Hoping052017

I'm a single lady with four fur kitty babies of my own, three kitty siblings next door with my mom (we share a duplex), and we share custody of two abandoned fat cats that the neighbor left when she moved out. (She's supposedly picking them up, but she's been saying that for two months now). Add to that my three kids and we've got a duplex full of animals! Lol! Ding give up hope. There's a cat lady out there for you somewhere!

My NUT says I shouldn't be eating anything with more than 5-6 grams of sugar in it per serving with the exception of milk. I will be having the gastric bypass if I'm lucky. If not, then the sleeve, but he said 5-6 grams of sugar is a good rule of thumb.

I too have had this fear, but for other reasons. I think. I actually started back to therapy for the specific reason to find out why I have sabotaged every single diet I've ever been on. (First one at 9 years old) I've always been overweight. Even my mom knew it for years before I turned 9 but the Dr. just kept telling her it was baby fat and that I'd lose it as I got older. I never did. So I literally have NO CLUE what I'm going to look like when I get to my goal weight. The last time I wore a size 12 I was in the 7th or 8th grade. So, I can totally relate with being afraid of being thin. But, I do agree with many of the comments stating to seek therapy. I've only been going, myself, for a few weeks. I'm not scheduled for surgery yet. (Hoping for the end of next month) It took me a while to realize that I kept blaming others for sabotaging my diets instead of placing the blame where it belonged (on me). Just remember that this is a journey. And not just in the respect that you're losing weight. It's also a journey of self discovery. None of us got to the point of needing weight loss surgery because we were healthy (mentally or physically). I'd bet at least 90% of us got here because we were not mentally healthy either because we have addictive personalities or past traumas in our lives that made us turn to food to deal with things. I've found that the people here on these forums usually have really good advice. And it's been listening to that advice that has helped me cope with some of the same feelings you're having. Take heart that you aren't alone in this. You have all the wonderful, knowledgeable people here that have already gone through what you're going through that can help you through it if you let them. Heaven bless you and protect and good luck in your journey.

So, it's been a while since I've written anything. I totally needed to get on here and do that. I actually have a whopping 22 days until my final nutrition (Diet and Exercise) appointment before the clinic sends my paperwork into Medicaid for approval and schedules my surgery!!!!! 22 days and about a week later I'll be scheduled. It's getting so much closer so much more quickly than I could possibly imagine! Got the family's bikes ordered and they should be ready by next weekend, just in time for St Patty's Day. Being of Irish decent, this is a big deal for me. Can't wait to get my brisket and cabbage and carrots. I'm going to have my mashed cauliflower "potatoes" to go with. We're still shooting for the end of April, the beginnign of May for the surgery. I'm hoping that with the surgery along with the therapy I'm doing now, I'll be successful and be down to 175 by Christmas. That is my goal right now. Be no more than 190 by Christmas, but if I can make 175 by then, I'm going to be ecstatic! It's getting closer every day. So I think it's possible.

We have a monthly meeting up here in Fayetteville as well! Do you ever get up this way?

Embarking on this journey of weighing less means a lot of things to me. It means, essentially, becoming a different person yet staying the same. It means starting a new lifestyle. It means getting healthy. It means letting go of things that are weighing me down mentally while getting rid of what's weighing me down physically. It means letting go of unrealistic ideas regarding relationships and accepting some relationships are only meant to be friendships and nothing more. It's realizing that people that I thought were ancient history, that I only think about once in a blue moon, have actually been thinking about me too. An uncommon relationship that spans the miles that was long gone remarkably resurfaced tonight. How strange that this person crossed my mind for the first time in months just a week or two ago. I haven't thought about him in a long time. And he messages me tonight. I wonder where this will lead. Will he be willing to do what he wasn't willing to all those years ago? Here's to new beginnings.

Thank you. That makes me feel a little bit better.

