiled with salt. 

Snack: 2 pickle slices

Lunch 1 - 2 : 2.1 oz of turkey with a tomatoes, a little cheese, romaine lettuce and my special dressing. (Broken up into 2 meals)

Snack: 21 olives. 

Dinner 1 - 2: 4 oz of ground beef, a little cheese, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream and salsa. (Broken up into 2 meals)

Okay. Status update is very late. I cannot remember some of the days so I will be skipping those. 

Work as been hectic. I truly started getting stressed out and actually starting eating carbs....a lot of carbs. I had a one week carb binge last week and I ended up gaining 2 lbs. I am not sure if it is from muscle or from the food (I am going to go with the food for accountability). 

My ex-boyfriend wants to get back together. That is interesting. 

Food wise, I have tried the following: 

I finally bought Halo Top. OMG that both came from heaven and hell lol. The ice cream is sooo good and delicious and if you do not pay attention, you can eat a lot of it.

I tried the Power Crunch Protein bars and I love them. I have one on the days that I go to the gym. I have spent this entire week getting myself back into Ketosis and it has been pretty easy actually. 

Well that is it for now. I will try to keep posting daily. 

6/26 - I had a bad day. My bf and I broke up. He stated that he preferred me bigger and that had he known things would change that he would have never supported the decision. When I asked how things changed, he stated the following: 

1) You put on makeup more

2) You get your nails done more

3) You do your hair more

4) You dress differently. You do not cover up as much

5) Guys look at you more (Ding! Ding! Ding!)

6) They hit on you more (Jackpot!!)

I was stunned as he continued on his rant. At that point he told me he needed space and that he felt he needed time to get used to the new situation. 

Before this journey I would ate my feelings away. I would have cried, watch romantic movies, Jack and Rose would have been my idols, my heart would have not gone on and I would have gained 5 lbs in one day. However, I felt no desire to stuff my face. Actually I felt nothing. After thinking about what he said and talking to my mom, I decided to end the relationship. I do not want that toxic attitude in my positive environment. I made a hard choice, however I am sure I made the right choice.

6/27 - Still followed my Keto diet. I did have a sugar free Popsicle. Went to the gym. Noticed something disturbing, my boobies are starting to have loose skin . I knew it would happened but I was hoping it would not. I boobs do not fit in my bra's anymore. They are sliding under the wire like peek-a-boo. SMH.

Sorry I am sooo late. I will make it short and quick.

6/15 - Keto nothing out of the ordinary. 

6/16 - Gym and healthy eating. 

6/17 - I had a small I mean baby spoon of Red Velvet cake for my b-day and I was out for the count. I had to use the bathroom a lot. My mom said, "uh hmmm. was it worth it?". I whispered, " Yes" lol. Just an overall bad day. I broke the diet and ate carbs and sugar. Shame Shame !!!! Lol I am only Human.

6/18 - The cake was still messing with me so I barely ate or even drank water. I was exhausted all day. Weighed in at 209.8 lbs.

1-Month Post Op Overall Loss: 14.6

2-Month Post Op Overall Loss: 8.8 lbs

3-Month Post Op overall loss: 10.8 lbs

6/19 - Barely ate or drank water again. I just slept most of the day away. Spent a lot of time in the bathroom. 

6/20 - Still followed the Keto Diet.

6/21 - Still followed the Keto Diet. Still time, adding breakfast foods to the option instead of a shake or protein shot. 

6/22 - Breakfast: Baked Turkey Bacon (3 Slices), 1 Egg white. 1 Romaine Lettuce leaf. 

Snack: 14 Olives

Lunch: 2 oz of ground chicken, mild salsa, 1 tsp of sour cream, and 1 romaine lettuce leaf.

Snack: Sugar Free Popsicle. 

Dinner: 2 oz of ground chicken, mild salsa, 1 tsp of sour cream, and 1 romaine lettuce leaf.

Snack: 1 pickle

6/23 - Breakfast: 3 Egg Whites

Lunch: Homemade Chicken Salad - no dressing. 

Dinner: Pickles and Sugar Free Popsicle. 

6/24 - Went to a friends baby shower. They actually had healthier food options. Met a few of her extended family whom had Bariatric Surgery. One woman (weighing 392 lbs) had the bypass 17 years ago. She said back then there was not a pysch eval, waiting period or even a pre-authorization. She said she went to the doctor Monday and that Thursday she had the surgery. She showed me all the scars from access skin removal. She told me that nothing prepares you for the disappointment you will feel when you work hard and you do not look the way you thought. She had to have a full body lift and breast augmentation. It was soo enlightened to speak with someone whom was from that time and had the experience. She told me that sugar kills her but rice and bread is her fave. She stated that she got down to 125 lbs and felt soo unattractive. She stated that she gained her weight back up to 185 lbs and have maintained that weight for over 10 years. 

