craigcu

I am sorry you feel criticized. I am a few years ahead of you. It is very difficult to adjust to being attractive when that is not your history.
I have experienced my version of what you are talking about. It has been a huge thing - I never expected
The advice people are trying to give is solid though - you need to be strong in yourself before you attract the right energy.
This is more than looks - looks get you the initial interest, but doesn't get you a healthy relationship.

I kind of think Lipsticklady has a point - we often project something that attracts "something"
I am older than you, but am told I am youthful looking for my age. I am not "skinny" but I am trimmer than most 50 year olds and I have some "shape" to my body so I guess i have experienced something similar.
Here is my view - I have no problem with someone expressing they are attracted to me, they are relieved to find out I actually look like my pictures, and am not overweight. However, that is just one aspect of me and if they don't have anything more interesting to talk about I really don't want to see them again.
In fact, in my experience, a well mannered gentleman will pay a compliment, express his interest and then move on to treating you as though you were an actual human.
I happen to be attracted to a certain physical type myself but when I was dating I surely didn't limit my self to them because guess what - alot of the tall, dark, handsome, athletic, outdoorsy type guys are asshats towards women and have gotten away with it for decades due to their looks. Shiny objects lose their shine quickly once they jerk side appears and I care alot about how someone makes me feel.
When I hear some of the obnoxious replies on dating sites that "ordinary looking" guys get on dating websites, it sounds like a lot of the women are asses too... it is a pool with lots of good people but plenty of people with "issues" too.
I read your other post - and I suspect it is time to just take a break, think about how you are presenting yourself and then perhaps start over after a "cooling off" period and think of the type you actually want to attract.

Girl.
Excuse my need to get real, and I am saying this with all due respect but many of us do seem to surround ourselves with like minded folk.
You seem to be very focused on your weight and appearance -- at least here on these forums. That's not a knock, it's simply MY perception. I'm guessing that your tendency to focus on your personal appearance guides the attention of the men you are dating to do the same.
Join groups that focus on biking, hiking, knitting, whatever it is YOU enjoy doing and like minded people will be there to be met.

Hi All, I was sleeved May 19. Minor complications the week of surgery with dehydration and black stool, but resolved with another trip to hospital and haven't been back since. I'm down 66 lbs from surgery date and 86 lbs from program start date (feb 15). Dropped 5 pant sizes, 3 shirt sizes and no longer diabetic or hypertensive. I completed the Couch to 5k training app on my 48th birthday (oct 4) and ran my first full 5k that day. I haven't run that far/that long since 1988 when I was in the marines. It wasn't fast mind you.. but it was all running.
I still have ~85 lbs to goal (but I just hit the halfway point, so major victory there!!). I'm signed up for two 5k races (biggest loser 5k this weekend) and rock N Roll 5k in vegas in novemeber. I don't like to run, but these are small goals that keep me working out.
Yes, food and going out do not hold that same appeal to me either. Its more chore than you would think because I just don't enjoy food like I used to. But I'm ok with that because my kids are becoming more active because I am more active. we look for active activities to do instead of movies, etc. We took our first hikes up here in the northwest, bike rides, etc.
I actually eat 5 - 6 meals a day, targeting 1500 calories, and 90+ grams of Protein. I've stopped the muscle loss and added 7 lbs of muscle my third and fourth month post op (I lost 21 lbs of muscle first two months Post op). Monitoring the muscle loss and growth has become very important and delivers many NSV's. If your not watching those numbers, you should be.
I miss my Vitamins sometimes, I don't get all my Protein in sometimes, I have the occasional carb splurge (usually feel like crap after it), etc. But I don't beat myself up about it either. Working out is still a chore, so nothings gotten easier, I think I am mentally just less resistant to it any more because I have seen the changes to my body and my attitude, and thats worth a lot. No seatbelt extensions needed when flying, can fit into a booth at a restaurant without a struggle.
I wish I had done this 5 - 10 years ago, but we all have to come to this decision point when we can.
I'm going to great wolf lodge with my kids this halloween weekend and while I'll still be self conscious about taking my shirt off in the Water park, I know I won't tip over the raft my kids are in, I know I won't have to worry about the chair in the pool areas breaking beneath me and I know I am doing something about my weight, which many around me can't say. Whenever I see other really obese people around me, its like I wish I hard a card or something to hand them to try and get them to see what could be possible for them. I know thats a crazy thought, but having been on that other side, I wish everyone who had our struggles..
Best to everyone and good luck in hitting your goals...

