7 months in

Technically, it's 6 months and 30 days..but who's counting, right? right...

So far, I'm down 53 lbs & 25 inches over all. Logically, I know both of these things have made  difference. Mentally, it's still hard to accept some times. This month I hit one hell of a stall. I've wavered between 143 & 145 the entire month of February. Some of that is on me, and bad choices. I still have a sweet tooth. I still hate hate hate to exercise. I'm still battling the lifelong issues with anxiety, depression, insomnia and obsessive compulsive tendencies (It's only a disorder if it negatively impacts your life, FYI)

I've gone from a tight size 18 jeans to a comfortable 10. Yesterday I put on a skirt that was a size 8 & while it was tight...it buttoned and zipped. That was mind blowing to me. I haven't worn anything that had single digits or didn't have an X behind it in over 20 years. My dad asked me flat out how much I weighted now because he told his boss I was 135lbs...i laughed and told him that was my goal but I'm not there yet. Apparently to my family/friends I'm smaller than I look, but that was common before I became obese too. I'm dang solid is all. 

But it's come along with weird things too. I can't really talk to my friends/loved ones about it very often. My partner of 10 years is the only one who hears it all and he had gastric bypass 14 years ago so he gets it. He's supportive no matter what and celebrates with me, encourages me and reminds me how far I've come, even though his own weight is an issue for him right now. My friends and loved ones who are still struggling just get dismissive or mean about it so I don't tell them my milestones, I don't celebrate publically and I rarely, if ever post photographs of myself. One friend told me I needed to take new belly dance pictures and take all the old ones down. It really ticked me off...she knows why I did this surgery and I'm not ashamed of my pictures from when I was bigger. At all. So I keep my mouth shut, i listen to them complain and commiserate as best I can. Yes, I know it's hard. Guess what? It STILL is. This wasn't an "easy" fix. 

I need to get my head back on track though. I've been lethargic and eating less healthy than I should. I've given in to my sweet tooth and said "fuck it" a few too many times. The negative committee in my head still tries to sabotage me and tell me that I'm going to fail. I won't make the goals I set to begin with but that's ok...I'm learning to adjust and be flexible. Now I just have to work on being stronger.