DivaStyleCoach

I agree! We had to have SOMETHING strong inside us that made us take the steps to be banded, and to succeed as far as we have to date. We DO deserve healthy, happy bodies and lives. And I'm picking MYSELF up by those darn boot straps and getting my head straight. How true...I still WANT a lot of the same food that I ate before I was banded, it's just that 'Jillian', my band, won't let me eat that stuff any more. I can't 'inhale' my food any more either, because then I really pay for it! I agree with Beth here as well - it's something we need to tackle, and it's definately NOT a pity party. It is a part of our journey and yes, it's very real. I think pity parties are for people who aren't willing to change anything or do any work to change their circumstances and that definately does NOT describe any of us! Hi G4E! Isn't Beth the wise woman? Ladies, thank you so much for helping me to see another side of this issue. I am so much better off for having you all to talk to and vent to and help me get a different perspective. I <<heart>> y'all in a big way!:rolleyes2:

Worth far more than two cents, Beth...he's actually said that he's enjoying my journey as much as I am because now the world gets to see what he always knew was inside me...that they get to see me the way he's always seen me and they can appreciate me too. Plus, he likes that other men are starting to be more interested in me, but I keep coming home to him...:crying: I'm right there with ya - I may talk to the psych who did my preliminary eval and find out if she does this kind of counseling. Perhaps it would be covered by my health insurance here at work, but even if it's not, I may make the investment in ME and do it anyway... Thanks, girlfriends! :wub: You have helped me to put a different perspective on this, and I feel tons better right now...my DH may even survive the night LOL:rolleyes2:

I agree, and it's part of the reason I went with the band. Surgery is forever...you cannot, to my knowledge, get a bypass reversed easily. If the band did not work for me, I had other alternatives...so far, I'm very happy with my band. I too have a heart condition - atrial fibrillation - and I lost my mom to congestive heart failure and diabetes. I am also a type II diabetic - it was the combination of conditions that finally made me get serious about my weight loss. My band doc actually recommended the bypass to me because it's an 'instant' cure for diabetes (or so they say) but I was adamant about doing it more slowly so that I HAD to make the lifestyle changes. I am also chronically anemic, so changing the way my body absorbs nutrients and Vitamins from food was NOT high on my list. Thank you ladies, for your insight and your concern. I will share your stories with my DD and let her know where to find you if she wants to talk...:rolleyes2:

Thanks, Slim...your voice of reason is right on time...perhaps that is true. While I didn't do this FOR him, I did hope that he would be supportive...it's not really a sudden thing - he's always been a 'lesbian in a man's body' to use his words :crying: I guess the hard part for me has always been that I accepted and loved him just as he was - whatever form that took. When we married, he was 6'3" tall, weighed about 200 lbs. He's now closer to 300 - but he wears it well - mostly in the shoulders and chest. He's got more tummy than he used to have (and he's sensitive about that) but that hasn't changed how I look at him. I know men are visual creatures...they can be more attracted to the visual most of the time than what's inside a person - but I'm having a hard time reconciling the sweet words I heard in the past with what I'm hearing now. He used to say all the time that he loved "full-figured" women. Now he just says he loves "women". For me, that preys on my personal insecurities - that I've never fared well in woman-on-woman competition for a man - I always lost. Now that I'm competing against the entire female race (not just the full-figured gals) I feel that old insecurity creeping back in and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like I'll never be whatever-enough...thin enough, tall enough, curvy enough, etc, etc, etc. Some of this - hell, a LOT of this is about ME - but some of it lies at his feet as well. I think I need therapy...LOL :rolleyes2:

PJTP...Beth, sounds like you had a good time, though the aftermath is a killer...:rolleyes2: Wish I could drink...I need a good stiff one right now...:crying:

