Chelle B

I gave up on the concept of forgiving years ago. I just don't feel I have the power to "forgive" someone and make everything all ok for them. If the person has wronged me, and wants to make it right, they will reach out - we can talk and move on. If they don't reach out, then I accept that their actions are their burden to live with and not mine. It took me a long time to realize that the only thing I have control of in this life are my actions and reactions. God has the power to forgive, not me. Maybe it's a cop-out for me, I don't know. It's easier for me to follow Buddhist teachings in some respects. Interesting discussion....

I finally decided that there is no reason for me to "celebrate" Thanksgiving anymore. It is an eating frenzy, and I come from a large family of girls and everybody is a great cook. So last year DH and I stayed home and enjoyed a quiet day, and that is our new tradition. What do you do for Thanksgiving?

Click on the Advanced button, and you can edit without the smiley faces.

This is not about sex - it's about power. The best response is the toughest one - be very direct. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with his comments (if it happens again), and that you hope you are misunderstanding him as that would be very inappropriate. Generally that stops all but the most stupid offenders, and also gives you more support when you report it. It also gives him an out, so that he can apologize and say he didn't mean it. Take care.

I have two nephews who served in Iraq, and one more who is there now. So for my family and those young men over there I have to support the troops. That said - we had NO FREAKIN RIGHT to invade that country. The implications were not well thought out. It was as if we couldn't find Bin Laden, so let's go grab somebody else who is evil. Yes Saddam was evil and his sons more so, however we started something that we didn't understand and can't control. And the loss of historical artifacts is so sad to me.

You noticed that too? I got banded so that I could live a normal life.

Yeah you can relate. It is interesting how the communication changes when they want something. I can always tell when family is about to hit me up. One thing I am going to do is to send an email to all my sisters monthly asking for money to help pay Mom's bills - that should slow things down a bit.

OMG - the BEST response so far!

Too empathetic sometimes - and I can remember the hard times. It's only a 2 letter word anyway, can't be THAT hard to say...

It amazes my DH that I can be so tough in some areas (like work) and such a wuss in others. I guess my problem is that I listen to the people's stories, and relate to a harder time in my life. Of course I worked my way out of my troubles. And I guess I don't have to explain WHY I'm saying no.... I need to mentally turn the tables and visualize them as asking something ridiculous! Thanks.

Uhhhhh, folks help me out here! What's that response again? Begins with an 'N' I think....

SCARY but true.

Yeah, I am way different with my kids - can't deny them anything and I am glad they grew up nicely anyway.

Good idea - state my 'policy'. I am going to Ireland in the spring, and I know this will set off another wave of borrowers asking.... Like they don't realize I worked so hard so that I could take vacation???

I like the Hubby response - nothing else has worked, lol.

Even worse - this coworker used to report to me, and now he makes almost what I do - I was a very good mgr.

I have been working my entire life. Babysitting from the age of 12. Full time at Dairy Queen starting at 16 while going to school. Non-stop ever since. I was poor growing up - but had a great family life and didn't really know it. Everything I have today I owe to a strong work ethic. My kids are grown. DH and I are doing fine. I am still working full time, and also enjoying life a bit more nowadays. So why do people act like I am a freakin' bank? Family, friends, it doesn't matter. People look at my home (which is kinda small for Texas), and my jewelry (lots of eBay and sales) and think I can loan them money, launch their businesses, etc. I've paid for two complete dental makeovers for family members, because they needed it. I pay a lot to subsidize my mother's meager Soc Security so that she can live in a clean and healthy retirement home. I still give to my kids when they need something (although they are great and rarely ask anymore). But some people...... I have family members who think I am filthy rich. HA! I just don't have many bills anymore - I worked and PAID THEM OFF! Last night a friend (co-worker actually) contacted me and wanted me to finance TWO of his business ventures. One for $25k for day trading, and the other to finance his house-flipping plan. I was stunned. We are not family. I am not a bank. How the he** do I politely respond to these ongoing requests, and maintain friendships with family and friends? I have smart family members who are stupid financially. I have bailed them out too many times, and never see a penny in return. For those I have always considered it a gift because I know it ain't coming back. Anybody have any tips for me? I am not rich. I don't have enough money for retirement saved. And I HATE being mean or rude to anybody. I just want to find a good way to say no. You guys will probably think I am so lame, but I seriously needed to vent and appreciate any good advice on how to nicely say NO, I won't loan/give you any money (regardless of the sob story or get-rich-quick ideas).

Yup - you know exactly how I feel!

I am such a kid and so ready for Halloween!

This makes perfect sense. If I can't find someone to do it, then I will make the attempt. Thanks!

Thanks - after losing so much weight I just want to have fun!

Yeah I think I have to. My company is so stressed and serious right now, that I need to bring some fun in!

This year I found the best Halloween costume and ordered it. It fits perfectly in every aspect, EXCEPT the freaking arms! The sleeves are too tight, and I don't know that I have time to have it altered. It is a gorgeous black, white and red Harlequin outfit of satin, and fits nicely throughout. So now I am thinking of bagging the whole dress-up plan, darn-it! AND I don't even have batwings to speak of, just arms bigger than the stupid perfect costume!!! One thing I have looked so forward to since banding was dressing up every Halloween in something cool. I am NOT HAPPY!:car:

I almost ripped my newly repaired shoulder just after surgery, when a cop decided he needed to flip on the siren right beside me so that he could get through the light. I jumped so hard, and that was a seriously painful movement for someone in a sling. So yeah, rant all you want!

Growing up in the South, it's been Sweetie, Darlin', Babydoll, Babe, whatever, for my whole life. I don't even hear it anymore.