JustWatchMe

It's 74 and sunny in beautiful Chicagoland. I'm happy!

Ok, big leap into accountability for me today. Ready? Hotshot here got on the scale after a couple of weeks. Easter, my daughter home, my birthday, blah blah blah. I'm up to 205.6 this morning. That's 11 pounds higher than my lowest weight so far. I know exactly why I've gained. It's cocktails and wine. Wine is pure sugar and as a BONUS (!) it leads to eating carby yummy foods without inhibition. No matter how many stairs I do, or how many miles I walk on my lunch hour, I've managed to gain instead of lose. Even with this latest tight fill that really is noticeable. This latest fill is probably perfect. I can eat CORRECTLY successfully. If I eat too fast or too big of bites, I get stuck immediately. No GERD, no other problems. It's probably exactly where the band was intended to be, restriction-wise. So. I am NOT beating myself up over this. But I want to share my feelings about it, so here goes. I'm sad and angry that I have to give up alcohol if I want to lose weight. I enjoy the buzz. It's been my treat when everything around me has been stressful. I have a glass of wine or two at home and mellow out. On weekends I go out with my girlfriends and let my hair down. But it's not working for me. It's too many calories and it makes me not care about the food I'm putting in my mouth. I also frequently sip my wine while I eat when in a restaurant, which is a big band no no. Why? Because I'm relaxed and I don't care. Problem is, I do care. Another reason it's got to go instead of cut back is that I am a food addict. I already go to two 12-step programs, OA and CoDA. I don't have time in my week for a third. And I know me. It can get to that very quickly. When I was 28 I joined OA. A couple of months into abstinence from overeating, I had this same epiphany. I had to give up alcohol in order to keep my food abstinence. It was briefly hard. I was in my twenties and loving life as my body went from obesity to normal size. I didn't know how to socialize without that lubricant. But I gave it up. I gave it up for over 10 years. I'm going out tonight with my best friend and another friend. We go out and we drink and we bitch about our exes and we listen to bands and we eat and we laugh and we drink some more. Tonight I go out with them. Tonight I won't drink. My bestie knows my life history. She was my friend before and during and after my teetotaling days. I'll explain my decision to her and I'll probably have a feisty conversation about it, but ultimately she will be okay with it. I'll be okay too. The problem is I'm sad. I didn't want to have to go back to being a non drinker. I didn't want to live without a buzz. But my goals are bigger than that buzz today. I want to achieve my normal weight once and for all. It also puts into stark relief how I desperately need to find healthy daily ways to comfort myself. Without food, without drugs, without alcohol. This is serious stuff for an addict to tackle. I've been dealing with my nosy non drinker mother making judgmental comments about the wine bottles in her pantry. At least this will solve that problem. I know some of you may understand this. Not all of you will. When I gave up alcohol at age 28 it really was a non event. After the first few weeks, I didn't miss it much because I was on a weight losing high. I dropped 130 pounds in two years after that. But I picked up a spending problem on the way. I bought clothes I couldn't afford. Pick your poison, huh? I'm operating in "keep me teachable" mode these days. When all else fails, follow directions. My directions today are no booze, eat Protein slowly, up the exercise. I've upped the exercise successfully over the last month. That's a big plus. I've slowed my eating and focus on protein at my meals. That's working well. Now goodbye to the booze. Goodbye, booze. It was sure fun while it lasted. But you bit me in my skinny ass. You're outta here. I can't update my ticker from my cell phone and I won't log into the PC site from work. But my weight today is 205.6. I'll update the ticker from home when I can log in from a laptop. No Merlot is going to cost me my hard-won Onederland. Or keep me from getting to my goal weight. Thanks for listening.

I'm pretty sure my NP always draws it all out and then adds more when she refills. I look at the screen instead of down because I don't want to accidentally bend at the waist while she's working. I asked her once if she draws it out and she said yes. They check for leaks because you could develop one and not know it.

Well, that's a loaded question. What comes to mind immediately, and what is currently the topic of my counseling, is to break the pattern I've lived in for over two decades in my marriage, which is now ending. Reacting, anticipating everything (anxiety related to his behavior), fear, hypervigilance, putting his needs ahead of mine to avoid conflict. In terms of emotions, I guess I'd describe it as figuring out what I feel instead of reflecting what's around me. As an example of that, I'm house hunting now and I haven't a clue what my likes and dislikes are. That problem has haunted me since I was a child growing up in a crazy household. I couldn't even tell you my favorite color. I was truly stymied when it came to answering the question, "what do you want?" Making decisions is excruciating. This head work is a full time job, I tellya. If I ever figure this out, I will rule the world.

"Probably more info than anyone needs????" No such thing.