Yep, there most definately is... Long story short...I've been heavy most of my life - since my teen years. Always had trouble with guys wanting the 'show-off' girls, not me. 1st DH (in this case, da**) was one of the first who seemed to like me for 'me' - warts and all. Didn't last...here comes current DH, who was my once-sweetheart in HS (but decided he wanted 'showy' as well - 'showy' cheated and they divorced), saying he wanted me for 'me', warts and all. We marry, live happily ever after, yes? Not quite...there have been some challenges on and off - nothing huge, but too big to just ignore. No physical infidelity, but some internet flirtations that I feel went too far...whole 'nother story, no room to tell here. Told me all along he liked 'em 'thick' and said I wasn't too far from 'perfect' in his eyes. Recently, since I lost 50 lbs, he's evidently felt free to express himself...been noticing (out loud) more female stars who definitely don't fit the definition of 'thick' in my eyes...Alicia Keys, etc. Still likes Queen Latifah, but noticing more 'thin' stars now...commenting more on clothing styles that definately don't work for 'thick' women... I call him on it...express my feelings of betrayal that he now is saying women who years ago would have been characterized as 'needing a sandwich' are now attractive to him, and calling it as I see it - a lie told in the past to try and make me feel better (I guess). Have I said how much I HATE lying? It's a fallback from the first H - he lied a LOT about a lot of things, and it's a hot button with me... My DH is generally a good guy, but why the f**k can't you just be honest? Not brutal, just honest...if I had thought that he wasn't so happy with the 'thick' me, maybe I'd have made more effort in the past (maybe not). Because I kept thinking I wasn't 'that far off' I may not have put as much effort into it as I could have... Of course hindsight being 20/20, you know... I'm feeling more than a little betrayed and lied to...now that I'm thinning out, he feels free to say this stuff...makes me wonder what ELSE he's not been honest about... I'm mad - just in case you couldn't tell - and I feel...sad at the same time. I'm no saint - I've admired other men, but they've always been along the same physical lines as my DH - Ving Rhames, Michael Clarke Duncan, Michael Jai White, etc...I like big guys. :rolleyes2: My feelings are hurt right now...I wish he'd been HONEST with me all those years, and I don't know what (if anything) I'm going to do about it. That's my sad / mad story for today...challenge for me is that once I'm mad, I tend to stay that way for a good long while...gotta decide what, if anything I'm going to do so I can get past this...one way or the other. I feel a sense of loss - one of the things I always loved about my DH was that he wasn't "like the other guys"...now, that's been taken away from me...:crying::crying::crying:

Hi BJean, No, not at all...I only know a few people who have had the bypass - a co-worker and her husband, the mom of my DD's friend, and the sister of my DD's friend...I did visit the bypass support group in my area before I was banded, but did not hear any stories of rebounding from them. Only the sister of my DD's friend has rebounded - and she only gained SOME of her weight back. I haven't seen her in a while, but have heard she's doing better after renewing the good habits she initially adopted after her surgery. I think my DD might rebound because unless she changes her eating habits, she will not be successful. That's with either surgery - not just the bypass. I believe, for my DD, that the bypass would give her the "instant gratification" she seeks, in that the weight might come off more quickly than with the band, but I also believe that she NEEDS to change her eating habits, or NEITHER surgery will be successful for her long-term. I think the band MIGHT work better for my DD because she will have to do more work with her eating habits and exercise to be successful...I'm hopeful that the re-education process that I've gone through to reach my current level of success would also be part of her process. So far, it hasn't made much of a difference - she and my DH were supposed to 'follow' my eating habits the first few weeks after I was banded so that I wouldn't feel bad about having to eat only liquids while they ate 'regular' food...he did better than she did with that...and though we have made family-wide changes in our eating, she has not had much success because she continues to 'sneak eat'. It hurts me to see her struggle while I am succeeding...I can see it in her eyes...she wants to be happy for me, and I think she is, but she's also wondering 'why not me?' and right now, I don't think my answer of "you're not ready" is sitting too well with her...:thumbdown:

Blackcherry - thank you so much for your candor...:thumbdown: I agree that the bypass wouldn't be the best choice for her, as I feel she'd probably rebound due to her eating habits. I will continue to encourage her and we'll see what the summer brings. My hope is that she'll decide for herself, and then we have the big job: convincing her DAD that this is the right thing for her...

