Nyelaah

I'm shed with Dr Bagloo out of Valley and Columbia I'm very happy with her and the staff!

@Nyelaah congrats!!!
I guess some of them are pretty hardcore about this.
What happened to me is that during my general freak out about having my SECOND WLS (I had band from 2001-2011 which was an epic fail) I decided I just needed "counseling". I kept looking for reasons that I was pretty successful in life, and yet was such a failure at the fat game.
I picked a lady who was supposed to be an expert in over eating issues. She decided I didn't fit the profile of an eating disorder, but she never believed me that I was just hungry all the dang time. Turns out, she only had like a years experience as an "expert" and was very anti WLS... however, she could not deny that I was stable, motivated, able to understand instructions and comply and understood what I was getting ready to do (remove most of my stomach which is frankly a big deal) so she sent the letter.
So, for me, I learned more about why I was so huge from my bariatric docs than I ever did from any mental health professional. I realize that other people have other circumstances, but I am jaded on this topic.... 80% of my issues where genuine physical hunger ... caused by the very advanced disease of obesity. No counseling could really change that, but surgery did - I thank my lucky stars and higher powers that I discovered that before I died.

Urgh Montifiore sends me in circles everytime! No one ever knows anything. This doc sends me here but oops that was wrong go here oh wait u forgot go here
I quit this hospital. I'm just going to go forward with Jacobi as originally planned.

I am feeling great today. I got on that scale and I have officially lost 100lbs. HW 268 and now today I am 168. Hard work ,determination and GOD has got me to this point. I just going to keep moving. 

(Re-printed from my Surgeon's website)
1. Your co-worker heard a strange noise and doesn’t bat an eye…knowing it was your stomach.
Patients often ask me why their new pouch makes odd gurgling noises. It could be too big of bites or eating too quickly. It could also just be your stomach moving around and making noises for all to hear
2. You have a space heater under your desk in the middle of July.
It may be in part to losing some “insulation” but many postop wls patients are colder than they’ve ever been using more blankets at night and space heaters to keep warm.
3. Your alarm just went off for the third time today to remember your next Vitamin.< /b>
While bariatric Vitamins have become much more simpler in recent years, it still takes reminders to get in your vitamins. Your family might even hear the alarm and hand you your calcium!
4. Protein is always first on your mind at your meals – it might as well be plastered inside your forehead.
Protein…protein..where’s the protein? Protein is what fills you up and keeps you full! You get the most out of your surgery when you focus on lean and solid protein sources.
5. Your waitress keeps asking if the food is okay. And if you’re sure you don’t want a drink.
When you can only eat an ounce or so, the wait staff may think something is wrong with the food. And what do you mean you don’t want anything to drink??
6. Your pants are barely holding on but you’re still holding off to go shopping.
Just make sure you don’t carry a heavy object and walk up a flight of stairs. At least not around anyone
7. Speaking of shopping, you still go to the plus sized section first out of habit.
It’s hard to wrap your mind around your new body. Leave plenty of time and stay patient with yourself as you find out what size your body is. Take a good friend to be your “runner” and someone to talk it out with.
8. You get overjoyed at the release of a new Protein Bar flavor…or a sale on your favorite Protein Bars.< /strong>
Quest® has a new flavor?!?!??! Ahhhhh!!!!!!
9. You rejoice at the small things like crossing your legs or getting a pair of boots that zip up your calves.
Some things you’ll never take for granted again. It may seem like nothing to others, but to you it’s something big.
10. You use lingo like “wls”…”bariatric friendly”…”pouch”…”vsg”…
You gotta know the lingo to be in the club!
11. You smile as you think of how far you’ve come and get excited to think of where you’ll be soon.
Patients wonder why they didn’t have their surgery sooner.

Hello everyone! New to this... Just start my preop stuff early this month. I would love support from folks in NYC..
I'm from the Bronx and having surgery at NYP/Columbia.

After years of being invisible to men. I'm not quite sure what to think about attention I get now. I am happily married and not looking. I am baffled that men even look at me. I have my wedding ring on. What is going on????
A younger man asked if he could pay for my groceries. I told him that was sweet but no... I have it...He was fine and smiled and went on his way.
A month later I had two younger men in front of me in a grocery store check out. They insisted on buying my groceries. They would not take no for an answer. I brought home a free dinner for me and my husband. Is this a new way to pick up women that I am clueless about?
Holiday's I was at a sports pub for a drink. Bar tender asked for my ID. (I'm an old chick) I said..I'm a grand ma and you want my ID? He laughed and said he wanted to know if I was close to his age. My drink arrived and he paid for it. ..Again I'm clueless.
I guess I should be flattered about the attention. I'm so used to being invisible that I don't pick up on what the motivation is from men sometimes...laughing at myself. I'm clueless.
Does the attention seem a bit amplified because I'm not used to it? Does it mellow out and go away?

