MeAndTinyTina

I've maintained almost 4 years at goal by eating a TON of carbs. So...there are a lot of ways up this mountain dietarily. I eat high Fiber, keep my calories under 1600 a day, and eat very little refined sugar or white flour. (I keep my refined treats under 200 calories once or twice a week)
Stuff I eat a TON of: Oats, fruit, Veggies, Beans, Chickpeas, Lowfat/Nonfat Diary, Potatoes, VERY lean meats, whole grain breads. Lots and lots of fruit and veggies. (and it shows...my cholesterol and all labs are excellent...and this matters as we get older)
Stuff I don't eat: Anything with animal fat. Fried stuff. (I do stir fry with a little olive oil) I don't eat Refined sugar. I don't eat White flour.
Substitutions I make a lot: Plant Protein instead of animal. Olive Oil instead of butter. High fiber...I try to get 25g a day or more. oatmeal in food processor in place of white flour in recipes.
Best advice I can give.....three of them actually:
1. See a bariatric therapist. The causes behind disordered eating are not addressed by your surgery.
2. Get active! Increasing your activity, even if it's just adding a couple hundred more steps to your routine every day...it will keep your metabolism singing.
3. Count calories. It sucks, but it's necessary.
Wishing you the very best!

There's really no need for it, even during the weight loss period. We concentrate on Protein early out because that is essential and there is no replacement - no supplements other than Protein Drinks until we can get by on real food. But even early out, our diets aren't really high protein, but rather "just right" protein to meet our needs; it's only high protein relative to everything else that we can, for a time, get from pills. Protein consumption later on, in maintenance and beyond, doesn't need to be any higher, but other things will be higher to go along with it, as our calorie needs increase from loss to maintenance. For an average or shorter than average woman, 60g per day of protein is usually considered to be plenty (if not more than plenty.) The only real exception to this is for those who get into body building and need extra protein for added muscle growth.
The low carb part has never really been part of the "bariatric" diet, but is simply a carry over from the currently popular fad diets in the weight loss industry. Classic bariatric diets are simply protein first and then whatever else fits after; they are by default low carb and low fat, so no effort needs to be put into that aspect of an eating plan. Carbohydrates don't lead to any more weight gain long term than fats or protein does, rather it is the excess of any or all of them that leads to weight gain. It is only current diet mythology that preaches that low carb is needed to lose or maintain weight (because they still have lots of low carb diet products to sell....)

I do agility training and competitions with my dogs and the other night I was at a seminar designed to help the humans with their balance, footwork etc. I wasn't sure what we would be doing or how cold the facility would be, so I wore jeans instead of workout clothes. The class ended with 20 minutes of yoga poses, which I had never done before and on one of them I felt a cold breeze "where the sun don't shine" and realized that my pants had slipped way, way down! OMG -- I bought those pants about a month ago!

Every time I use the bathroom, I hop on the scale. Even in the middle of the night. I guess I transferred my food addiction to the scale I also check bariatricpal way too often!

I think it's not exactly common to fall in love that soon, but it's entirely possible. Most people aren't lucky enough to find a person they connect with that strongly and that quickly, so if you have, congratulations! I've been with the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met for almost 4 years, and I didn't trust my feelings in the beginning, but I can tell you honestly that I loved him within two weeks of meeting him. Honestly, I feel a surge of intense connection the first time we spoke, and so did he. I'm going to marry this guy.
I think a lot of people have experienced the pain that love and relationships with others can inflict and it makes them much more hesitant to truly open up to and connect with someone that quickly. It takes a young and relatively unscarred heart to be able to bare yourself to someone based on initial feelings of trust and attraction. I've sort of always operated this way, and while it has set me up for intense pain in the past, it's also given me a chance to experience the kind of wild, beautiful love that most people only dream of but are too jaded and scared to be open enough to experience.
But that's just my experience and view on the subject.

