Sajijoma

Thanks everyone!
Patience is something I can use, too.
Sidelined lately due to some injuries made me feel like a kid being grounded as punishment.
Was beneficial though as if forced me to sit and think. Think for days on end. Took a pause from everything and just healed up and considered the possibility of actions I could take to get my life back from the current and future monster of obesity related injuries.
I'm coming out of that with focus and resolve to do this bypass and gain my life back.
Patience will be tested because once I make decisions......I want immediate results. Who doesn't, right?
December? Great.
January? Great, too.....more time to plan and adapt, although it'll just suck paying up all the deductible cost upfront. Heck, it's going to be spent next year, anyway.....just going to get it paid earlier than later.

I think it's natural to be a little scared. I mean this is a big deal! There's no going back once it's done and that is exactly why I am doing it. I'd rather not go back to this miserable state I'm in now. I thought about this when I was in my 20's and backed out because mentally I wasn't "there" yet, but God, I wish I could have been "there" and done it, because I would be so much healthier now if I had. No one can tell you when the right time
is, but I will tell you that I've lost valuable years I can never get back being stuck in this fat suit unable to do what I want because I was too afraid. I'm not afraid now (yet anyway) although I did have heart palpitations the moment they said 90 day pre operative routine instead of 6 months physician supervised diet.

I really like these ideas! I haven't really thought about the idea of rewards along the way, but I DEFINITELY like the sound of it.....I could see maybe starting a charm Bracelet or something and maybe getting a new charm for each milestone. Like maybe a shoe charm if I start running, a tennis charm if I take up tennis again, a bicycle for the first bike ride, or other things relative to the journey. That would be fun. I think when I finally reach my goal weight and after I've gotten rid of the excess skin, I think my big thing will be to have a real full body nude photo taken. I never take a full body pic even with clothes on, so I think that would be a cool thing to do.....maybe like one of those boudoire photos or something for the hubby....I keep telling him that his investment in this process will be like he gets a brand new wife.

I use Splenda and Monk Fruit as my sweeteners. stevia tastes funny to me and aspartame gives me Migraines and Xylitol leaves me gittery like I'm going hypoglycemic. Agave nectar is ok, but expensive.

Went to my first appt today! Talked with the NUT and I LOVE her! She isn't covered under my insurance, but her fees are reasonable so I'm paying to see her for sure instead of using my PCP. The shocker for me was that I AM on the 90 day fast track *gulp* so now I'm all jittery excited. I was expecting 6 months, but this will actually work great because I can drag this out til Dec when my hubby is off work and not have to take any of his vacation days for my recover so that's a bonus! I have to meet with the psych for an evaluation, but other than that, and blood tests and maybe a sleep study it should be very straight forward! I'm so happy to get this started and less afraid of being away from my kiddos after he said he'll let me go as soon as I meet the criteria and that it should be similar in recovery time compared to my gallbladder surgery!

Went to my first appt today! Talked with the NUT and I LOVE her! She isn't covered under my insurance, but her fees are reasonable so I'm paying to see her for sure instead of using my PCP. The shocker for me was that I AM on the 90 day fast track *gulp* so now I'm all jittery excited. I was expecting 6 months, but this will actually work great because I can drag this out til Dec when my hubby is off work and not have to take any of his vacation days for my recover so that's a bonus! I have to meet with the psych for an evaluation, but other than that, and blood tests and maybe a sleep study it should be very straight forward! I'm so happy to get this started and less afraid of being away from my kiddos after he said he'll let me go as soon as I meet the criteria and that it should be similar in recovery time compared to my gallbladder surgery!

I'm on the 90 day plan, but even still they said that I should plan for an entire month after completion to get approval, so I would think logistically it would probably be Jan/Feb for you, but there's always a chance. I'm wanting Dec myself instead of Oct because my husband's work shuts down for 3 wks before Christmas and that way he won't have to use any vacation time and I won't have to worry about him teachings our home schooled kids while I'm down recuperating since we take mid Dec off as well.

