ajb1029

As it sits I am now 27 days away from my 7th and final weigh in visit with my PCP. Granted I did find out I have to go over to the lab to get some bloodwork done but I plan on doing that on Friday and don't expect any huge problems that need addressing so really, it that last visit. In the last 7 months as of right now I have 1)quit smoking (February 7th baby!) 2)Gotten to really forge a relationship with my PCP(SO thankful for this, I need as many people rooting for me as possible!) 3) Made quite a few small changes in anticipation of surgery 4) Became more active on this forum and other Facebook pages 5) Kept at this for now almost a year. A few reflections thus far: If you have a supervised diet requirement by your insurance, embrace it y'all. I never really expected to enjoy my visits with my PCP during this time but even she said this last visit that our chats were her favorite appointment and that she was proud of how far I've come. To clarify, I've only lost like ~9lbs(sometimes 6lbs depending on the time of day and if I am wearing work clothes) but I have added in quite a bit more exercise (most weeks I average 30-45mins at least 4-6 days a week), I am drinking so much more water, I've cut out straws(for the most part) and energy drinks and I am currently working on getting rid of soda. I have also most days controlled and conquered my sugar habit, the portion control is where I really struggle honestly and journaling my food should be better but I'm working on that! I guess what I mean to say is that I never really thought about the fact that if I am denied for whatever reason through insurance that I will really need someone in my corner that knows the changes I've made and how much I have worked for this surgery to fight for me. If you don't think your PCP would be willing to do that for you, I'd highly recommend finding a new one before you really get trucking down this path. The small changes really have added up for me, but it's the portion control I lack(I've always lacked) and I am SO ready to have that built in for me to bring alongside my other changes to finally get my life moving the way I want! If you have a few months, make small changes so by the time surgery comes, you aren't trying to change everything about your lifestyle. It hurts to be fat. It really, really does. Incorporating exercise has made me see that even with new shoes, my feet and calves hurt when I power walk and I'm out of commission for the next like 5 days trying to recuperate. Lesson learned: hiking in nature is my go to(zero problems unless I wear the wrong socks-the blisters after 7 miles was like walking in broken glass), but I will also start up my yoga dvd again(it is legit yoga for obese people-the name escapes me at this moment) as well as my Biggest Loser dvds for indoor exercise. I think I'll leave the road pounding to a less fat Amanda, maybe throw in some more gentler, longer walks. My surgeon wants me at 60 minutes of cardio 6 days a week leading up to surgery, can be in increments or all at once. Even being in a little bit better shape than I am now will help my recovery and transition that much easier. If you can, get your bariatric program to pre-schedule all of your weigh in PCP, specialist (sleep, cardiology etc), nutritionist visits at the beginning it will make a HUGE difference. At least it did for me. I had my consult with my surgeon in February, met with the coordinator who scheduled all my appointments (which meant I could ask for my work schedule to allow for those visits off months ahead of time) but also allowed me to put them in my calendar and gave me the ability to countdown each one. I downloaded a widget for my phone that counts down and I get intense pleasure from resetting it after each PCP visit to restart that month countdown. I have a goal to be down 5-10lbs for my last visit and having a countdown gives me incentive! Having this wait for me really made me realize how into instant gratification I was am. So much of me thought I was so ready for this surgery as soon as I walked out of the surgeon's office. I wanted nothing to do with freaking SEVEN months of visits! Going to Mexico crossed my mind more than I really like to admit just because I didn't want to wait and thought I was 100% ready. Obviously, that was false and the more I settled into my routines of PCP visits intermingled with lifestyle changes and new diagnoses(I have sleep apnea, surprise! -_-) the more I realized that if I had been able to have surgery a few weeks after meeting the surgeon I may have been doomed or just really, really, really miserable at the beginning. When I start to get antsy about dates and waiting I HAVE to remind myself that I didn't get to be where I am health/weight wise overnight, in a week or even in 7 months and waiting a little longer isn't the end of the world(especially if you consider my very first visit to a bariatric seminar was when I was 17-my mom was okay with signing anything she needed to-----I am now 30). I've never seen myself at a healthy weight, or even under 300lbs since college about 9 years ago, I have never dated and always considered myself the fat friend-the one that people keep around because I make them laugh but not much else, and my friendship graveyard seems to confirm that. This wait has brought a lot of emotional issues to deal with that thankfully I can deal with a part from recovering from surgery and fixing my eating habits/lifestyle. I discovered I am terrified of no longer being able to not attract the wrong attention(I have never really worried about being kidnapped or raped or even hit on in a bar) but I have remedied that by finding a Krav Maga club by my work that should very nicely double as a gym/workout as well as planning on getting my concealed carry license. Dating is a whole other game, one I probably won't even think about touching for very long time, being along my whole life has given me the ability to be spontaneous in my plans (the dogs don't care if I wake up and decide to take them 8 hours to a state park to camp and hike with absolutely no warning 🤣🤣. Oh! Last thing, I am now working on an Amazon list of things to order once I am approved and scheduled for surgery! I really think I'm gonna buy that stuffed sleeved stomach stuffed toy(?) animal(?) thing for the hospital stay. I'm sure there are more things, but this kinda became a rambling stream of stuff. I really should have started this blog the day I had my consult but to tell you the truth, I never really saw myself going through this whole process successfully...but since I'm so close to the end and new beginning I need to throw this bad boy into overdrive! Until next time, Amanda