Hi all. So, I don't know what's wrong with me, but going to see a shrink tomorrow that hopefully understands my mental state. I started my 6 month pre-op on 11/3/2016. I was 278 with a bmi of 51. Today I'm 264. So, I've lost 14 pounds according to my scale, which is what my RD said I needed to lose before my surgery, but I seem to keep either allowing myself to be sabotaged by my family or sabotage myself by giving in to my depression eating. My mind just says I don't care anymore. I hate it. I'm on 300mg of bupropion (generic for welbutrin) for my depression. It doesn't do squat for my depression, but it makes me not feel hungry though I eat anyway. About the only time I actually know I'm hungry is my stomach starts making noise growling at me. I know I'm the only one that can make me happy. I know this. But in all these years I all have yet to figure out what actually makes me happy that doesn't depend on someone else being part of the equation. I mean I love love LOVE to cook and bake, but only for other people. Well, actually i love to bake for me too, but I'm not supposed to eat that stuff anymore. And usually what I love to cook is stuff that they like to eat...not what I like. Of course what I like I'm not supposed to eat anymore. Biscuits and gravy, quiche, pizza, steak and potatoes, lasagna. I know there's low carb options for most of what I love, like eggplant and zucchini lasagna, mashed "potatoes" made with cauliflower, crustless zucchini quiche. I found out that coconut oil is so much tastier than butter in baking, but I'm not sure about the calorie difference in the two. I don't know why I can go maybe a month or two on any diet and lose weight, go down pants and dress sizes, have people notice my progress, and then start sneaking sweets or start on a mass baking spree making cakes, Cookies, cupcakes (and sampling everything over and over)and end up either stop losing weight, or worse...gaining the weight I've lost all back. I've been overweight my entire life. I have no pictures at all, even as a child, of me "skinny". The closest I've ever come to skinnyness I was still a good 35-50 pounds overweight. I think I'm scared of not recognizing myself in the mirror afterwards. Am I the only one with this completely irrational fear? Sorry for the long post. Pretty much just needed to voice what was in my heart and mind. Thanks for listening. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

Okay, so here's a question for everyone pre and post op... Do you have any fears about not recognizing yourself in the mirror after you've gotten to your goal weight? I know that I have that fear. I've never been skinny. Went on my first diet at age 9. So I have absolutely no clue as to what to expect and it scares me. I know this is a totally irrational fear and I'm talking to a therapist tomorrow about it, but I was wondering if this is a common fear?

I had mine last week and talked to the psychologist and took a 576 question test. I only talked to him for about 20 minutes, but I got a call from his office today saying that he wants to see me for a second interview before he approves me for surgery. I about cried. I don't know if a second interview is common or not.

I have IBS-D. I was diagnosed with it after several kind of successful surgeries (I say kind of successful because they fixed other things, just not what we were trying to fix - the major pain in my stomach) didn't get rid of the pain I was having. Has anyone noticed that their IBS-D was improved after having either the RNY or VSG? My RD said we need to get mine under control before I can have the surgery because it could get worse afterwards. That scared me because I already have problems not being able to get to the restroom in time because the D hits so fast and unexpectedly sometimes. So the idea that the RNY or even the Sleeve could make it worse is a nightmare.

That both excites and terrifies me. Because right beyond April is May and graduation day for my oldest. Every time I think about it I get about 10 more grey hairs. LOL!

Drinking with a straw sucks air in with the fluids. That air, in turn, creates gas, which could cause pain. That's what I was told anyway.

