bellabloom

So, I have been reading some of the stories on here and reflecting on them and my own story and have come to a very very basic conclusion.
I think we need to choose an authentic life for ourselves. I believe God intended for us to be coupled, but here in the modern world, that just isn't so important anymore. I would rather be living an life authentic for me, than coupled with someone just for the sake of having a man in my life.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, and they (like us) are terribly flawed and imperfect. The question is - is there someone out there who you can have a real relationship with, where you make each others lives better - while still living the life you want.
I personally sometimes have sadness over the DECADES I compromised to obesity. It is like a drug addict who wakes up and says "what have I done? How have I wasted so many very good years on not fully living?" I didn't see it that way when I was obese, but I do now.
I am seriously, seriously, seriously, going through a lot of thoughts about my life right now and what I want it to be going forward. I am dating someone I am pretty crazy about, but i have this little hesitation... like... is this the path that will allow me to remain authentic, physcially fit, active, emotionally healthy etc. It is nothing against him - super good guy - but I just need to think very hard about those questions because my tolerance for just accepting "good enough" is pretty non existent.

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.
I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.
So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of shit he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.
Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.
And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.
I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.
So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of shit he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.
Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.
And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

Well, I'm sorry you "hate" that other people have had a good experience. That's kind of strange isn't it? I'm sorry you have been uncomfortable. Maybe if you feel happy for others, it will make you feel a little happier too.
Pain meds are really hard for some people. Morphine had me puking blood all night the first night, it was scary. The next nurse pushed it slower and that helped.
Sounds like you have some really intense emotional attachments to food that have shook you up. Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you find other coping mechanisms?
My doctor prescribed Miralax for constipation as well are milk of magnesia. They really helped.
The point of the surgery is to stop you from eating. So the unappealing food is a plus side. I would really put some thought into finding other things to fill your time that bring you pleasure.

@allisonnoelle I did feel mildly embarrassed in the hospital about my weight, but there is no use in fretting over it. What's done is done and I am proud that I took the necessary steps to correct my weight and health problems.
Weight in our culture is presented as something we can and should control, but that simply isn't the case. If it was so easy to chose to lose weight don't you think most overweight people would be successful on diets!? I am extremely successful at most everything I do in life- career education family etc. and I could not win this battle no matter how hard I tried!!! The "put your fork down and shut your mouth" mentality is cruel and clearly coming from people who have not struggled with their weight. If food for us is simply an addiction, a surgery like rny would be dangerous because we would continue to stuff ourselves regardless of the surgery, but we don't. Rny works.
Why do think? Because overeating is not just a mental choice. It is a powerful biological urge controlled by our stomach and hormones and blood sugar. Obesity is a disease, it is not a choice. It is also a cultural problem- we are served plates of food that are three times more than we need, and most of our social events revolve around food.
It's a huge mind f**k!
Look at how many people are overweight in America. Do you think it's because they are all lazy gluttons? No. It is a problem with our culture, the food industry itself, the way food is marketing to us, the horrendous amount of tv we watch, and once we become overweight it is a problem of the way our bodies are wired to preserve our current weight at all costs.
Our bodies are evolved to hold onto any excess weight!!
Eating was somewhat your choice, I know. But it's more complex than you think and it's not all your fault. Not even close. So before you feel shame or guilt over your weight, know that you had an illness and you should be proud that you were willing to do what you needed to do to recover from it.

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.
I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.
So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of shit he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.
Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.
And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.
I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.
So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of shit he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.
I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.
Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.
And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

You know, not to be rude, I'm just saying it like it is- a lot of the "bad" experiences I read about on here aren't really that bad anyway. I mean, gas pain, Nausea, bloat, incision pain, tiredness, Constipation, not being able to eat (duh), having to stay in the hospital a little longer than expected, etc... It's all par for the course and should be expected. I mean come on, this is surgery! It's not spray tanning!
So unless someone had a major complication such as a twisted bowel or leak or ulcer or something life threatening, I would say their experience was that of any typical surgery and rate it as average.
You gotta go for this. My surgery was all of the first paragraph and I still sooooo glad I did it. I am so grateful I haven't had complications and really sorry for those that have.
It's tough but worth it. 20 lbs down in less than 2 weeks!

Hang in there ladies. The pain can be rough, I really needed the pain meds until day 11 or so, especially in the middle of the night.
I think we all agree the Protein shake phase sucks. Honestly, my nut said not to worry at all about getting all 70 grams at this stage. She said focus on Water and Fluid above all else. I have been drinking about 12 oz of Protein sake or less a day, and having strained mini stroni and chili, activia YUM sugar free fat free yogurt, crystal light, Tomato Soup and not much else. I'm not worried about food until phase two.
A few times I have had to chew some food and spit it out. You would be amazed how much this helped me. The sensation of chewing and the taste of regular food is a huge relief. I know it's gross but it helped me and now the desire to do even that is passing. I don't think much about food. I'm guessing it's like going through withdrawals in a way- it takes some time but our bodies and mind adjust and we start to adapt.
Just relax and heal. Drink your Water. Your body has plenty of fat to burn but without water your in danger. Keep that pee light yellow!