I almost gave up...again. I almost decided that my health wasn't worth waiting another month. I almost did, but I didn't this time. An inconvenience that would not phase almost anyone else made me second guess myself for the billionth time. But this time I stuck with it, even though I was disappointed, even though deep down I wanted to use the fact that my first (of seven) doctor supervised “diet” appointments was made into a telehealth appointment that I subsequently did not attend due to some idiocy on my part and therefore had to push my timeline back another month. I wanted to give up, I wanted to cancel every single appointment the bariatric department had made me already. But rational, 30-year-old Amanda kept focused that it was a minor setback, easily remedied by making an appointment for October for the last visit. Also, my first doctor supervised appointment was last week and it was in clinic, gained 7lbs(I call them pandemic pounds -_-) and forgot how much I like my doctor! Actually had a conversation about what changes to make, how things were going and goals for my next visit! Also also, today is my 90 day mark of having quit smoking! WOOHOO! I am in the process of making a playlist for days like that(because really, the most doubt was only around for at most a day or two) to get me through the self doubt of my decision even though for 99.999% of the time I am 120% committed to doing this for me. No pressure from anyone else, no real (or imagined)judgment(s) from others to do what I feel like they want me to do. This is on me. A playlist that will incite courage and faith in the journey, to remind me that the process isn't a sprint but a marathon that must be paced accordingly. --If you have suggestions, I'd love them!--- I did my psych evaluation today. Going into it not knowing what to expect was only mildly nerve wracking. The possibility the answers I gave on a 300 some odd questionnaire with stupid statements will preclude me from having surgery does weigh on part of my mind. And let me reiterate the stupidity of the questions, many of which could easily be changed from 'true' to 'false' and vice versa depending on my mood or how my day had been going. If that is how it goes, then I guess that is how it goes. And plan B will have to be found—Mexico maybe? Each month I am trying to focus on changing a habit, getting into a new mindset. I have incorporated more water and protein. This month (after being weighed at +7lbs than my last weight at my doctor's visit) I have re-started logging food and am gradually cutting out the sugar(cookies, candy etc). My highest weight used to be 320, now, with embarrassment it is 347. I was speechless and upset. I luckily do not have any comorbidities...right now...and like I told a coworker, play with fire for to long and you will get burned. In my case, I'm going to get burned badly. With diabetes and high pressure lurking in my family lines it is only a matter of time not to mention my poor knees. That's all the musings I have for tonight. Have courage, keep the faith, Amanda

Oh wow, that's AWESOME!! Remember, one day at a time, you got this!

Aww thank you! I am so much closer than I was when I posted this! All of my insurance requirements are met except for my last 2 PCP weigh in visits, so excited to get going on the rest of my life!