Today was a big step for me in facing my anxieties around people. I haven't enjoyed going to the mall in years. My daughter needed some new jeans and so my mom and I went to JCP because that's where her favorite jeans are sold. I had every intention of only going into JCP and getting a pair of jeans and leaving again. Well, it turned out that they were having a hum dinger of a sale. There was a $72 dress that was marked down to $1.97. No, that isn't a typo. It really was only two dollars! (I ended up getting it for my daughter because it was adorable and happened to be her size. My mom has needed new clothes forever and refuses to buy herself any based on the premise that she doesn't want to buy anything until she loses some weight or has a little bit more money or any other excuse she can come up with. I do not like to go out by myself unless it's to the nature trail over by the lake where I can hike down to the water and hide and write or read by myself without anyone tripping over me or anything like that. Or riding my bike without too many other people around. I just do not like being around people unless they are people I know well. Before I took little girl back to school after her shots, I had to stop by the house to get my oldest some clothes since he really wasn't prepared for the temperature to be half of what it was yesterday. I ran in and told mom to get her arse in gear cause she was coming with me to run errands. She didn't want to be alone any more than I did today. For a totally different reason, but same feeling all the same. So, she got dressed and we got the clothes to the oldest and dropped off middle child. We then proceeded to run errands, eventually running to JCP. Since there were so many really cute tops for between $2 and $5, I had mom pick out a couple and I got those for her for Valentine's Day. She loved them, but said she needed a "nude" bra to wear with them because hers would show through the materials. I did the only thing I could...took her to Victoria Secret to get her a "nude" bra like her favorite. This meant traversing the dreaded mall. I hate the mall. There are way too many people at the mall. Poor mom though. I don't like the mall, so I walk kind of fast to get from one place to the next whenever I have to traverse the mall. Mom doesn't have as long of a stride as I do, so she ends up putting in 1.5-2 steps more than me whenever we're out together. When we got to Victoria's Secret I (as always) fell in love with the majority of the bras and panties they have throughout the store. The problem with oooing and aaahing over those sexy undergarments is that it's embarrassing to get caught by one of their personnel that are the size of toothpicks when I'm the size of two of them put together. But while mom's trying on her bras what am I supposed to do? I wander around doing laps around the store muttering to myself "okay mom...hurry up. I'm ready to get out of here now". I can't wait until I am small enough to actually fit into some of these gorgeous underwear. I don't know when I'd be able to afford it again, but omg, I can't wait. I just wish that in the interim I didn't feel like people were laughing at me for even stepping foot in there. I wish I didn't feel like they were talking about me behind my back to their coworkers. I just wish I didn't feel like they were about to ask me what I was thinking by contaminating their store with my oversized presence. I kind of doubt anyone was actually thinking that, but that was how I was feeling. It's how I always feel when I go into one of those shops. I wonder if I'm going to feel the same once all the weight is gone. If I'll feel like an imposter when I go looking for things to wear from there. Since I start therapy in two days, I really hope not. Time will only tell.

I'm sorry, but I noticed that the Emotional Health and wellness sub-forum in the General WLS Forum is missing from the drop down list up top and can only be accessed through already posted messages or the main page. Is this intentional or is it an oversight, as I didn't see it in the list before the site update as well?

@kimberb &@biginjapan... yay! So happy for you both! I can't wait till April for my turn!

@biginjapan and@kimberb ... hoping your surgeries went well and that you are both doing awesome!

When I started these entries I asked the question "Am I Ready For This?" At the time, I actually didn't know. I hoped I was. I thought I was. I think I finally know I am. Exercise is a daily thing now instead of just thinking about it. I may not be doing a lot right now (I managed to walk a mile and a half today and yesterday), but I'm getting there. It depends on where I walk and what my back is feeling like, but I'm getting there. Today my two boys and I walked an upper neighborhood near our house selling chocolates for a fundraiser to fund his very last school trip in June after he graduates. Sold the whole box! I'm really proud of him. It took a lot for him to face his anxiety about talking to people. Some of the people were very funny, buying out all of one kind of chocolate bar. One family even knew my son's band director from when their daughters were in band. It was so awesome being able to walk the neighborhood with my boys and I kept thinking how much easier it's going to be once I lose the weight I want to lose. I'm getting a bike (I hope) this week and will be able to start riding again and hopefully be able to work up to 30 miles. Except I'm figuring it will actually be 60 miles if I go the whole trail and back! Maybe mom's going to have to meet me up there with the bike rack! LOL!