Good morning All! I'm watching the discourse regarding age and being banded with interest, because of my own situation and my daughters. I posted earlier in the thread - banded at 45, now 46, am down 50 pounds in the 8 months since being banded (got a slow start, now doing very well) and feeling very hopeful about the next 40 or so years of my life. My daughter just turned 18 last December, has been heavy most of her teen years, and really wants WLS. I don't feel she's ready - mentally. She's not really physically active - we encourage her, but you can only push someone so far...unfortunately, she is a 'sneak eater'...we find remnants of food around the house in strange places... She has a friend whose older sister was bypassed, lost a LOT of weight, and has started gaining it back. This same friend's mom was also bypassed, and she's done very well - in fact, she's almost too thin. Those are her primary 'role models' besides myself...I feel for her - it probably isn't easy for her to watch me go through this, getting thinner, and things are not changing for her, but I don't think she's ready. I encouraged her to keep a food diary - knowing that was one of the first steps I had to do to qualify for the surgery - and she isn't doing it. She's contacted other WL programs, but everything costs so much. My insurance through my employer will cover it, but I'm reluctant to start the process with her because she hasn't had the 'try and fail' process that I've seen reported here on the site. Would some of the younger Bandsters who watch this thread please either post here or send me a PM - what made you realize that you were ready for the surgery? What advice would you give a younger person to get them ready for WLS? I want her to be healthy (family history of diabetes, heart disease, etc scares me for her future) but I don't want her to have the surgery and then fail at it because she wasn't mentally ready to do it...:thumbdown:

Wish I could drink coffee sometimes...anything besides decaf makes me too jumpy...makes my heart rate do weird things... Don't you DARE keep that to yourself, SMS! We LOVE to hear about happy people and their happy lives...I think your messages back and forth to your honey on FB are too cute... Especially when our SO's are being buttheads...:thumbdown:

PJTP... Hi Slim! Thanks so much...I was grinning like a total fool in the dressing room, and then started crying! My DD thought I was nuts, but when I explained why, she gave me a high five! I'm hoping I hear that I've GOTTEN the job...that last comment my contact made about bringing in 'stragglers' has me a little concerned... That is sad...he was such a high-energy pitchman...I liked to see him on TV. He always seemed so enthusiastic about whatever he was promoting. Too bad about him passing away - my sympathies to his family...:thumbdown:

PJTP...Hi y'all!:w00t: Having a wonderful weekend...went to see Transformers with DH and DD yesterday - long movie, but IMO, well worth it! I won't spoil it for anyone, just take my advice and go to the loo BEFORE you start the movie so you don't miss anything good (like my DD did)... Went shopping afterward to Old Navy for summer stuff - they had an awesome sale. Since we're headed to Florida at the end of the week, we figured why not? Couldn't find any shorts at $5, but found a couple pair at $10 that are pretty cute...and oh, by the way: I fit into a size SIXTEEN (16)!!!!! OMG - I just couldn't believe it when I put the shorts on and first they went past my thighs, and then I was able to button them and zip them, and no muffin-top, no "I can't breathe" feeling, no "these are cutting off my circulation", no nothing! :smile2::w00t::frown::w00t::smile2: I haven't worn a size 16 ANYTHING since I WAS sixteen! I was so excited, I bought two pair for my vacation...I am so very happy right now, I can't even stand it. Re: my potential new job - they said they'd let me know something before I go on vacation - said they had a couple of "stragglers" to bring in, and my contact said she was out on Monday, but that she would give me a call before I go on vacation...so that means next week by Friday, I will know SOMETHING...I pray it's positive and I'm the one they want to hire. I'm going to try and hit my 50% loss mark before I go on vacation (that would mean going down another 5 pounds this week) but if I don't hit it, I'm gonna work my butt off during my vacation and see if I can't come back smaller than when I left! I'm having such a good time right now, and LOVE being smaller - I never thought I'd see a size 16 again - and my hubby even said he thinks my "true size" (without all the loose skin around my tummy) is probably more like a 12 or 14 right now I'm already planning for my tummy tuck - December 2010! My goal is to reach my weight loss final by December of this year (I'm shooting for 155) and to maintain that for a year, working on building muscle and losing additional fat, plus exercising to get my strength level up, and then having the surgery during the Christmas shutdown when I'll have an extra week off with pay and not have to use any vacation time. Hopefully, if I can save some additional days, I could have as much as 3 weeks built up to be off work and then come back sans drains and stuff...we'll see - you know what they say about the best-laid-plans... Until then, I'm going to ENJOY my next week and be ready for my Florida vacation...See everyone on the boards tomorrow! :thumbup:

