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GACaldwell

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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Everything posted by GACaldwell

  1. First, the alphabet soup: Extremely high functioning Anxiety disorder, Depression (usually Seasonal) OCD (The kind that impacts my life), I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 but my very new Dr thinks that's a misdiagnosis as I am "high functioning" not showing classic symptoms of mania. I've dealt with this all my life but really only got diagnosed in 2007. Now, surgery...July 2016 I had VSG in Mexico, self pay. Not the best thing since I dont "see" my team of drs after but I did all the research, have a support team here of GP's etc so thats good. The psych eval I did have cleared me for surgery because I have a fabulous support system in place and coping mechanisms on the ready. (and before you suggest it, yes, I've contacted them, waiting on a reply) But..here I am in the middle of my possibly worst seasonal depression in years. I'm off most of my meds due to a quack dr nearly killing me at the beginning of the year and searching for a new dr/therapist (In a WASTELAND of mental health care providers) to get me back on track. It will be the end of the month before I see the dr who prescribes my meds and frankly...that's terrifying, but my ONLY option short of committing myself for a few days which is HIGHLY unlikely but not entirely off the options table. Meanwhile, I've hit a stall..for nearly 2 months and THIS is where I need help. I know everyone hits stall but for 2 freaking months!!?!?! I know part of it is that I have cheated some (As in 1 piece of dark chocolate or 1/4 cup of ice cream) but for the most part I am really really good. I get in all my Protein, I drink more than the Water required, I eat small meals/protein first and avoid starchy/carb foods. I try to get in exercise..I at least do yoga 2x per week sometimes more, I belly dance, I have an elliptical and occasionally get on it but with the depression it's so damn hard. I feel like I've failed. I feel like I've wasted $10k & put us in dept to have only lost 30lbs. Every time I step on the scale and see that I'm still gaining/losing the SAME FREAKING POUND I want to cry. This is absolutely impacting my depression and anxiety and my mental health in general. I don't know how in the HELL i will survive until I get to see the dr and then we all know how long it takes for the meds to kick in. I yoga. I meditate. I journal. I'm trying. I don't know what else to do though. I don't know what I'm asking here...advice? Anyone who had a month+ stall? Encouragement? Regardless...thanks for listening.
  2. GACaldwell

    Almost 8 Months

    2 days till the 8 month mark. I've survived the two big events i had to do this year. Hopefully the rest of the year is a bit less hectic now. I needed to take a break and just not worry about weight for the last month or so. I still tried to eat well and drink my water but I knew I didn't have time to exercise or be totally focused so i just gave myself a break. I lost and gained the same 5 lbs over and over again. It was still depressing. Now that's over and I turned 39 on Sunday..I'm getting back to basics this week and tracking my food and water. Next week Ill start Yoga 3 times per week again and Tabata training (Still hate it!) 2 times per week, per the dietician. I THINK I maybe broke my stall this morning and made it below 170 but we will have to see if that will hold through till Monday at my actual weigh in. Admittedly, I started taking my adipex again (1/2 in the am & 1/2 in the Pm though Im prescribed 1 1/2 a day) to try and help with the cravings/head hunger. It helps. Im eating less which has always been an issue for me. The dietician wants to adjust my goal weight to 155 instead of 135. That would put me 15 lbs from my goal weight right now which is weird to say. She's more interested in my body fat percentage than anything though. At the beginning of April it was 38% and she wants it at 33%...like I said before, I'm solid. I think Ill be happy at 155 or so because im just not focused on the scale number and I want to be healthy. I'm certainly not losing weight at a rapid rate at this point and for me, it will probably still be a struggle to keep it off for the rest of my life. That's ok. I'm committed. Right now I need to focus on toning and building muscle back. I really really want to be able to do a pull up. It's a goal for my 39th year! One thing...when we went to the convention this year, I noticed how much more attention I got as compared to other years. There were a lot of compliments. I expect that from people who know me and have known me for years both heavy and slimmer...but i had complete strangers intentionally give me compliments. I had one woman walk across a crowded patio just to introduce herself to ONLY me. It was unnerving. Part of my brain wanted to scream "Damn it ! I was cute before too!" and i'm still working on just saying thank you without being self deprecating. Im working on looking at the big picture instead of focusing on the next lb down (or up) or the next calorie intake. I NEED to know those things, but I don't need to let them control my life. This years goals are being met, slowly but surely. Ill get there, no matter where there is.
  3. i *THINK* (hope/pray/plead) that I finally broke my stall today! Woohoo!

