DreamingAzure

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

Ok. I am the new kid on the block. I haven't even posted or introduced myself yet. The original message was one of the first I read when I found this site and immediately thought, "jeez this is not the place for me. I do not like how this conversation makes me feel." But for some reason. I came back and read your responses and felt better. Now I know not everyone feels like the original poster does. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. I think I'll stick around after all.

One of the biggest life changes I have made is a commitment to treating myself kindly from now on, no matter what. It is a hard habit to change but so necessary. I'm determined to live my best life and I must be my own biggest advocate.

@@DreamingAzure
Interesting post. Good thing we don't have thought bubbles above our heads in real life, huh?

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

I guess in my head it isn't positive enforcement if it is a lie. And I would NEVER post something worded as I did in my original post above, that would be horribly mean and cruel, But I see zero constructive criticism like "try a different bra" or "perhaps a different cut would be more flattering" on posts asking for opinions. It is all "you look amazing"

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

@@DreamingAzure
It is good you are recognizing where your motive is coming from. That, in and of itself, is maturity in action. And a person NEEDS to be mature to handle WLS.
I don't know why you have not WLS yet, and I don't need to know. BUT, I may say this: if you aren't IN the canoe, you are NOT able to paddle. Same with WLS. If you haven't had it, you don't know what people who HAVE had it go through, thus you are NOT able to judge the journey OR the outcome.
Many of us have NO IDEA what sizes or types of undergarments or clothing to wear after WLS, we just want to look good. Everyone has different tastes and ideas of what looks good. And there are MANY cultures that have differing styles of clothes. So instead of looking at the CLOTHES, look at the JOY in the FACE of her/him wearing the clothes. THERE you will find the REAL beauty!!!!!

I haven't read through the responses...only the original post. So here it goes...
When I was obese, I would frequently make people laugh when I said "God made me big because he knew I wouldn't act right skinny." You see, I have no issues with women with lovely figures or even lovelier Confidence displaying what God gave them. I appreciate beauty. There's something powerful in feeling great & dressing in a way that makes you feel good & not caring what others think. Now that I've gotten my groove back, you'd better believe I'm going to wear whatever makes me feel pretty, sexy, etc. as Bobby brown said, It's My Perogative!

@@CanyonBaby I'm sorry you had a rough week. I hope your husband beats his cancer! You are right this IS unimportant. That's why I posted my little rant in this category. It's just something that I keep coming back to in my head as I read other posts especially on Facebook. It leaves me with a feeling of dishonesty (not the word I'm searching for) that is disquieting. Perhaps I'm completely over analyzing it.

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.
But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!
"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...
I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"
I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

So, don't say anything. If it's a close friend and you have that kind of relationship, by all means, say what you really think. Otherwise, if you don't have something nice (or kind) to say, don't say anything at all.
You really don't have to respond to or even read everything on Facebook.< /p>
Does this make my butt look big?

I think you have to remember that a lot of us have been overweight or obese for our ENTIRE lives. Once we lose weight and try and figure out what to wear on our new bodies....it can be a learning process. It took me the majority of my life.. Around 19 years of being overweight to figure out that I don't have to wear sweat pants and t-shirts all the time! Now that I know I can wear cute things being the size I am now I am CERTAIN I will be able to wear ever cuter things once I drop my weight! Do I know it's going to be a learning curve? Yes. Do I want people to tell me if things don't look right on me? Yes...but positively. Don't straight up tell me I look like a 'harlot' tell me that you like the idea of the outfit but maybe a different top or different jeans or shorts or whatever would be more fitting on ME and MY body type. Meanwhile, let others tell me I look amazing because a lot of the time, people who aren't as far in their journey love to see where they'll hopefully be at after all their hard work.

Ok. Never mind. I can't keep my mouth shut.

Let me tell you about ME. I an a 43 year old woman, mother of two gorgeous teenagers and have been overweight for at least 20 years. I was 265 pounds at my heaviest and I was barely wearing a (tight) size 20. I work in the beauty industry and I excel at my business. I was/am often asked to speak at national conferences and it was always a bit hard on me to know I was one of the fattest people in the room but I held my head high, tried my best to find fashionable, flattering clothes and stood up there proud. I also trained/train in martial arts and have always been active despite my weight. I'm a swimmer and I love Zumba.

I had WLS 2 years ago today and I hit my goal weight of 159 after about 9 months. I've not yet hit my stretch goal of 145, but I am sure I could if I put a little more effort into it.