Yes, unfortunately, dragging the buns is something that does happen in larger organizations. I thought since the position I'm after had been open for a while, they'd be fast-tracking the replacement, but I guess not... The only other thing I can think of is that they are having trouble getting ahold of one of my referrers...one of them is a very busy doctor who might be difficult to pin down. He's a wonderful guy, but...maybe I'll check with his Admin Asst and see if she's heard anything...but then, if she had, she wouldn't be able to tell me Guess I'll be on tenterhooks another weekend...:thumbup:

Hi Beth!:biggrin: No word yet - they did contact one of my references, and she sent me what she sent to them, but nothing else...I, like you, keep hoping Friday will be the day I get notice and get to give notice... I was hoping to be in the first week of my two week's notice by now, but...oh well, I can TRY to be patient...:thumbup: I'm glad you were proactive and called - I think I may send an email today before I leave work just asking what the status is and letting them know I'll be on vacation for the week after next...July 4 - 11 (work week July 6 - 10)...and I can't wait!

Hello all, I was relaxed my first time - the partner I had (now my DH) and I had talked about it a lot...I was curious, so was he. It really is important to be as relaxed as possible. YOU have to want it as much as HE does (maybe more)... If you're not sure, then don't agree until you are...perhaps that will never happen, and you need to be sure your partner is okay with that. 'Sneak attacks' are a recipe for disaster. I was NOT tipsy when we first attempted it. It was very slow going, lots of deep breathing, and a lot of false starts, so to speak, but my DH was infinitely patient, loving and gentle, and made sure I was good and hot before attempting... Finding someone who makes the experience about YOU and not so much HIM is critical...:thumbup:

Mornin' everyone! PJTP...it's a sad morning for the entertainment industry. One of our Angels (Farrah) is gone, and now this... Very sad...I hope that there won't be a whole lot of unnecessary speculation (yeh, right) but that people will try to remember the good things about Michael... No absolutely not...that would mean I'm getting old too... Hang in there, Fanny! We don't care how it happened, we're happy for you! :w00t::w00t::w00t: Have a wonderful day, everyone! :wub:

Very sad...I thought she was absolutely gorgeous, and I even had my hair cut like hers when I was in high school...loved flipping it over my shoulders. RIP Farrah...:bored:

PJTP...Good morning! :bored: I posted this on Facebook, but thought I'd share here as well - I'm wearing all white today and feeling my Mom's influence all around me. She was a nurse for over 30 years, and some of my favorite memories of her are helping her get ready for work in the morning with her white uniform and that starched white hat...I feel powerful and strong today - watch out world! You are a grown-a** woman - you can have a blog if you darn well please, and you can write anything you want to. If she's ready to read it, then she should be ready for what she sees... I agree wholeheartedly...let it all out! Okay, so now she knows how you feel - all cards on the table...you don't need the added stress of holding things in. You've got enough to deal with. If she can't handle it, too bad, so sad...yep, I sound hard this morning, but that's how I'm feeling right now. I think sometimes we give people TOO MUCH slack and they take that as an invitation to walk all over us and stomp on our hearts, dreams and ambitions while they are at it. Today, I'm feeling quite combative (can ya tell?) and I'm not letting ANYONE dampen my good mood. Case in point...yesterday I edited some information in our main database on the instruction of da big boss (DBB). I email DBB yesterday to let him know it was done and what I did, and he started a back-and-forth conversation - SIX EMAILS WORTH - about what I changed and why. I explained it, I explained it again, and then I finally said I would NEVER do it again...he is still going back and forth about why the records were edited. The only thing I did was add a description of what type of scholarship a candidate recieved...they were just WORDS for gosh sake... I just don't understand why it had to turn into a big deal...now I'm sure he'll be over here at some point this morning, and I'll try ONE MORE TIME to tell him what I did, and then SHOW him what I did, and then I'm DONE. That's what I get for trying to do a COMPLETE job...anyway...hopefully I'll be outa here soon and I won't have to deal with this particular attitude any more. And it's NOT going to dampen my spirits...the SUN is out and coming through my window, and I'm gonna have an AWESOME day!:scared2:

Hi Susan! Hmmm...lots going on, but nothing we can't handle in your absence...you trained us well! I don't envy you having to pack up an entire house...how are you deciding what to keep and what to toss? Any tips / hints / systems for us who still live in overstuffed houses (mine! mine!)? We are tackling one room at a time - clear everything out of the room, have packing boxes and trash bags handy, and only put back what we absolutely LOVE and can't live without...now that said, there's some boxes of stuff going to the attic, but I figure if we don't go looking for that stuff in a year or two, I'll just take the entire box and donate it to goodwill, or take it to a Ebay place and post it for sale... I'm in de-clutter mode...trying to get it done before DD goes off to school...

Feel free to vent here, darling girl...that's what the forum is for, and we, your FRIENDS are here to listen and to offer an occasional suggestion... Love ya, girlfriend! :wub::wub:

PJTP...Good morning everybody!:wub: Off-line most of yesterday because for some odd reason, I developed a major league 'crick' in my neck that wouldn't relax! So instead of typing with my head held sideways and crying all the while, I stayed off the pc and stayed still (you' can't even imagine how HARD that was!)... Now I gotta catch up... Don't hate them, I'm just AFRAID of the bigger ones... Hi BBK! Long time no see... My last dog (before the one I have now) was a Leonberger - had some Newf in him - and had the webbed feet and the love of water. My DH used to do regular 'patrols' for our local utility of an area near water, so he'd come home, get the dog, and let him splash in the river while he was on duty. The dog LOVED it... I wish I could get back to Michigan this summer - with our current travel plans and DD's going to college, I just dunno... I know where that is! I have cousins in that area...I'm an East Sider - lived near Belle Isle all my life until moving to CT Let them get into a bidding war over you, Beth! :thumbup: Awww...baby granddaughter...I miss my grandson! :tt2: God bless your DH...mine hasn't weighed in on where he thinks I should go yet...he fluctuates on a weekly basis between lusting after a shape like Jennifer Hudson's and Janet Jackson's (think 'Rhythm Nation' - booty for days) I'm selling tickets! Bet we could cause one hell of a traffic jam if you, I and slim all did it together...:w00t: Cougar boobies...ROFLMBO...I think I'd be offended, but then, I'm not sure...LOL ROFLMBO...that's my girl! You tell 'em, Beth! What he said... OMG...stop...my sides hurt! You do what YOU want to do Beth...I KNOW you will do what's best for you, and you are an awesome chick! You are powerful, briliant, beautiful, and you'll be great at whatever you decide to do! Don't let her stop you - you didn't let her stop you before, don't you dare start now... What she said...in spades! Off to read some more posts in a different section, now...BRB!:thumbup:

You're NOT complaining too much - I pray your doc has an answer for you, or at least some type of treatment that will alleviate your pain...before I had extensive dental surgery, I was in pain nearly every day. It wears you down and makes you crazy - best wishes to you and prayer for immediate relief! :biggrin: Oh Fanny - I feel so bad for you...I agree - what are people thinking? Here's hoping the third time is the charm and you find a wonderful buyer with bags of money... Okay...NOT! Fanny - you are a much braver woman than I...I could barely LOOK at the pics, let alone think about HAVING a python! :w00t::eek: I've seen small snakes in my yard, little garter snakes, and they don't bother me, but the big ones, like PYTHONS scare the bejesus out of me...anything that could eat / crush / want to eat / want to attack me like that - basically I'm a chicken! :eek: Like watching them from afar, but would never get close... Have a great day, everyone...if I hear anything about the job, y'all are high up on my 'contact' list!

PJTP...HI y'all! Sorry to be so quiet this weekend...nope - I haven't gone on vacation yet. Haven't heard anything about the job yet...they did contact me and ask for clarification on my references. They wanted supervisors only for references, which is tough, because the job I had in Norwich - I was a department head, and the City Manager who was there is long gone. I did give them the doc who was head of my section for the job previous to the one I have now. But no definate word on the new job yet. I'm on pins and needles! Now that I've updated ya'll, I gotta catch up, so... DH and I did the EXACT same thing when we bought our first house in Norwich. Bought on price and configuration (sort of) didn't get a good inspection done, found all SORTS of challenges once we moved in. Made the best of it, renovated extensively, and made a good profit when we sold it. Went through some nightmares with tenants first, but it ended okay. Oh how sad...to see a house you put so much into left to become ordinary again...the house and lots we sold have been improved tremendously by the guy we sold them to...he actually built two new multi-families on the lots we sold him plus a condemned house on the other side which he also bought from us...it's beautiful now. We bought our current house in May, renovated over the summer, and moved in just before school started because relocating changed my daughter's bus stop...in retrospect, we should have FINISHED the renovations before moving in - one you're in the house, it's much tougher to finish! Not no, but h**l NO! ROFLMBO... I pray all works out well for the dog - we tend to like big dogs too...our first was a Labrador, then a Leonberger (which is a Newfie/Great Pyrenees/St. Bernard mix) / Shepherd mix (we lost him - someone adopted him and never brought him back after he got out one day), and now our Mastiff/mutt mix. Nothing but Big Dogs over here! Well, I think I'm caught up now...hopefully I'll have good news to report on the job front on Monday. Everyone enjoy their Sunday evening!

I would encourage him to talk about how he's feeling...some men are notoriously silent about their feelings, and when they begin to feel insecure, they withdraw even further. I encourage you to check out a book called "The Five Love Languages". Google it, or check Amazon.com. Once you read the book and figure out what YOUR love language is, tell your husband about it and ask HIM to read the book as well. When you've figured out your love languages, start "speaking" them... If he's not ready to start, start WITHOUT him! When he sees that you are working to make your relationship better, all the while you are getting healthier and more gorgeous, then perhaps he'll feel better and be more hopeful. If that doesn't work, then by all means try counseling - but if you have had a good marriage up until now (and you are the sole judge of good) then FIGHT to keep it. And TELL him you are going to fight to keep your marriage. Tell him that you have heard that others have to divorce after one spouse or another loses weight and you DON'T want that to be you two...he may be feeling the same way, but by you raising the subject first, he may feel more open to talking about it. I wish you all the best...I know it can be scary to see your dependable, 'think-you-know-her' spouse change right in front of your eyes, but by starting to reassure him and talk to him now, maybe you can head off any challenges before they occur...:wink:

PJTP...Beth, I LOVE the pics of your motorcycle on FB! Must...stay...off...of...EBay......:wink: