rhodywoman

When you see people a lot it's harder to tell how much weight they are losing. I had my surgery on December 3rd and I attend church weekly and have meetings several times a week there as well. My loss (now about 80lbs) is noticable but people have been able to see it gradually leave over several weeks. Living in New England we have a lot of Snow Birds. Those are the retirees that leave and spend the winter in Florida or someplace much warmer than Rhode Island in winter... especially this winter. One of those snow birds came back to RI today and saw me for the first time since before my surgery. I was so happy to see her that I hugged her and she couldn't say anything. Her mouth was just gaping open and she kept staring at me. She was stunned to say the least. I have to say it felt nice to get that reaction. I haven't been too focused on how I look just how I feel but it was nice.

In a previous post I mentioned that I don't have a scale in my house. I plan to keep it that way. I had my surgical follow up yesterday and I know that I've lost weight but I didn't know how much. Of course, my family decided to "weigh in" and guess my loss: Me - 15lbs Daughter - 17lbs Sis in Law - 19lbs Husband - 22.5lbs Mom - 23lbs It was actually 28lbs! I lost 28.bs in 19 days. Praise the Lord! Things have been going very well. Still no pain or nausea and I'm healing well. I look forward to being able to add swimming to my walking. I'm still in the puree foods until next week but even that's been fine. I keep praying that this process stays as it is. I'm loving it!

My surgery was originally scheduled for December 10th but I was moved to December 3rd so exactly one week ago I was at the end of the beginning of this journey. I didn't know what to expect. I just knew that I wasn't anxious, nervous, or mourning. I was just excited. All I can say now is that everything went perfectly. I have very little feelings of hunger and no cravings or head hunger. I felt amazing the next morning and when I was discharged the afternoon of my second day the nurses said I was walking the floor faster than most of them. I left with a complete schedule of when and what to eat, a journal to track food, exercise, water, and emotions and a two year plan of surgeon, pcp, and nutritionists visits. The following morning at home I was greeting by the Visiting Nurse who reiterated my plan, checked my meds, and incisions, and just made me feel so at ease and so in control. This made me happy because I find one of the many themes I see on the forums is people not getting proper or just vague instructions after surgery. Even at this early stage I can see and feel that I'm losing. I tend to be a number obsessive so I don't have a scale in my home but I will wait until my surgeons first follow up appointment and see where I am. I don't want to worry about every half ounce or if I'm wearing a certain pair of shoes or jeans have clouded my results. I just want to follow the plan, stay focused, and let the tool do what it does. I'm not naive enough to believe that it's going to be like this forever but I feel like I'm off to a decent and prepared start. Bring on the next phase!

Bea, thanks for your honesty and sharing your situation. As someone who is 16 days from RNY would you mind sharing how you fell off the wagon and any advice for someone like me who is just beginning? Is there any support that I could give to you to help you on your journey back?

I tend to be a secretive person about personal things. I like to write and I feel I express myself best when I'm able to communicate with written words which is why I've been blogging in various formats for nearly 13 years. But there's another reason why I find so much comfort in writing. I like the anonymity of it. I like that I can express myself but not put myself "out there." When you put yourself out there you can get scrutinized, criticized or worse. Now you can read what I write and if you don't like it you can tell me so and that's fine. There's a digital layer of protection that there's that just doesn't feel the same when someone says something to your face... especially someone you know... or someone you love. Many people I know have made the decision not to tell people about their surgery and I understand that. I know there's a flood of misconceptions, judgements and everyone seems to know someone that has either died or had a major complication that they can't wait to tell you about. I fully support anyone making the decision to share or not share. How you handle this journey is your own. I've decided to share my story. I know that will open a floodgate of judgement both good and bad. The reason why I decided - after a long deliberation with myself - because there are two things I want to come from this weight loss. I want to be more honest with myself and I want to be available for anyone else going through this as well. For years I tended to hide my weight. You can't successfully hide 300lbs but you can try to deflect attention from it. I was always a very hard worker and I tend to put on a happy face and make jokes and entertain when I'm in groups. If I'm funny then you notice that and overlook how uncomfortable I am in my jeans or that I'm always trying to cleverly hide my stomach. I felt that if I gave into showcasing how unhappy I was with my weight that the stereotypes would come flying in! I'm lazy, unkempt, or unlovable. As these images were all my own I really fought to not portray those things to the world. I knew some people who were genuinely (or so they seemed) perfectly fine with their weight, whatever it was. They didn't care about it, obsess about it, and I so longed to be one of those people. I wanted to go to NAFA meetings and revel in my size but I was never comfortable with it. I was never okay with my weight but I let it confrol me forever. In order to live an authentic life I need to be able to put myself out there and putting this surgery journey out there is just one way to share my realities of my weight. My feelings about my weight and this journey are my own and I want to be honest with this and really let myself out of this self-imposed box I've been in for 30 years. I've wrested with the surgery debate for many years. From back in the early 2000s when people I know first started to get it done to when I seriously started looking into this surgery for myself. Coming from a small town in the nations smallest state there's not a whole lot of people just running around with information. My hospital is amazing but it's also 40 miles away and when your state is 45 miles long it's just not what we do everyday here. I want to make myself available to others because I think I learned so much from people who have been through this surgery that I want to be able to give that to someone else. I have no idea how this journey will be for me. I'm excited. Eager. Ready. My date was moved up a week so I only have 16 days before the next phase of my life begins. I'm going to share it all.

