Folly

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is real. Try looking at photos. This was what helped a couple people I know immensely. For some reason the photos look as they should. The interpretation of the mirror image is the distortion. This may be an issue to work out in therapy with someone well versed in eating disorders.
:-)

I think it's more realistic to assume you'll be more comfortable with yourself and developing ways to deal with social situations (12 course meal - holy cow!). I've found people don't pay very much attention to what I'm not eating unless I draw attention to it. I found myself in restaurants constantly for a while there. I got into the habit of pushing food around and taking one bite of everything that looked good (read: good for me). My pouch still won't hold more than 4 - 6 ounces and I no longer give a fig about eating "normal" meals. This will get easier :-)

Hi!
I'm a newbie in the very beginning stages of my journey. I've been through the information session and have my first consultation appointment on October 6th. As I'm mentally preparing for the possibility of WLS, I'm freaking myself out...what if this DOESN'T WORK? I've been well over 200 pounds at 5'3 for my entire adult life (I'm 39). What if I have a relationship with food that can't be fixed? I've been in counseling for eating and self-esteem issues since June, so I know I'll have mental work to do to be successful. Has anyone else felt this way and been successful with weight loss after surgery?
Thanks in advance for the advice! I've been reading posts for months and have learned a lot already!

Hang in there kiddo! Remember how you used to look forward to Christmas or a birthday party and time seemed to stand still? Well, now you're grown up, but going thru those pains again. The preop diet is crappy, the post surgery diet is crappy, but this too shall pass! Think of your shiny new bicycle waiting for you as your prize! (Or in this case, your shiny new body) It's worth the wait and the craziness the experts put us thru! No one here will tell you not to follow your doctor's orders, but I think a phone call to the doctors office might be in order if that's what it takes to keep you on track. Maybe your NUT can give you some suggestions. I switched from New Direction drinks they suggested to me, to Unjury which wasn't nearly as awful. So there are always alternatives if your body can't tolerate something. And instead of Protein drinks/shakes afterwards, I've been making my own homemade broth and straining it. It tastes like Real food, not a pouch full of chemicals. That plus sf popcicles keep me going. Because of your special medical needs you should check with the pros though. And keep pushing those liquids! Pee out those free radicals, no more free rides for them!
Just try to keep positive thoughts running thru your head. Once Old Man Doubt finds his way in, it's hard to kick him out. And post often. Folks here can offer other helpful ideas how to cope. After all, you're worth it!!

I'm so sorry you're having difficulties. BED sounds like a big, scary label to hang around your neck. You're not alone. Most people who have long-term issues with obesity that brings them to WLS could be or have been diagnosed with an eating disorder. We don't get here because we have healthy relationships with food or our bodies.
It seems like you're a little trapped in the obsession/compulsion aspect of it right now.
There's nothing to feel guilty about. Please don't beat yourself up over this. I think it might be helpful to look for some emotional support from loved ones, 12-step group or maybe people with whom you share spiritual beliefs. I hope you aren't feeling isolated and ashamed. I would disbelieve most accounts people give of their experience with this journey if they denied having to confront their addiction, more than once, before and after surgery. I haven't lately but it's there waiting for me if...
If I knew you and your issues my desire to "mommy" everyone around me would kick in (another of my unresolved issues...lol) and I'd try to help. I wish I had some magic words for you. All I can tell you for sure is you ARE NOT ALONE. This isn't uncommon and doesn't have to define the rest of your journey.
The self-sabotaging component of BED thinking is going to be whispering in your ear that you might as well give up, may as well go off the deep end since you already stopped being perfect etc. My guess is you're already dealing with feelings of shame and failure. Here's the part you should know: THAT'S ALL BULLS**T!
This can be ok. This is resolvable. You have nothing to feel bad about. Most of us have been there whether we admit it or not. Perfection isn't attainable for any of us but success is. Relax, by naming it and talking about it you're already closer to figuring out what works for you. GOOD JOB!
If I can be helpful please reach out to me. In fact, most here would be good to talk to.
HUGS