Hi everyone. I'm Bella and I'm starting this thread for those of us having our surgery December 2014.
How is everyone doing? Tell a little bit about yourself and how your surgery went, or if it's coming up still.
Let's keep in touch as we progress throughout the next phase.
A great way to kick in the new year!!
My surgery was December 4th and although I had some rough moments all in all I had no complications.
I had this surgery because of back pain issues and I was already on pain meds so that part was harder for me, I had a lot more pain that usual.
My stats are 5'6, sw 240, cw 224, age 34. 2 kids, single, have been overweight since my first pregnancy.
I am about 12 days or so out and went out for the first time today. Felt like a baby calf learning to walk. My incisions are healing up nicely!
I have been eating some Protein Shakes, yogurt, tea, crystal light, and strained Soups. The mental need to eat has been a little rough but it seems to be going away somewhat. I find it hard to be around food or see someone eating. My biggest craving has been for a sandwich! Today I had Decaf coffee and it was Wonderful.
My goals this year are to get to goal weight, start working out again, and get off pain meds.
Introduce yourself!!

Well, I'm sorry you "hate" that other people have had a good experience. That's kind of strange isn't it? I'm sorry you have been uncomfortable. Maybe if you feel happy for others, it will make you feel a little happier too.
Pain meds are really hard for some people. Morphine had me puking blood all night the first night, it was scary. The next nurse pushed it slower and that helped.
Sounds like you have some really intense emotional attachments to food that have shook you up. Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you find other coping mechanisms?
My doctor prescribed Miralax for constipation as well are milk of magnesia. They really helped.
The point of the surgery is to stop you from eating. So the unappealing food is a plus side. I would really put some thought into finding other things to fill your time that bring you pleasure.

I love all these incredible stories!!

A lot of members have been posting about how much time they will need to recover and /or take off work.
I think a thread on this is a good idea. Share your experience on how much time you needed to take off work, how long you were in the hospital, how long until you felt healed.
I myself want to say this : this is MAJOR surgery.
Depending on your state of health and age to begin with, everyone's experience is different. So if someone says hey, I was ice skating two days later!! Well, maybe she was. But maybe she was 25, in good shape, and a low BMI without major health conditions.
So what applies to her may not apply to you.
This surgery for me was very intense. I spent three days in the hospital due to gas pain and regurgitating blood foam etc. your stomach and intestines are rerouted and your body can be quite shocked by this. I went home on the fourth day and felt okay, but I needed painkillers for several days because my stomach hurt quite a bit.
Now, a week later, I could probably return to a desk job but I am still very tired. Lack of food, lack of Water, mental emotional feelings. All this takes time to process.
I feel taking a week is a minimum requirement, two weeks very good, three ideal with any complications.
I have five incisions in my belly and bruising all over my legs and arms from needle sticks. Here are some photos for you too see.
The incisions were not nearly that painful, not anywhere close to a c-section. But the gas pain was much much more painful than a c-section.
This is major life changing surgery and afterwards basically a fasting diet for a week or so. It is not a trip to get a cavity filled. It's a non reversal body altering major surgical procedure.
Hope this helps!
  

Not going to happen. This is major surgery. A lot of people on hear don't go into detail enough about their experiences for you to understand. At worst you will still be in the hospital. At best you will be home and tired as heck.
Just plan on taking the week off and know this- you are making a major change to your body. It's not going to the dentist.

A lot of members have been posting about how much time they will need to recover and /or take off work.
I think a thread on this is a good idea. Share your experience on how much time you needed to take off work, how long you were in the hospital, how long until you felt healed.
I myself want to say this : this is MAJOR surgery.
Depending on your state of health and age to begin with, everyone's experience is different. So if someone says hey, I was ice skating two days later!! Well, maybe she was. But maybe she was 25, in good shape, and a low BMI without major health conditions.
So what applies to her may not apply to you.
This surgery for me was very intense. I spent three days in the hospital due to gas pain and regurgitating blood foam etc. your stomach and intestines are rerouted and your body can be quite shocked by this. I went home on the fourth day and felt okay, but I needed painkillers for several days because my stomach hurt quite a bit.
Now, a week later, I could probably return to a desk job but I am still very tired. Lack of food, lack of Water, mental emotional feelings. All this takes time to process.
I feel taking a week is a minimum requirement, two weeks very good, three ideal with any complications.
I have five incisions in my belly and bruising all over my legs and arms from needle sticks. Here are some photos for you too see.
The incisions were not nearly that painful, not anywhere close to a c-section. But the gas pain was much much more painful than a c-section.
This is major life changing surgery and afterwards basically a fasting diet for a week or so. It is not a trip to get a cavity filled. It's a non reversal body altering major surgical procedure.
Hope this helps!
  

I had a lower back tattoo of mermaids when I was 21 and 140 lbs. now I have fat mermaids! Hahaha. Soon to be skinny mermaids again hopefully not too screwed up. Yes wait!!!

