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About ajb1029

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday October 29

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    Veterinary Receptionist
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  1. ajb1029

    Slogging through the crappy times

    So here I am...almost 2 weeks post op( 2 weeks on Monday). And y'all...the regret is for real. Was not prepared for how painful the incisions would be and how much they would limit how much I moved around, shuffling really even though I was ready mentally to go back out to hiking. Sitting in the car is miserable and I go back to work on Tuesday-an hour commute one way. I can barely tolerate the protein shakes and have basically stopped drinking them, they make my stomach spasm so I have been living off of sugar free pudding with protein powder mixed in, strained soup since broth is to salty and gross and greek yogurt and water. I have made water my priority but even so I have gone from easily drinking 100-150oz on a given day to somewhere between 44-60oz. I am miserable. On top of all this the scale moved the first four days, then bounced back up 15lbs and has not really moved from there. I know I'm losing because I'm tracking inches but it would be nice to get some assurance from the scale. I am also allergic to the skin glue they used so my incisions are red, angry and so f*cking itchy I want to rip my skin off. Living off of Benadryl and hydrocortisone cream at the moment. I am frustrated. Hoping that once I move on to the pureed foods on Tuesday that getting my protein in will be easier and once I am not so sore I will be able to really get moving. It's not all gloom and doom I suppose, I have had no issues with heartburn(I didn't ever prior to surgery), I haven't had any complications, no gas pains to really speak of. I just want to get down all the crap that I'm going through so maybe in a few months when I look back at this I can write something to the tune of "things got better, much better"...fingers crossed. -A
  2. Holy crap, December 7th y'all! I am equal parts excited and terrified. [emoji51] My preop diet starts the 23rd{2 weeks of either just protein shakes or protein shakes with a small evening meal}. It includes Thanksgiving so I will be looking through the guidelines to figure out how best to enjoy my holiday. Insurance approved an outpatient visit, so that means if I recover uneventfully I get to go home that afternoon! I like that. [emoji16] Also have a preop visit with the nutritionist, surgeon and finance(I have to pay the remaining amount of my out of pocket max) a little more than a week preop and then a covid test 72 hours prior to surgery. It just seems like a dream right now, this is what I've spent the last like 9 months working towards, actually the last 12 or 13 years. I guess as things get a little closer it will seem more and more real. Back to reading the forums and watching youtube videos in preparation. Any surgery twins out there for the 7th? Sent from my SM-P610 using BariatricPal mobile app
  3. ajb1029

