Girl, this is 100% me too right now. I also had surgery last week. I was crying pre-op, didn’t want to do it, pushed myself to go to the OR. I immediately regretted it upon waking up & have every day since. I wished my husband had talked me out of it. Recovery was much, much harder and more painful than I was expecting. If I had known it was going to be like this, I would have tried so much harder to lose the weight without surgery.
However, we can’t change it now. It’s done, there is no rewind button, and this is life now. I am starting to feel better as the pain has eased up tremendously & now I’m on full liquids instead of clear. It also helps me to think that this will not last forever. Eventually I will feel “normal” and be able to eat normal foods, just less of them, which is what I wanted from this. I wanted to be able to eat normally- binging & having multiple servings like I did was not normal.
I also made a list of all the things I will be able to do as a result of this surgery. I won’t feel like hiding myself because of my weight, I’ll take pictures with my family which I haven’t done in years, be able to enjoy social gatherings & going out in public without feeling embarrassed of my weight, play and ride bikes with my kids, swim, feel good in clothes, etc. My weight has held me back from living & enjoying my life for the past 5 years. Thinking in terms of that helped me so much.
Good luck! Fingers crossed that a year from now when we have lost weight & aren’t so restricted, we will be grateful!