msspiceybaby

SW 255
CW 203
Surgery 4/20

I am sorry you are going through this. My EX was not gay but had no interest in physical intimacy of any kind. There were signs early on, but over the years it became soul crushing to not be hugged, kissed or receiving any intimacy. i blamed it on my obesity for a long time, but turns out that WASN'T it. I have no answer for it because I still care deeply for him, still miss him. I am single now and at times regret that decision, but truth is I was so terribly lonely being in a relationship where i felt neither part of a couple nor free to be single. This was way beyond the sex part, it was the whole way we interrelated with each other and the world.
Since you clearly love her, i hope you are able to give the process time before making any "permanent" decisions. This must be terribly difficult however.

Hi everyone
I had my surgery 04/03/15 SW 283 CW is 222 lbs. I go to the doctor Aug 5th hoping to make to the teens by then. I was on a stall for a while. The weight loss kick back in. Went from s 26/28 to a.size.. 20. I'm happy .

Hi everyone
I had my surgery 04/03/15 SW 283 CW is 222 lbs. I go to the doctor Aug 5th hoping to make to the teens by then. I was on a stall for a while. The weight loss kick back in. Went from s 26/28 to a.size.. 20. I'm happy .

Hi everyone
I had my surgery 04/03/15 SW 283 CW is 222 lbs. I go to the doctor Aug 5th hoping to make to the teens by then. I was on a stall for a while. The weight loss kick back in. Went from s 26/28 to a.size.. 20. I'm happy .

The concept of being your “perfectly imperfect” self was first introduced to me by one of my heroes Heidi Powell. [ You can read her original article: I am (still) Perfect here]
One of the biggest things I have struggled with post-weight loss is body image issues. The picture below is one of my favorite photos of myself. I feel like I look fierce, strong, happy and proud of what I have accomplished. But there are days I don’t feel like any of those things.


At my darkest moment, I was having a nervous breakdown after reconstructive plastic surgery #4 in Dallas, Texas when things still were not looking perfect and the numbers on the scale were reflecting my swollen body weight and not the numbers I was used to seeing in weight maintenance.
It took Chris Powell telling me to get off the scale for me to stop obsessing and start trying to get back to me again. [ See related Facebook post here: July 22, 2013 ]
The truth is the hardest thing you will ever tell someone. The truth is really scary. It makes you vulnerable because once you put it out there, no mater what anyone has to say, it is your truth.
But the truth is what I have promised you from the very beginning. So the truth is, there are still things that I don’t love about my body. There are still flaws that I pick out and can beat myself up emotionally over.
The excess skin on my hips and lower buttocks area still causes me skin and rash irritations.
The skin that hangs right above my bra line and pooches out over my tank top dives me insane. It makes me super self-conscious about wearing tank tops in public. But I force myself to do it because it’s a fear of something that I know is really only noticeable to people who are looking for it. Though I just told you all where to find it. So that ends that.
My arms still bother me. Two brachioplasty surgeries and two touch up surgeries later, I still dislike my arms. They just don’t look right and that little indentation that they keep telling me is a genetic traits that is unrelated to obesity or weight loss, absolutely drives me nuts. Every time I look at my arm I see a little fat roll. This makes me really self-conscious about wearing tank tops. But I force myself to do it as part of my acceptance of my imperfect body.
Shorts are an entirely different manner. The skin I see hanging off my thighs if I do a plank in front of one of my group training sessions in the gym is so embarrassing to me that I refuse to wear anything but capri pants unless it’s cool enough outside to wear pantyhose underneath to help shape them and hold the skin in place.
My hair is never quite the way I want it. Coloring it myself rarely comes out the way I intended. But who the heck can afford paying a stylist constantly these days? If I can’t do it myself it’s not achievable.
My eyebrows, no matter how well-groomed I keep them do this wonky thing when I’ve rubbed my face nervously.
My boobs look great in a bra. Outside of one and naked in front of the mirror I obsess over how slightly differently my nipples were placed and how I can see the ripple in one of the implants. These I am told were normal things to expect after getting implants. I’m still not 100% convinced I made the right decision on that. Lord knows after being told at a weight loss surgery convention that one of the main reasons a group of women disliked me was because I was too skinny and my boobs were too big, I really second guessed that decision. [ Read related article here: The Teeter Totter of Weight Bias ]
My stomach still has more skin than I think it should have after three different abdominal surgeries to fix it. I’m sure I have defined abdominal muscles under there, somewhere.
There are areas of my body right under my arms and along the sides of my breasts where the skin is so damaged from obesity that I get these little pockets in the skin that if I’m not watching carefully can get infected. I truly believe that we need to work on getting doctors and insurance companies to realize that the disease of obesity damages the skin and that removing that damaged skin is a part of treating the disease.
My feet are funky. I think I have a hammertoe or something. My little baby toe is pretty much deformed. Even the people at the nail salon snicker at its appearance when I get a pedicure.
When I lay on my back on a bench doing a chest press I have weird excess skin on my back right around my shoulder blades where my muscles move. Dislike.
On any given day, I can look at all of these things in the mirror and I can fixate on and pick myself apart over how something should have looked had I never weighed 420 lbs.
I try hard not to do that. I try to accept that weighing 420 lbs. was part of my story. It is part of what makes me a good weight loss coach, it is part of what makes me good at helping other people fight obesity. It’s all part of who I am, part of the imperfect life that led me to being the perfectly imperfect version of myself that I am today.
Who knows where I would be if my story had been different? Each one of us has a past; we can either allow that past to haunt us or we can decide to define our future. My story has brought me to where I am today. To a career that feeds my passion to help other’s fight obesity and find the fun and potential emotional outlet in fitness as a Weight Loss and Wellness Coach and Fitness Instructor.
During one of my major moments of body image issues, at time where I was upset that my body wasn’t perfect, a woman who I admire greatly asked me if I wanted to be an example of what most of my clients could never achieve, or if I wanted to be an example of what is attainable. This message hit home for me.
Each time that I catch myself standing in front of the mirror picking myself a part I remind myself that I am an example to my clients and my community of what can be achievable after 260 lbs. of weight loss. I am not perfect. Nobody is. But I am myself perfectly. I stay true to who I am and I am an example of my own story. That, my friends, makes me perfect at being my imperfect self. That make me perfectly imperfect.
Learning to accept your flaws and loving yourself in spite of them, and muting those internal negative voices that put your emotional well-being in jeopardy is an integral part of your weight loss journey. If you don’t learn to do that and love yourself success will exponentially be more difficult.
So what is my biggest tip for battling the barriers of body image issue that can sometimes present themselves in my life after weight loss? In some of my worst moments, when my body image issues are getting the best of me and my internal voices are being unkind when I look in the mirror, I pull out some old pictures. I look back at the photos of when I actually weighed 420 lbs and would have given anything to lose the weight. I look back and the photos of all the skin that hung on my body afterward and remind myself how miserable I was and how good of a job my surgeons did with what they had to work with.



