VDB

Thanks, will try it!

My spouse of close to 40 years was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II about four years ago. She always had some major mood ups and downs, and was challenging at times to live with, but five years ago, it started to get worse and her ability to function dropped rapidly, hurting her quality of life. She is an artist, but increasingly did not do art, was unable to share running of the house, and was unable to be an intimate partner in any way, and with her depression, even most affection is now gone. She has sought treatment aggressively, but has made no progress, has seen the best people in our state and is very compliant with all medical help. She and I both agree that she just finished the worst year of her life, and she is very unhappy. She is not actively suicidal, but has little motivation to live. I am a mental health professional (retired pretty much) so I know the basic drill. My coping has been to focus on gratitude for her strengths, such as her tenacity to seek treatment, and her love of art. I also focus on being unconditionally accepting of who she is, what she is, and to show her a life without constant disapproval. I work hard to keep some big positives in my life through volunteer work and by maintaining our small organic farm, and I have a couple of men friends to hang out with whom I can talk about real things with. I am very glad for that.

She did support my WLS due to approaching health problems on my part, and is very relieved that almost all my health problems are now gone, but she is primarily glad that she did not lose her care giver, and increasingly I am her caregiver more than her husband. I am nine months post by pass and have had great results, and have killed most of the bad habits, actively working on the rest.

However, this post is about looking for any tips or thoughts about keeping focused on my weight loss. It is sometimes so overwhelming to live with such a high maintenance person (I know this is not a strengths-based term but she is incredibly demanding and draining to be with due to her level of mental illness), I just lose focus on my plan. I don't binge, I don't eat horrible things, I keep losing although more slowly now, but I do slip on exercise goals. What I really lose is motivation and I know this will hurt my chances of permanent maintenance after the two year mark. I really miss physical touch, I miss having a partner to manage life, and I miss having someone to share with. I would never cheat on her (never have) but lately have been craving female contact, and have thought about cultivating some female platonic friends. I have thought about maybe getting someone to give me some respite so I can take a trip by myself, but she freaks out at that idea. So, any tips? Any thoughts?

@@gowalking, thanks for the post. Happy new year to us all. The bypass was in April, and I have had wonderful results. No, it did not take away all external problems, there is still a foot of snow outside right now, my relatives still think I am too liberal, and I still have overeating impulses! But, slowly nailing those really bad habits -- behavioral types say that after 4 months without feeding the habit, it is likely gone -- I am about to declare "too rapid eating" a thing of the past; drinking with meals is long gone; beer and soda pop are gone; too big of portions gone (thanks pouch). Am working on stronger daily exercise habits but almost 120# gone sure makes me more mobile.

Looking ahead to a year from now. I would like to be close to goal weight, my eventual is goal weight at two years out. I want to enjoy healthy wonderfully tasting food, and see my BMI under 30!

I have bypass end of April '15. Over 100# down, few complications. Rapid weight loss period was debilitating but is part of the process, slower now but still happening. I guess in general, I would not choose one over the other due to a food such as sweets, but rather based on data. As others have said, sleeve is catching up with bypass on results -- and results are in large part based on compliance with diet and exercise. The malabsorbtion of the bypass gives one more plus if compliance on diet and exercise is a historical problem, so was one of the reasons I chose bypass, but also for it's better effect on diabetes.

Having read and posted on Bariatric Pal a bunch, there does not seem to be a strong preference either way, all seem happy. For me, there are only a few foods which cause dumping syndrome -- none are sweets! Very grainy carbs, full fat cheese, but have lost my taste for most dairy, including cheese. At close to 9 months out, hunger is slowly returning but honestly, I welcome it as hunger for good food is not a bad thing.

I don't have any carbonated drinks period, as they stretch the pouch quicker than most things. Good luck!

I wanted to update with my latest variation of cottage cheese.

I got some packets of organic Mediterranean dip mix. I have mixed some into my cottage cheese lately and it is really tasty.

Hey Inner Surfer, do you have a brand name on the dip mix? I would like to try that, sounds good

I buy whey Protein powder (EAS Brand from Target, Choc or Vanilla) in the large purple plastic container. I mix it 50-50 with non-fat powdered milk (any brand) and then mix with Water. I like this as the two Proteins complement each other (whey and regular milk) and have 24 g. per 1/2 cup, aren't thick or slimy, and does not take my wallet to town.

Congratulations on your weigh loss thus far.

Thanks, James! Merry Christmas, love your blog and writing, very helpful to us newbies.

My daughter (16) has been ragging on my jeans. "Oh dad they look like mommy jeans, Get something that fits." So for the first time since the Reagan administration I ordered 36" regular fit jeans. She really liked them.

Pirate, way to go. I threw all of my well worn 54 and 56 waist jeans away several months ago, but found a pair in one of my drawers, can't believe the difference. However, now in 42/44, find that my rear end disappeared somehow and that I need suspenders! Merry Christmas, Pirate! You are an inspiration!