Hey, there! I had my VSG a day before yours, so I am at about the same place. I am also totally feeling you! I am almost the poster child for good presurgical habits -- from June-August, I basically did 2 PP shakes a day, with one small Protein meal. I've done all the things they've asked me to do. I walk, I get my Vitamins, I am getting in all my Protein and my liquids each day. My recovery since surgery has been pretty easy -- at a week out, I feel almost recovered, though I know I need to be gentle with my body.
I have also flirted with cheating. :-) Yesterday, I got so pesky I soft scrambled two eggs with a tiny bit of cheddar cheese and ate them. Well, I tried -- after two bites, I was like OMG WTF TINY SLEEVE! But over the course of about 2 hours, I ate those eggs. Oh, and a day or two before that, I took a chicken meatball from the leftovers, and pureed it with some chicken broth and ATE IT. *grin* But it wasn't very satisfying.
As best I can tell, it's okay and normal to be feeling like this. I know that *at some point* I will be able to just eat the damned meat ball, but right now, I am a little tired of being the WLS good girl and drinking my nectar and flavored Water. :-) But in my heart, even as I'm doing those things, I'm thinking about a bite of an In&Out burger, or a taste of a burrito. :-) Last night, I imagined taking a bite of something on a TV commercial and just spitting it out after chewing it for the flavor! :-) So, I think that these urges to "cheat" are probably just the natural desire for more variety, and to move past this stage. I don't think having a bite of something means that you're going to fail, any more than cooking two eggs means I am. This liquid stage sort of sucks. :-) The only thing I can suggest to you is that when I have felt *really* like cheating, I have tried to figure out what would be best thing for me -- like those two eggs -- and least likely to cause me problems.

Short version: Don't worry now about a bite of lasagna before! Today is a different day Breathe! Have some more liquids! It's going to be okay! :-)

You may need to touch base with your therapist, for a few tune up sessions. From what I understand, BED is not something you get magically cured of. Often you simply develop better coping mechanisms. WLS may have thrown that out of whack as you learn new eating behaviors. Reach out for professional help.

My advice is develop a habit of eating healthy replacement foods. Want ice cream? Eat a sugar free Popsicle. Need a snack? Have beef or turkey Jerky, or a beef stick or string cheese.
For a bread substitute I eat low carb tortillias. About 3 carbs per, 10+ Fiber and they taste great. Just had a 4 oz tuna salad wrap and I loved it.

You can eat anything, really. The reason you should not eat breads and simple carbs (like sugar... donuts are a no no) are that they will essentially sabotage all your hard work and the surgery's benefits. The whole point of the surgery is to help us eat less but we also have to make lifestyle changes, as everyone knows.
With a lower calorie diet we need to increase Protein to assure we have a healthy amount while eating less calories overall. If you add in carbs like donuts you are 1) not taking in Protein and 2) taking in excessive amounts of calories.

I also have BED and in the first 30 days I binged twice but I managed to do it on 40 calorie fudge pops so my total calorie count for the day still wasn't off the chart. This will be a forever struggle and relapse is part of recovery. I am one of those people who tracks EVERYTHING so that even if I go off the rails I know what I did. Usually it's not as bad as my imagination makes it out to be so tracking helps me. Two donuts is what? 600 calories. Let it go and move past it. Don't let it define you. I'm just glad I can't eat a large pizza in one sitting anymore. The surgery will help so much!
I know I will never binge like I used to and that makes me feel great. One day at a time.

I've had a couple of sleeve-style binges - where you can't hold what you used to, but the lack of control is there. Yes, I'm losing and have continued to lose weight. It seems that the instant fullness, pain, and the quickness that overeating so much causes vomiting brings me back to my senses where I never had that off switch before. It happens a LOT less often now - maybe 3 times in the last 9 months, where I was doing it several times a week before - and I think mostly because I'm more aware of my body.
I can understand where you're coming from, though. The first time I did it post-op it was like an out of body experience. I got out of the car to put gas in it, and it was like I was watching a movie until I was a few blocks down with donut crumbs on my shirt and an urgent need to hurl.
I'm sorry you're dealing with it - it sucks.

You need to seek professional help to work through your BED. I'm concerned you will continue to struggle without support from professionals like a counselor or therapist or even a psychiatrist. There's no shame in that. I'm actually very impressed with your success so far dealing with that disorder. You're a rock star! But like I said, there's no shame seeking some extra help to ensure you're successful with the rest of your weight loss journey and beyond. Good luck to you!