Went to my first appt today! Talked with the NUT and I LOVE her! She isn't covered under my insurance, but her fees are reasonable so I'm paying to see her for sure instead of using my PCP. The shocker for me was that I AM on the 90 day fast track *gulp* so now I'm all jittery excited. I was expecting 6 months, but this will actually work great because I can drag this out til Dec when my hubby is off work and not have to take any of his vacation days for my recover so that's a bonus! I have to meet with the psych for an evaluation, but other than that, and blood tests and maybe a sleep study it should be very straight forward! I'm so happy to get this started and less afraid of being away from my kiddos after he said he'll let me go as soon as I meet the criteria and that it should be similar in recovery time compared to my gallbladder surgery!

I'm just starting too. I have my consult this Fri. The one thing that has helped me through my million diets is Fiber. Like when I make a sandwich, I measure out my meat and/or cheese, grab lettuce and Tomato and use sprouted bread vs "diet bread" or that nasty whole wheat mush crap. The high fiber and living whole grains really fill the belly. Carrots or just blanched broccoli also help mean knuckle it through. The great part about carrots is you could literally eat a whole 1lb bag and not really add up a lot of calories as long as you leave the ranch alone.

Oh gosh so many things....not having to lift my hanging belly up when I go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder empties, not having to rub gold bond medicated power under my fat belly and in my thigh creases to keep them from cracking and bleeding, not having to pull my back fat forward when putting on a bra to avoid back humps, not having to lay down in the bathtub with my feet in the air to shave because bending over makes me lightheaded, not asking my daughter to trim
my nails because I keep pulling my side muscles when I do it myself from the contorted positions I have to get in, not having to buy shirts that go to my knees so people can't see how far down my fat belly hangs, not having to tuck said fat belly into my pants and try to make it not look like I'm smuggling a roll of Bologna down one leg or the other, not having to wear bike shorts under my skirts and dresses so A) the thighs don't rub and because I can't find underwear that fit properly and I'm afraid my poise pad might fall out of the other sizes leg holes and oddly shaped crotch as I walk????, not holding up my arm fat when I reach over a hot pan to turn the burner off, because I always burn my flabby arms, being able to walk into any store and KNOW they have my size and it's not one rack of granny clothes near the maternity section that sadly still won't fit right even if they are big enough because I'm too tall and they are too short, no sucking it in to put the seatbelt on, no sitting in my desk chair in the kitchen to cook and roll around to do dishes because standing for long period hurts too bad, and absolutely no looking into the mirror and crying. I promise myself when this is all over and done(probably after the plastic surgery) I will look in the mirror and be proud of all that I've accomplished and not focus on all that brought me to where I am right now.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