An electrical impedence scale (Tanita makes them) can be purchased for as little as $40. I've had one for years and love it. You get a more accurate measurement of body fat weighing in the middle of the day, but the great thing is that gives you a great feel for trends. For example, I can readily see that if my weight is up (or even the same) dayover day, the BF % tells me whether it's Water, which weighs as lean mass. They have some with more features that will also tell you your total body Water percentage.

Before pic is obvious
Pic in green top/jeans is post weight loss, no Spanx or compression garments (with spanx, i looked very shapely even preplastics)
The final two are post plastics.
These photos were very late 40s.
I started out over 300# and am 5'5"
I can't speak for anyone else - but I liked how I looked in the green top (pre plastics but post goal) a heck of a lot better than the before picture.
Don't fear "loose skin" - it is already streteched, losing weight didn't cause it, being obese caused it. Your health and life improve SO MUCH that excess skin is 5% problem, not the 100% problem that morbid obesity is.

@@jessmarie0122
To be naked and morbidly obese or to be naked and have loose skin. None of us are here to be a bikini/speedo models...(well maybe a few) lol If you can afford plastics its a good option...
You could always date another weight loss surgery patient.

My olldest daughter has been on my case for years to quit buying all my clothes at Walmart by default. WEll, now that my weight is down, I shop at Kohls, Pennys, Macy's, etc. and can actually find stylish things I like.
That same daughter just married her gal pal this past Saturday, and I wore a dress! I have not worn a dress in over thirty years (I am 63). That dress ahd big bright lowers on it and was above my knee. I wore the prettiest laciest push-up ra I have ever had and felt good about it. No more $8 bras for me. I wore lipstick. Mama always said that lipstick and heels were for bad girls. Oh, well.
I had not seen the Homewrecker who broke up my 23 year marriage to my girls' father, but the were both their at the wedding. I sooooo got my weight loss revenge.
Which reminds me of a joke: Why does Mrs. Claus worry so much about Santa? Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I'm suffering that head stomach battle right now.. I'm 3 weeks post op, and have been managing well, but then fall into that trap mentioned earlier about portion size and my brain overriding the stomach signals. And I paid for that by throwing up a couple times. So now, went and bought a lotta small bowls and children's fork and spoons to work at controlling portion size and speed of eating. We'll see if this helps..

Gosh.
I found a good seamstress as I got closer to goal. Saved me from donating almost new clothes. About $10. Per article. Now they are almost tailor made... Just an option for those not able to spend thousands⭐️

I was told when I had my sleeve I am basically reinventing my stomach and every new food is a new experience. Your brain unfortunately is still leaning on previous experience to set up the anticipation of that food. Therefore the brain said eat, we ate. Prior to surgery, the brain ruled in most of us, Now the stomach has powerful new weapon in this fight. I have unfortunately had more than a few" heave hos" and "almost made it to the bathroom honey" events in these last two months to where my brain is now starting to listen to my stomach much more and its getting better, as it will for you. It is an educational process initially, not a will powerthing.
As for the hurtful comments from someone, punch them (oops, I think I typed that out loud).. I mean, eerrr, express to them your displeasure at their comments in a fashion they can understand. perhaps by a gift of sugar free gummi bears (as noted in a post by @missmac). It apparently provides some interesting special effects...
head high, its a marathon, not a sprint...

I was told when I had my sleeve I am basically reinventing my stomach and every new food is a new experience. Your brain unfortunately is still leaning on previous experience to set up the anticipation of that food. Therefore the brain said eat, we ate. Prior to surgery, the brain ruled in most of us, Now the stomach has powerful new weapon in this fight. I have unfortunately had more than a few" heave hos" and "almost made it to the bathroom honey" events in these last two months to where my brain is now starting to listen to my stomach much more and its getting better, as it will for you. It is an educational process initially, not a will powerthing.
As for the hurtful comments from someone, punch them (oops, I think I typed that out loud).. I mean, eerrr, express to them your displeasure at their comments in a fashion they can understand. perhaps by a gift of sugar free gummi bears (as noted in a post by @missmac). It apparently provides some interesting special effects...
head high, its a marathon, not a sprint...