OK, My guy thing has been kicking in. I just hit 8 months out from by-pass surgery, I have lost over 100#, but to my competitive nature, it is not enough. I look at other's bigger losses, and feel inadequate. I know this is stupid, but it is the way I am. So, to myself -- CUT IT OUT!

It should be enough that my diabetes, which had been out of control even with lots of effort, is 90% better. Off all blood pressure meds, after 40 years on. Blood fats best in 45 years, cholesterol is low! Wow. Truly severe crippling edema in legs and feet. Gone! Mobility up -- can now ride my bicycle for the first time in 30+ years. (funny thing, had kept my old great bike all these years, moving it with me all over the country, I find it is now an antique). Waist from 56 to 42. From 4xl shirts to XL. Now get all my clothes on EBAY (Men, try it -- very good, very inexpensive stuff as men's clothing has low resale value on EBAY) which is great since I have gone through so many wardrobes.

But no, I get all worried about being a slacker. My PA at Bariatric (saw last week) is happy. Testosterone poisoning, I guess. I will work on it, I promise. 70 pounds to go. Thanks for listening.

Artichoke hearts

10 pieces = 50 calories per artichoke heart quarter. Olive oil, essence of Emeril "bam!, liquid smoke & Montreal steak seasoning.

Grill or roast in the oven.

add to salads or steamed vegetables.

Jenn1, are those frozen artichoke hearts, canned, what? Thanks sounds great.

@@VDB Thanks so much for providing the information in your post. What are SAS whey Protein drinks? Are these target brand Protein drinks? I'm looking for something that's not so sweet, thick, or chalky tasting.

Also, what is your trick to getting in "1) 800 to 1000 cal a day; 2) 80 to 100 [grams of] protein; and 3) 80 oz of Water"? That's amazing and you make it sound so easy. I'm self-pay and haven't met with the NUT yet, but I'm sure various ways will be explained as to how I can get it all in. I have two family members who have undergone bariatric surgeries...one had the RNY and the other was SLEEVED--both stress the importance of all of this as well as the struggle of getting it all in.

EAS is sold at Target and other places, but Target is the place I can find the right type of EAS brand of whey powder. It is in a 2# container, container is purple, and it says "26g protein; 150 cal; 6.3 BCAAs" on the label. I buy any non-fat powdered milk. I mix the EAS and powdered milk half and half, dry. I put 9 heaping tablespoons in a pint of Water (a mason jar with a tight lid) and shake it well, keep it in the fridge, drinking half a cup at a serving. I am just like you, I hate sweet, thick, and chalky. Try this mix, it works for me and the chemistry is good. Whey and powdered milk have different and complementary Proteins. Add or subtract dry mix to your taste, it has lots of protein, is thrifty, and the chocolate is my favorite.

About the water, of course no water 25 minutes before or after a meal so that your sleeve or my pouch can absorb maximum nutrients, but I start the day with 12 oz of water, and then keep a glass or container of water handy all day, going through 80+oz by sipping it whenever I am not in the eating window. I end the day with another 12 oz glass of water. When I get tired of water, I drink water with lemon juice and splenda, with ice. I watch my pee color -- when it starts to darken I drink more, I go for light yellow. That is a bit gross but it is the best indicator of good hydration.

You may be on a lower calorie than I was, but I kept it to 800 to 900 range back then, still do. Now that the weight loss has slowed, I don't lose much unless I exercise alot -- now so much lighter, the treadmill and bike are my go-tos. But in the early days of 40-53 BMI, swimming was my chosen exercise as it saves the joints. Now, I need more aerobic so the treadmill and exercise bike combo does it as well as my four legged walking machine (yellow lab pup, demands three walks a day).

Always willing to help -- this has saved my life. My diabetes is 90% better, horrible edema gone, blood fats superb, high blood pressure gone. I am off 80% of my medications. sleep apnea is better but will likely never get off the CPAP as mine is more genetic rather than fat related. My mobility was going -- now am very active. I admire that you did the self-pay, incredible!

I am exactly 6 weeks out from surgery and things are going well but, even after talking to a dietitian, I am still uncertain on what my Protein target should be. Her advice was that 60-80 grams of Protein per day would be good, but 100 grams per day would be good, too. I am eating virtually nothing except protein-rich foods, but it is pretty tough to get much over 60 grams of protein a day and stay at the 600 calories per day that the dietitian recommended. From reading these forums, it seems that most men aim for a higher protein target. I would normally defer to the advice of the dietitian, but my consult with her turned out to just be a less than 12-minute phone call that was pretty uninformative.

Hey there, T. I was not quite as heavy at the start as you but BMI was over 50. Now down 120+ but still have a ways to go. I think my NUT said it best -- she said for my size a target of 800 to 1000 cal a day was good and 80 to 100 protein is good, with 80 oz of Water. During the first six months I did this and lost weight very rapidly, eating no more than 3 cups of food total a day, not counting liquids. I have to say, I have the best nutritionist I have ever met. I mix whey powder half and half with dry non-fat milk powder, with Water (I use the SAS brand of whey Protein Drink, from Target, comes in vanilla and chocolate). This gives me a 25 g protein in 1/2 cup of liquid, so for 2 cups a day I could get my protein in those early months. I can't stand slimey thick Protein Drink that is sweet and this does the trick... now at 8 months out, I do the protein drink once a day and get all my other grams from chicken, fish, pork, lamb. Still can't eat beef. Then, I eat 5 servings of fruit and veges a day, low carb types. Good luck, I feel great at 8 months out from by-pass.

