JustWatchMe

I thought that getting WLS was going to be hard. Turns out, it was pretty easy. I had great insurance and got approval and had surgery six months after starting my process. I thought losing the first 100 pounds was going to be hard. Turns out, with my LapBand, it was pretty easy. My body cooperated with my band and when I ate right, the weight came off. I thought leaving my emotionally abusive husband was going to be hard. Turns out, once I took control of my food and my body and got out of my food coma, leaving him was pretty easy. Logistically tricky, but with reliance on friends and family and a good lawyer, leaving was only temporarily difficult. I thought the divorce process would be hard. Turns out, it is stressful and emotional, but the actual tasks put in front of me, although tedious and time consuming, are just tasks. I am blessed with a good job and resources that many women don't have. The slowness of it is harder than the tasks in front of me. I thought walking for exercise was going to be hard. Turns out, it is the one exercise I love and have not grown tired of. I can walk for miles with ease. I thought asking for help was going to be hard. Turns out, like exercising a muscle, the more I do it, the easier it gets. I thought being kind to myself was going to be easy. I was wrong. Oh, was I wrong. Oh, I've learned it's okay and necessary to treat myself to little things, like a manicure, or a foot massage, or a movie. But then there's the other things. And I can't help wondering if these other things have a lot to do with why I overeat and stayed obese for so long. Like saying no to people. I say no. But then I go into "shoulda woulda coulda" and feel guilty about it. Like reaching for comfort food or wine once in awhile. And then I start the tape in my head that says I'm bad, I'm lazy, I'm never going to get to my goal weight because I don't deserve to. Like going out with friends and holding my head up high because I feel pretty for the first time in years. And when a musician in a band notices and makes a sweet comment about the "beautiful women in the room tonight" and points directly at me, I find the next opportunity to gather my things and call it an early evening, because to flirt would be bad, and I don't deserve that kind of attention. Like getting a strong lawyer who is fighting for my financial rights and future, but crying at night because this divorce would go so much faster if I just didn't fight for the college money for my girls or maintenance for myself; because if I wanted out so bad, shouldn't I just cut my losses and end this? Like not losing any weight for the last six months even though I have fifty left to goal, and telling myself it will never happen because I've never followed through on a goal weight before and what makes me think this time is any different? Like standing up to my mom's criticisms in person, but in private wondering if she is right about me -- that I'm making a big mistake doing this or that or the other thing, and remembering how judged I felt my whole childhood and adolescence and wondering if she was right about me all along? This is what is hard. Calling bulls!# on these thoughts and patterns and habits. My higher self knows it. But it's so DAMN HARD to stop the negative thought cycle, that shi##y committee in my head. Attitude is everything. I just turned 54 over the weekend and birthdays make me reflective. I have what may prove to be my best year ever ahead of me. God willing, I may see divorce papers signed in 2015. Maybe. I'm 100 pounds lighter than I was a year ago and healthier than I have been in decades. I may be moving into a new home by the end of the year. There is every reason to be hopeful. So why does my sick brain still gravitate toward self blame and misery? Why, why don't I believe I deserve happiness? I may never know why. I'm a practical person. I believe in results. So what I'm planning to do about this is purely practical. It may or may not have any basis in psychology, but it seems reasonable to me. I plan to abort those thoughts the second I sense them in my head. Literally catch myself and interrupt it with the opposite thought. I do deserve joy. I do choose healthy food and I will meet my weight loss goal. That person that said I was beautiful was telling the truth. I choose to believe my older daughter who just told me I am strong and a role model. I believe my younger daughter who just told me I've always got her back. I am deserving of financial security and what is rightfully mine. I am deserving of a slim body and to feel pretty. Accepting attention is not shameful. I make good decisions. I take care of my loved ones and I am a good mother. I am smart and strong and pretty and nobody's fool. I am precious in God's eyes and I will live my best life. This is the hard part. This is the only hard part. The head is always the hardest part to change.

Don't get discouraged if it changes over time. Mine did. I had green for a few months and then went for more TINY fills. Your body is shrinking and it changes how the band fits with lots of weight loss. The beauty of the band is it is always adjustable. Enjoy this. It should get easier to lose now.

Could be! Satiety should last at least 3-4 hours on a band sized meal as well. Good luck!

This was a great NSV to read! Congratulations on your success!!

As we lose the weight, we see sides of people we didn't or weren't willing to see before. I'm glad you called her on it while it was happening. And touching your hair? Ew.