I was told when I had my sleeve I am basically reinventing my stomach and every new food is a new experience. Your brain unfortunately is still leaning on previous experience to set up the anticipation of that food. Therefore the brain said eat, we ate. Prior to surgery, the brain ruled in most of us, Now the stomach has powerful new weapon in this fight. I have unfortunately had more than a few" heave hos" and "almost made it to the bathroom honey" events in these last two months to where my brain is now starting to listen to my stomach much more and its getting better, as it will for you. It is an educational process initially, not a will powerthing.
As for the hurtful comments from someone, punch them (oops, I think I typed that out loud).. I mean, eerrr, express to them your displeasure at their comments in a fashion they can understand. perhaps by a gift of sugar free gummi bears (as noted in a post by @missmac). It apparently provides some interesting special effects...
head high, its a marathon, not a sprint...

I was told when I had my sleeve I am basically reinventing my stomach and every new food is a new experience. Your brain unfortunately is still leaning on previous experience to set up the anticipation of that food. Therefore the brain said eat, we ate. Prior to surgery, the brain ruled in most of us, Now the stomach has powerful new weapon in this fight. I have unfortunately had more than a few" heave hos" and "almost made it to the bathroom honey" events in these last two months to where my brain is now starting to listen to my stomach much more and its getting better, as it will for you. It is an educational process initially, not a will powerthing.
As for the hurtful comments from someone, punch them (oops, I think I typed that out loud).. I mean, eerrr, express to them your displeasure at their comments in a fashion they can understand. perhaps by a gift of sugar free gummi bears (as noted in a post by @missmac). It apparently provides some interesting special effects...
head high, its a marathon, not a sprint...

I'm about to open a Stella.

I rarely drank before WLS, but I have had a few drinks post WLS too. One or two drinks aren't going to throw me off plan. I was at after work function or as I call it "mandatory fun" on Wednesday night and had 2 jack and cokes in the 2.5 hour period i was there.
The funny thing is I actually tracked it in MyFitnessPal

Ill say this, people always look for permission from outside sources to resume the behavior that got them to the point they needed this surgery. It is kind of heartbreaking. People who drink a lot of beer , want to go back to drinking a lot of beer.
People who drank alot of wine, want to go back to drinking wine, people who ate a lot, want to..well you get the picture. We look for validation in our bad habits. We want to know how many bad things we can "get away with", and still lose weight.
Now of course some people can drink wine and beer in moderation , after they hit maintenance and will have no il effects. ,But for many doing bad things and expecting good results, is the cornerstone of failure. The difference is in what the term " moderation" means in your specific case and how that will work for you.

I'm not sure when in June you had your surgery, but if you're at the phase where you can eat regular food, three bites of something bad for you isn't a big deal. That probably would have made me sick too, but now you know it doesn't agree with you just yet, so you don't have a need to try it again tomorrow. The whole point of the surgery is so that at some point you can be healthy, thin, and normal, with an emphasis on normal. Some days I have a few bites of ice cream, last week I was baking a lot and I had WAY too much caramel sauce, and the other day I had some calimari. 90% of the time I eat very well, 7% of the time I eat almost whatever I want, and 3% of the time I eat like a chunky monkey, just in very small portion sizes. It is ok to sometimes have something that is bad for you. Enjoy it and then get right back on the healthy train.

Look at the reviews for sugar-free Gummy Bears on Amazon......and then give her some in the morning. She will have cramps and diarrhea in a few hours, probably in time to ruin her car.

Well you could write her out a list of ALL the more pressing issues going on in the world and hand it to her. That should give her something else to worry about other than you. I've heard If you put visine in someone's drink it will make them have explosive diarrhea!! But it may also kill them so you just never mind that

Good on you PaulC, I love it when some of us just float through these complex surgeries -- skilled Docs and good attitudes, way to go PaulC!

i am having my sleeve surgery on july 20th at spire hospital, leicester uk, i am 55 yrs old 5ft 9 tall and 350lbs, i have cashed some of my pension money to pay for this, otherwise i may not be around to collect it when its time, after reading every ones blogs i really cant wait to get it done! i am so exited about the future now. so no second guessing, no regrets, keep looking forward. best wishes to you all you put me on a positive path.thank you!!

At 11 weeks post op, my body is healing nicely and I am already able to do many things I could not before, including walking. I swim much better, faster, easier. I don't know how old you are, but clearly if you are like others, this will save your life...and make your years more fulfilling. For me diabetes, high blood pressure, high blood fats, edema were going to kill me young....now all gone, all better... you will not regret this.

I'm also 5 foot 11. I weighed about 291 when I started dieting before surgery. My surgery weight was 245. I had some low energy after surgery but feel pretty good now. (Almost 3 weeks post op)