I stop and remind myself that while what I wanted was to have the body of a porn star, that wasn’t a realistic expectation. Given my story, where I have been and what I have done, the body I have today, though imperfect for all the reasons I mentioned above, is still my body. I eat healthy, I work out on a regular basis and I do the best I can at making my body a reflection of who I am today.
Never let anyone including yourself fool you. Losing all that extra weight won’t make life perfect and it won’t make you perfect. Losing the weight is the big physical part of the journey but the emotional part just begins there. From there you’ll face issues like regain, battling with the numbers you see on the scale, how you handle life without food as form of comfort and maybe the biggest of all, the body image issues that surface when you realize what your body should have or would have looked like had you never been affected by obesity.
From there, it is time to appreciate the journey. Be proud of what you have accomplished and understand that you’re exactly where you are supposed to be in your journey right now. Don’t focus on should, could or would, focus on being your imperfect self and understand that you are perfectly imperfect and that my friends, is exactly what we should be.

Had a piece of pizza the other night ( pepperoni ), but I only have it occasionally. Can't stand beer and most alcohol, so Im no help there. Don't think of WLS as a food funeral, instead think of it as a funeral for your fat ! A couple of my favorite foods were General Tso's chicken with sweet and sour sauce, and broccoli salad. I can't get either one of those down since being banded, and while I miss them occasionally, I Don't miss the misery of being obese. You'll soon find out what you can and can't eat, but more importantly you'll find out what you CAN do . Good luck !!!

Band 07 and Jennifer
I had my RNY on Good Friday. I have been sick everyday for a whole month. During my first week check-up I had lose 14 pounds. The next week I was dizzy, exhausted,constipated, I was waiting for the new found energy. I was in the hospital for 5 days for dehydration.
I was stuck in every spot in my arm looking for a vein for the IV and to get blood(one time I was stuck 8 times, because the IV came out ). I never realized it was so hard to drink Water.Eat and take pills wait 30 mins..drink Water . Lets not even talk about attempting to get in all the Protein.
I have also had my times when I cry and feel depressed. I guess I just needed to vent .
Hopefully, we'll be feeling better soon and start to enjoy our journey.

