sksh

Exactly that's my feeling,.. Everything inside me is fighting... Even my mental state is not clear yet..One day I say okay I'll do it re-start again..the Other day I'll say screw it and eat non-stop..... I stopped fallowing the rules.....and I think it's the reason for making m stomach larger now....I can eat like the old 125kg Sarah again........... To be honest with you.. I see nothing in my life to be grateful for anymore...But I'll try... Thank you so much..Just the fact that you all stopped and read this post means a lot to me <3

I did and I talked to my Doctor but he refused ... I tried to do the liquid diet... I failed :[ I also went to consultant, I told him I hate losing control over my eating habits I hate the fact that I can't do anything regarding me gaining weight .. still he gave me pills that increase appetite..................So I stopped taking them and going to him....... I did tried to go to the gym...my member **** is gonna expire soon and I only went there 5 times...When ever I will go I ended up crying and have no energy and when I actual go I'mm come back with bad mood and extremely hungry. and I do use fitnesspal, I hope it will help.... Thank you for your respond :[ it means a lot to me <3

I lost it .. all hopes and motivations ,,, the only path I see is dark.. I'm really tired od this .. every time I try and try I lose. Thank you for your replay. I'm sorry for the long post but I really just needed to get out of my chest ...

I don't even felt the times of binging... they did that test where you drink something and X-ray .. I forgot the name of the test "You are beautiful & WORTHY." Thank you <3 But I'm really not.... and I hope soon everything will end.. Thank you <3

So here is my story.. It's long post but I really have no one to talk to that can understand me.... in 11 Jan 2015 I had the Sleeve Surgery and my new life started.. I started a new lifestyle and I was working out I start losing weight really good. everything was more than amazing and I felt like I died and went to heaven. the dream of my life was coming true .. all I ever want is coming true and happening in real life not just in my dreams. I hit my idol weight .. from 125kg to 55kg in a year and couple months. and I was still living a healthy life and a feeling great. I felt so strong and controlled over my life and everything..nothing can stop me. I resigned from my job and I stayed home searching for new job but still I kept eating healthy and working out, nothing changed. then I found the perfect new job.. The place were I always wanted ... I worked so hard to prove myself and make them re-contract with fulltime contract.. the thing is I forgot myself .. I wasn't eating or even drinking water ... in only 3monthes I went from 55kg to 30kg without even trying... I then tried to fix this and get on track again but it was too late... my body gave up ,, I was rushed to the ER my levels were all zero.. my heart was in bad shape surrounded with water which make it hard for it to beat .. I was diagnosed as Anorexia..... My brain was effected by all of this too I guess .. If you ask me "Sarah what happen back in Nov and Oct of 2016" ... I have no idea...I wasn't even there.... I can't remember this 2 months at all .. for me i felt like I was asleep for 2 months .... It was hell .. for my mom and my uncle who had to take care of me....The brainless weak body .. I couldn't move my head it was always hanging there :/ and I was talking hardly but it wasn't me ...I can't remember anything .. nothing .. I gained over 30kg since I was eating so fast and a lot till I really pass out .. my mom had to hold me every time I was eating.....I was eating all time and when I start walking they had to lock the kitchen cuz against my will, I will eat every damn thing....without even feeling or knowing it.. now I weight +80kgs... and my appetite is still crazily wild and I can't control it.......I went to a doctor to seek help, he told me my stomach is bigger now (after only 2years from surgery) and he refused to fix the damage by surgery .. he gave me a strict diet and that's it..even when I told him that I can't control my appetite anymore.. I have a massive depression from my weight and the loss of control over everything I had to go to consultant .. I tried..and I'm still trying to kill myself ... I see no point of re-trying .. No point of living.. myself steam is Zero .. I refuse to meet or talk to people anymore.... I simply can't .. I'm a big fail the only success and the thing I wanted the most and made me proud is losing weight ... Losing what I achieved made me feel like I lost everything..lost hope, lost motivation to live. and worst I lost faith in God .. what I ever asked for? nothing ... the only thing I wanted so bad and I worked hard for ,, was taken from me in the worst and must painful way ever...what have I ever did to deserve this? I have no one to talk to and share my feeling to ... and you guys are my last place to share my feeling with...

I will start taking some Protein shakes that for sure!!

That's because you only eat one meal a day. The 60+g protein/day is universal, you don't need to talk to your surgeon to verify. So is the MINIMUM 64oz Fluid rule. So is the taking Vitamins and getting regular bloodwork done to check for deficiencies. These are basic guidelines for all WLS patients forever. You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve eating appropriate portions (2-6oz) of healthy food. You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve drinking fluids. This includes Protein shakes if that's what it takes to meet protein goals. You seem to have developed a serious eating disorder. If you can't bring yourself to nourish your body appropriately, you need to seek professional help. Call any therapist, psychologist or counselor you can find. If they don't feel they can help you, perhaps they can refer you to a specialist that can. Please get help before you do some serious, irreversible damage. I do feel I'm doing something bad.. I'm trying to change this I don't want to harm myself !!! it takes time .. but I'm trying to fix this i'm aware of it >< but this fear is still there so i'm trying to change this!

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!!even when I once showed him a protein powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your protein in your food in enough :/ so I don't know what the Idol grams for me >< I really should talk to him !!!!! when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy What was your starting BMI? what BMI stands for (/^\) when I did the surgery I first was 125kg :/ how can I know :X

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!! even when I once showed him a Protein powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your protein in your food in enough :/ so I don't know what the Idol grams for me >< I really should talk to him !!!!! when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy

I have some Quest bars and atkin bars as snack and I had them for so long but I didn't eat them!! I have a fear of stretching my stomach lol also I made some new I snack from fruits ~~~~ frozen grape (yummy) taste just like candy you should try it *_* or banana Ice cream~~~ I try to avoid nuts I feel like they have so many calories (/^\) Also I try to avoid carbs and I focus more on protein! I feel much better now .... I guess :/ but my sleeping schedule is upside down and I only get one meal a day (/^\) which is some protein and veggie (/^\) my craving with sugar is better less than before but sometimes I just want some chocolate >< but I don't eat lol as I said before I start to get this fear of stretching my stomach ^^;

90g? I eat around 30g or 35g a day only I do take multivitamin everyday~ That is way too low. Dangerously low in my opinion. 60 grams would be an absolute minimum, but most people need at least 80 grams to 100 grams to lose weight efficiently. I think it's a low grams of protein also! put I don't know how many I should take! but thats why I start drinking my coffee with protein powder and I hope it will help . this days I only eat one meal a day and that's why my grams are low ...

90g? I eat around 30g or 35g a day only I do take multivitamin everyday~

I think i'm not eating enough protein + Water also :/

really T_T finally I found someone T_T your nutrition is okay with it? how is it? dose it have that smell like the Protein powder strong smell? dose it make you full for at least an hour? sorry i ask too much (/^\) Are you asking if my nutritionist is ok with it? Honestly, I didn't ask. She's not my babysitter. She gives me information and I use that information to make my own decisions. I haven't really paid attention to whether or not it has a smell though. what makes me worry about it is the sugar so this why I ask about nutritionist opinion(/^\) thank you for sharing *_*

I used Isopure vanilla before I couldn't handle the smell T^T but it was so good *_* I'm craving coffee and when I saw your post .. I'm now craving coffee even more