sksh

Exactly that's my feeling,.. Everything inside me is fighting... Even my mental state is not clear yet..One day I say okay I'll do it re-start again..the Other day I'll say screw it and eat non-stop..... I stopped fallowing the rules.....and I think it's the reason for making m stomach larger now....I can eat like the old 125kg Sarah again........... To be honest with you.. I see nothing in my life to be grateful for anymore...But I'll try... Thank you so much..Just the fact that you all stopped and read this post means a lot to me <3

I did and I talked to my Doctor but he refused ... I tried to do the liquid diet... I failed :[ I also went to consultant, I told him I hate losing control over my eating habits I hate the fact that I can't do anything regarding me gaining weight .. still he gave me pills that increase appetite..................So I stopped taking them and going to him....... I did tried to go to the gym...my member **** is gonna expire soon and I only went there 5 times...When ever I will go I ended up crying and have no energy and when I actual go I'mm come back with bad mood and extremely hungry. and I do use fitnesspal, I hope it will help.... Thank you for your respond :[ it means a lot to me <3

I lost it .. all hopes and motivations ,,, the only path I see is dark.. I'm really tired od this .. every time I try and try I lose. Thank you for your replay. I'm sorry for the long post but I really just needed to get out of my chest ...

I don't even felt the times of binging... they did that test where you drink something and X-ray .. I forgot the name of the test "You are beautiful & WORTHY." Thank you <3 But I'm really not.... and I hope soon everything will end.. Thank you <3

So here is my story.. It's long post but I really have no one to talk to that can understand me.... in 11 Jan 2015 I had the Sleeve Surgery and my new life started.. I started a new lifestyle and I was working out I start losing weight really good. everything was more than amazing and I felt like I died and went to heaven. the dream of my life was coming true .. all I ever want is coming true and happening in real life not just in my dreams. I hit my idol weight .. from 125kg to 55kg in a year and couple months. and I was still living a healthy life and a feeling great. I felt so strong and controlled over my life and everything..nothing can stop me. I resigned from my job and I stayed home searching for new job but still I kept eating healthy and working out, nothing changed. then I found the perfect new job.. The place were I always wanted ... I worked so hard to prove myself and make them re-contract with fulltime contract.. the thing is I forgot myself .. I wasn't eating or even drinking water ... in only 3monthes I went from 55kg to 30kg without even trying... I then tried to fix this and get on track again but it was too late... my body gave up ,, I was rushed to the ER my levels were all zero.. my heart was in bad shape surrounded with water which make it hard for it to beat .. I was diagnosed as Anorexia..... My brain was effected by all of this too I guess .. If you ask me "Sarah what happen back in Nov and Oct of 2016" ... I have no idea...I wasn't even there.... I can't remember this 2 months at all .. for me i felt like I was asleep for 2 months .... It was hell .. for my mom and my uncle who had to take care of me....The brainless weak body .. I couldn't move my head it was always hanging there :/ and I was talking hardly but it wasn't me ...I can't remember anything .. nothing .. I gained over 30kg since I was eating so fast and a lot till I really pass out .. my mom had to hold me every time I was eating.....I was eating all time and when I start walking they had to lock the kitchen cuz against my will, I will eat every damn thing....without even feeling or knowing it.. now I weight +80kgs... and my appetite is still crazily wild and I can't control it.......I went to a doctor to seek help, he told me my stomach is bigger now (after only 2years from surgery) and he refused to fix the damage by surgery .. he gave me a strict diet and that's it..even when I told him that I can't control my appetite anymore.. I have a massive depression from my weight and the loss of control over everything I had to go to consultant .. I tried..and I'm still trying to kill myself ... I see no point of re-trying .. No point of living.. myself steam is Zero .. I refuse to meet or talk to people anymore.... I simply can't .. I'm a big fail the only success and the thing I wanted the most and made me proud is losing weight ... Losing what I achieved made me feel like I lost everything..lost hope, lost motivation to live. and worst I lost faith in God .. what I ever asked for? nothing ... the only thing I wanted so bad and I worked hard for ,, was taken from me in the worst and must painful way ever...what have I ever did to deserve this? I have no one to talk to and share my feeling to ... and you guys are my last place to share my feeling with...

I will start taking some Protein shakes that for sure!!

That's because you only eat one meal a day. The 60+g protein/day is universal, you don't need to talk to your surgeon to verify. So is the MINIMUM 64oz Fluid rule. So is the taking Vitamins and getting regular bloodwork done to check for deficiencies. These are basic guidelines for all WLS patients forever. You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve eating appropriate portions (2-6oz) of healthy food. You WILL NOT stretch your sleeve drinking fluids. This includes Protein shakes if that's what it takes to meet protein goals. You seem to have developed a serious eating disorder. If you can't bring yourself to nourish your body appropriately, you need to seek professional help. Call any therapist, psychologist or counselor you can find. If they don't feel they can help you, perhaps they can refer you to a specialist that can. Please get help before you do some serious, irreversible damage. I do feel I'm doing something bad.. I'm trying to change this I don't want to harm myself !!! it takes time .. but I'm trying to fix this i'm aware of it >< but this fear is still there so i'm trying to change this!