I really have been meaning to write more blogs during my journey and well...I'm kind of lazy and was always motivated right at bedtime. Moving on. So June was my sleep study, have super mild sleep apnea but enough to warrant a cpap machine. I hate it. I hate that I have to pay like $900 for the stupid thing(insurance would not have kicked in until over a thousand dollar deductible had been met so I went with an online provider that I emailed my prescription to and had them set my machine to). So true story, I used it sometimes and for the most part ignored it. Until after talking to one of the nurses about requirements for surgery they require a 75% use of the machine for 4 or more hours a night in the last 30 days (so that is around 22-23 days for anyone wondering). I was in maybe the 25-30% range at that point. I kept taking off the mask at night, or I wouldn't sleep for 4 hours(I skew to a late night person and my job normally has me getting up to get ready to go in at 5am so that clashes most weekday nights). I asked this wonderful community for help and got lots of recommendations and really finally sat down with myself and made sure each night keeping the stupid mask on was at the forefront of my mind every night AND I had to make sure I was in the most comfortable position as possible--9 times out of 10 it worked and I was able to hit my goal. So come to this morning I hit 76%!! Immediately downloaded my sleep report from my app(I have a ResMed machine and their app is pretty great), screenshotted it(can't screen shot it in the app) and messaged it over to Baylor Scott and White (my surgery should be happening in the Temple hospital). That was the last requirement besides the last 2 visits to my super awesome PCP-visit #6 is next Monday and visit #7 is October 27th-two days before my birthday. As soon as the October visit is done my job will be to call the bariatric department to let them know so they can submit all my paperwork(fingers crossed no appeal will be needed)!! When I've tried this process the last few times it has never felt like this, so much more real, something that is SUPPOSED to happen vs doing it because it felt like what everyone wanted me to do. I guess that was something I had to come to the conclusion was the best choice for me, it took me a few years (the first ever wls seminar I went to I was 18-I'm 30 now). I always say that unless someone wants to help themselves it doesn't matter what others offer in support or help(mostly from my experience with people I love and drug habits) and it was so true for me. I always thought I'd lose the weight on my own, day after day, year after year until my weight was 17 pounds higher than my highest ever in the surgeon's office...that was a blow and moment of clarity. is the longest 'supervised diet' I had to do in the past and I have used my time thus far to prepare mentally and emotionally, taking up new hobbies, and changing my habits one at a time. I have thus far: upped my protein and water intake, almost entirely quit sugar(desserts/junk food), quit energy drinks and started working out(this has been a struggle y'all but I plan on taking up Krav Maga and probably kayaking once I'm healed along with my winter hikes to keep it fun). I want to be where I need to be when I wake up from surgery, not grappling with quitting horrible habits and trying to juggle the emotions and physical healing of the surgery. I won't lie, I am an instant gratification person, I would love to be able to just go and self pay with none of the hoops to jump through but now at this point I am so thankful I am not because for me, that would have probably been a disaster. I have lost some weight along the way and I try to keep the fact that weight lost now will make recovery so much easier to keep me on the straight and narrow. I love this community and hope that as I progress from hopeful patient to joining a lot of you on the loser's bench I can contribute valuable insight and motivation. Until next time, Amanda

I have a small problem. I have been wearing my cpap mask easily over 75% of the time(since starting about months) but I am nowhere near the 75% being at 4 hours or more(in last 30 days) I am required to be at(I end up unconsciously ripping off my mask anywhere from 1-5 hours (per the MyAir app) after having it on...I am pretty sure the requirement is from the surgeon and not my insurance. Has anyone else dealt with compliance time requirements like this for cpaps(insurance and/or surgeons)? Also, what do you do to keep the mask on the majority of the night? I am a stomach and side sleeper--my sleep study forced me to sleep on my back--(my back has never been a preferred position) so I bought the Phillips Respironics nose pillow mask that has the hose coming to the mask from the top to help keep it on no matter how I sleep. I really don't have the funds to go run out and buy a new mask right now(this one is barely 3 months old) but will have to if that's a) the solution most of you have and/or b)this is a requirement of most surgeons or c)my insurance requires the compliance rate(I sent an email to the office tonight to clarify). I appreciate any and all input/feedback y'all have! [emoji4] Sent from my SM-N986U using BariatricPal mobile app