Same to you! my sixth and final appointment is April 3 and I talked to my care coordinator this morning and she said that the end of April for me is a possibility, as well! I sure hope so because the thought of traversing Barnhill Arena for my son's graduation right after surgery is a daunting one. LOL

I haven't had my surgery yet, but I just wanted to let you know you've got this! I have a hard time with the mobile app, but the desktop isn't too bad. You'll get the hang of it. Just don't be afraid to click icons. Just remember to follow your surgeons instructions and know that you have this!

As S Day quickly approaches, I start thinking about all the things that I'll be able to do again that I can't do now without difficulty. I can't bicycle very far anymore. I can't hike anymore without having to take a break every 10 steps it seems. I can't mountain climb because I can't lift my body up with my own legs because I weigh too much. I can't run without feeling like collapsing 10 feet from the beginning of where I start. I can't fast dance even one song without my lungs feeling like my lungs are going to explode. I can't ride most rollercoasters. I don't fit in the seats. I'll never forget how embarrassed I was when my oldest was about 2 years old and my husband and I went to six flags over Texas with him and I wanted to ride the Superman ride and was turned away because I was too fat to fit in the seat and bring the restraining arms down far enough to buckle it. After April and some hard work, I'll be able to ride that rollercoaster. I'll be able to rock climb again. I'll be able to hike through Devil's Den and go spelunking and actually fit through some of the smaller crevices in the cave. I'll be able to probably leave my kids in the dust while hiking to the cave. I'll be able to bicycle, hopefully with relative ease, from Fayetteville to Bentonville. A 30 mile bicycle ride. Along with a size 9, that is my goal. To be able to ride the Square to Square trail next year and be in a size 9 for the first time in my entire life (including childhood). When I was a kid I wore a size 6X for a long time. I don't remember any other size until size 12. So, a size 9 would be totally amazing. There are so many activities that I'm looking forward to doing both again and for the first time that my surgery will help me achieve. I can't wait!

I kind of figured as much. I haven't ridden in a while due to having a cheap bike that the gear broke on the last time I tried to ride it and so it went bye bye and I haven't had the money to get a new one. I'm hoping by the end of the month I can get one though. I'm really excited about April getting closer. I just hope it's not June before I can get my surgery. Right now I'm walking a mile every other day and doing resistance bands the other days. A new acquaintance shared with me a YouTube video by The Fitness Marshall that look like so much fun that I'm going to start doing those as well. I love to dance and that's what these videos are are dance workouts.

Psych evals are notoriously stressful things to get through during the pre-op phase of preparation for S-Day. (Surgery Day). Today was no exception for me. Thankfully, there wasn't an appointment time. I just had to be at an office over an hour away from my clinic and home somewhere between 8am and 12pm. The lady that got things set up was really nice. She filled out a piece of paper and led me into an adjoining room next to her where there were three desks, one of which held a computer, and three filing cabinets, a pencil holder full of sharpened pencils, and a scantron sheet with 576 T/F bubbles on it along with a book full of questions that belonged to those 576 answer bubbles. I start the test and the nice lady knocks on the closed door, comes in, and tells me that there's a slight problem. The psychologist is supposed to interview me after I finish the test, but he has to leave and it's unknown when he will be back. So I may have to finish the test and schedule another appointment to see the psychologist. I'm going "oh great! I drive over an hour to get here and now I may have to come back!". But I just played the part of a deranged penguin and continued to fill in bubbles while smiling and nodding my head while responding "That's okay". So totally not okay, but can I say that? no. She apologizes and leaves. A couple of minutes later she returns and lets me know that the psychologist is going to meet with me before he leaves. "Yay! I don't have to come back another day!" She leaves again and comes back a few minutes later to take me to the psychologist. He talked to me for about 20 minutes asking generally about my medical history, both physical and mental and lets me know he'll fax his okay to my Dr. tomorrow. It takes me another 2 hours to finish taking that written test. I'm just curious if that test tells the same thing the last one of those I took told. Hmmm...can't wait to find that one out.