wannaBthinsoon

I wore my daughters clothes today!!! Has nothing to do with my original post but oh well NSV!!!!! Yes I was 267 lbs last year!

Thanks for letting me know I didn't realize I was in the wrong forum. I was too busy trying to vent.

If any are still following. I have stabilized at around 134 pounds lost. It fluctuated up and down a bit. I was doing fine until two weeks ago when they found a couple hernias. Going back in for surgery on them tomorrow. It will be surgery number 32 in 11 months. Hopefully the last.

i haven't excercised for even one minute and I lost over 100% of my excess weight. Yes, I have a physical job and active lifestyle, lifting 60-80 pounds regularly and typically logging 12,000 steps on my fit bit. But this is the exact same "excercise" I got for the last 10 years that I was obese, so it certainly didn't contribute to my weight loss. My diet changes did that.
Of course excercise will help increase muscle mass, (or minimize muscle loss as you lose weight), leading to a more toned body shape. It will even help with stamina if you are doing cardio, but it typically has a minimum effect on weight loss itself.

I promise I will try it after my surgery and I'll give a shout out about my experience. (some of these responses truly had me laughing out loud!! folks need to "lighten up"!)

Absolutely unacceptable. Who the heck does he think he is, anyway?? (can you tell that really steams me??) If it were me in that scenario instead of you, I'd be packing him up and moving him out. Maybe then he would realize that sort of control will get him nowhere fast! MAN!

I take stool softeners every day of my life! hate constipation! Don't let it become a blockage. Drink lots of Water, and maybe a couple stool softeners.

I'm sorry for this trial but your gonna be ok just reassure your kids that they did nothing wrong ok they need there mom right now more than ever

It is very hard to be objective about a relationship when you are in it....One day you will thank him for showing his ass! Best of luck to you and your new life! You will not regret this!!

@@Yadie2006 You probably don't realize this now, but in a month or two, your confidence is going to go through the roof! You will realize that you are worth it. You will look back at how "he" wasn't there for you, and be glad you made the decision to become healthy and thin, instead of obese and unhappy with a man who loves only himself. If he had truly loved you, he would've been there to hold your hand when you were scared before the surgery, and he would be waiting in the recovery room for you to wake up, and be so relieved when you do. But, I don't see that with your man. I see a chickenshit, who wants to control you. Good for you for choosing YOU and your kids. I really don't think you will ever regret that decision. .................and like others have said.....forget him!

@@Yadie2006 You probably don't realize this now, but in a month or two, your confidence is going to go through the roof! You will realize that you are worth it. You will look back at how "he" wasn't there for you, and be glad you made the decision to become healthy and thin, instead of obese and unhappy with a man who loves only himself. If he had truly loved you, he would've been there to hold your hand when you were scared before the surgery, and he would be waiting in the recovery room for you to wake up, and be so relieved when you do. But, I don't see that with your man. I see a chickenshit, who wants to control you. Good for you for choosing YOU and your kids. I really don't think you will ever regret that decision. .................and like others have said.....forget him!

@@Yadie2006 You probably don't realize this now, but in a month or two, your confidence is going to go through the roof! You will realize that you are worth it. You will look back at how "he" wasn't there for you, and be glad you made the decision to become healthy and thin, instead of obese and unhappy with a man who loves only himself. If he had truly loved you, he would've been there to hold your hand when you were scared before the surgery, and he would be waiting in the recovery room for you to wake up, and be so relieved when you do. But, I don't see that with your man. I see a chickenshit, who wants to control you. Good for you for choosing YOU and your kids. I really don't think you will ever regret that decision. .................and like others have said.....forget him!

@@Yadie2006 You probably don't realize this now, but in a month or two, your confidence is going to go through the roof! You will realize that you are worth it. You will look back at how "he" wasn't there for you, and be glad you made the decision to become healthy and thin, instead of obese and unhappy with a man who loves only himself. If he had truly loved you, he would've been there to hold your hand when you were scared before the surgery, and he would be waiting in the recovery room for you to wake up, and be so relieved when you do. But, I don't see that with your man. I see a chickenshit, who wants to control you. Good for you for choosing YOU and your kids. I really don't think you will ever regret that decision. .................and like others have said.....forget him!

This sounds like an attention seeking move. I have a relationship where every time it's time for me to do something for myself, DRAMA. No not healthy and it's really an attempt to control. Don't lose focus or give in. This is bigger and more important than "LOVE", this is your life, without which, there can be no love. Once he sees that your not giving in, he'll come back BUT always remember, a person/friend shows who they really are when your down and need them the most. Cancer or Bariatric Surgery, you want to know up front who's in you corner! Stay in prayer and press
F O R W A R D! Peace

@@jpballerina 's post is absolutely 100% true.
Let him go.
Love yourself. You're soooo worth it.