Okay guys, I DID IT!! I am sending in my report with a 76% compliance rate!! [emoji3060][emoji3060][emoji3060] that leaves only my last two weigh ins before paperwork gets submitted to insurance! Sent from my SM-N986U using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you everyone for all the suggestions! Because of my budget I actually ended up with Ryka Ultimate Running shoe, it is incredibly comfortable and the brand comes in wide! While the amount of cushioning is probably gonna wear it relatively quickly, I plan to buy the same brand walking shoe(Academy did not have those in wide but their website does). The difference was almost immediate, I could barely walk into and out of Academy but I switched shoes to go to Sam's and I could already tell a difference in pain levels. A couple of days of wearing them and there is no pain! Sent from my SM-N986U using BariatricPal mobile app

Ooo I think Austin has a Fleet Feet, I may have to try that out! Thank you for the recommendation[emoji4] I was also thinking about trying New Balance or Asics. Sent from my SM-N986U using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you everyone for the replies and suggestions! I have really doubled down on being mindful of putting the mask back on if it has been pulled off as well as changing up my sleeping positions that ensure I am as comfortable as possible when going to sleep(I have found that alone has helped the most!) I am now up to 46% compliance with about 2 weeks to go. Hoping to hit 75% this month so I can send in my report to the surgeon's office before my last supervised diet/weigh in visit with my pcp! [emoji4][emoji4][emoji4] Sent from my SM-N986U using BariatricPal mobile app

Hey y'all, got my sleep test results back...mild sleep apnea. And I mean like the range is 5-15 and I scored a 5.5....has anyone else dealt with such a low level apnea? I don't feel the apparent effects of it but now apparently I have to get and use a cpap machine. I am going to talk to my pcp and call the bariatric surgery department, there is no part of me that wants to pay money for a contraption that looks horribly uncomfortable...anyone have any thoughts or use a cpap for such mild apnea that has seen life changing changes for the better? Thanks guys! [emoji4] Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Thanks for the replies everyone! I was upset earlier and just really disappointed in myself and looking for ways around it. But your replies coupled with my 2nd weigh in visit with my pcp (I lost 10lbs and she was super proud of me!) I have let rational Amanda take over and will pursue it. I reached out to an online retailer that can also use insurance benefits and I will also look at local equipment stores(the 2 in my town have 2 stars or below from reviews so I am going to look at ones in the city I work). Appreciate all the input once again guys, this forum is such an incredible community!! Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Howdy to anyone and everyone out there! I have my own personal blog that I could post these fun things into, but right now, I like the anonymity that I have here from friends and family. While the vast majority of those I want to know, know( I do not plan on keeping it a secret for long after I have the surgery), there are things that I'd rather not put out just yet for all of my social media. Also, I ramble...a lot, just as warning. I hope to one day post all of the posts on my more public blog hopefully to help those that have questions or doubts about the surgery and what kind of process to expect(mentally, physically, spiritually and insurance-ly(?)). Case in point: most of today's post revolves around the steps I have thus far completed towards the insurance requirements. 1) I have completed my first supervised weigh in visit(or whatever it is called) and had gained a staggering 7 pounds since my consult with my surgeon. Holy balls. I refer to them as my 'pandemic pounds' and I vowed that every visit I had there on (with my pcp or other provider) I would not be heavier than my last visit...guys, that 7lbs put me at 347...my HIGHEST EVER WEIGHT. I was mortified. My highest before I had been at was a measly 320- and I'd been at that weight for YEARS. I digress. I got back onto the count-every-calorie-and-log-it train and I have slowly lost around 5-6 of those pounds. Which brings me to another point, if I count every.single.calorie.ever I will usually lose the weight, stop once or twice and get out of the habit of not tracking and BAM! all that weight back plus more. Ugh. I have upped my protein and water intakes drastically and I most admit, protein keeps me from being hungry and thinking about food all the damn time and I look forward to having the surgery that will go hand in hand with that as well as making it impossible to scarf down 4,000 calories in one sitting---done it, hated myself for it and have really started trying to tune into the brain and stomach signals when I'm full to stop and when I want the world to burn, to PUT DOWN THE ICE CREAM AMANDA and take a breather....it's a learning process, and while I'd LOVE to be able to get surgery tomorrow, I am happy for the 7 months of putting into place coping mechanisms as well as upping exercise(and by that, I mean finding things I like besides the long hikes I do in the winter). Step number 2: I have completed the psych evaluation, it was a 15 minute chat with a psychologist on Zoom or whatever telehealth platform they were using and then a 300 questionnaire that I have issues with--I hate the stupid things with vague, sometimes true and sometimes not true statements that you have to say you agree or disagree with. My paper says that the visit was supposed to also potentially discuss the results, but the guy told me once I'd turned them in he would write a report that goes to whoever needs it. I would like to know my results...guess I will call the bariatric department and make sure I'm not doing all this only to be denied in 6 months because of my evaluation-if that's the case, I've already decided I would find a place like Blossom or maybe Mexico to self pay. I digress. Step 3) Had to do a sleep study, had the consult with a nurse practitioner who decided since I have no major ongoing issues I could complete a home sleep study. Guys, it pretty much sucked balls(see pictures). Got that done, turned it back in and Thursday I have the results visit(I wish they could just tell me if I have sleep apnea or not--I will be kind of surprised if I do) AND weigh in #2 with my PCP! BTW guys, I can't stress this enough, if you don't have a PCP that you enjoy going to see and that will root for you, get you a different one. My PCP supports my decision to pursue bariatric surgery and I enjoy our conversations we have had thus far. Will be even happier if Thursday I am down a good 10ish pounds or so. Last item of business, I went to Michael's this past weekend (it was glorious!) and found this sweet box that I have come to refer to as my "You Got This!" box. My book with all my surgery info is in it, I also plan to write myself notes and put inspirational pictures in it(things I want to wear, places to go, things to do etc) to look through when all I really wanna do is eat 5 pounds of chocolate. I attached a picture if anyone is curious, I like having things like that. I should probably call it a night, it's already after 11pm and I have to be up for work here around 5am. Look for more of these hot mess blogs, they make me feel good putting it all (well, most) out there. -Amanda