I understand your frustration... On the upside, since your sleep apnea is mild it will most likely go away with weight loss!

The good news is that you are doing something NOW to turn this all around. You have made a decision to focus on your health and your future. You can't change the past and you can't change where you are right now, but you have the power to change the future and you are doing that!

It is sad. I mourned the "ruining" of my body caused by obesity. I grieved it for awhile, but then I had a few epiphanies.
I have a skinny minny, itty bitty girfriend (has never weighed over 100#) and she had to have knee replacement at 47. I am 50, i have a bum knee from being obese... well, clearly there are lots of causes of knee problems.
I still have some joint pain, but oesteoarthritis runs in my family and there is a genetic component.
My other co-morbidities DISAPPEARED when the fat does, so that is the good news. Be positive, think about how much you are improving your own health by losing weight. I no longer have sleep apnea, my blood pressure is excellent, my blood sugar is incredible, my cholesterol is off the hook great. My resting heart rate is 59 - considered very fit for a 50 year old woman.
BTW, due to a system glitch, your message posted about 12 times. I tried to delete the duplicates, not sure I found them all though!

I'm in Yonkers. Had surgery at Lawrence in November--it was a very good experience.
Good luck to all!

I live in the Bronx...But i had surgery at Lenox hill hospital in Manhattan...Good luck all Bronxites!!

Hi @@Nyelaah! I too am planning to have surgery done at Columbia. I'm meeting the surgeon Wednesday! Did you get a date yet?

keeping short and simple ...I tried this earlier and I don't know if its working now or not! here it goes just uploading to see what happens.. 

I would hardly call once a week an addiction? So someone who has a glass of wine or a beer once a week is addicted? Your ignorance and prejudice about Marijuana is showing....

Ok. I will be the odd-duck and say something strange...do you think he is the way he is.......because he is scared of losing you? Sometimes people react in ways not normally expected when faced with the thought of losing a loved one (whether it is from illness, death, or to another). No, it is not an acceptable excuse for anyone, but it IS understandable. Fear is a VERY powerful motivator, and can block a person's reasonable understanding of a situation. Thus they kick into overdrive, take a powertrip that they hope will overcome the situation, and you are along for the ride. Men who tend to be overly protective tend towards this action, because it is, in their mind, an action. Something to do, a way to take the power away from the thing that is hurting you - in this case, your weight. Death from an obesity-caused illness can be fought, and this is how he may be fighting it. I am NOT excusing his behavior, but I have seen my own husband afraid for me when I have an illness he can do nothing about. A man being powerless is seen, by the man who is protective of his family, as unacceptable, and SOMETHING MUST BE DONE. NOW. I think that is why everyday he comes at you with a mission, a plan for the fight. The fight against obesity. Which may take you from him. He must do something, anything. He is afraid.
SO, what do we do with this? My approach would be to, as others have suggested, educate him. It's time to sit him down, explain what it is you want to do to fight this obesity devil, and you need his help to do it. Without him and his support, you tell him, it cannot be done. You seem like you want things in your marriage to get straightened out, so straighten it out! He has one option here, and that is to support you in your fight...it is YOUR fight! He can be the Robin to your Batman! You still have to do all the work with this surgery, but you will need HIM to prop you up, keep you on track, but in a good way.\
And the place to start is an orientation meeting of WLS. He either goes with you willingly, or is left behind to be an unsupportive husband, who is bound to lose his wife. And that is what I would tell him. This is YOUR choice, to live a healthier life, not just a slimmer life. He is either for you, or against you (Ha! Just like God, in the bible!). But you can't live a life that is full of secrecy, for that is a GUARANTEE for marital failure. Be strong. Be willful. Be free.
From what you just said about him calling you to tell you he loves you, sent a spark through me. I don't think, if he didn't love you, he would still be with you. Now it's time for YOU to take the reins, and guide your own life. It seems he wants you to do that, as well, or he wouldn't nag you about it. So, what do you have to lose if you tell him the truth about wanting to have this surgery? It sounds like you are already prepared for the worst, so get it over with, be the strong woman you are, and take charge. He can either go with you, or not. His choice. Your choice. Good luck to you, my dear, keep us informed....You are in my prayers....

I have similar concerns as the OP. I do NOT believe this is the "easy way out" however I think that we need to dig deep inside and figure out what works for us. I would like to use the sleeve as a tool for a healthy lifestyle. I don't want to write every little thing I eat, but I am planning my meals on sundays to include the Protein and greens and carbs that is "recommended."I hope this change in lifestyle, exercise plus the sleeve will help me achieve my WLG.

I know that those of us who have already had VSG surgery go through the ups and downs of how much weight should I have lost by now, do people see me any differently when they look at me, why can't I see much of a change.
A very dear friend of mine told me when I first started my journey to be sure to take pictures, take pictures, and take more pictures. This would be the way you can really tell how much thinner you are getting, and how much your body has actually changed because when we look in the mirror, we so many time still see the fat person we were before surgery because our minds haven't caught up with our bodies yet.
I know that I still have quite a ways to go, but putting my pictures side-by-side today, I could actually see a BIG difference, and it made me feel really good. So if you are feeling like a Debbie Downer, and questioning whether or not you did the right thing, hopefully you have pictures of yourself you can go back and compare. Put them side-by-side, and I guarantee it will put a smile on your face.
I also want to give a big shout out to a few ladies who have been nothing but positive influences on me during this journey, and I'm only 3 months post op! Thanks and much love to @@LipstickLady , @@bobbyswife , @@Elode , @@proudgrammy , @RJ'S/beginning , and @@Kindle . You guys have helped me in ways that you will never know, and I can't thank you enough for your encouragement and support.

You asked for advice as to what to do so I will offer some:
1) Find a therapist for yourself who can give you further advice about yourself and your marriage.
2) I see you as someone who is being verbally abused in your marriage. Bullied by your husband. That is not okay. It is never okay.
3) I hesitate to recommend marriage counselors because I don't often see them as very effective, but you could look into that possibility.
4) Next time your bully husband says "What exercise are you going to do today" - tell him obesity is a disease and you are looking for ways to cure this disease and surgery is an option. He wouldn't object to a person getting heart surgery if they needed heart by-pass.
5) Tell him the kids need to see a husband and father who is supportive and not verbally abusive to their mother.
6) You seem afraid of your husband. Contact a domestic abuse hotline and ask for advice. Verbal abuse counts too.
7) If you have somewhere to go - like family - consider a separation. Let him figure out what to do with the kids for half the time.
Your marriage is the issue here, not your weight. You could lose all of your excess weight and guess what? You'd still be married to a bully.
I know some of this is easy for me to say. I'm a very assertive person who is not intimidated by anyone. For stay at home moms who have no other income except from the husband/father and nowhere else to go I know it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship. Because whether you admit it or not that's what you're in.
Why won't your insurance pay for this? Why don't you look into getting Obamacare just for yourself? It's subsidized for 80% of the people who apply. Maybe find a part time job in the evenings to help pay for it.
Your post really touched me and I hope you find the courage to do what is right for you.

Thank you rogofulm!! I printed it off and I'm ready to have a open discussion. One of the things I am going to ask for is counseling again. But in the end, I don't see him stopping me. I've got a 17 yo daughter and 12yo son and a lot of living to do. I am contacting insurance as well but absolutely hate the thought of waiting. I want to get the ball rolling. I've lost myself for far too long

Well that sounds promising. Hopefully you can have a real, full conversation about it tonight and get through to him about why you think this is your best option. Maybe he can come to an info session or bariatric support group meeting with you to learn a bit more about obesity and why it's not as easy to overcome as he might think.
Obesity as a disease and food addiction are just VERY hard for other people to understand. Even if they are otherwise kind and caring people. It sounds to me that, his harping on your weight, is genuinely coming from a place of love, even if he is going about it in a horrible way. He wants you to be happy and healthy and able to participate in life with your family. Those are good things to want for you! He just isn't capable of understanding that your obesity doesn't mean you don't want those things as well. You are just more in tune with what it will really take to achieve those things. So try to educate him. Send him to these forums even so he can read the experiences of others. Coming from you he might not put as much stock in it as he might if it came from strangers. Everyone takes in and processes information differently.

He has been the ideal husband in every area of our life except my weight. It is literally the only thing he has ever nagged me about. He just sent me a text saying he loves me and will support any decision I make and whatever course I choose to do...thank you everyone for the support. We've done counseling on and off and I end up leaving because all that comes out of it is that "he wants me to be happy & healthy" lol

This sounds like an unhealthy situation.
He seems to have a very strong personality/opinions. That is fine, but you have to be very careful not to let someone with this personality type step all over you and overwhelm you.
Be straightforward and firm with him.

I have similar concerns as the OP. I do NOT believe this is the "easy way out" however I think that we need to dig deep inside and figure out what works for us. I would like to use the sleeve as a tool for a healthy lifestyle. I don't want to write every little thing I eat, but I am planning my meals on sundays to include the Protein and greens and carbs that is "recommended."I hope this change in lifestyle, exercise plus the sleeve will help me achieve my WLG.

I'm from the Bronx but live in Westchester county now. I hopefully will have my surgery soon at Lawrence Hospital.