  4. GACaldwell

    During Life

    There is no "before and after"...this is just "during life". I was beautiful and wonderful and loved before surgery and I will be beautiful, wonderful and loved after it. My worth is not determined by my waist size.
  5. GACaldwell

    Out with my partner April 2017

    From the album: During Life

  6. GACaldwell

    2012 to 2017

    From the album: During Life

  7. GACaldwell

    March 25 2017

    From the album: During Life

  8. GACaldwell

    Discouraged 8mo

    Hiya..So here's the deal.. I'm 8 months post op tomorrow. I was self pay in Mexico, so while I understand, the whole "talk to your Dr" thing isn't going to help me since he's 1000+ miles away and there are ZERO Bariatric Drs in my area. HW: 226 CW:170(ish) GW:135 And I'm 5'1" because hey..it matters! I've lost 55(again..-ish) lbs. I was supposed to hit 135lbs by April of this year. That's not happening. I'm really really discouraged with the whole thing right now. I'm struggling every day with hunger & headaches from it. I TRY to stay between 800-1100 calories a day, I always eat my Protein first and I have no issues getting my liquids in. I still crave sweets but even with that, I eat VERY small amounts or just a Protein shake. I track daily, i exercise 3-4 times per week (Yoga, dancing & cardio). I've been gaining and losing the same damn 5 lbs for 3 months! UGGGHHH!! It doesn't matter what I do, it's the same. I exercise more, I eat no carbs or more carbs, I up the Water..Nothing! I've gotten really really down about it and i find myself sinking back into bad habits...especially the thinking of "This isnt working so why bother?" This is, quite honestly, my ultimate fear ever since I decided to have surgery. I KNOW there are people that don't lose weight or gain it all back after the sleeve. I'm terrified that I went through all of that, not to mention PAID all of that money...and I'm still considered obese. I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and my "tool" is not working. and i just want to cry. At 8months in, I thought I'd still be having the weight loss. I weigh my food but I still feel like I can eat more than most people. I don't think it's head hunger but what do I know? Maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm so very lost in this. I found a dietician here who I'm seeing but she has limited experience with bariatrics. She's trying to help but to her, my 800-1100 per day and eating logs makes sense. But she also says that 135 is going to be difficult for me to achieve and that stings. Heck, 135 is STILL considered overweight for me!! UGH. :-( Support & suggestions welcome. TYIA
  9. GACaldwell

    Oracal Costume

    From the album: During Life

    One of the costumes I'm in love with for an upcoming show!
  10. GACaldwell

    Work Drag

    From the album: During Life

    Monday work day...with stage make up on because I was practicing!
  11. GACaldwell

    Saturday Night

    From the album: During Life

    Date night with the boy...I am wearing clothes I have never been able to wear before & sizes that SHOCK me.
  12. GACaldwell

    Discouraged 8mo

    The goal weight/April expectation was set by the Dr & Nutritionist. *nods* Im going to talk to the Dietitian about upping my calories..see if it helps. I haven't figured my calories for my goal weight but Illl look into that. I truly am happy with what I've done so far..just discouraged for the most part and confused when ive been doing what I was told to do. Thanks for the suggestions!
  13. GACaldwell

    Seeking Buddies 5'2" & Under

    For the most part, yes. I went to mexico on self pay, so the most info you get is some papers & an email address. I hit a lot of stalls along the way and adjusted my calories a bit (with the nut via email) to get out of it, but it's frustrating and lawd knows Im impatient! LOL My dr set me at 135 by april of this year...i'm 170 currently and i dont see that happening but that's ok. I still eat low/almost no carbs and high protein but I can eat more than I would have thought & definitely more than most other people I know who have had the surgery. I never had any issues eating or drinking after the surgery but it's still less than before! I'm trying to get back into smaller and smaller meals/snacks at the moment.
  14. GACaldwell

    Just over a year post op

    Thank you! I'm 7 months out & struggling to stay on track. Reading your post at 1 yr out motivates me!
  15. My Dad had his first heart attack at 40 years old & i have a history of heart disease and obesity on both sides of the family. I was 38, had been on Blood pressure meds for 8 years, was pre-diabetic, battling my cholesterol & weight, even though I was active (Yoga 2-3 times per week, Dance 2 times per week) and terrified. My Dad is 54 now..he's had a few heart attacks since then and they want to put a pace maker in. I know genetically, I may still have heart trouble...but i don't have to HELP it along in killing me!
  16. NSV!!! I went for a walk with the (VERY active) dog this morning and we jogged a bit of the time!! I'm so thrilled with this!