Thank you everyone for the replies! I had not even considered YouTube video workouts! I do plan on getting some weights and beginning to tone and build muscle. Anything to help me be as successful as possible come that surgery day and beyond! Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

*Note to admin: please move to exercise forum, wasn't paying attention when I posted there was a more appropriate place to post* Howdy y'all! I hope everyone is doing well in these weird and awkward times we are living in. So first off, I splurged for myself and bought a Versa 2 Fitbit (I had the Alta for the longest time)for the heartrate and spo2 monitoring among other things to help motivate me to move more. If you want to add me on Fitbit my username is ajb1029 and I welcome any and all (especially you competitive people with your billions of steps-I love a good challenge)! Second, my surgeon wants me to be at 60 minutes of aerobic activity like 6 days a week by the time surgery comes around (hopefully shooting for November-December) to help have the habits in place to be successful but also to have my body in the best condition possible for the surgery. Does anyone have any tips or tricks to get that in? I am trying to work up to it, getting 30 minutes in at least 3-4 days a week. I bought a Wii and Wii Fit Plus and a balance board and it has been a blast except the max weight is 330 and I'm at 347, I think my fat ass may have broke it as it will lose its connection at really random times (usually when I'm 120% invested in a workout game). I will probably buy another board and then just store it until I am down around 300lbs. I can still use the wii fit plus game(it has workouts that are not wholly dependent on the balance board). Who out there has other game suggestions-either for the Wii or another gaming console(I love to dance!)or workout videos you really enjoy-I can't stand it if it feels like work-It is now May in Texas and unfortunately it is starting to get hot...the summer is my hibernation season(I do my hiking in fall-spring). I do still take my dog out for walks in the evening but she, like me, tends to be miserable in any weather over 80 degrees. Look forward to your suggestions and hope to see you on Fitbit! -Amanda