I love turkey rolled up in a piece of alpine lace Swiss. I also bring 1/4 cup part skim ricotta mixed with sugar-free caramel Syrup and a dab of imitation rum extract.

When was your surgery?

Hello Titan05
Hope this little note finds you well. Just wanted to let you know that my surgery is on for April 3,2015. I don't know the time. They will call me the day before to let me know what time to the surgery floor. Keep us informed how it's going on yoir journry.

titan05
Your surgery will be successful and your recovery will be speedy and very little pain. This is the prayer I'm sending to you. I will soon have my surgery on Good Friday. So please think of me at that time. Let me know how you doing

Hey Magic Mojo
So glad you're at home. I am so sorry that You're struggling with the Water part of recovery. I went through the surgery and now going through the recovery. A lot of people say they can hardly drink they Water or eat their food. I don't have that problem. I got mixed up and ate a scramble egg and applesauce (I'll let the doctor know tomorrow) but I did't have any problems. I can drink water and stop half way just because I know I need to monitor my intake. I wonder if my surgery was a success not sick at all. Now when I came home I had got all my medicine except for my narcotics. I got it filled before I left the hospital
Hopefully,we will feel better very soon

Hello everyone
Well I had my surgery on April 3rd and returned home Monday. I was not ready to leave. I had a private room, close to the nurses desk and very nice nurses and aides. I was in a lot of pain. I burped a lot and finally had gas bubbles. And some small amount of BM. I haven't had any gas pains thank goodness.
Yeah I do have a lot of soreness the hole from the drain (it was removed a couple days before I was discharged). I stopped taking my pain med because I my have to drive myself to my first appointment. Not a good idea. Also the area that the drain lead from very sore. I have an incision on my right side and a hole where the drain was placed. I have an incision under my left breast mid way on my left side, to the lower right of that incision is the last.
I don't get that feeling of "I can only eat a spoon full'I don't have a problem with drinking Water and when I drink my Protein shake, I feel like I could drink the whole container. I just monitor myself to only drink half. I hope this surgery(rny) is the tool I need and it is successful for me.
I hope everyone have a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.

Hello everyone
Well I had my surgery on April 3rd and returned home Monday. I was not ready to leave. I had a private room, close to the nurses desk and very nice nurses and aides. I was in a lot of pain. I burped a lot and finally had gas bubbles. And some small amount of BM. I haven't had any gas pains thank goodness.
Yeah I do have a lot of soreness the hole from the drain (it was removed a couple days before I was discharged). I stopped taking my pain med because I my have to drive myself to my first appointment. Not a good idea. Also the area that the drain lead from very sore. I have an incision on my right side and a hole where the drain was placed. I have an incision under my left breast mid way on my left side, to the lower right of that incision is the last.
I don't get that feeling of "I can only eat a spoon full'I don't have a problem with drinking Water and when I drink my Protein shake, I feel like I could drink the whole container. I just monitor myself to only drink half. I hope this surgery(rny) is the tool I need and it is successful for me.
I hope everyone have a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.

Hello everyone
I am suppose to have my surgery in the morning (Good Friday) at 7:15 am. I have to be at the hospital at 5 am. I'm hoping everything goes well. I had a heart attack in October 2014. They were some concerns about the CABG. Around 4:30 pm I got a call telling me that my white blood cell count was elevated when I did a blood tests. I have COPD and had been sick.
So wish me well. I will let everyone know how it turns out. If my date changes I will let you know. Congratulations to all April new journeymen (an women). Good Luck and speedy recovery to all.

titan05
Your surgery will be successful and your recovery will be speedy and very little pain. This is the prayer I'm sending to you. I will soon have my surgery on Good Friday. So please think of me at that time. Let me know how you doing

titan05
Your surgery will be successful and your recovery will be speedy and very little pain. This is the prayer I'm sending to you. I will soon have my surgery on Good Friday. So please think of me at that time. Let me know how you doing

Everyone is nervous before surgery and it is normal. Try to stay positive!! It will be alright and so much better (first weeks are the most difficult but you can do this).

titan05, I was nervous about surgery too! I was even worried when I was in the OR about to be put out. It is scary, but it will all work out for the best. The first few weeks are hard, but it will be worth it because in the end you will feel so much better and your health will improve. Prayers for strength and courage for you.

titan05
Your surgery will be successful and your recovery will be speedy and very little pain. This is the prayer I'm sending to you. I will soon have my surgery on Good Friday. So please think of me at that time. Let me know how you doing

Don't freak out. You sound like you are very well prepared. You might take some big deep breaths and try to relax now.
Your surgery is going to go great because you are so well prepared. They will give you good instructions when you leave the hospital and everything should be good for you.
Nice work.
Take a nice hot bath and try to relax. Good luck, warm thoughts coming your way for a speedy recovery.

