mercedes

Hi Gayle, Ya, I'm not good at pills. No doctor ever has to worry about me getting hooked on anything...it would never happen. Well....unless it comes in caramel flavor and has about 500 calories per serving : ) I really am a pretty happy person. I just don't get why I continue to do what I do to ensure my own failure w/ wl. I mention the things I do because I am grasping and thinking "is it this? or is it this?" I'm hoping that someone has overcome it before me and can teach me...Just a hope : )

Prozac comes in liquid? Cool!

I go to a gym right now and it is part of a Dr.'s office who does both surgery and medical weight loss. I've done the medical weight loss and there is a Psychologist in his office and so I guess she'd be the best since she's been working w/ over weight people. I'll make an appt.

Is there a trick to overcoming myself? Why am I so self destructive? Not that that matters because I may know a few reasons why and to know it doesn't cure it. A little refresher to help give insight into my mind....I think I may have mentioned in another thread long ago that I was molested when I was little. Obviously that accounts for the unhealthy view of my body. But, I am old now and I know it wasn't my fault, I like men just fine and I know they are not all losers just because this one was. I feel like I am over all of that stuff yet some of the bagage must still be there??? Again though, knowing the cause of some of the behaviors I exhibit, doesn't fix them. A weird thing is that if you were to ask me if I was happy, I would have to say "yes" because I am very thankful for the many good things in my life. (Oh and 2 of my 4 boys are teenagers and they are high maintanance but I don't account that as a negative in my life...eventhough they are hard.) The ONLY thing that I am not happy with is myself. Here is me: I think I am fat and therefore if I lose a few lbs. my mind cannot deal with it and I gain it right back. It's like my mind says "wait a minute! You can't weigh 160! You weigh 165!" So as soon as I reach my mini goal, I ruin it. Another voice says that I cannot succeed and that I do not deserve to be anything but frumpy. Another voice says "If you don't lose weight by this week, your vacation will suck." And I put pressure on and expectations to be perfect right now. I have had such poor self esteem all of my life. I have always hated/felt negatively about my body and myself. Anytime anyone gave me a compliment, I would counter that it was not true. Either aloud or internally. Still, to this day, I do not usually let people compliment me about anything much. I have never been morbidly obese, just enough overweight to be unattractive (unsuccessful). Which is obviously where my insides demand I be. I had 5 good years in my early 20's where I was free from my demons and was okay with food (although I did do some bulimia(sp) type things from time to time). I worked and had a good social life. Then marriage and kids and PMS and being stuck at home with food came along and I was doomed to fail. Another thing that happens is that I get out of sorts every few weeks and it takes a couple of weeks to feel "normal" again. By that time I have done so much damage (weight wise) that I am upset with myself for that. I feel like I just start feeling good and then here comes another wave. I deal with this inner aggitation by eating to calm myself. I crave sweets and carbs and am unaware of what I am putting in my mouth. I just want to feel better and so I eat. I am a little crampy and so I have always felt it's probably PMS. Sometimes it's worse than others. Am I going to have to go on Prozac? I hate taking ANY pills. I am bad at it. I can't take pills because of the band, right? Is there a cure? Why can't I allow myself to succeed? How can I overcome the inner self that demands that I remain overweight? That overweight is what I am? That tells me I am not worthy of success? Do self destructive people ever come out and conquer that bad inner self? Is it even worth seeking counseling? If anyone has been here, and then conquered, please tell me how you did it. This band will never work until I can get my mind right.

One thing that I like to eat that cannot be eaten fast is sunflower seeds. If you eat them two or three at a time, it will take you all evening to separate them with your tongue and teeth. No fingers allowed : ) They are high in Protein and are good for you (unless salt is a problem for you). I get totally hooked on them durring baseball season and they are my dinner there at the games. P.S. Frito Lay brand are the very best!!