    1. Newme17

      Newme17

      Yay! Good for you! 👏🏽

  17. GACaldwell

    Seeking Buddies 5'2" & Under

    I'm 5'1" and had surgery on 7/22/17. My starting weight was 226 & I'm currently at 170, battling a stall for the past 6 weeks. At 7 months out, I really thought it would be easier still, but I'm starting to see how hard it's going to be for me.
  18. GACaldwell

    Sirenfull02262017.jpg

    At a photo shoot for an upcoming belly dance show..I'm one of the sirens and I LOVE this costume!
  19. GACaldwell

    Siren 02262017

    From the album: During Life

    At a photo shoot for an upcoming belly dance show..I'm one of the sirens and I LOVE this costume!
  20. I take in what I can since I can sew...I give what I can't wear anymore to family members or donate them. I generally only shop at thrift stores but I did that before too. I've been lucky that my mom hordes clothes so she has given me a bunch of things to wear. I'll be selling the more expensive items (corsets, formal dresses etc) when I get to that point. My main issue has been shoes..I've shrunk a full shoe size and there is no way I can replace all my shoes until I hit my goal and I know I'm not shrinking my feet any more. For now I have a cheap pair of keds I wear just about all the time.
  21. GACaldwell

    6 months post op

    I'm at 7 months today and I don't have an issue eating a small burger...i usually take the top of the bun off just because i don't want the carbs and I can't eat the fries.
  22. GACaldwell

    7 months in

    Technically, it's 6 months and 30 days..but who's counting, right? right... So far, I'm down 53 lbs & 25 inches over all. Logically, I know both of these things have made difference. Mentally, it's still hard to accept some times. This month I hit one hell of a stall. I've wavered between 143 & 145 the entire month of February. Some of that is on me, and bad choices. I still have a sweet tooth. I still hate hate hate to exercise. I'm still battling the lifelong issues with anxiety, depression, insomnia and obsessive compulsive tendencies (It's only a disorder if it negatively impacts your life, FYI) I've gone from a tight size 18 jeans to a comfortable 10. Yesterday I put on a skirt that was a size 8 & while it was tight...it buttoned and zipped. That was mind blowing to me. I haven't worn anything that had single digits or didn't have an X behind it in over 20 years. My dad asked me flat out how much I weighted now because he told his boss I was 135lbs...i laughed and told him that was my goal but I'm not there yet. Apparently to my family/friends I'm smaller than I look, but that was common before I became obese too. I'm dang solid is all. But it's come along with weird things too. I can't really talk to my friends/loved ones about it very often. My partner of 10 years is the only one who hears it all and he had gastric bypass 14 years ago so he gets it. He's supportive no matter what and celebrates with me, encourages me and reminds me how far I've come, even though his own weight is an issue for him right now. My friends and loved ones who are still struggling just get dismissive or mean about it so I don't tell them my milestones, I don't celebrate publically and I rarely, if ever post photographs of myself. One friend told me I needed to take new belly dance pictures and take all the old ones down. It really ticked me off...she knows why I did this surgery and I'm not ashamed of my pictures from when I was bigger. At all. So I keep my mouth shut, i listen to them complain and commiserate as best I can. Yes, I know it's hard. Guess what? It STILL is. This wasn't an "easy" fix. I need to get my head back on track though. I've been lethargic and eating less healthy than I should. I've given in to my sweet tooth and said "fuck it" a few too many times. The negative committee in my head still tries to sabotage me and tell me that I'm going to fail. I won't make the goals I set to begin with but that's ok...I'm learning to adjust and be flexible. Now I just have to work on being stronger.
  23. GACaldwell

    6 month stall/plateau and scared!

    I don't have any advice for breaking it as I'm right there with you...including the scared part! I'm trying to just keep working the way I'm supposed to and looking at the overall, not just the right now. It doesn't always work, but it's keeping me from driving myself into fits. Big hugs.
  24. GACaldwell

    Non Scale Victories

    Documenting the NSV of life!
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