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome![emoji4] I have a lot of work to do to get my life together during these months, but baby steps right? I didn't get like this overnight.[emoji51] Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Howdy everyone! I have lurked in the shadows for a while now and finally feel like I am at a point in my life where I can come out into the light and say, I have started this journey -for real- now! loss surgery has been on my radar for years thanks to my dad-I've been obese if not morbidly obese since 4th grade (I am 30 now). I have started the process of getting sleeved twice before this year. First time I only got past the initial consult with the surgeon and maybe one weigh in for the supervised diet but then we ended up moving and I let it fall by the wayside and the second time I actually moved in with my dad and started the process (I was still on his insurance) as Duke has a good program and my step mom has achieved success after having the gastric bypass so the hope was to use her as a resource as I plugged away at the insurance requirements. I even had a good therapist to work with. Alas though, it was not meant to be as my mental health staying with my dad was no bueno. Fast forward to last October, my birthday. I've turned 30. I am now a good 10 pounds heavier than my heaviest. Finally at a point where I was ready to really pursue this, during open enrollment with my work provided insurance I opted to pay more each paycheck but have a 10% reduction in my co-insurance, as well as lower deductible and out of pocket max. Even if it was just for a year, I was going to do this. Found myself a PCP I really like, and made the consult appointment with the surgeon-Dr. David Provost with Baylor Scott and White in Temple(who I REALLY liked). The appointment went really well, I have 7 months of supervised diet, which is just fine with me, I have a lot of head work and habits to work on. I also have to do a psych test and sleep study, go to a lifestyle class and at least one support group meeting(I am stoked about maybe meeting people!). Best part so far of working with Baylor Scott and White? I have a WHOLE BOOKLET of information ranging from what to do several weeks pre-op to months post-op, they also made every appointment I will need (with the exception of I think the psych-they will call me to set it up) so I can see how my next few months will progress. My last weigh in with my PCP is September 28th, my birthday is October 29th....maybe, just maybe I will get to be sleeved as a birthday present(crossing my fingers)? I have no co-morbidities----not sure how I lucked out on that one. I love hiking and my most recent accomplishment was a 7ish mile hike on Christmas Eve. I don't know what has clicked that wasn't there before but y'all....I am READY! I have enjoyed reading your triumphs, set backs and learning along with you and am finally ready for this!

Hi y'all! So today was my 2nd weigh in, starting my 2nd month on my supervised diet. I lost....1.5ish pounds. Not a lot, but the doctor's scale added an additional 5 pounds than the one I have at home. I'll average them out. A loss is a loss though. I'm gonna keep trucking. My blood pressure however, according to google (yes, I googled my blood pressure) is pre-hypertension...that's terrifying. One more thing to keep me motivated. Anyway, before I moved here I was a soda *****. Seriously. Since I've moved I have largely replaced them with crystal light, tea or regular ice water. I do have one if we go out to eat or an occasional one from the store. But not the cups and cups I was having before. Here's my thing, and we're gonna be in woman territory. If you don't suffer from debilitating cramps because the little twit Eve decided to eat the damn fruit, move along. Or scroll down. Anyway, I have always had normal periods, a few cramps a couple of days before signaled that it would start soon. And then the first heavyish flow day I had I got BAD cramps. Like...."Excuse me while I knock back this bottle of freaking advil and curl up in a hot shower/bath in the fetal position wishing for death" bad. I know there are girls out there that had them bad enough to make them vomit to the point of having to go to the ER, and I'm thankful I've never had them THAT bad. Anyway, the red tidal wave started to cast a shadow over me, and I got a cramp, very mild, just enough to let me know it was about to crash down. Then the normal spotting, and finally the flow. And I was ready you guys, I preemptively took pain killers and prepared to be miserable. And then...NOTHING. Minor crampage here and there but really, nothing major. No crying, no wishing for death, no cursing Eve's stupid freaking face. The ONLY major change I've made was the SODA. So, I LOVE soda but you guys, this was the EASIEST month I'd had in like...ever! Screw you soda, SCREW YOU. I thought I'd share in case that little tidbit helps any other woman get out of soul crushing cramps. I think I am going to move this blog over to my wordpress account, but I haven't come up with an appropriate name yet, when I do I'll post it. We haven't found a therapist yet to help me deal with my food addictions, it's a pain in the ass. But I have at minimum of 4 months left. We decided to get all the surgeon's requirements done and try to submit to insurance early, just to see if we could get around the whole diet. I doubt it will work, but the worst thing they could say is no right? Finally found a dress for the wedding I get to go to in July, of course I have to fly from the east coast to the other side of the damn country, but I'm not complaining because it's my best friend, and I haven't seen her in over a year! Until next time, or when I decide on a new blog name. One foot in front of the other and remember to breathe! Life is a journey, enjoy the scenery!