I guess the big part of the problem with me was that I never overate because of hunger. Feeling fuller longer, I should have known, was not the cure for me. I need a brain bypass. I play so many games with myself when it comes to food. I must say that I would gain weight faster if it weren't for the band. For that reason I am not totally disappointed. I have been dieting with a dietician and working out at a gym with a trainer 2x a week since March and have lost 9lbs. It's something, and I am thankful for it.

I know I am not filled too tight because there are times when I can eat anything, even bread and pasta. I really am quite sure I am not slowing down enough. Like Leenerbups said, I thought I was slowed down....because I am slower than before...but that isn't slow enough. I feel good today. I don't even feel swollen or anything. Liquid & mushies are going down just fine.

I think you are all right. I think that what I am doing wrong is eating too fast. I chew enough but I must be eating too fast. I think I just don't think about extending a 1/2 cup of food over 30 whole minutes. I was about to try the beef again and cut it in eraser size pieces and eat it over 45 minutes, but maybe I should go to fluids today and mushies for a couple of days. I feel fine right now and I had a protein pudding this morning and it went down smooth as could be??

Hi Guys, I don't think it's gall bladder. It's at bra strap level on the left in my back. It hurts in the banded area too in the front. There is food that will not pass through and it stays there for hours. I try to burp it up to get relief. This time it was stuck in there from 11:00 until 4:30 - 5:00. I could tell when the food went through and the relief was immediate. Only aches remained because of the trama. I can tell it's irritated still and that even liquid has to be taken slowly.

You may be right. I'm going to try it again and take a full 30 minutes to eat the slice of meat. Its hard to be totally concious of the time. I may try using as timer and every 5 minutes take a very small bite. I ate that meat at 11:00 and at 3:00 I tried to drink and it came back up with a little of the meat. I was so thirsty : / Then, at 4:30 I tried some milk and the first few small swallows ended up coming back up. Then 30 minutes later I tried again with the milk and it went down and I could feel it go through. Then I ate a little bit of soft food and I feel so much better now...whew. I'm going to try something a little different tomorrow. I'm going to first eat a little protien pudding and then eat a small piece of meat. Def. taking my time!!!

I try so hard and nothing works quite right for me. I was complaining about horrible gas, the kind that totally makes it so that you can't function, a few weeks ago. It eventually subsided for the most part. BUT if I follow the band rules it comes back and the back pain also is so bad that I just pace and stretch and try to get over it. Today I had Protein pudding for Breakfast. At lunch time I had a pack of gum size piece of steak (which I absolutley chewed the heck out of) and I had a couple of pieces of broccoli which I also chewed the heck out of. I thought I was going to be fine but then about 15minutes later... OUCH! And then for the past 2 hours I can't stand it. My back hurts so bad but there is no sign of BPing. This can happen to me any time and it happens with chicken too. I never know when it will and when it won't. I'm afraid to eat what I am supposed to. I get so tired of Protein shakes and stuff like that. Then I end up eating high calorie junk and I don't lose. I rarely feel "restricted" the right way. I feel pain instead and I can't eat until later. Of course by then I am famished and do you think I'm going to eat meat???? No Way! I have felt the right way with restriction a few times (maybe 4 or 5) with meat and that meat stayed there for the longest time keeping me full and without pain...so I know how it is supposed to feel, I just can't find that happy place hardly ever. I have found the BP place and the pain place many more times than I can count. I know I am not filled too tight because many times I can eat A N Y T H I N G. I just never know if I'll be able to eat the meat or not. Luckily I don't feel this bad every day or the band would be gone. Incase you were wondering...I can eat ice cream any time with no pain whatsoever : ) The biggest part of the pain seems to be gone now. WHEW! 2 1/2 hours of extreme pain....now it's more dulled achy pain....I'll live. What I want to know is has anyone gone through this and then all of a sudden found the happy place consistantly and stayed there long enough to lose the weight? Any ideas of what I may be doing wrong?