When things go wrong (especially medical things), the bad stuff can take over everything else. After all, having weight loss surgery isn’t something you do every day, so you have virtually no experience dealing with its challenges. You’re in a strange new world. How can you find your way across a post-op territory filled with medical landmines?


I know this is easier said than done, but try not to panic over bumps in the road. What looks or feels catastrophic today is probably not as bad as it seems. That’s what my mom used to say when I was growing up and despondent about something (which was often, especially during adolescence). I was strangely comforted by her words because I knew (and she frequently reminded me) that Mom had seen some pretty bad stuff in her life.
It's easy to "awfulize" things when you have a pain, symptom or experience you didn't expect and can't explain. You're sure that's something's wrong. You haven't lost weight in three days, or you found hair clogging your shower drain, or you puked up your dinner. Don't let fear cloud your thinking. You will wear yourself to a frazzle if every event becomes a crisis.
This applies to many aspects of your life. It's extremely difficult to make a good decision when you're in a panic. Your vomiting might be related to WLS, but it could also be the result of a garden-variety intestinal bug. Your teenaged daughter's failure to return your phone call could be because she was in a terrible car accident, or it could be because her cell-phone battery died.
So ask yourself:
Is this an emergency? Is it life-threatening, disabling, or just inconvenient? What will happen if I don't do something about it right now?
Can I deal with this myself, or do I need help? What kind of help (medical, emotional, spiritual, financial)?
Who can help me (my surgeon, therapist, best friend, minister)? Be careful how you choose your helper(s). I know you love your sister, who might tell you that everyone in her family has been sick with a bug since you saw them (and their germs) on Sunday, but she probably can’t accurately tell you whether your symptoms are related to your WLS.
Is whatever you fear might be wrong really, truly the very worst thing you could hear? I’ve survived some scary and disappointing stuff during my WLS journey. I’ll probably never forget hearing my surgeon say, “Jean, your band has to go,” and “Jean, I removed your band but I wasn’t able to do your sleeve revision today because of a stricture in your esophagus.”
I’ve also gotten bad news about friends who are fellow WLS patients. I mean really, really bad news, when death was reaching out its evil hands to take my friend away forever.
In my own life, nothing can top losing a parent. “Jean, your mother died today,” is (so far) the worst bad news I’ve ever heard. A cancer diagnosis, the death of my husband, or the loss of my home to a tornado (entirely possible where I live) would also be mighty devastating. But if I dwelled on those possibilities, I’d spend the rest of my life in anxious misery, and I’m pretty sure that’s not what God has in mind for me.
I'm not saying that your struggles aren't important. They are. But it will be easier for you to handle them if you do it with a clear mind and a calm heart. So take a deep breath. And when in doubt, call your surgeon.

So I always thought it would be interesting if people posted about their pre-op diets and how they feel each day- etc. So i'm going to do it, if anything for my own source of a diary.
My Pre-Op Diet: March 6- March 19th.
I am supposed to drink 5 shakes ( I am using GNC Lean shake 25)
I must drink 64 Oz of Plain Water
I can have gatoraide, poweraide and flavored water but they do not count toward my 64oz.
I can have up to 2 cups of chicken broth per day.
1/2 cup of sugar free Jello per day.
Sugar free Ice Pops
1 container of sugar free pudding per day.
I have to have my first Protein Shake within an hour of waking up, and then the other 4 every 3 hours after that.
i have to stay within 800-1000 calories.
Day 1:
I had the GNC Lean Shake 25 Swiss chocolate Flavor on my way to work. It wasn't bad. (7:30am)
I also had 24oz of water flavored with Kroger ORange Boost Water Flavoring w/ Caffine ( i'm allowed to drink this to battle headaches, but only 1 a day)
at 11:30 I tried to get down the GNC Lean Shake 25 vanilla bean Flavor. No bueno. I must not be a vanilla person. Good thing I only bought a 4 pack! I got about 3/4 of the way down. and i'm now working on my first 24oz of plain water.
I feel nauseous because EVERYTHING is so sweet and i'm not in the mood for chicken broth. My next shake is at 1:30. I will update this evening once I have all of the shakes in.

LOL---Love your candid! You are so right....I'm not right and you're not wrong!!! I have had a gentleman jump on me more than once because I use GENEPRO??? States he is a doctor.....my question in my mind is always..."if you are a doctor...how do you find time to be on this blog and monitor the discussions......practice must be slow???"...LOL