6/25 - Had my Keto Meal. 

Breakfast: Baked Turkey Bacon (3 Slices), 1 Boiled Egg white. 

Snack: 14 Olives

Lunch: 2 oz of chicken, 1 tsp of sour cream, and 2 romaine lettuce leaf.

Snack: Sugar Free Popsicle. 

Dinner: 2 oz of Chicken and Romaine Lettuce with 1/2 tomato. 

Snack: 1 pickle

My best friend is trying to get me to try Isagenix (https://www.isagenix.com/en-us/products/weight-loss). She has lost 55 lbs since February on it. It is like $378 a month. I am like the hell!! Bro whom has that money. She is really excited and she wants to me to try it so bad. I am tempted. Keto has been awesome but I am bored now and want to try something else. I think I am a Fad Diet Groupie. 

Oh and the Hydrate. On the days when I focus on water. I am barely eating. I love those days. Food does not be on my mind. Below I have screen shot my progress. So yayy. Keto has really helped me get back on track. 

6/8 - KETO KETO KETO. I am trying everything I can with KETO. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

6/9 - Breakfast: Had two egg whites, and 1 slice turkey bacon. Lunch: Turkey lettuce wrap (delicious). Dinner: Protein shake. Got my Hidrate bottle and immediately fell in love. I went as far as purchasing another one in Teal. I plan on having all the colors. Yayyy. Having difficulty with this 64 oz water intake I see. All this time, I thought I was drinking way more water than I was. SMH.

6/10 - Meal prepped for the week. Mozzarella stuffed chicken with Mushrooms. It is soo delicious. Low carb and high in protein. The remaining prep for breakfast was turkey bacon (BLT) with lettuce as the bread. 

6/11 - Nothing out of the ordinary happened. 

6/12 - Could not get out of bed. I felt burnt out and just exhausted. I went to work but could not function enough to hit the gym. I slept so long.

6/13 - Still felt exhausted. No gym and had a massive headache. It could possibly be this NYC heat. My fan is not cutting it anymore. 

6/14 - I actually had enough energy to workout (with the help of C4). I have been slacking in my vitamins for the evening so I am wondering if this could be the reason why I was out of it. It does not help that I am overworked as well. However, that C4 gave me a kick that I needed. I still have a buzz going. I hope I do not crash. I only took 1/2 scoop which is below the recommended. My mom went and brought some organic Turkey Burgers lol. She was sooo excited and happy. She goes, "Look Mocha. It is for you. I know you cannot have the other food at the cookout but I got you some Turkey burgers and I will make some chicken and shish kabobs for just for you ." She had the biggest smile. It was too cute. 

Well this is it for now. I am sorry that I do not post regularly like I used to. I am taking on a new business project and it is taking a lot of my time.

6/5  - Still doing my Keto Diet. It is working. I am very proud of sticking to it.

6/6 - Went to the surgeon for a 2 month followup. I weighed in at 213.4 lbs. He was very happy at my progress and the way I am healing. He said that amount of weight loss is amazing. I went to get my blood work done to make sure that my vitamins and nutritional intake is great. 

6/7 - Had a Glazed Donut. It was the best Donut I have ever had. I THREW IT UP within 10 minutes. I needed to do it to myself. I was starting to slowly eat something I was not supposed to so I just gave in and now that I know I cannot have it. I feel better. 

5/31 - Yeah that whole liquid diet thing is not going to work for me. The protein drinks made me sick and I just could not force myself to do it. Oh well. Back to keto is was. Instead of the gym, I ended up a BJ's with my Mom. She had me pushing around a flatbed cart with 4 waters boxes, 2 pepsi boxes, 2 coke boxes, 4 kool aid jammers, 2 Gatorades and 2 powerades. The hardest work out I ever had. I was sweating in the frozen food section lol. 

6/1 - Had my off. I went to a party at one of my friends house. I put on makeup and dressed really pretty. I was feeling myself. I got hit on by 3 guys. I was just  awkward because I am not used to that much attention. It was really weird. I was like, "Thank you. Goodnight." the whole time lol. 

6/2 - Continued with the keto diet. I have however made some alterations to it. I make sure to get in 50 - 70g of protein a day. I keep the carbs below 20g and the fat falls in where ever they do. It is actually a pretty easy diet to follow. 

6/3 - Nothing special. Just a regular day. 

6/4 - Lost 4.6 lbs this week!! I was having a minor stall and my month of May was not that great. I am just happy with the progress that I made. I am 214.2 lbs. I just never envisioned that I would be at this weight.