Most frequent remarks:

- "are you sure this is healthy?"

- "you can't possibly be eating enough"

- "sure you must have already reached your goal"

- "how much have you spent on new clothes?"

- "are you sure this was a good idea?"

- "have you been dating again?"

Yes, Sleevy! I am still 50+ pounds overweight and my friends are saying "Surely you are not going to lose anymore!" I know this is because all they have ever known is the round, happy fat guy and don't want to lose him.... they will see I am still here!

Good luck! My 100# plus weight loss has made a huge difference in my mobility, but as we heard, the years of 400# plus had a negative effect on my joints... but at age 64, the increased mobility is wonderful, but still get more aches and pains than those who were always skinny.... I consider it some of the old baggage, lessons learned, and a real consequence of being so heavy, but no longer that obese, much lighter, much much healthier. Hope your appointment goes well.

Saw my bariatric PA the other day, asked her if there were any anti-inflammatories I could take. She said no. She said with the by-pass, if I use Ibuprofen etc. I will get an ulcer, it is just a matter of when. I will ask her about the topicals.... the Tylenol does absolutely nothing for me.... nothing at all, even in high doses.

Saute with olive oil and garlic, add a bit of chopped jalapeno pepper, love it cooked hot and quick! Early on after bypass, my pouch tolerated soft steamed veges, but now 8 months out, any way I want to fix them that is healthy.

My nut likes what I do, which is 1/2 whey powder and 1/2 no fat powdered milk. it is not slimey, not sweet, but has 24 g of Protein per serving, and is pretty thrifty...

If it is someone close, a good friend whom I have not seen for awhile, I just say "Thanks! I am shrinking!" If they ask how/why or how much, I just often say "Alot". If they really seem to want to know, I tell them I had a gastric bypass. If I don't know them well, I just say "Yep!" "Sure thing!". If they keep asking, I just say "I appreciate your interest". The exception is another very overweight person who genuinely wants to know how I lost so much weight, I will always share about the bypass. I find that humor gets me out every time I don't want to share anything: "yes, little tiny guy now!"

I also mix my non-fat cottage cheese with real whipped cream and oreo cookie crumbles... naw, I don't really, only in my old fat dreams...

My go-to is also cottage cheese.

My adds:

1. A few raisins and a few chopped walnuts

2. A pkt of Splenda and a diced 1/4 apple

3. A pkt of Splenda and a diced 1/4 peach

4. Some green chili and a bit of shredded cheddar

In a round-about way, Yes! I don't really buy the Torani.< /p>

I like the Folgers vanilla drops for my coffee, so it is always on hand. It makes any Protein drink a little more flavorful too. I have been known to add a squirt of strawberry Kiwi MIO (or whatever flavor I have around) and pack of Stevia to my cottage cheese. I found some Dasani (bottle Water brand) drops in pineapple Coconut and add them to a Vanilla Protein Drink, also yummy when added to my Water : ) Decaf instant coffee is also good if you use a Vanilla Protein powder.

Another good and easy one, for when you are on liquids... add a little taco seasoning to chicken broth! Tastes like the broth from chicken tortilla soup!

Thanks for these suggestions, will try them... especially the taco seasoning tip

Good advice on Torani, thanks. Will try it.

Commercial Protein Drinks really really gag me. I have tried them all. However, I take one of the 100% whey powders (I use EAS brand from Target, 24 g of Protein per serving) and mix it half and half with non fat powdered milk. I mix it with warm Water in a water bottle and then refrigerate it for a day, making it super cold. I can't say I love it, but it does not gag me.

I, like many of you, have gone through many clothing sizes, and it keeps happening. The cost is incredible, especially as the seasons change. I have found some things in thrift stores for the first time since I got fat 40 years ago, but have recently discovered EBAY for men's clothing. Amazing variety. I found a very nice name brand navy blazer for $20, perfect jeans for $15, nice shirts for $10. Check out EBAY, I just donate them after I got through those sizes, but i could sell them on EBAY I suppose.

Yes, marriage is changing some since the big weight loss... and keeps changing always. And, we adapt to these changes by talking things out, by being open. Funny thing, she is less physical with me now than before, but I think this is tied to her own increasing (non-obesity, she is skinny) physical disability, not me. But, I certainly feel more attractive, more loose, easy walking, etc. Like Dub, I don't regret this surgery for a minute -- I recently rode a bike again for the first time in 20+ years, it was great. I walk the lab without getting out of breath. I got up flights of stairs without panting. I get flirted with again from women I don't know....I don't encourage it (100% monogamous entire married life of four decades) but I recognize it and smile!