W A I T I N G

"A watched pot never boils."

I can hear my mother say this in my head as I type. I know it's true but it doesn't make it any easier. As a Christian woman I also know that things happen on God's time and not mine and for His own reasons. Despite this knowledge, I still can't shake the agony of the wait... or of the weight.

I'm just ready. As ready as I can be mentally for this surgery and things took off with such lightening speed and then came to a screaching halt. In my mind's eye I had the surgery in late summer and was able to take walks outside at sunset on the beach. I was fully healed and as a designer I would move into the busy holiday season without missing a beat. Eager to create new things allowing my mind to focus on something beautiful and creative and not how I'm not eating like I was this time last year. It was a great plan in my mind.

Now, it's fall and I'm most likely not going to get on the surgery docket until November because I did have an active infection from the H. pylori. Although completely asymptomatic, I didn't think I would have the infection and I would have my surgery in September. Well, that didn't work out. So I had to have 2 weeks of antibiotics and then wait one month and re-test to make sure it's gone and then I can get a date. As long as everything is good. I've told myself a thousand times that this is wise because there have been many complications from people having surgery with H.pylori. The last thing I would want is to not heal well or properly. I know this is time that I need.

But here I am still struggling with the wait.

Rather w a i t.

Or more like W A I T.

I just need to have faith and know that I'll have this surgery when it's the right time... not just on my time.