Hey everyone! I've been shadow stalking the forums for a few months now and I've done a couple of blog posts but I thought I would post on here. I have my 2nd weigh in for my supervised diet on June 5th, I am doing the Idaho Plate method/diet. My issue is I'm full after I eat a meal but if I've done really any exercise I become ravished in mere hour or so or it's just a random day and no matter how much I eat it feels like I haven't eaten anything. What's the best way to shrink my stomach so it won't complain as much if I don't stuff my face, maybe lots and lots of Water? I have to fly cross country in only like 6 weeks for my best friend's wedding and I REALLY wanna lose 20-30 pounds for it (actually I really wished I had had the surgery and would be able to enjoy the flight). Flying at 320 and flying at 290 is kind of a huge difference. While my fat thighs still leak into the space of the person sitting next to me (I HATE that!) the seatbelt is actually a little loose. Does anyone else have the issue of being hungry it seems ALL THE TIME pre-op? I am REALLY looking forward to the sleeve and the restrictive ability as well as the loss of the hunger hormones. I'd love any suggestions you all might have for the next few months, because I really do want to lose some weight and limit my portions and it doesn't count if I have a good dinner(portion wise) and then an hour later eat 3 chocolate chip muffins. >_< thank you for any advice!

Thanks! I think I'll go get some protein bars today and more crystal light!

Hello again! Not much to talk about besides the fact that I'm HUNGRY. Sigh. I need to work on portion control. Tomorrow is a new day, but I can't wait until I can't physically eat the amount of food I ate today. I took a lovely walk through the pasture with my dogs, probably 20 minutes or so. Ate dinner and then after my dad and stepmom called it a night I noshed on 3.5 muffins, a bagel with peanut butter, some marshmallows and a banana. WTF?! I have to get on a plane in maybe 6 weeks to go to my best friend's wedding, WTF stomach/brain!?! STOP IT! I CAN do this. Tomorrow begins my sugar detox, I am a sugar addict. I know this. It will be probably the worst 3 days of my life but it's something that must be done for the greater good. Once I I detox, I don't crave it, and don't eat as much overall (at least not in my opinion). I will have headaches, I will be angry, bitchy Amanda, but in a mere 72 hours I will should be much happier. Sugar is one of the things I've decided to not even touch post-op until I've maintained my goal weight for at least 6 months (however long that ends up being). I've cut out sodas almost completely getting my caffeine from green tea or crystal light (although Dollar General makes caffeine tabs with 200 mgs each and I may pick some up as backups). I've had an almost constant headache for the past 3 days, nothing close to a migraine but painful and irritating enough to pop a couple of tylenol at least once a day. I thought it was dehydration, I've sucked down 2-3 liters of water a day, and no help. I think it's probably allergies or something terrible. I'm gonna go with allergies, doesn't make it any less sucky. I have quit smoking too, I smoked a pack during the 2.5 days of driving from Wyoming to North Carolina, but since then (a week ago today since my last one) I haven't touched any. Of course it's easier to not smoke if you only smoked a pack after 3-4 months of not smoking and then quitting again. If that makes sense, which it probably doesn't. So to recap, quitting sugar tomorrow. I will continue to use a little splenda in my tea (brewing green tea and mint tea together and icing it down is wonderful btw). I need to find a job because I am VERY prone to eating when I'm bored and trust me, there isn't a whole hell of a lot to do here. Not that that's a bad thing, I just need stuff to keep me busy....away from the kitchen. LOL It is now officially bedtime, although I wish I had the motivation to work on my book some, I haven't really even touched it for several months now. Night y'all! Thanks for reading my ravings!

Hi everyone! I am now settling into North Carolina life. This is the place I will come home to recover, the place where I'm sure many tears and deep thinking will happen. But I hope this will also be the place in which I become a better me. A stronger me. A healthier me. My stepmom has been a wonderful resource so far. While I have only been here 3 days (tonight is my third night) we have already talked candidly about weight loss surgery and she has been impressed with how much I've gleaned from the interwebz. Although a lot of my "insider" info she talked about I knew because of all you guys. My next steps will to find a job (probably a part time so that I have the time to get to therapy, doctor's appointments etc) and to go ahead and make my next weigh in/check in. I am incredibly excited to be on this journey and will continue to update y'all as time progresses.