Please let us know if you need anything. My husband leaving me was one of the hardest things that ever happened to me. I'm happier on the other end; no one wants to spend their life trying to make someone love them (especially when the real problem is that the person doesn't love themselves.)
My parting thoughts?
1-You will survive this.
2-Don't fight for him; I beg you. Please. I've been there. Let him go.
3-Cry a bunch and kick things. Let him go.
4-Don't do the surgery to show him how much you don't need him or to make him sorry for leaving you. The surgery won't fix him. Do it for you and you only.
5-Let him go.
❤️ We're here for you!
-Julianna

Im sorry for your pain. But take it from me, don't stay married to someone for 25 years who doesn't love you. You can never get those years back. As hard as this is right now, it is a blessing that he is showing his true colors to you this openly. Get your surgery, take care of yourself, and find all the support systems you can to stay on course. I filed for divorce four months after my surgery. It was years overdue. Blessings to you.

It sounds to me like this is his way of manipulating the situation. It sounds as if he's saying if you can't be fat and miserable, then it's not worth it to him so choose to be fat and miserable or he's leaving. My advice, as hard as it sounds is to just let him go. You need to have supportive people around you, especially in those first days and weeks, and it certainly sounds like this guy isn't it! I'm reminded of an episode from my 600lbs life when Zalynn was on there and her husband wanted her to be big. He loved big women. He was with her because she was big and that was it. He didn't care she was suffering and in pain. He didn't care her life was being cut short. He was only there to feed his sexual fetish. When she went for wls, he tried to sabotage her, he was cruel to her, mocking her, ridiculing her, and even trying to force her to eat fries and fast food crap in the car on the way home from the hospital knowing damn well she couldn't. He was absolutely just cruel and in the end, she finally gave up and realized he didn't love her and let him go. It's hard, and I am so sorry you are going through this, but if you have to choose between your health or him, you should choose your health and wellbeing every time! Hang in there sweetie! Sometimes when we lose weight, we lose a couple hundred from our life we weren't counting on, but you'll be better off in the end.

I hate to say it, but he has shown his true colors. He was not the right one. He didn't love YOU. I'm so sorry. It must be devastating.
In the long run it will be the best thing for you. You deserve a real man who loves, cherishes, and respects you. You are worth it.

I'm so sorry for you! I feel like he chose his moment to cause you the most pain and stress. Talk about attempted sabotage! He won't think of counseling. He's willing to throw all those years away. Sounds to me he's been thinking about this for a long while. You need to look to your finances. Make sure he doesn't pull all your money out of the bank, all that other stuff horrible people do when they leave their spouses. You should not have to think about this at this time, but you'll be glad you did afterwards. Do you have a good friend or loved one who can stay close while you're going through this?

This may sound cruel but....BYE! Seriously if he's going to leave you at a time like this over the assumption that you "might leave him later" he's too weak for you. What if you get cancer, a terminal illness, lose a leg, hell a finger?! If he's feeling froggy tell him to jump!! Bygones! You're going to need a strong support system and he's obviously not it. Through sickness and in health. He broke his promise now you focus on you! If he truly loves you he'll be back and he can hope you'll even want him. You find out real quick who's there for you in your times of need and who isn't shit....its a good thing really. You may not think that now but give it time, you'll see the light!
Now........

i dont think he would care much about my kids. he is not the father or my children but he has been in there lifes for 5 years and my kids love him. but if he doesnt care about me then he doesnt care about my children. ???? thank u for your prayers ????????

What an a$$hat! I cannot believe someone would do this! I am so terribly sorry! Sounds like he has some serious issues and insecurities and neither of those allow him to treat you that way. Are you seeing a therapist on your own in preparation of your surgery (and post-op if you can)? If so, call them. I am sure they can find a way to squeeze you in if even just a phone call.
I know you don't need solutions right now; just sympathy. I'm sorry. I tend to be fixer. I'm with @Valentina. Kick, scream, etc. (when you are out of hearing range of your children of course.) HUGS!!

Wow what a jerk..... He doing this and there are kids involved? What selfish self absorbed a$$! Prayers to give you strength to get through.

thanks guys! i feel very sad! but i have to stay strong for me, for my son and my daughter. surgery 02/23 a new chapter in my life. ????