MY TIMELINE July 2013 - Started researching WLS November 2013 - Spoke to primary doc about my thoughts December 2013 - Exhausted myself looking up surgeons and facilities January 2014 - Found Bariatric Pal February 2014 - Found the hospital and surgeon that I liked March 2014 - Hospital Mandatory Weight Loss Seminar April 2014 - Nutrition Appt - Previous medical weight loss program met my iinsurance 6mo requirement April 2014 - Psych Eval - Cleared on first visit June 2014 - Upper GI - All clear July 2014 - Sleep Study - CPAP (this seriously changed my life!) August 2014 - Final Pre-Op Appt - H. pylori detected September 2014 - H. pylori infection determined October 2014 - H. pylori cleared November 2014 - Final Pre-Op Part II December 10, 2014 - SURGERY!!!!

"A watched pot never boils." I can hear my mother say this in my head as I type. I know it's true but it doesn't make it any easier. As a Christian woman I also know that things happen on God's time and not mine and for His own reasons. Despite this knowledge, I still can't shake the agony of the wait... or of the weight. I'm just ready. As ready as I can be mentally for this surgery and things took off with such lightening speed and then came to a screaching halt. In my mind's eye I had the surgery in late summer and was able to take walks outside at sunset on the beach. I was fully healed and as a designer I would move into the busy holiday season without missing a beat. Eager to create new things allowing my mind to focus on something beautiful and creative and not how I'm not eating like I was this time last year. It was a great plan in my mind. Now, it's fall and I'm most likely not going to get on the surgery docket until November because I did have an active infection from the H. pylori. Although completely asymptomatic, I didn't think I would have the infection and I would have my surgery in September. Well, that didn't work out. So I had to have 2 weeks of antibiotics and then wait one month and re-test to make sure it's gone and then I can get a date. As long as everything is good. I've told myself a thousand times that this is wise because there have been many complications from people having surgery with H.pylori. The last thing I would want is to not heal well or properly. I know this is time that I need. But here I am still struggling with the wait. Rather w a i t. Or more like W A I T. I just need to have faith and know that I'll have this surgery when it's the right time... not just on my time.