Oh god, I've got a list..... broccoli salad. It's basically blanched broccoli, cauliflower, in some mayo/cream sauce with a ranch seasoning mixed in. We used to sell this at the grocery store deli I worked at(schnucks if you are a midwesterner in the St. Louis area) I thought it was healthy so I'd buy that, but OMG the facts on that one I would have been better off and probably less hungry if I had eaten a whole rotisserie chicken! In that same vein is 7 layer salad. lettuce, mayo, peas, cheese, spinach, and some other stuff I can't even remember layered up like a big giant lasagna. I thought "hey it's salad it has to be good for me" but I easily put on 10lbs eating it. It's all the yummy fat and mayo and cheese that sink that one, but makes you want to eat it. Also melba toasts. I convinced myself that by putting ham and cheese on melba toasts that I wasn't eating that much, but would blow through literally a pound of meat n cheese combined before I was done, when if I had just made a regular 4oz meat and 1 slice of cheese sandwich I would have been full and done.
On the subject of what mom fed us that turned us the way we are....my mom has and always been mentally ill. She's schizophrenic and hears voices in her head that tell her to do things that she wouldn't normally do if she were in her right mind. She's a loving mom when she's well, but when she's off her meds it's a whole nothing creature. I've come to a place where I understand that now and have forgiven her, but the damage was and is still something I suffer from her illness. When I was 4yrs old the voices in her head told her I was going to be fat! HUGE! Just like my brothers. They were all well over 300lbs by freshman year in high school that I can remember. So she put me on a diet that the voices in her head gave her which consisted on 1/2c cottage cheese and one half of a cling peach from a can. That's all I was allowed to eat once a day. If I snuck food and got caught I was given a punishment of several days with no food at all while they ate infront of me big giant meals and taunted me with how delicious it is and how I couldn't have it. I went from being able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound and never hungry to a stark raving starving hungry person who gained weight at the snap of a fingers who went to my grandparents houses and first would hide from food and then shoveled food non stop. I went from being slighly under weight and taking up to a few days to eat a package of M&M's to severely overweight and ravenously ripping the package open and swallowing them all at once literally overnight. In essence, her illness started me on the road to a life long battle with weight and the inability to get the starvation mode turned off. Then when I was taken away by CPS from time to time when they bothered to follow up, the fostercare people would feel sorry for me and stuff me with yummy stuff I never had before like oreos and ice cream and potato chips and brownies and cakes for your birthday just for being alive(who knew about these things!) and it was the first time I had froot loops or Burger king or deep dish pizza! I fell in love with that stuff and as I got older and bounced between home and fostercare, those special treats became my comfort and it's amazing how our parents or even well meaning people can really screw us the hell up with food! I still want the comfort of stuffed crust pizza after a bad day and I still want a bowl of ice cream when I really need a hug instead. It's a process to break those associations for sure! I'm struggling now with the help of a good shrink to undo the damage, but cottage cheese to me always equals punishment. I've struggled with that my whole life and even though I bought some this week to try to develop a new association with it, I can't bring myself to open it. It's just sitting in the fridge taunting me! I know this is one I have to get past because I've read the post op diets and cottage cheese is a huge component in the soft food stage plans I've seen, but my body is already rebelling at the thought.

Oh gosh so many things....not having to lift my hanging belly up when I go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder empties, not having to rub gold bond medicated power under my fat belly and in my thigh creases to keep them from cracking and bleeding, not having to pull my back fat forward when putting on a bra to avoid back humps, not having to lay down in the bathtub with my feet in the air to shave because bending over makes me lightheaded, not asking my daughter to trim
my nails because I keep pulling my side muscles when I do it myself from the contorted positions I have to get in, not having to buy shirts that go to my knees so people can't see how far down my fat belly hangs, not having to tuck said fat belly into my pants and try to make it not look like I'm smuggling a roll of Bologna down one leg or the other, not having to wear bike shorts under my skirts and dresses so A) the thighs don't rub and because I can't find underwear that fit properly and I'm afraid my poise pad might fall out of the other sizes leg holes and oddly shaped crotch as I walk????, not holding up my arm fat when I reach over a hot pan to turn the burner off, because I always burn my flabby arms, being able to walk into any store and KNOW they have my size and it's not one rack of granny clothes near the maternity section that sadly still won't fit right even if they are big enough because I'm too tall and they are too short, no sucking it in to put the seatbelt on, no sitting in my desk chair in the kitchen to cook and roll around to do dishes because standing for long period hurts too bad, and absolutely no looking into the mirror and crying. I promise myself when this is all over and done(probably after the plastic surgery) I will look in the mirror and be proud of all that I've accomplished and not focus on all that brought me to where I am right now.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

insomnia drugs such as Ambien can actually make you sleep eat or sleep walk. After my late term miscarriage, I couldn't sleep and took ambien every night and I gained a crap ton of weight really fast and I was always complaining about the jerk who ate all the food and left handprints in Peanut Butter all over the counters the walls etc. My husband swore it wasn't him and the other kids were too small to do most of this stuff. Eventually, one night during a sleep stroll I fell down the stairs and of course that woke me up! LOL I realized I was the jerk eating all the food and slobbing up my house for myself to clean. It can be very dangerous. If you are taking those kind of drugs and have a history of this problem, you might want to talk to your doctor about alternatives. I think the biggest issue would be your safety. I mean, if you are eating in your sleep are you eating safely? Are you chewing it correctly for your procedure? Are you going to eat sugar and wake up in severe pain with dumping syndrome? Could you fall down the stairs and break your neck like I almost did? These are the things I would worry about most. I don't know if you've ever tried it, but maybe before you go to bed, right before, have a little snack, maybe the cucumbers are vinegar or pickles or just a little something to maybe tell your body you don't need to get up. If that doesn't work, maybe keep a Protein Bar on your nightstand so if you wake up you can just nibble a little and go back to sleep. I ended up quitting all sleep aids except some natural melatonin and it took me about 2wks after that before I could sleep again it was pretty rough.