Hi everyone! I first wanna thank those that take the time to comment on my blogs, I do not have wifi at the new house and a limited data plan on my phone. I am sitting at the library at the moment, so if you like what you read and would like to further interact with me, please send me a message or something. And seriously, thanks for the comments, I love knowing people on here are willing to give advice, once I get to NC I should be on here a LOT more. That being said, NORTH CAROLINA! In a week...well, no. In like 10 days, I leave Wyoming in a week, but it'll take me 3 days to get to my dad's house. I am really excited about the road trip, 3 days of me, my dog, and the open road. While I can't stop to sightsee since I will be in a small time crunch, I won't have to drive but for 12-14 hours. And I probably will stop closer to 12 but I have this thing you see, since I was a child on any trip, my bladder can't control itself. My dad says I see the world through bathrooms. It's not that I have a medical issue, it's just a mental thing I think for me...and the fact I hate feeling like I'm going to pee myself...and I love to drink on the road, while soda is something I really enjoy I will be trying to get my caffeine from energy shots (5 hour energy), caffeine pills etc and NOT energy drinks or soda which go through me in like 20 minutes. I drove a 6 hour trip and seriously stopped every time I saw a rest stop because I had to go, that was roughly every 2 hours. I hope to go longer than that between bathroom breaks. LOL Saw my nutritionist today. Very nice fellow, much more personable than the pcp had been. He gave me the Idaho Plate Method to follow and instructions to start walking. Not only do I have a plan (which he says should average out to about 1400 calories) but it's DOCUMENTED! HURRAY!! 1 visit down, 5 to go. I am HIGHLY motivated to lose 30 pounds before July though, I have to fly *shudder* from Raleigh to San Diego....east to west coast. I hate flying fat. I hate that my thighs infringe upon someone else's space. I hate it. But the seatbelt fits better when I weigh about 30 pounds lighter than I do now. I am officially at my highest...322 :'( 290 is my goal for the wedding....I've only flown once at that weight, and the seat belt was much more comfortable but I still touched the person next to me's leg...Maybe, hopefully though this will be the last round trip flight I will take obese. I figure losing 30ish pounds or maybe 35 won't hurt my case much for wls, and if I lose it now that's just 30 less pounds I have to lose when I do get it. I am looking forward to also finding a therapist and tackling my emotional eating and addictions I have, and I want to start working with weights to help tone the muscles so that maybe the saggy skin won't be as catastrophic. I'll deal with it either way, I'm sure it beats being huge. 'Till next time my friends!

Hi everyone! So I had what I was really thinking would be my first of six doctor's appointments for the supervised diet. I had to find a new pcp and get in so it took me a couple of weeks. I went today and I get the one that doesn't believe in bariatric surgery....at all. sigh. So instead of finding someone to really start my diet out strong I get someone who has "seen many bariatric patients of his that have complications that would, if given the chance, rethink their surgery"...which is completely contradictatory to all you guys, HOWEVER if there are people out there that hate the fact they got surgery and regret it terribly LET ME KNOW! I also got the "it's a lifestyle change" which I KNOW. It's just making those changes are incredibly difficult, which I know the surgery is but a tool but the counseling I will get and the whole 'learning how to eat again' REALLY appeals to me. I also love the idea of having my stomach help with portion control...I can eat and eat and eat and the gastric sleeve will hopefully help. I'm kind of frustrated. I did the math with all the weight I have lost since like...2003 and it's the amount I need to lose now. Any way, this dark, maddeningly frustrating cloud comes with a silver lining. While I didn't make a diet plan with the pcp he gave me orders to see the dietician for an intial consult. I made the appointment for a week before I head to NC, so it looks like I will have a concrete diet plan started which is good. I wish he knew what it was like growing up from 4th grade on as a morbidly obese female. Seriously. Ugh. But it's okay. Because I will do my 6 months, I will get the surgery, I will make it work with me and I will go skydiving with my brothers and run in all the fun 5ks that are out there. Thoughts guys? Anyone have to deal with a pcp who didn't see bariatric surgery as a tool to help with you weight?