I would reduce your calories to between 600-800, cut out most of your carbs, and begin a regular exercise routine. You need to eat mainly Protein and lift weights to improve your metabolism. I'm sorry to hear you don't have much restriction but you have to take what you've got, so focus on protein and veggies and working out while you are still motivated to do this!!
Don't worry about what my fitness pal says, it's for regular people and doesn't apply to you. If you want to eat 1000 calories a day that's fine as long as you offset that with 30-60 minutes of cardio.
I would get a regular weekly visit with your nut set up immediately and perhaps a personal trainer for awhile. I'd hate to see you miss out on your goals and your clearly struggling.

I wouldn't worry so much about starvation mode as long as you exercise and lift weights. That will keep your metabolism going. Starvation mode is a bunch of bull. At worst you will hit a stall. Get your Protein, workout, eat enough to have some energy and watch the fat melt away. Trust me on this I would worry about too many calories way before worry about too few!
If your losing weight slow, cut the calories and start working out. It's simple. There is NO WAY to few calories will prevent you from losing weight. Also if you losing slow, cut the carbs.

Hi everyone. I'm Bella and I'm starting this thread for those of us having our surgery December 2014.
How is everyone doing? Tell a little bit about yourself and how your surgery went, or if it's coming up still.
Let's keep in touch as we progress throughout the next phase.
A great way to kick in the new year!!
My surgery was December 4th and although I had some rough moments all in all I had no complications.
I had this surgery because of back pain issues and I was already on pain meds so that part was harder for me, I had a lot more pain that usual.
My stats are 5'6, sw 240, cw 224, age 34. 2 kids, single, have been overweight since my first pregnancy.
I am about 12 days or so out and went out for the first time today. Felt like a baby calf learning to walk. My incisions are healing up nicely!
I have been eating some Protein Shakes, yogurt, tea, crystal light, and strained Soups. The mental need to eat has been a little rough but it seems to be going away somewhat. I find it hard to be around food or see someone eating. My biggest craving has been for a sandwich! Today I had Decaf coffee and it was Wonderful.
My goals this year are to get to goal weight, start working out again, and get off pain meds.
Introduce yourself!!

I would be very very careful where you choose to put it. Remember you skin is going to change dramatically and it could totally mess up your tattoo. Choose a place with little or no fat like a wrist or ankle!!

That said, I believe it is worth it. I would do it again.

I would think hormones go through radical changes during extreme weight loss. I would wait to do anything drastic like ablation surgery until you have given your body some time to regulate itself. For instance after pregnancy, periods take some time to become normal again due to hormonal fluctuation. Our bodies just went through major surgery and ablation is also quite an intense surgery.
It takes time. Your body may have never even been thin before. It has to adjust. Rest and drink Water, focus on healing.

I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm just nervous about my surgery tomorrow and was blowing off steam by joking. I think it was my way of reminding myself that though this surgery will fix my weight it's not going to prevent me from making mistakes in life and it's up to me to work towards the life I want regardless of my weight.
It seems like this site is full of perfect people who are totally committed and following their orders perfectly and having no slip ups at all, just perfect little angels and I just wanted to say- hey, if your not perfect, like me, if your scared like me, and if you are staring real life in the face and know that even post surgery life won't be easy all the time, I'm hear for you. Let's be great, successful, and imperfect together. I would have a hard time finding support in a site where anyone who isn't perfect or jokes around at the hard truths gets shunned.
It makes me happy to make people laugh and not to take life too seriously all of the time because most of the time, it is!! Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them and hope you are all doing well.

Just so everyone knows, this post was satire. And now that I have had surgery and know how hard it is, I'm not exactly laughing anymore!! I know I'm in pain when I can't even laugh about myself!!!
I'm glad I made some folks laugh though. It is a major ideal an fits important to remain on the bright side!

I thought this surgery was going to change my life. Instead I feel worse than ever. I never even drank soda before this and now I guzzle it down all day long! Before surgery I stocked my cupboards with all the junk foods I wanted to eat as a last hurrah and I thought I would have no problem with it after the surgery! But the hurrah just keeps going! I ate an entire plate of cookie dough last night before bed.
Now all I can do Is eat candy and burgers, go out dancing and have one night stands. I just found out I'm pregnant from the last one I had the week after surgery! I still had my stitches in and we got it on all night and snorted some #%##% and order room service - pancakes!!!
I just stretch my pouch and then I throw it all up after to I can eat some more. It's crazy! And I never smoked before but since the first cigarette tasted so good and that nicotine buzz feels amazing, I just chain smoke now. I might even try some other drugs, I never knew they were so fun!
I think the surgery did something to my brain. All I want to do is have sex and eat junk food, my husband doesn't even know. He thinks I'm at work! And now I'm pregnant and he has a vasectomy so boy am I in trouble.
My favorite thing to do is lay in my hotel bed and dribble maple Syrup into my mouth and post on bariatric pal about my fiendish bad girl behavior.
Do you think the surgery changed my brain? Before this I was a straight laced schoolteacher with five kids and a pastors wife to boot!
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Just kidding. Thought you all might need a laugh. I'm totally committed to my journey and all of us seem to be doing amazing, and I am very thankful tonight to have this great supportive board of people to talk to. Happy Thanksgiving.