Eat mushies all weekend and then have a tiny bit taken out Monday.

I've gotten into the habit of giving my restaurant leftovers to my friend before we leave the restaurant. Usually it's a side of pasta. I know I won't eat it at home, so since it's untouched, I just give it to her to enjoy. Works well whenever we go out for Italian.

I wore these grown up shoes last week. They were a size smaller than I expected. I haven't worn a heel in forever. My foot bones are perpetually messed up, so I paid dearly in painful feet the rest of the week, but while I wore them I felt great.

I attend OA and CoDA. They are part of a multi faceted approach to recovery that also includes counseling.

I know what you mean. It's weird. I can't tell for the first 48 hours because I'm required to do liquids. But then it's hard to tell what the fill actually did. I can eat a normal supper and feel no restriction. And then the very next day I can get stuck on my first bite of dinner. The more fills I get, the finer that line gets. I just need to learn to chew chew chew and s l o w it down.

Normal! Don't worry. Post surgery is an emotional rollercoaster of a time. Follow directions, cut yourself a break, stay off the scale, and before you know it, you will start to drop the weight and feel amazing. Your whole life is about to change for the better. We are here for you!

Congratulations !!! It's amazing how our confidence increases in so many areas of our lives after we get control over our weight and eating. You will do great!

Hello, my warrior peeps. Prayers for everyone here. You are in my thoughts during the day. I've had a surprisingly satisfying day. I got a bit tearful on my way home from work. The divorce gets to me sometimes. I had a stressful and emotional legal task to do tonight and I got it done. Starting another bigger legal task next week. But I'm taking the weekend off from all things negative. I'm turning 54 this weekend. I looked in the mirror today and for the first time in ages, I was pleased. I know, it sounds crazy, after losing 100 pounds this past year. But I've been in self-critical mode for months. Coulda shoulda woulda. I wanted to be closer to goal by my surgiversary last month. Blah blah blah. Today I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. I'm not dieting anymore. I'm not racing the clock to be a certain number on the scale by a certain date on the calendar. I am where I need to be today. And I'll be where I need to be tomorrow. It finally feels true. No more self hatred. No matter what. So. Today my food was surprisingly easy and moderate and no big deal. I had Soup and a piece of chicken for dinner. I had hummus and cheese sticks for lunch. I had peanuts as a snack. I had egg salad for Breakfast. I had wine after finishing the divorce work. Got my stairs in at work easy peasy. Life is amazing. We somehow survive what we think we can't survive. I can't imagine the future ahead of me right now. But I know I'm going to be one tough chick when this is finally behind me. Ain't nothin gonna stop me then.

So true! Some new people at my office don't know my past either. It's so exciting!

You're a daily inspiration to me and many others here. You're always encouraging and it helps me to be kinder to myself. One of the things you always say to newbies is "good for you for choosing you". You deserve all the joy that your WLS success brings. You are rocking this!!

Change. Doctors. Immediately.

Two things I like about this. I'm not a dieter anymore. I'm giving myself a second year. I'm using these.

I don't binge but I get very angry that my meal was shot because I'm still hungry. I have found myself turning to comfort (carby) food once my band lets me again which is usually the next meal. I'm scared of damage so i don't binge ever, but my food choices are high in fat and calories. It's not easy. I got stuck on stupid ground beef this week. Boring stupid ground beef crumbles. I was so mad. It wasn't even an interesting meal. And then I had to wait it out while hungry. Aargh.

gentle hugs to @punkinvine. @@s_suther, I can't do pork chops anymore. I miss them.

"I'm on a glutton-free diet." Yep, that sums it up for me.

Okay then. I can stop pronouncing it Row-go-foolm in my head now. Love me some Monty Python.

I inspired @Rogoflum? This is a red letter day! I don't sprint them all at once like you did. I walk down two flights, back up two flights, down two flights and then go to the ladies' room to breathe! Then back up the two flights to my desk. Lather, rinse, repeat two more times during the day. Yay for exercise at work!

I don't know if it's due to my skinnier butt cheeks, but(t) some have escaped recently in social settings and OMG that never used to happen. I was mortified. I guess in the grand scheme of things it's just another one of those #skinnypeopleproblems. It's probably related to the high Protein diet.

No recipe! I just tossed those ingredients in a skillet and melted until it sizzled. Now I want some. Lol.