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!!even when I once showed him a protein powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your protein in your food in enough :/ so I don't know what the Idol grams for me >< I really should talk to him !!!!! when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy What was your starting BMI? what BMI stands for (/^\) when I did the surgery I first was 125kg :/ how can I know :X

My doctor never mention how many grams should I be taking!!! even when I once showed him a Protein powder just to see what he think of it..he said I don't think you need it your protein in your food in enough :/ so I don't know what the Idol grams for me >< I really should talk to him !!!!! when I first did the surgery I was feeling fine .. but this days I'm always dizzy, lazy and I have no energy

I have some Quest bars and atkin bars as snack and I had them for so long but I didn't eat them!! I have a fear of stretching my stomach lol also I made some new I snack from fruits ~~~~ frozen grape (yummy) taste just like candy you should try it *_* or banana Ice cream~~~ I try to avoid nuts I feel like they have so many calories (/^\) Also I try to avoid carbs and I focus more on protein! I feel much better now .... I guess :/ but my sleeping schedule is upside down and I only get one meal a day (/^\) which is some protein and veggie (/^\) my craving with sugar is better less than before but sometimes I just want some chocolate >< but I don't eat lol as I said before I start to get this fear of stretching my stomach ^^;

90g? I eat around 30g or 35g a day only I do take multivitamin everyday~ That is way too low. Dangerously low in my opinion. 60 grams would be an absolute minimum, but most people need at least 80 grams to 100 grams to lose weight efficiently. I think it's a low grams of protein also! put I don't know how many I should take! but thats why I start drinking my coffee with protein powder and I hope it will help . this days I only eat one meal a day and that's why my grams are low ...

90g? I eat around 30g or 35g a day only I do take multivitamin everyday~

I think i'm not eating enough protein + Water also :/

really T_T finally I found someone T_T your nutrition is okay with it? how is it? dose it have that smell like the Protein powder strong smell? dose it make you full for at least an hour? sorry i ask too much (/^\) Are you asking if my nutritionist is ok with it? Honestly, I didn't ask. She's not my babysitter. She gives me information and I use that information to make my own decisions. I haven't really paid attention to whether or not it has a smell though. what makes me worry about it is the sugar so this why I ask about nutritionist opinion(/^\) thank you for sharing *_*

I used Isopure vanilla before I couldn't handle the smell T^T but it was so good *_* I'm craving coffee and when I saw your post .. I'm now craving coffee even more

I used to do that it tasted so yummy and makes you full for longer~~ but then the brand I use had a strong smell of protein ,,, I couldn't like it anymore and I had to stop T_T lucky I manged to stop drinking from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or any other coffee shop .. if I went there with friends or on an appointment with someone or so I order nonfat sugar free latte (/^\) but really! I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts I like them both. I don't buy flavored drinks. My fanciest order is dark roast coffee. I often get gift cards for free from Starbucks or Dunks so it doesn't cost me anything. Otherwise I just make my own in the Keruig or coffee press. Keurig is awesome it does have many options

yum sounds yummy *_* I may search more about it as well~~ that what makes me worry about Click actually ~~ Javapro label looks great! I also wonder what it tastes like~~ but I'm afraid it will have that strong protein smell .. I can't handle it T^T and I haven't seen anyone who use it yet!! also they don't over sample packages :/

Seriously I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than any other coffee shop!! you can control everything~ the flavor the amount ~~ everything *_*

I used to do that it tasted so yummy and makes you full for longer~~ but then the brand I use had a strong smell of protein ,,, I couldn't like it anymore and I had to stop T_T lucky I manged to stop drinking from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or any other coffee shop .. if I went there with friends or on an appointment with someone or so I order nonfat sugar free latte (/^\) but really! I think the coffee we make ourselves taste much better than Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts

So true!! I do need my coffee.. plus 6g for 31g and I will not be drinking 31g a day (/^\) she dose I guess you are right I should try then judge myself to test my stomach also ~~ thank you for sharing *_*♥

really T_T finally I found someone T_T your nutrition is okay with it? how is it? dose it have that smell like the Protein powder strong smell? dose it make you full for at least an hour? sorry i ask too much (/^\)

really? I saw some people on youtube also!

I'm glad to hear that♥

are you okay now you eat normally now right? I hope you are much better now♥ I do crave chocolate and sweets but to be honest with you I'm happy that I'm still on the road..I mean I measure my food I eat protein and I watch what I eat and I don't eat junk anymore .. yeah I treat myself between time to time .. but it's all with protein bars or diet chocolate .. I don't eat normal chocolate bars anymore .. but still sometimes I get way to crazy with it. But I will try to change this .. I'll never give up on this .. I already had to give up on my dreams for this and I'm not ready to loss it!!! and use it for me and to help me change myself.. thank you :")♥

You are not jerk don't say that♥ I'm so close to my goal now around 15kg away.. ​which I know that it's blessing and I'm grateful to what I achieved so far~~ You know.. I think you are right!! I mean since I feel "guilty" means I will keep watching which means I won't gain weight! it's just..sometimes....makes me so tired.. "there is also that little catch in the back of my throat, that quick second of terror about what will happen if I get fat again. I use it to my advantage. When I see cake, I think of that fear and I don't eat it. When I see other junk food I think about that terror I feel when I get on the scale in the morning after" You know what.. I'm gonna do the same I will take this factor that been making me tired and scared and use it to achieve my goals and to maintain it!! I will try to change this feeling from crying to motivating! I feel like your words kinda open up my eyes for other things... thank you .. really thank you. I will do try to do this .. and If I found someone to talk too.. I might as well talk too~