I'm so sorry you're having difficulties. BED sounds like a big, scary label to hang around your neck. You're not alone. Most people who have long-term issues with obesity that brings them to WLS could be or have been diagnosed with an eating disorder. We don't get here because we have healthy relationships with food or our bodies.
It seems like you're a little trapped in the obsession/compulsion aspect of it right now.
There's nothing to feel guilty about. Please don't beat yourself up over this. I think it might be helpful to look for some emotional support from loved ones, 12-step group or maybe people with whom you share spiritual beliefs. I hope you aren't feeling isolated and ashamed. I would disbelieve most accounts people give of their experience with this journey if they denied having to confront their addiction, more than once, before and after surgery. I haven't lately but it's there waiting for me if...
If I knew you and your issues my desire to "mommy" everyone around me would kick in (another of my unresolved issues...lol) and I'd try to help. I wish I had some magic words for you. All I can tell you for sure is you ARE NOT ALONE. This isn't uncommon and doesn't have to define the rest of your journey.
The self-sabotaging component of BED thinking is going to be whispering in your ear that you might as well give up, may as well go off the deep end since you already stopped being perfect etc. My guess is you're already dealing with feelings of shame and failure. Here's the part you should know: THAT'S ALL BULLS**T!
This can be ok. This is resolvable. You have nothing to feel bad about. Most of us have been there whether we admit it or not. Perfection isn't attainable for any of us but success is. Relax, by naming it and talking about it you're already closer to figuring out what works for you. GOOD JOB!
If I can be helpful please reach out to me. In fact, most here would be good to talk to.
HUGS

@@gabito - did you talk to you NUT about this? Did it come up during a psych evaluation prior to surgery? I think you probably need to call a professional and see if they can give you some direction.
Good luck and let us know what happens so someone else out there maybe can benefit from your experience.

I was really hoping that this was something I would not have to deal with once I had the surgery but unfortunately over the past few weeks I have been binge eating and could really use some advice.
I am 3.5 months post-op and have lost around 70 pounds (including the weight I lost with the 2 week pre-op diet). I have always been an anxious eater and was diagnosed with binge eating disorder many years ago, which for the past few years mainly involved overeating as opposed to the violent binging episodes I used to have.
This was very encouraging so after therapy for BED I decided to have the surgery. Now, I notice that although I keep to my eating plan most of the time, I often cheat. Today though, I was very anxious and got an urge to binge, just like the old ones. I stopped the first one but the one that came a few hours later I gave in to and ate 2 donuts.
Is this something that other sleevers experience? How often does it happen to you and how do you control it? Are there any 'success stories' out there that have experienced binging (as in eating bad food in an uncontrolled manner, not necessarily large portions) yet still managed to lose the weight.
I don't often see this being written about and it feels quite scary.
Many thanks for reading!

I still haven't hit a plateau - we have more control over this than you might think. Make sure you're eating enough so you don't send your body into conservation mode. A good NUT who understands this issue can help you avoid that trap. Over-restricting is one of those things that will bite you in the butt down the road.
The "stalls" that happen when you're making the correct choices are most often your body working in its own rhythm and nothing to worry about. The numbers people become elated or despairing over in the beginning aren't as important as the overall process. Calm down and do your best. :-)

I switched to sashimi to avoid the rice carbs.

If I'd seen that couple you described, I know that I also would have been repelled by their appearance, odor, and the contents of their shopping cart.
I don't think we feel single, simple emotions at any given time, but rather a mix of them. A big emotion I'd have felt in that situation would have been fear. At my heaviest I weighed 235 pounds, but I was still nearly immobilized. That fear of losing access to a good life was pretty terrifying. Seeing that couple would have triggered my fears.
I'd also have felt disgust, sympathy, curiosity, and schadenfreude. I'd have had the same feelings pre-op. Most of those reactions would have been the hard-wired reactions primates have to outsiders and outliers. My point is that many of our emotions aren't rational, but instinctual.
So rather than labeling my or others' feelings as "ugly," I'm interested in becoming more aware of and mindful of what I'm feeling and then exploring what that means about me and for me going forward. I'm 100% socially responsible for how I behave around others (calling them "Obeast" is beyond the pale!). But I don't know that I want to or that I even could regulate my feelings.
This is a great topic. Thank you for bringing it up. But it's a complicated subject.