Oh gosh so many things....not having to lift my hanging belly up when I go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder empties, not having to rub gold bond medicated power under my fat belly and in my thigh creases to keep them from cracking and bleeding, not having to pull my back fat forward when putting on a bra to avoid back humps, not having to lay down in the bathtub with my feet in the air to shave because bending over makes me lightheaded, not asking my daughter to trim
my nails because I keep pulling my side muscles when I do it myself from the contorted positions I have to get in, not having to buy shirts that go to my knees so people can't see how far down my fat belly hangs, not having to tuck said fat belly into my pants and try to make it not look like I'm smuggling a roll of Bologna down one leg or the other, not having to wear bike shorts under my skirts and dresses so A) the thighs don't rub and because I can't find underwear that fit properly and I'm afraid my poise pad might fall out of the other sizes leg holes and oddly shaped crotch as I walk????, not holding up my arm fat when I reach over a hot pan to turn the burner off, because I always burn my flabby arms, being able to walk into any store and KNOW they have my size and it's not one rack of granny clothes near the maternity section that sadly still won't fit right even if they are big enough because I'm too tall and they are too short, no sucking it in to put the seatbelt on, no sitting in my desk chair in the kitchen to cook and roll around to do dishes because standing for long period hurts too bad, and absolutely no looking into the mirror and crying. I promise myself when this is all over and done(probably after the plastic surgery) I will look in the mirror and be proud of all that I've accomplished and not focus on all that brought me to where I am right now.

I'm so excited! My first official appt is tomorrow! I have a meeting with the NUT and then my surgeon to discuss our plan of attack. I'm excited and kinda nervous. I keep wondering what if I don't really need the 6 months of supervised diet. What if they put me on the 90 day fast track, will I emotionally be ready by then or will I need to slow the process down to mentally cope. I guess we'll wait and see what tomorrow brings! I also get to find out how much of a lying sack of crap my scale is tomorrow and I'm afraid it'll be worse than I even know. That scares me more than all the other stuff put together!

It's normal to be scared. Honestly, I briefly looked into Bariatric surgery in my 20's when I first hit over 300lbs, but I was too scared to move forward and too unwilling to let go of my comfort blanket of fat that has safely kept me from having to awkwardly interact with people. It's all I've ever known and it scared me to consider losing that wall of protection. Now here I am, a mom with 7 kids and a husband I love beyond the world, but I'm now super morbidly obese and my body is failing me. I've got bad knees, bad back, can't breathe when I walk, and yes, after 7 kids and being huge, I pee when I sneeze, cough, jump(if only I still could). It's embarrassing! My life is deteriorating. If I could go back in time and talk to myself 10yrs ago, I'd say hey! Soda and steak is not worth the misery in your future. Just do it and unzip the miserable fat suit so you can enjoy your life with your kids. They grow up way too fast and I regret not being able to be more active with my older kids. I'm hoping if I lose the weight now, my baby, who just turned 1, will have the mother my other kids deserved, but I was too afraid to let out. Don't make the mistake I did out of fear. If you walk away from surgery, let it be because you solved the problem without the need, but don't not do it out of fear, because the years inbetween will be wasted in a pain riddled body like they are for me. I can't get them back. I look toward 40 and think it's time to be free.

Sending love and prayers. I think for all of us, this is something we really will struggle with. I've been severely overweight most of my life. I don't know anything else. I'm not sure I'll know how to deal with people and the world as a whole without my fat suit. It'll be like walking around naked! All I can really suggest is that you take it one day at a time, one problem at a time, and use your support. Get involved in a post op support group through your hospital and really just stay with them and use them. Many of them have been where you are and can help you navigate that territory.