I've been known to not see the forest for the trees meaning I can miss the big picture because I was fixated on a small detail. I've been working on it for decades... literally. Well today I received another wake up call that I can't believe hit me so strongly even though I've been wandering through this "forest" of my weight for quite some time especially considering my family history. Let's start with my family history. I come from a large family that came from large families. By large I mean both in number and in size. My father is 6'2" and he's quite fit and healthy always has been but he's one of the lucky ones. His brothers and sisters are all large - some exceedingly so - but the problems only begin there. Most of my family has high blood pressure. Many have diabetes and of my six brothers and sisters I'm the only one with a weight problem but I'm also the one without high blood pressure or diabetes. I was always lucky like that. But with my weight I always had another fear lingering in my head: my paternal Grandmother. She passed away at 39 years old of a heart attack. My father was hardly 15 years old and she died 5 days before Christmas. She left 8 children that she had nearly back to back and my Grandfather who pined for her until he joined her in heaven nearly 40 years later. She was easily 400lbs but stood well over 6 feet tall and towered over my Grandfather in pictures. I loved her confidence to wear heels and his to stand next to such a statuesque woman. Her death left many scars as you could imagine. Dying that young of heart disease is frightening but when you're the only person in your immediate family who shares her body style it's even more frightening. I remember every, single day of my 39th year wondering if that was going to be me. Is that my lot since I didn't get the other diseases? It was scary. I remember my Aunt saying, "In this family the women through parties when they hit 40!" I wondered if I would hit it too. I did and kept on my yo-yo dieting trail. So what happened today? I had to retest my H. Pylori test since the results were inconclusive. I asked the phelbotomist if she could tell me my A1c since my husband (Type 1 Diabetic) was curious. She asked me if I wanted a print out to compare my numbers after surgery. I said sure. When I got home I started really looking at the results and came across a cardiac test. The range they were looking for was between 1-10 and I got 8.42. I was fine with that. In the range. All of my things were in the range. I was good, right? After looking at it several times I looked at the risk analysis that was in smaller print below it. It said this test determines the presence of inflammation etc with the following risk assessments: Low Risk <1 Med Risk 1-3 High Risk >3 Wait! High Risk is greater than 3 and I'm sitting on 8.42? If I was over 10 they would have most likely done additional testing. Now this isn't the end all be all of risk and I'm sure if it was a major concern my doctor would have told me but I can't shake that I always knew there was a risk and that I was most likely in that risk. But to SEE it was totally different. On days when this is really tough and I can tell just from reading blogs that this is going to be very challenging I will remember this and think of the Grandmother I never got to meet but I share so much DNA with and I will not break down but handle it and live well into my 40s and beyond for BOTH OF US.

I had my pre-op follow up and it's been the first time that I've seen my actual surgeon since March. All of my pre-op work is done, all evaluations passed, all done, done, done. I was looking forward to hearing these words from my doctor: Your surgery date is... I didn't hear it. I'm glad I didn't hear it because if there's something wrong I want to know before surgery, not after where there could be complications. Apparently, my blood work showed that I have been exposed to H. pylori which is a bacteria that is found in 50% of the population. Although there are some symptoms to having it but most people are asymptomatic so they have no outward symptoms that there's anything wrong. I am one of those people. Thank God. But the issue with H. pylori is two-fold.It's my understanding (I am not a doctor) that If I have an active infection they need be sure that it's handled prior to surgery. They do this with a couple weeks of antibiotics and then re-testing to ensure that it's gone. The second issue is the overall health of my stomach since having RNY the "main" part of my stomach that is separated from the pouch will have limited access to it after surgery. Best case scenario: No active infection, healthy enough for surgery and I can be in the OR in early September. Worst case scenario: Antibiotics until infection is clear and I can be cleared for surgery once they ensure that I'm healthy enough to do it. October or November. Normally, I'd be panicking or freaking out but I'm actually grateful. Despite being 327lbs I dont' have high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other co-morobidity. I'm grateful that my testing showed that other than carrying this extra weight I'm otherwise healthy. This minor setback is exactly that: a minor setback. If it becomes a major setback then it becomes just that: a major setback. Either way I'm going to follow doctor's orders and stay the course. I should find out in a couple of days the results of the testing that will determine the next move. Until then... I just keep breathing.

I exhaled a tremendous sigh of relief after reading your comments. I was hoping there were some others who had similar experiences. I really buckled down today. I don't have a date yet but I can't wait until I do. It seems like it's just within my reach and I need to leap and grab it! Keep in touch and I love to hear how you guys are doing. Thank you for commenting!