    Almost gave up...again...and other thoughts

    Oh wow, that's AWESOME!! Remember, one day at a time, you got this!
  4. ajb1029

    Can't believe how far I've come

    I really have been meaning to write more blogs during my journey and well...I'm kind of lazy and was always motivated right at bedtime. Moving on. So June was my sleep study, have super mild sleep apnea but enough to warrant a cpap machine. I hate it. I hate that I have to pay like $900 for the stupid thing(insurance would not have kicked in until over a thousand dollar deductible had been met so I went with an online provider that I emailed my prescription to and had them set my machine to). So true story, I used it sometimes and for the most part ignored it. Until after talking to one of the nurses about requirements for surgery they require a 75% use of the machine for 4 or more hours a night in the last 30 days (so that is around 22-23 days for anyone wondering). I was in maybe the 25-30% range at that point. I kept taking off the mask at night, or I wouldn't sleep for 4 hours(I skew to a late night person and my job normally has me getting up to get ready to go in at 5am so that clashes most weekday nights). I asked this wonderful community for help and got lots of recommendations and really finally sat down with myself and made sure each night keeping the stupid mask on was at the forefront of my mind every night AND I had to make sure I was in the most comfortable position as possible--9 times out of 10 it worked and I was able to hit my goal. So come to this morning I hit 76%!! Immediately downloaded my sleep report from my app(I have a ResMed machine and their app is pretty great), screenshotted it(can't screen shot it in the app) and messaged it over to Baylor Scott and White (my surgery should be happening in the Temple hospital). That was the last requirement besides the last 2 visits to my super awesome PCP-visit #6 is next Monday and visit #7 is October 27th-two days before my birthday. As soon as the October visit is done my job will be to call the bariatric department to let them know so they can submit all my paperwork(fingers crossed no appeal will be needed)!! When I've tried this process the last few times it has never felt like this, so much more real, something that is SUPPOSED to happen vs doing it because it felt like what everyone wanted me to do. I guess that was something I had to come to the conclusion was the best choice for me, it took me a few years (the first ever wls seminar I went to I was 18-I'm 30 now). I always say that unless someone wants to help themselves it doesn't matter what others offer in support or help(mostly from my experience with people I love and drug habits) and it was so true for me. I always thought I'd lose the weight on my own, day after day, year after year until my weight was 17 pounds higher than my highest ever in the surgeon's office...that was a blow and moment of clarity. is the longest 'supervised diet' I had to do in the past and I have used my time thus far to prepare mentally and emotionally, taking up new hobbies, and changing my habits one at a time. I have thus far: upped my protein and water intake, almost entirely quit sugar(desserts/junk food), quit energy drinks and started working out(this has been a struggle y'all but I plan on taking up Krav Maga and probably kayaking once I'm healed along with my winter hikes to keep it fun). I want to be where I need to be when I wake up from surgery, not grappling with quitting horrible habits and trying to juggle the emotions and physical healing of the surgery. I won't lie, I am an instant gratification person, I would love to be able to just go and self pay with none of the hoops to jump through but now at this point I am so thankful I am not because for me, that would have probably been a disaster. I have lost some weight along the way and I try to keep the fact that weight lost now will make recovery so much easier to keep me on the straight and narrow. I love this community and hope that as I progress from hopeful patient to joining a lot of you on the loser's bench I can contribute valuable insight and motivation. Until next time, Amanda
  5. I almost gave up...again. I almost decided that my health wasn't worth waiting another month. I almost did, but I didn't this time. An inconvenience that would not phase almost anyone else made me second guess myself for the billionth time. But this time I stuck with it, even though I was disappointed, even though deep down I wanted to use the fact that my first (of seven) doctor supervised “diet” appointments was made into a telehealth appointment that I subsequently did not attend due to some idiocy on my part and therefore had to push my timeline back another month. I wanted to give up, I wanted to cancel every single appointment the bariatric department had made me already. But rational, 30-year-old Amanda kept focused that it was a minor setback, easily remedied by making an appointment for October for the last visit. Also, my first doctor supervised appointment was last week and it was in clinic, gained 7lbs(I call them pandemic pounds -_-) and forgot how much I like my doctor! Actually had a conversation about what changes to make, how things were going and goals for my next visit! Also also, today is my 90 day mark of having quit smoking! WOOHOO! I am in the process of making a playlist for days like that(because really, the most doubt was only around for at most a day or two) to get me through the self doubt of my decision even though for 99.999% of the time I am 120% committed to doing this for me. No pressure from anyone else, no real (or imagined)judgment(s) from others to do what I feel like they want me to do. This is on me. A playlist that will incite courage and faith in the journey, to remind me that the process isn't a sprint but a marathon that must be paced accordingly. --If you have suggestions, I'd love them!--- I did my psych evaluation today. Going into it not knowing what to expect was only mildly nerve wracking. The possibility the answers I gave on a 300 some odd questionnaire with stupid statements will preclude me from having surgery does weigh on part of my mind. And let me reiterate the stupidity of the questions, many of which could easily be changed from 'true' to 'false' and vice versa depending on my mood or how my day had been going. If that is how it goes, then I guess that is how it goes. And plan B will have to be found—Mexico maybe? Each month I am trying to focus on changing a habit, getting into a new mindset. I have incorporated more water and protein. This month (after being weighed at +7lbs than my last weight at my doctor's visit) I have re-started logging food and am gradually cutting out the sugar(cookies, candy etc). My highest weight used to be 320, now, with embarrassment it is 347. I was speechless and upset. I luckily do not have any comorbidities...right now...and like I told a coworker, play with fire for to long and you will get burned. In my case, I'm going to get burned badly. With diabetes and high pressure lurking in my family lines it is only a matter of time not to mention my poor knees. That's all the musings I have for tonight. Have courage, keep the faith, Amanda
