I know how you feel I have a special child also and I get told some of the same things you are describing. My husband tells me I am only worried about myself and he tries to tell me I am neglecting my children (I also have a 17 year old). He is constantly telling me I have changed and I am not the same person he married and nothing I do seems to be the right thing in his eyes. He is my second husband and not the father of my children. My husband is disabled since he had a major heart attack 2 years ago so I work every day, I work at least 50 hours a week if not more and I was working out 5 days a week after work getting home between 6:30 and 7 every evening.(since Hurricane Rita I was working 7 days a week 12 hours a day and didnt have the time to workout anymore but am fixing to start back) Anyway reading your story just hit home alot for me. But I am trying to hang in there because I know that some of his frustrations is that he cannot work and to add more to it we cant live in our house due to the Hurricane so our stress level here lately is up 100%.
Anyway I am glad you are getting out on your own and I know it will work out for you and you will be much happier. Life is too short to live miserable and i say that to my husband all the time and of course that just starts another whole discussion about how I have changed.