Lying to feel better?!?

[DreamingAzure 30]

Ok...I'm Pre-op, having surgery June 1st...but I've researched and been a part of the WLS groups for 20 years, I'm not the new kid on the block.

But I just joined several of the Facebook groups...What is up with lying to people about how they look??? People lying to me and my own self denial of how I looked is what got me up to 376! I am not going to sugar coat my response if you ask me how you look! EDITED TO ADD: I WOULD NEVER SAY/POST THE FOLLOWING THINGS THEY ARE STRICTLY IN MY HEAD. I am not (normally) a mean or cruel person. I'm so happy that you are down into a size 12 from a 22...but you REALLY need to be in a 14 because that dress is so tight I can see the outline of your pubic hair through that dress!

"Looking FINE in the neighborhood!" - Not really...unless you are the neighborhood harlot. Does WLS drain your brain cells with the fat cells?? I understand the desire to show off the hard work and the new you...but try to retain a bit of dignity and class...but perhaps those things don't really exist for most of us any more...because it seems like goal weight equals skank time clothes...

I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason...I'm not going to lie to you if you look bad, and I don't want to offend...but at the same time if it was me I would want someone to have the guts to say "Maybe you need to get a different bra because that dress was not designed for the sagging you are doing in the current bra" or "perhaps you might want to rethink those jeans...they are sucked so far up your crack you can probably taste the lycra in them!"

I know I'm a horrible person...but it's what I think!

Edited May 16, 2015 by DreamingAzure

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Wow.

I am going to go ahead and back out of this thread now.

[GreenEyes604 753]

<----- leaving with @@LipstickLady

[SUNNYNYC 11]

You seem happy with yourself, they why go for wls surgery? Ok, maybe to get healthy.....but there is also something called mental health. I was happy with my body and weight and had no medical conditions, just overweight by 120 lbs.

WLS surgery gives your health and life back, able to feel better along with looking better. If presentation is not for you, then you are unique person my friend. I want to look good, wear stuff that does fit me, I was xxl -xxxl, now I am in a large, and yes I have purchased larger shirts where I should have stuck with xl, but I made a goal to fit in the Larger size and achieved it. Satisfaction comes to different people at different levels.

[Babbs 14,680]

Maybe because people are proud of their weight loss? What's wrong with a little positive re enforcement from your fellow WLS peeps?

I mean, I see what you're saying about some people having issues with modesty when they feel good about themselves, but jeez. Why poop on their parade?

I really hope you get to the point in your weight loss that you feel good enough to share your success in pictures without fear of being judged by people like you.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery.

[DreamingAzure 30]

I guess in my head it isn't positive enforcement if it is a lie. And I would NEVER post something worded as I did in my original post above, that would be horribly mean and cruel, But I see zero constructive criticism like "try a different bra" or "perhaps a different cut would be more flattering" on posts asking for opinions. It is all "you look amazing"

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

After the week I've had, watching my husband undergo the challenges of cancer treatment, this whole post seems so unimportant. Sure people want opinions after losing weight, working their asses off (literally AND figuratively) to reach a goal only their eyes AND minds attempt to aspire to, they're simply hoping they will find others who either have reached that goal, or are trying to reach their goal, without a mean spirit to burst their bubble. SO WHAT IF THEY NEED A DIFFERENT BRA? SO WHAT IF THINGS DON'T LOOK TO OTHERS AS they SEE THEMSELVES?

Yes. people will say they look amazing, but the POINT they are making is it ISN'T just the LOOK that is amazing, IT WAS THEIR JOURNEY. Their journey was/is amazing. If you don't get this, maybe WLS isn't for YOU.

[Newman19 44]

I love when people post progress pictures. It has helped so much to motivate me as I travel along this road. When I see people who have been successful (no matter what they are wearing), I am genuinely thrilled for them. I have way too many things I need to focus my attention on in my own life to spend a second focusing on others and what they should and should not be wearing. I never have nor will I ever wear revealing clothes because that's just not who I am. But I secretly envy the people who give zero craps about what anyone else thinks and are bold enough to be daring and wear what they want. Wow, first negative, and truly judgmental post I have seen on this otherwise very positive and inspiring website. Keep posting those pictures and I will keep telling you that "You look amazing" because you do.

[sharonintx 1,275]

Sometimes we may very well stretch the truth when we respond to someone whether its here or as we go about our daily life. We don't do it to lie to someone necessarily, even though technically it is indeed a lie.

We do it because it's the thoughtful thing to say and because everyone needs a little love and support.

I like to see a genuine smile on someone's face because I told them how great they are doing and how lovely or handsome they look. Maybe every little bit of support they get helps them continue on their path. Maybe that's the only nice thing thats been said to them in a very long time. I would never want to see any hurt or bad feelings in someone's eyes because I told them they looked like a stuffed sausage in those clothes.

Be kind. The effort you put into it will be returned to you one day when you really need it.

[DreamingAzure 30]

@@CanyonBaby I'm sorry you had a rough week. I hope your husband beats his cancer! You are right this IS unimportant. That's why I posted my little rant in this category. It's just something that I keep coming back to in my head as I read other posts especially on Facebook. It leaves me with a feeling of dishonesty (not the word I'm searching for) that is disquieting. Perhaps I'm completely over analyzing it.

[Mrs.RRn 2,109]

OMG. This made me laugh so hard.

Thank you.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I try to refrain from replying to posts where people ask for opinions about how they look in their new outfit just for this reason......

Do you think perhaps they aren't REALLY asking for opinions on how they look, but instead are looking for some positive reinforcement?

[KateP 359]

One of the things so many obese people face is a lack of any self-esteem. And having had that, the confidence that weight loss brings can be very fragile.

As we lose weight, we often misjudge our body image, thinking we look either thinner or fatter than others see us. This will adjust over time.

I praise people for their new-found body confidence. If they post to ask "should I get a different bra" I might say, why not try X. But if they post, with pride, a photo showing bulges etc, I will do nothing to dent their confidence.

[jacileggs 402]

I don't believe people are actually asking for our take on their fashion choices. They are asking how their body looks in general. And they have worked hard. So yes. I will tell them they look great. Because compared to how we looked before it's definitely true even if you don't approve of their outfit.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I think most people posting pictures are looking good for affirmation that they are making progress and also some positive reinforcement.

Given how most obese folks have hidden behind dark oversized clothing because their confidence is shot, I would never pick apart their progress by doing so

Maybe if you go through WLS and start to feel the confidence that begins to take over as your body gets smaller you will get it because clearly you have no clue at the moment.