I keep hearing about that "act like a lady, think like a man" book. Reading the reviews it doesn't really sound like my world view (the tired saw that all men are dogs). Hell, at my age I am pretty stoked to find a guy who matches my libido...but I digress. since what I have been doing is no longer working for me, I am gonna change things up even if I have some doubts about the underlying premise.
The big mistake I make over and over is narrowing to one person too quickly, I lose interest in meeting anyone else. This has resulted in a few relationships over the last few years, none of them lasting more than 3-4 months and i am tired of it. (Not entirely true, had a pretty long relationship with someone who was supposed to be a more casual thing - weird, huh?)
I realize this is starting to impact my feminine self esteem even though I have been just as likely to end things...more like I just am tired of getting to know someone, they impact my life and then are just gone. I don't take losses well, even unimportant ones like breaking up with someone I wasn't in love with.
This wasn't my experience when I was young so I guess I am finally taking seriously the advice EVERYONE has given me and when I am ready to "try again" to avoid this pattern. What the heck, nothing to lose - I am going to do the thing where you see several people and wait for months before exclusively dating any one person. Is this what people call serial dating - a term that makes no sense to me bit I have seen in guys profiles "no serial daters". Me, I am just trying to avoid serial killers, I have very reasonable standards.
Here is the thing I keep wondering about people who date 3-5 people (the members of the pool most likely change quite a bit until you find a serious prospect ) - how on earth do you have time? I mean I figure you need to see a person at least 3x a month so they remember you, right? That is alot of dates.
Do you move toward going "dutch" in this situation? Men always pay for dates in my experience unless I specifically am treating them, but I would often cook or do things like that. I guess I am wondering what people think is typical.
I am just trying to figure out how to actually do this thing I said I am going to do. Hope the book comes with an instruction sheet.
I predict that I will start going to meetups, fire up an online profile etc in March. so far, getting dates has been no problem, but finding love has been quite elusive. ....
I have another change I need to make but I am not yet sure how. I need to learn how to flirt better. I mean with complete strangers - I have this terrible habit of avoiding eye contact or smiling at someone I find attractive - I think i send out "don't come near me" signals sometimes. I am not a shy person so it is quite specific to men I find interesting, you know at the store or out at a dance or something ...maybe remnants of my history of feeling bad about my looks???
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

Here is a good article about differences in men am women's communication styles and the importance of asking questions (and listening to the answers I presume).
http://qz.com/628724/the-gendered-way-weve-learned-to-ask-questions-is-terrible-for-both-men-and-women/?utm_source=atlfb

@@jenn1
yes
i am close to 5 years PO
i can/will never forget my "roots"- days pre-sleeve
the day i do, is the day i can look "forward" to problems
the sleeve is NOT the only thing that defines me
but it's way up on my list
short and sweet - i will always be a sleeved "proud" grammy
my life has been saved with a my wonderful weight
health issues, you know the rest, are amazing
happiness abound
these issues were all helped/solved with the aide of WLS
how could i forget?
I need/will always monitor my food very carefully
i can't afford to go backwards where i started
that's why i will always consider myself a "WLS survivor"
i will always consider myself a proud 17+ year breast cancer survivor
no difference right??
Long live the sleeve
and me too!!!
that's my story and i'm stickin' to it!! LOL
Kathy

NSV's
3 sisters and i took mom out to dinner for her 86th b'day
in the past i would always TRY and grab the space inside by the wall
most comfortable to me (as a heavy person)
this time, no room at the inn!! (i mean wall space)LOL
had to sit on the aisle end of the booth
instead of leg hanging out into aisle area
i fit perfectly and looked great!!! LOL LOL
"wow i really am aces"
kathy

Every time I use the bathroom, I hop on the scale. Even in the middle of the night. I guess I transferred my food addiction to the scale I also check bariatricpal way too often!

It's interesting you feel this way -- and that you've chosen @@byebyefatgirl! as your BP nickname.
Much more important than hoping that other people see you differently is your own ability to see yourself differently.
And if you ever want to change your BP nickname, you can do so easily.

I posted on another thread about the difference in the way I was perceived while driving for Uber. I was saddened by it . I really don't think I realized the difference in perception till I felt it firsthand. Now it is becoming more apparent at school as well, by both teachers and students. It's a sad commentary on society, but a fact we must accept. We are the lucky ones, because science has given us a solution that wasn't available that many years ago. I will NEVER downgrade someone because of their weight. We all know that we were unsuccessful without this tool. The BEST we can do is lead by example.

They don't/can't see the work it took to get the degree or the dedication it took to get those promotions. They can, however, see your body shrinking. That's why the results of this particular addiction is impossible to hide. If an alcoholic is standing beside you, do you know they are an addict? Likely not unless they are truly at the end of their rope. Same for a drug addict. But a food addict...well, everyone knows of our struggles because it's out there for all to see. For me...I'm still a food addict but because I'm normal sized now, no one is aware. Still means I'm an addict though. Always will be too.

sheesh... where do you live? If a guy hollered out something like that in the Seattle area... there would be a sea of disapproving icey stares thrown his way. Thats how we roll...ha!
I did once have a really cute guy offer to help me with my sunscreen, but my pals and I all considered that a compliment.