Oh gosh so many things....not having to lift my hanging belly up when I go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder empties, not having to rub gold bond medicated power under my fat belly and in my thigh creases to keep them from cracking and bleeding, not having to pull my back fat forward when putting on a bra to avoid back humps, not having to lay down in the bathtub with my feet in the air to shave because bending over makes me lightheaded, not asking my daughter to trim
my nails because I keep pulling my side muscles when I do it myself from the contorted positions I have to get in, not having to buy shirts that go to my knees so people can't see how far down my fat belly hangs, not having to tuck said fat belly into my pants and try to make it not look like I'm smuggling a roll of Bologna down one leg or the other, not having to wear bike shorts under my skirts and dresses so A) the thighs don't rub and because I can't find underwear that fit properly and I'm afraid my poise pad might fall out of the other sizes leg holes and oddly shaped crotch as I walk????, not holding up my arm fat when I reach over a hot pan to turn the burner off, because I always burn my flabby arms, being able to walk into any store and KNOW they have my size and it's not one rack of granny clothes near the maternity section that sadly still won't fit right even if they are big enough because I'm too tall and they are too short, no sucking it in to put the seatbelt on, no sitting in my desk chair in the kitchen to cook and roll around to do dishes because standing for long period hurts too bad, and absolutely no looking into the mirror and crying. I promise myself when this is all over and done(probably after the plastic surgery) I will look in the mirror and be proud of all that I've accomplished and not focus on all that brought me to where I am right now.

Sending love and prayers. I think for all of us, this is something we really will struggle with. I've been severely overweight most of my life. I don't know anything else. I'm not sure I'll know how to deal with people and the world as a whole without my fat suit. It'll be like walking around naked! All I can really suggest is that you take it one day at a time, one problem at a time, and use your support. Get involved in a post op support group through your hospital and really just stay with them and use them. Many of them have been where you are and can help you navigate that territory.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

insomnia drugs such as Ambien can actually make you sleep eat or sleep walk. After my late term miscarriage, I couldn't sleep and took ambien every night and I gained a crap ton of weight really fast and I was always complaining about the jerk who ate all the food and left handprints in Peanut Butter all over the counters the walls etc. My husband swore it wasn't him and the other kids were too small to do most of this stuff. Eventually, one night during a sleep stroll I fell down the stairs and of course that woke me up! LOL I realized I was the jerk eating all the food and slobbing up my house for myself to clean. It can be very dangerous. If you are taking those kind of drugs and have a history of this problem, you might want to talk to your doctor about alternatives. I think the biggest issue would be your safety. I mean, if you are eating in your sleep are you eating safely? Are you chewing it correctly for your procedure? Are you going to eat sugar and wake up in severe pain with dumping syndrome? Could you fall down the stairs and break your neck like I almost did? These are the things I would worry about most. I don't know if you've ever tried it, but maybe before you go to bed, right before, have a little snack, maybe the cucumbers are vinegar or pickles or just a little something to maybe tell your body you don't need to get up. If that doesn't work, maybe keep a Protein Bar on your nightstand so if you wake up you can just nibble a little and go back to sleep. I ended up quitting all sleep aids except some natural melatonin and it took me about 2wks after that before I could sleep again it was pretty rough.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.

thank you Chrystee!
There are some days it really gets to me and then there are days that I say "hey! That was then and this is now. I can't wear it as an excuse my whole life!" I've got 7 beautiful kids and a husband and if I want to eat a whole box of brownies, (and I certainly could)...no one is here to stop me, but I don't because I know I shouldn't and I try....TRY real hard not to be a bad example for my kids. I don't want them to ever feel like I did. In a way, though, I got to redo my childhood through them and the second time around it has been absolutely amazing (except that I can't fit on the slide or the swings anymore. ) I'm hoping by the time our littlest is 3, I'll be fitting on that swing and racing him to see who can get the highest. That's my goal. Not a pant size or number in particular, but fitting on the swing.