I just discovered gel manicures. Love 'em! Also I have to protect my skin from the sun and this brand of sunscreen for your face is the best I ever found. It's sold by dermatologists. It's called Elta MD and here's a link. http://eltamd.com/product/uv-clear-broad-spectrum-spf-46/

If you're not too tight, why have some fill removed? Maybe talk to the psychologist in your team? Anxiety wasn't my direct issue, but a LOT of emotions are triggered as we lose weight and they are due not only to mental changes (self-esteem, identity issues) but also due to hormonal changes that happen when so much fat is released from our bodies so quickly. Please think carefully about reducing your fill unless you really believe you are too tight. Your surgeon will be able to advise you upon examination and listening to your symptoms. I wish you the best and much success! You've lost a lot so far!

I love unjury chocolate. I think you can only get it online. I forgot to say that I've started a new habit and I'm hoping it will help move the scale down. I'm slowing my bites a lot. It's really out of necessity because with this latest fill I get stuck very easily. If I chew well and slowly I don't. So that thing about putting your fork down between bites -- I'm practicing that at every meal.

Codependents Anonymous. I meant to say the multifaceted approach includes counseling for ME. Counseling is not part of OA or CoDA.

I was up until 3am but I got my paperwork done. I'm going to have to fight off a headache today. Breakfast will be bacon. lunch will be an egg salad sandwich. dinner might be at a restaurant with my mom since we have to go shopping to replace her clothes dryer. I'm ready for a nap and it's 6:30 in the morning.

All wonderful posts above. My two cents: Your attitudes will change. For example: Surgery and weeks of post op liquids is truly the easy part. Matter of fact, the first hundred pounds down was my easy part. Now it's getting harder. My daily food choices must change and my exercise needs to go significantly higher if I'm going to lose my last fifty. As Miss Mac said, after that first chunk of weight comes off, you probably won't care about the "stigma" of WLS like you do now. You're going to be so happy to be thinner. Truly. All I wanted at the start when I was 302 pounds was to have my health issues resolved. They were. Now I want to be pretty. We got fat because we overate. We overate all our lives because it fed a psychological need. WLS does not change that. You will battle this as you progress in this process. Eating for comfort or for sport is still going to tempt you. You will be forced to deal with why you want to eat or else you'll eat. You'll have to find new ways to self comfort or... you'll eat. Guaranteed. I'm a year into this and I don't have it figured out by a longshot. But I'd do it again without question.

One day after this divorce ink is dry, and I have a couple hundred dollars to spend, I'm going to an event like that. Can't wait.

Sorry for your bad experience. I'm watching this thread too to learn from it.

Fortune cookies. "You will have great success and achieve your dreams. And this cookie has no calories."

Neil Diamond was terrific ! Today I got half of my stairs in and couldn't walk at lunch. food is moderate. I've got a whole lot of divorce paperwork to do tonight and tomorrow. Ugh. Well, gotta do it!

Awesome ! I use the iPhone app so I can't see whatever's under people's names, including mine.

I'm a little confused. If I see this thread does that mean I'm a VIP member? Glad to be here.

I'm no longer a secret eater. I no longer subscribe to an all-or-nothing mentality.

@@2babutterfly, we are all rooting for that scale to drop into the 1's!!! My plan is solid. I probably won't be on here until Wednesday. Carry on, Warriors! I've got me some Neil Diamond tonight!

The support here is humbling. Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about. Healthy thinking!

Got my stairs in but no walk today. Misty and rainy so I skipped it. Breakfast was yogurt, lunch was three cheese sticks. dinner out was salad, seafood and two bites of the Pasta which I boxed up and took home. My mom said she'll eat the pasta for lunch tomorrow. My latest fill gets me stuck easily if I don't chew well and slow down, so I've been chewing well and slowing down. I didn't weigh myself this weekend since it was my birthday and I allowed myself to indulge. I'll weigh next weekend. Off to a concert tomorrow night with my best friend. Tomorrow will be sausage links for breakfast, cheese sticks for lunch, and egg salad for dinner before heading to the concert. If the weather is dry I'll walk on lunch.

Does anybody remember a few decades ago the conventional wisdom about fat cells? Once added by weight gain, they never go away? Even with dramatic weight loss, those shriveled up fat cells remain in the body just waiting to pounce on calories and plump themselves up again? That mental image has never left me. It makes me so mad that these skinny shriveled cells are just lying in wait. I think it was actually what the liposuction industry used to convince us that lipo was a way to solve that. Actually remove the skinny shriveled fat cells along with plump fat cells once and for all. Not saying it's true. Just saying it stuck with me. Kinda like these fat cells.

Debbie, your pics made my day!!! I saw at least one person I recognized from TV. Go girl!!

I'm watching and learning from everyone on BariatricPal. If complications happen despite my best efforts, at the very least I hope I'll recognize abnormal symptoms before too much time passes. ((Hugs))