I haven't had my surgery yet. but as a long-term yo-yo dieter, yes, people treated me MUCH better when I was normal weight. Even jerks on the street who yell nasty things at women - Saturday I had a bozo yell, "MISS, MISS, YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT! YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT MISS!" I'm sure if I were thin he would have called me a bitch or something, but when you're big, people decide to go straight to insulting your size.

So I had to put my 2 cents in here. I myself am a pretty confidant person. I have been thin, I have been fat, I have been super skinny and I have been morbidly obese at different times through out my life.
I will tell you that at the time I was super skinny is about the only time I felt that people treated me differently, everyone was always trying to feed me or get me to eat more than I ate at a sitting.
I know my value as a person, and therefore regardless of my physical size I refuse to be treated differently than I deserve to be. I am a tiny person, my height is just about 5'1". I might not be the "star" on the basket ball team but don't discount my skills people
I think that people who treat others differently because of things like physical stature or appearance have an issue. It's them not me...and that's my 2 cents.

Amen!! For three years I worked full-time and got my master's degree part time. I was promoted twice during that time and increased my salary by 30%. I've lived abroad before. I've never NOT had a job since I was 16, and even babysat before when I was 13-15. I am a very hard worker, but no one acknowledges that. I drop a few pounds and all of a sudden people are now proud of me? WHAT IS THAT?
It's like people don't see what I've done with my life because I have fat on my body.

Yes people treat me differently...strangers in particular. I get alot more doors being opened, looks, and offers of assistance.
However, I know I contributed to this as well. When I reflect honestly I would say that coworkers, family and friends treated me with more respect when I was obese than I treated myself (ie not taking care of myself in many dimensions). I feel grateful they saw my worth through the shield.
I feel no anger or bitterness toward this change, I take responsibility for my role in it. I feel sad& mad for people who are treated so poorly due to their size.
Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

I was flipping through my kid's books the other day trying to find him a bedtime story and we read a book about a fish who wanted to get big and strong so he went to a restaurant and ate a bunch of high fat food. He ended up getting fat instead and all his fish friends laughed at him and made fun of him so he went on an exercise program to lose weight.
I was appalled. Fat shaming and food issues start at a very, very young age. I'm giving that damned book to Goodwill.
I am very early in my weight loss phase (22 pounds down! Yay!) but I can attest to feeling invisible. I get horrified looks from men when I talk to them, as if they're afraid I'm interested but they don't want anything to do with me so they try to ignore me (I'm gay, asshole). I'm going to be very peevish towards men who hit on me when I reach a normal weight. Likewise, I get a lot of pitying looks from women, looks also tinged with fear - and I know they're thinking "thank God I'm not that fat" or "I hope I never get THAT fat."
Obese people are treated very poorly in our country. Folks who have never had a weight problem before have no idea how hard it is.

I was in a store today and there were 5 kids that were being offensive. I asked them to watch their language in front of my daughter and one of the kids went on a two minute rant about me being fat. I was so sad. I know I shouldn't have let it get to me so much but I just can't wait until hopefully one day people can see me for more as a fat lady.
Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Am I treated better since I lost weight ? Oh, heck yes ! Sad but true. As one poster said , suddenly I'm more "acceptable ", but also I'm happier and that comes across to others . I also put in more effort to look attractive, paying attention to my clothes, makeup and hair etc. So, combine looking better, a happier personality, and a positive attitude , well that's just plain attractive ! Guy or girl, small or large, that's just going to make others treat you better. I have no control over how some people treat others, I just make sure I'm treating others nicely .

@@deeplue exactly my thoughts .. I've done nothing illegal don't take drugs don't abuse ppl have always had a job always help ppl when they ask etc of course rarely get help when I need it they are too busy but always want me to drop what I'm doing for them had my sister tell me last week how she told ppl who hadn't met me 200 lbs ago how fat I used to be and how shocked they were and I was like why would u even discuss this with ppl who never even met me before why would it even be a topic of discussion? And her answer was oh I guess that's embarrassing for you... No cupcake it was embarrassing to you after all you are the one who told me not to come to your business because of my weight the whole thing just makes me nauseas and want to just not engage with ppl anymore at all or go out I've lost weight and yet it's still a never ending topic

Being I kept my surgery basically private, I get comments from co-workers and others such as "Are you okay? Everything all right?" So often weight loss to many is a sign of serious health problems and not a sign of taking better care of yourself.

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity?
This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

Yes. More people talk to me. Men and women. Coworkers as well as strangers who have never met me. Some of it may be how I carry myself compared to how I did before. But not all of it can be attributed to that. I have mixed feelings about it as well. Happy and hurt at the same time.