  6. Howdy everyone! I have lurked in the shadows for a while now and finally feel like I am at a point in my life where I can come out into the light and say, I have started this journey -for real- now! loss surgery has been on my radar for years thanks to my dad-I've been obese if not morbidly obese since 4th grade (I am 30 now). I have started the process of getting sleeved twice before this year. First time I only got past the initial consult with the surgeon and maybe one weigh in for the supervised diet but then we ended up moving and I let it fall by the wayside and the second time I actually moved in with my dad and started the process (I was still on his insurance) as Duke has a good program and my step mom has achieved success after having the gastric bypass so the hope was to use her as a resource as I plugged away at the insurance requirements. I even had a good therapist to work with. Alas though, it was not meant to be as my mental health staying with my dad was no bueno. Fast forward to last October, my birthday. I've turned 30. I am now a good 10 pounds heavier than my heaviest. Finally at a point where I was ready to really pursue this, during open enrollment with my work provided insurance I opted to pay more each paycheck but have a 10% reduction in my co-insurance, as well as lower deductible and out of pocket max. Even if it was just for a year, I was going to do this. Found myself a PCP I really like, and made the consult appointment with the surgeon-Dr. David Provost with Baylor Scott and White in Temple(who I REALLY liked). The appointment went really well, I have 7 months of supervised diet, which is just fine with me, I have a lot of head work and habits to work on. I also have to do a psych test and sleep study, go to a lifestyle class and at least one support group meeting(I am stoked about maybe meeting people!). Best part so far of working with Baylor Scott and White? I have a WHOLE BOOKLET of information ranging from what to do several weeks pre-op to months post-op, they also made every appointment I will need (with the exception of I think the psych-they will call me to set it up) so I can see how my next few months will progress. My last weigh in with my PCP is September 28th, my birthday is October 29th....maybe, just maybe I will get to be sleeved as a birthday present(crossing my fingers)? I have no co-morbidities----not sure how I lucked out on that one. I love hiking and my most recent accomplishment was a 7ish mile hike on Christmas Eve. I don't know what has clicked that wasn't there before but y'all....I am READY! I have enjoyed reading your triumphs, set backs and learning along with you and am finally ready for this!
  7. Hey everyone! I've been shadow stalking the forums for a few months now and I've done a couple of blog posts but I thought I would post on here. I have my 2nd weigh in for my supervised diet on June 5th, I am doing the Idaho Plate method/diet. My issue is I'm full after I eat a meal but if I've done really any exercise I become ravished in mere hour or so or it's just a random day and no matter how much I eat it feels like I haven't eaten anything. What's the best way to shrink my stomach so it won't complain as much if I don't stuff my face, maybe lots and lots of Water? I have to fly cross country in only like 6 weeks for my best friend's wedding and I REALLY wanna lose 20-30 pounds for it (actually I really wished I had had the surgery and would be able to enjoy the flight). Flying at 320 and flying at 290 is kind of a huge difference. While my fat thighs still leak into the space of the person sitting next to me (I HATE that!) the seatbelt is actually a little loose. Does anyone else have the issue of being hungry it seems ALL THE TIME pre-op? I am REALLY looking forward to the sleeve and the restrictive ability as well as the loss of the hunger hormones. I'd love any suggestions you all might have for the next few months, because I really do want to lose some weight and limit my portions and it doesn't count if I have a good dinner(portion wise) and then an hour later eat 3 chocolate chip muffins. >_< thank you for any advice!
  8. Hi everyone! I first wanna thank those that take the time to comment on my blogs, I do not have wifi at the new house and a limited data plan on my phone. I am sitting at the library at the moment, so if you like what you read and would like to further interact with me, please send me a message or something. And seriously, thanks for the comments, I love knowing people on here are willing to give advice, once I get to NC I should be on here a LOT more. That being said, NORTH CAROLINA! In a week...well, no. In like 10 days, I leave Wyoming in a week, but it'll take me 3 days to get to my dad's house. I am really excited about the road trip, 3 days of me, my dog, and the open road. While I can't stop to sightsee since I will be in a small time crunch, I won't have to drive but for 12-14 hours. And I probably will stop closer to 12 but I have this thing you see, since I was a child on any trip, my bladder can't control itself. My dad says I see the world through bathrooms. It's not that I have a medical issue, it's just a mental thing I think for me...and the fact I hate feeling like I'm going to pee myself...and I love to drink on the road, while soda is something I really enjoy I will be trying to get my caffeine from energy shots (5 hour energy), caffeine pills etc and NOT energy drinks or soda which go through me in like 20 minutes. I drove a 6 hour trip and seriously stopped every time I saw a rest stop because I had to go, that was roughly every 2 hours. I hope to go longer than that between bathroom breaks. LOL Saw my nutritionist today. Very nice fellow, much more personable than the pcp had been. He gave me the Idaho Plate Method to follow and instructions to start walking. Not only do I have a plan (which he says should average out to about 1400 calories) but it's DOCUMENTED! HURRAY!! 1 visit down, 5 to go. I am HIGHLY motivated to lose 30 pounds before July though, I have to fly *shudder* from Raleigh to San Diego....east to west coast. I hate flying fat. I hate that my thighs infringe upon someone else's space. I hate it. But the seatbelt fits better when I weigh about 30 pounds lighter than I do now. I am officially at my highest...322 :'( 290 is my goal for the wedding....I've only flown once at that weight, and the seat belt was much more comfortable but I still touched the person next to me's leg...Maybe, hopefully though this will be the last round trip flight I will take obese. I figure losing 30ish pounds or maybe 35 won't hurt my case much for wls, and if I lose it now that's just 30 less pounds I have to lose when I do get it. I am looking forward to also finding a therapist and tackling my emotional eating and addictions I have, and I want to start working with weights to help tone the muscles so that maybe the saggy skin won't be as catastrophic. I'll deal with it either way, I'm sure it beats being huge. 'Till next time my friends!
  9. Hi, I'm unsure if this forum is where this post needs to be, so move if needed. I have the 6 month diet requirement and have my first appointment with a new pcp. I am unsure what I need to make sure he writes down in my chart. It needs to be detailed since I'm actually going to have only one appt with him, and the next 5 are going to be with a new pcp in NC (I am in WY at the moment). What did you ask your doctor to document when you started your supervised diet? I am very anxious that the documentation may stall the insurance approval and want to have everything in order when it is submitted. I have UHC Choice if that helps any. Thanks!
  10. ajb1029