Wow, being mean to people who acknowledge it isn't all sunshine and lollipops for them is a little f***ed up! It's a daily struggle to get to a place of comfort with the changes. Please reach out to people who will give you some understanding and ignore those who are being hateful or self-righteous. Your choices maybe could improve but it seems your a little lost with it right now. If I can help in any way please let me know.
Peace

I wasn't telling you a horror story to scare you or anyone else. I hope you find what you need to deal with the issues that are making this harder for you than it has to be. We have a lot of people in this place who certainly can relate - I know I can. It scares me every single time I see someone posting about not choosing (or able) to follow medical advice right after surgery. It's about more than weight loss/gain. It's serious and could turn a life into a statistic. I don't bash or scare people in general but this thread alarmed me and I want people who are new to WLS to understand the potential consequences right after surgery can be particularly grave.
Almost everyone here is willing to be a source of encouragement and support, even me, but this thread made me think of how sad it was when the friend I spoke of died. She, too, talked about it being so hard and cheating just a little... Maybe if someone had just told her outright, "YOU COULD DIE" she would have thought twice and talked to a therapist or the Dr or someone...
If I hurt your feelings I do humbly and deeply apologize. I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. If I can offer you support in any way please reach out to me.
Peace

I went to nutrition classes (mandatory for my surgery to be approved) with a nice young women who was at a similar weight and size to me. She was so pretty, smart, vivacious... I liked her a lot. Not long after surgery she went to a fast food chicken place and ruptured her sleeve eating mashed potatoes and gravy. She didn't seek help (shame? denial?) for over 24 hours. Well, someone sought help for her. She was found unconscious. I didn't go to her funeral.
I sometimes say pretty stern things to people when they talk about NOT following medical advice. I would rather hurt your feelings than read your obituary.
I'm just saying...
Peace

I wasn't telling you a horror story to scare you or anyone else. I hope you find what you need to deal with the issues that are making this harder for you than it has to be. We have a lot of people in this place who certainly can relate - I know I can. It scares me every single time I see someone posting about not choosing (or able) to follow medical advice right after surgery. It's about more than weight loss/gain. It's serious and could turn a life into a statistic. I don't bash or scare people in general but this thread alarmed me and I want people who are new to WLS to understand the potential consequences right after surgery can be particularly grave.
Almost everyone here is willing to be a source of encouragement and support, even me, but this thread made me think of how sad it was when the friend I spoke of died. She, too, talked about it being so hard and cheating just a little... Maybe if someone had just told her outright, "YOU COULD DIE" she would have thought twice and talked to a therapist or the Dr or someone...
If I hurt your feelings I do humbly and deeply apologize. I wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. If I can offer you support in any way please reach out to me.
Peace

You know, bashing is bashing whether it's someone's opinion or behavior, when we slam them publicly we're only inviting controversy and argument, name-calling and general hatefulness. This is a public forum and everyone has a right to an opinion. It can be frustrating for people who are dealing with it in ways they feel are correct to constantly see others' seeming willfulness to insist on doing things known to possibly be harmful. The OP shouldn't be bashed but neither should anyone who gave an honest opinion, even if it seemed harsh or even unhelpful.
One of our greatest resources is each other and respectfulness is the obligation of everyone, even you and even me. I think it's f****ed up to hurt people with harsh and discouraging words but name calling is just as ugly. Let's give each other a little room and just ignore what is unhelpful. I don't think anyone had bad intentions.

Wow, being mean to people who acknowledge it isn't all sunshine and lollipops for them is a little f***ed up! It's a daily struggle to get to a place of comfort with the changes. Please reach out to people who will give you some understanding and ignore those who are being hateful or self-righteous. Your choices maybe could improve but it seems your a little lost with it right now. If I can help in any way please let me know.
Peace

@@Babbs
You just gave a medical explanation for what I have been describing. I tell people it feels like my body is storing up energy and nutrients, when "the tank gets full it dumps more weight". (Which is why I think it's incorrect to consider yourself in a stall just because the scale doesn't report weight loss every time you step on it).
AWESOME! Thank you for knowing this and sharing it with others!!!