I am now typically a size 8. A 10 in some brands (think American Eagle and other teen lines), a size 6 in Ann Taylor and other vanity lines. My thighs are saggy, my boobs are droopy, my bat wings flop A LOT and nothing short of plastic surgery is going to fix that. I would much rather send my two girls to college and pay off my house than have surgery to correct what I consider a non issue, so I have a feeling I am going to look like this for a LONG time..

You're right. I most likely should NOT wear a skirtless bathing suit, but after years of doing laps with a skirt dragging me down, I am finally small enough to wear a regular one piece. I'm sorry if I sullied your view because my thighs look like crap.

You're right. I most likely should not wear athletic tights and a tight tank top to Zumba, but dammit, it's hot in there and if I've got a few loose skin rolls and dimples, so be it. Don't dance behind me and you won't have to look.

You're right. I shouldn't wear that sleeveless summer dress but it's 90 degrees at that outdoor concert I took my family to. If I had chosen shorts instead, I'm sure either my arms or my legs are sure to offend your delicate senses.

I am going to wear what makes ME feel good. I've hidden behind black loose layers and cardigans for decades. I may not look Victoria Secret perfect in my choices now, but I am not dressing for YOU, I am dressing for ME.

My jeans are tight and "classless"? My heels are too high and I look like a "harlot"? My top is too low cut so now I'm a "skank"? Let me tell you this... CLASS has nothing to do with what you wear. It's all in your attitude and how you treat people.
I'm happy, no.. THRILLED with my appearance and more importantly, my ABILITIES, and I am NOT going to allow someone who has not yet walked MY road to make me feel bad about my imperfections.

I dare someone to tell me I look like **** to my face. It would take great restraint not to plant a solid round house kick to their teeth. Because I can.

One of the things so many obese people face is a lack of any self-esteem. And having had that, the confidence that weight loss brings can be very fragile.
As we lose weight, we often misjudge our body image, thinking we look either thinner or fatter than others see us. This will adjust over time.
I praise people for their new-found body confidence. If they post to ask "should I get a different bra" I might say, why not try X. But if they post, with pride, a photo showing bulges etc, I will do nothing to dent their confidence.

OMG. This made me laugh so hard.
Thank you.

Sometimes we may very well stretch the truth when we respond to someone whether its here or as we go about our daily life. We don't do it to lie to someone necessarily, even though technically it is indeed a lie.
We do it because it's the thoughtful thing to say and because everyone needs a little love and support.
I like to see a genuine smile on someone's face because I told them how great they are doing and how lovely or handsome they look. Maybe every little bit of support they get helps them continue on their path. Maybe that's the only nice thing thats been said to them in a very long time. I would never want to see any hurt or bad feelings in someone's eyes because I told them they looked like a stuffed sausage in those clothes.
Be kind. The effort you put into it will be returned to you one day when you really need it.

After the week I've had, watching my husband undergo the challenges of cancer treatment, this whole post seems so unimportant. Sure people want opinions after losing weight, working their asses off (literally AND figuratively) to reach a goal only their eyes AND minds attempt to aspire to, they're simply hoping they will find others who either have reached that goal, or are trying to reach their goal, without a mean spirit to burst their bubble. SO WHAT IF THEY NEED A DIFFERENT BRA? SO WHAT IF THINGS DON'T LOOK TO OTHERS AS they SEE THEMSELVES?
Yes. people will say they look amazing, but the POINT they are making is it ISN'T just the LOOK that is amazing, IT WAS THEIR JOURNEY. Their journey was/is amazing. If you don't get this, maybe WLS isn't for YOU.

You seem happy with yourself, they why go for wls surgery? Ok, maybe to get healthy.....but there is also something called mental health. I was happy with my body and weight and had no medical conditions, just overweight by 120 lbs.
WLS surgery gives your health and life back, able to feel better along with looking better. If presentation is not for you, then you are unique person my friend. I want to look good, wear stuff that does fit me, I was xxl -xxxl, now I am in a large, and yes I have purchased larger shirts where I should have stuck with xl, but I made a goal to fit in the Larger size and achieved it. Satisfaction comes to different people at different levels.

Maybe because people are proud of their weight loss? What's wrong with a little positive re enforcement from your fellow WLS peeps?
I mean, I see what you're saying about some people having issues with modesty when they feel good about themselves, but jeez. Why poop on their parade?
I really hope you get to the point in your weight loss that you feel good enough to share your success in pictures without fear of being judged by people like you.
Good luck with your upcoming surgery.

Wow.

I am going to go ahead and back out of this thread now.

<----- leaving with @@LipstickLady

Thank goodness for the samples!! I would have been mad if I had bought a large container of the nectar... It was gross lol