When i made the call to the bariatric clinic in February I wasn't sure how this journey would turn out. I wasn't sure if my insurance would cover it, I wasn't sure if my family was going to accept it, I wasn't sure how long it was going to take. As the days progressed to weeks and then to months, I'm finally at the tail of the process and the beginning of the real adventure but it seems things have s l o w e d down considerably. I flew through the initial part of the process and everything went swimmingly until the sleep study which was a bit of a delay. Then my pre-op appointment was still several weeks from then (and still several weeks from now). So now I wait. And as they say: And idle mind is the devil's playground! I find myself going a little wild in my waiting time. I was so focused at the beginning of the process but now that i have a few weeks to go I'm eating things just because i know I can't eat them for a while. I think I've gained some weight and that can't be good since in my pre-op they may require me to lose more weight before surgery. I've decided that today is the day. Not tomorrow, not Monday, but TODAY I'm going to start making sure I have my water in, eating things that will help along this road, and really re-focus because I don't want to go this far and then discover that my surgery will be delayed because I wanted to indulge myself. I've spent the last 30 years indulging myself and it's time for a change. I'm going to weigh myself today and set a 10 pound goal for my pre-op appoitnment on August 18th. I'm going to accomplish this by drinking water, walking, and planning my meals and sticking to the plan! Did anyone else go completely off the rails during this time frame?

Up until Saturday it was a hope. It was a prayer. It wasn't quite real. I was on the way and doing my best to maintain a level of calmness because if I didn't get approved for surgery I didn't want to be upset. I would've been upset anyway but I certainly would have been MORE upset had I gotten excited, told everyone I knew, and then didn't get approved. When my surgeon's coordinator told met that she was submitting my paperwork for approval I asked her how long is the "usual" turnaround for my insurance. She said it's been as short as 2 days and as long as two weeks. She called me as I was leaving for vacation. I was happy that all of my insurance work was officially done before I left. I went on vacation feeling like I accomplished something. Not 24 hours later my happiness and feeling of accomplishment was eclipsed by the anxiety of the wait. Did I make it? Why would they NOT approve me? They don't approve people every single day so maybe there was something they could use to deny me. Ugh. I tried to put it out of my mind and just enjoy myself but it was hard. When we returned from vacation I waited for the phone call. It's been a week now. Still no call. On Friday I told my husband that I didn't think that I was approved. He asked why would they deny me. I thought maybe we haven't had this insurance long enough, maybe I need to try something else, maybe, maybe, MAYBE. I went to bed Friday feeling a little defeated. On Saturday when I checked the mail there was a letter from my surgeon's office. I wasn't expecting a letter. I was approved. All of a sudden it seemed like stress and pressure of 30 years of battling my weight were finally released and I cried. I should have known that it's always darkest before dawn. Always. I'm approved. I'm ready. This is going to be the fight of my life... FOR MY LIFE. I know it won't be easy. I know that it won't be pretty. I do know that it will be absolutely worth it and now it's going to happen. Why didn't they call? She didn't want to bother me on vacation. Another lesson in just letting things happen as they should.

I look forward to following your progress. I like the advice from Sherbear911 as well. Best of luck to both of you!!

I'm praying that this becomes better for you. Do you have a plan in place if you have to see someone before the 27th? It just seems like a little while away still when you aren't feeling well.

I think there's a big misconception about people who are overweight. It seems as though skinny people seem to think that we have no idea how to lose weight. Perhaps that's true for many overweight people but my experience is that the exact opposite is more accurate. I think we all have that Fit Friend that wants to help us by imparting their knowledge to us. I've explained that it's not knowing what to do that's the disconnect... it's actually doing it. I think - in theory - most of us know exactly what we need to do to lose weight. It can be boiled down to a simple math equation: calories burned > calories consumed = weight loss. My brother is a personal trainer and he always tries to thow some wisdom my way and I had to share with him how he should look at my situation: It's like having all the weapons but now I need to fight. See, I have all tools and information in my weaponry arsenal but I haven't quite mastered the fight. I've won a few battles but even more have won me. Many of us lose the long term war. We know WHAT to do but we have to master the long term execution of the plan. I'm viewing this surgery as my next foray into the fight with a pretty defining weapon. It may be the ultimate tool but it's only that: a tool. I'm still going to have to be ready for the fight. This will be the hardest part. I've had 30 years of failing. Thirty years of giving up. Thirty years of resigning that this will be my life and my body. What's to say that I won't show up to fight this time too? The answer is that in all the years before and in all my failures before I was more comfortable where I was than where I was going. It's like the old adage: Change only happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. I'm 30 years older, 30 years wiser, with 30 years of failure from which to draw strength. I am no longer comfortable getting winded in minutes, sweating at the first hint of exertion, or my knees opting to work or not seemingly at will. I have all the weapons and I am finally ready to fight!