bluemangos

So i just got my confirmed surgery date......April 11th with Dr. Illan. I had such a huge wave of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks i'm not sure how i'm feeling at the moment.

I'll be sleeved in April! No solid date yet.

Alea, I just sent you a Facebook message. I'm only telling a few people close to me about my surgery so looking forward to having an online support group!

It feels absolutely unreal! Like I bought a lotto ticket & I'm hoping to win. I'm trying to have realistic expectations, it won't happen overnight, but the fact that it will happen still hasn't fully set in.
I'm going to be documenting my experience in YouTube - I'll post the info when I do. Anyone else planning to do that? I'd love to follow your journey! :-)

Awesome idea. No set date for me yet but it will either be end of March or early April.. So excited/nervous. Will send you a friend request my name is Jessica Chapin

Just got my date last week. Surgery 4/7 start Optifast 3/10

I am scheduled on April 4th!

I'm in Tampa too blue mangos

Mine is March 30th. Can I join your group?

I added you on Facebook also. I'm hoping for April, getting everything in order to submit to the insurance now. As soon as busy season is over, it will hopefully be all about me and my buddy the sleeve

Hello everyone, my sleeve surgery is scheduled for April 5

Thank you! My name is Katherine Song and I just sent you a fb friend request. Looking forward!
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I'm having mine done in March, is that still considered Spring?
I would love to be added to the secret Facebook support group if possible!
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Greetings. I'm from Atlanta, GA, live in Qatar and traveling to Turkey for surgery. My surgery date is April 8th. Needless to say, I need all the help I can get.

Agreed with the above statement. There is nothing in the OP's statements that suggest he is using "tough love" or saying something right in the wrong way. He is emotionally and mentally abusive, plan and simple.
Telling your spouse what they can and can't eat is controlling behavior that is very typical in abusive relationships. The OP states that she is completely dependent on him, which may be circumstantial, but it is another very common aspect of abuse. Make them dependent on you, and they can't leave. Verbally beat them down to make them think they aren't worthy of their love, or anyone else's, and they stay because they believe they are lucky enough to have anyone. While her husbands actions and statements might not seem like huge red flags flashing "Abusive person alert!" these things tend to escalate. It never goes from 0 to 100 over night, it's a relatively slow and gradual shift.
To the OP - I am very very sorry that your husband is treating you this way. I am very happy to hear you are going to get counseling, I think that is a positive step in the right direction. Please know that there are a lot of support groups out there that can help you for both your spousal issues and your health/WLS needs. I find it very interesting that while he is "disgusted" by your weight, he does not support you in your decision to get WLS which would help you to lose the weight. Also, it seems like maybe a good portion of your weight gain was health related? You mentioned applying for disability benefits, I just wonder if the weight gain was because of overeating/food addiction or because of your health problems. Either way, I truly hope that it helps you find what you need and gets you to a better place.

@@Cape Crooner I respect what you say and wish more men were like you. More in touch with their feelings, perhaps? But I will say this...if someone blatantly tells their S.O that they are embarrassed of their appearance or do not want a "fat" spouse..that's emotional abuse. If he's coming from the point of....I want a HEALTHY wife but chose the incorrect words...that's understandable. But if he is only concerned about how she looks and what others may think of her appearance, that's a whole different ball game.
My ex, we'll refer to him as "A"- when we began dating I was fit! Not just skinny. I'm talking, decent abs, muscular legs...i played soccer and it was obvious by my physique. "A" left for the air force & I battled with a few "demons" if you will...anxiety & depression being the biggest culprit and put on a few pounds. I was still at a healthy weight, just not as cut like HE preferred. When I went to visit him, he refused to take me on base to meet his friends. Or have them over for a cookout and beach volleyball. I finally convinced him to tell me why he was so opposed to the idea. Wanna hear what his response was?
Something along the lines of.... "I have a picture in my room of you in your bathing suit from when we first started dating. I don't know how I will explain to them how you went from that.....to this."
I didn't get flowers, candy, stuffed animals, etc in my care packages from him. I got hydroxicut. Freakin diet pills.
I honestly do try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt, but what she has shared sounds all too familiar to what I experienced. And if he is coming from the same point as "A"....then he does not mean well. He is inconvenienced by her looks and the lack of "trophy wife" material that he expects. That's abuse. Plain and simple.

Thank you for reminding me of the abuse hoteline. I have called them in the past, and will likely call them again. Separation may be in the picture for me, but not presently. I need to heal
from this hysterctomy and have the sleeve surgery. Once my health is in a better place, I will be more capable of making that change if this is still continuing.

@@Bluesky1, this is appalling. Believe me when I tell you you DO have choices, you do NOT have to suffer abuse. Just because he uses words instead of his fists doesn't make his behavior any less appalling or abusive.
No preacher who knows his Bible could treat a wife like this. Contact your local abuse hotline. Now. Please.

Absolutely unacceptable. Who the heck does he think he is, anyway?? (can you tell that really steams me??) If it were me in that scenario instead of you, I'd be packing him up and moving him out. Maybe then he would realize that sort of control will get him nowhere fast! MAN!

Christian or not, this is just not acceptable:
"I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife."
You are a grown, adult, human being. No one "controls" you.
If he can't lovingly support you, and accept that marriage is a partnership then he sounds like a lousy "husband". Coercion is not an expression of love.
No, he doesn't have to buy you junk food. But, he also doesn't get to criticize and belittle you without serious repercussions to your marriage. That is abuse as far as I am concerned.
There is a reason I'm not married...
This crap certainly wouldn't fly with me.
You deserve so much better.

@@bluemangos Just sent you a request and message

UPDATE: the page is now called Spring 2016 VSGers because there were so many awesome people outside of April that I wanted to add! So send me a message & friend request on Facebook if you want to join [Alea Birbeck, same pic as here]!
I'm putting together a "secret" support group on Facebook for folks who are being sleeved the same month as me - my surgery date is April 15th. I'm not going public with the fact that I'm having surgery, so it's important to me that the group doesn't show up on my personal fb page.
I've been told by a friend who had her vsg surgery April 2013 that her similar support group has been fantastic - a group of people all going through the same thing, a safe place for questions and sharing experiences, etc. She actually added me to her "April 2013" secret group and they're a great group, I can see the appeal!
I'm looking forward to building a great network of people to go through this journey with! <3

Hey everyone it's so nice to meet y'all. I'm having my surgery April 4th!!!
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Hello my name is Maryann, it is so nice to meet you! I live in Alabama and I'm going to Mexico to have my surgery done on April 4,2016. So excited!!!
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Check out Dr Ramos Kelly! Google, he has a great informative website :-) I'm scheduled with him in April - he's really nice, takes the time to talk to you on the phone & go over your medical history (if you fill it out on his website) & if you schedule with him he adds you to his Facebook secret support group (nearly 600 former / future patients). I haven't found someone who's had a bad experience with him.