    The beginning

    Hi everyone! I figured I would start a blog here, specifically about my journey. So let me introduce myself, my name is Amanda, I'm 24 and I have a bmi of right around 50. BUT no co-morbidities as of yet, thank goodness but I do have diabetes in my family so I may be playing with fire.) I have been overweight, or morbidly obese since I was in like....4th grade. I wasn't fat growing up-I played sports, but then my parents got divorced when I was in the 4th grade and there was an ugly custody battle and I started eating and stopped moving and I got fatter. I'm pretty sure (not 100%) that by 6th grade I could have been classified as morbidly obese or close to it, I was a whale! I didn't have a lot of friends, not until I joined JROTC in high school and learned I liked to run and sweat and have friends but my love affair with food was overwhelming for me. So I got fatter. Went to colelge, got into Zumba and ate a little better. Lost a few pounds but it came back. Transferred colleges, moved home.Got Phentermine the first time, lost quite a few pounds, got off meds gained it all back. Became a commuter student so I knew/know very few people from my several years there. Went to my pcp again to talk specifically about weight loss all I got was "try weight watchers and eat better and oh yea, here's another prescription for Phentermine (woohoo drugs that make me not hungry! ) Gained it all back when the meds were gone). I love to go hiking/swimming/adventuring and have no issues doing so by myself. Well, I take my dog(s) but food is still so freaking great. I've most recently tried Atkins (lost close to 20 pounds-gained it back after I started carbs again), ate the "broke college student"diet- this consisted of lots of water and cheap food, think-spaghettios, hot dogs, or nothing. I lost like 35 pounds and then I graduated and moved in with my mom and I gained it all back plus probably an extra 5-10 pounds. I've tried water fasting(super great for you, flushes it out toxins and fat) for a few days but all the weight I gained back I of course regained it all plus 5-10 because my body was like "YOU DIDN'T FEED ME FOR 3 DAYS, EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!" Yea. Baaaad idea. Sadly, except a few pictures of a super young me all of the pictures ever taken of me I'm fat in. So, stay with me kids, here's when it gets a bit...convoluted. I went to a lap-band seminar when I was 17-they didn't do the surgery for people under 18 so I didn't really think about the possibility of weight loss surgery again until my step mom got the RnY and lost a crap ton of weight. I don't live with her so I only saw the after product, she's done a wonderful job at maintaining the loss. My dad brought it up a few years ago and I thought about it and did more research but I'm already anemic (it runs in the family, on the female side and it blows hard) and didn't want to deal with the malabsorption. When I moved in with my mom and did more soul searching and found the gastric sleeve and realized that it would probably be a good idea to into it more. I scheduled my surgical consult (I lived in Houston at the time), my insurance has a 6 month supervised diet so I was in the process of finding a new pcp to supervise me. And then we moved...to Wyoming. In the middle of nowhere Wyoming (this was in December). I did some more reading and found this forum, after lurking for a while I decided to join. Bear with me it's gonna get messy. My mom (who I moved with) found a new house to buy and so after we close (on Friday woohoo!) and move and do a few repairs I have decided to move to the Raleigh NC area to live with my dad and stepmom in order to go through the weight loss surgery process. I decided I wanted to go through the process with someone in the house that had 'been there, done that' and could help me especially post-op. So there's my story. I hope in the coming months (I should be headed to NC in 2-3 weeks) I will be able to document the process of jumping through the hoops of the insurance company and finally starting my life for real...being able to go on the same 4 mile hike much easier and much longer, participating in the couch to 5k program, going backpacking, fitting in the plane seat embarrassment free etc... PS the picture is me, hiking in one of Texas' state parks...fat. I could be so much more NOT fat!

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