HipsAndLipstick

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robin-korth/sex-over-50_b_5563576.html
 
 

Naked, I stood at the closet doors with the lights on and made myself ready. I took a deep breath and positioned the mirrors so I could see all of me. I consciously worked to remove my self-believed inner image. I opened my eyes and looked very carefully at my body. And my heart lurched at the truth: I am not a young woman anymore. I am a woman well-lived. My body tells of all the years she has carried my spirit through life.
I am a 59-year-old woman in great health and in good physical shape. I stand five-feet, nine-inches tall and weigh 135 pounds. I wear a size six in both jeans and panties, and my breasts are nowhere near my navel. In fact, they still struggle to make it full-up in a B-cup bra. My thighs are no longer velvet and my buttocks have dimples. My upper arms wobble a bit and my skin shows the marks of the sun. There is a softness around my waist that is no longer perfectly taut, and the pout of my abdomen attests to a c-section that took its bikini flatness -- but gave me a son.
 
Why this brutal scrutiny of myself? It was time to counter the damage of my culture, my own soft-held fear and to pour warm love on my own soul. It was time to claim every mark and not-perfect inch of my own body -- a body that had been called "too wrinkled" by a man who was fetched by my energy and my mind, but did not like the bare truth of me. His name was Dave and he was 55 years old.
 
We met on a dating site. Dave was interesting, gentlemanly and bright. He held my hand and toured with me on long bicycle rides. He drove many miles to come to my door. He made meals for us both and ruffled my dog's happy head. I was enticed and longed for the full knowing of this man. And so, we planned a weekend together. That's when things got confusing, unspoken and just-not-quite there. We went to bed in a couple's way -- unclothed and touching -- all parts near. Kisses were shared and sleep came in hugs. I attempted more intimacy throughout the weekend and was deterred each time.
 
On Monday evening over the phone, I asked this man who had shared my bed for three nights running why we had not made love. "Your body is too wrinkly," he said without a pause. "I have spoiled myself over the years with young women. I just can't get excited with you. I love your energy and your laughter. I like your head and your heart. But, I just can't deal with your body."
 
I was stunned. The hurt would come later. I asked him slowly and carefully if he found my body hard to look at. He said yes. "So, this means seeing me naked was troublesome to you?" I asked. He told me he had just looked away. And when the lights were out, he pretended my body was younger -- that I was younger. My breath came deep and full as I processed this information. My face blazed as I felt embarrassed and shamed by memories of my easy nakedness with him in days just passed.
 
We talked for some time more, my head reeling at the content of the conversation. He spoke of special stockings and clothing that would "hide" my years. He blithely told me he loved "little black dresses" and strappy shoes. He said my hair was not long and flowing as he preferred, but that was okay because it was "cool looking." I felt like a Barbie Doll on acid as I listened to this man. He was totally oblivious to the viciousness of his words. He had turned me into an object to be dressed and positioned to provide satisfaction for his ideas of what female sexual perfection should be.
He explained that now that I knew what was required, we could have a great time in the bedroom. I told him no. I would not hide from my own body. I would not wear outfits to make my body more "tolerable." I would not undress in the dark or shower with the bathroom door closed. I would not diminish myself for him -- or for anyone. My body is beautiful and it goes along with my mind and my heart.
 
When I told Dave that I never wanted to see or hear from him again, he was confused and complained that I was making a big deal out of nothing. He whined that I had taken a small part of our relationship and made it a major event. I didn't even want to try to explain the hurt and the horror that he had inflicted upon me. I actually felt sickly sorry for this man as I hung up the phone. It was after this call that I went to the bedroom and gently stripped off my clothes.
As I looked in the mirror -- clear-eyed and brave -- I claimed every inch of my body with love, honor and deep care. This body is me. She has held my soul and carried my heart for all of my days. Each wrinkle and imperfection is a badge of my living and of my giving of life. With tears in my eyes, I hugged myself close. I said thank you to God for the gift of my body and my life. And I said thank you to a sad man named Dave for reminding me of how precious it all is.
 
Robin Korth enjoys interactions with her readers. Feel free to contact her at info@robininyourface.com or on Facebook.
To learn about her new book, "Soul on the Run," go to: www.SoulOnTheRun.com
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Everything going fine with the VSG. Thank God I didn't have any type of complications. I'm doing very good and have lost a total of 59lbs. I'm losing approximately 8-9lbs a month which is great for me because I want to lose the weight slow. I have a personal trainer 3x a week that comes to my house which helps A LOT! I'm getting my shape back, I feel so good. I'm so happy with my sleeve.

So my date got changed to the 27th due to the holiday the previous Monday! I received a phone call from Kelly (the Dr's assistant) on Dec 27th that she has submitted the date change to the insurance and she will notify me when she gets an answer. The next day the 28th I got a call from my insurance telling me I have been approved!!
 
I have to go in Jan 14 to meet with the anesthesiologist and nurse to get all my pre-surgery labs done. after that is just waiting for the day!
 
I'm beyond excited!!
 
 
 
BTW I have medicaid with Fidelis. very quick approval no 6 months diet requirement and my doctor only requires 2 day liquid diet!!

The first successful gastrectomy was performed by Theodor Billroth in 1881 for cancer of the stomach.

Do I have concerns about cutting out approximately 85% of my stomach? Yes. But I am more concerned about my life would be like if I didn't. The pain I have dealt with for 30+ years, the psychological suffering, the social loneliness, this can be nothing compared with some physical pain and the forebearance required by a 2oz stomach. I will take this path because there is something in the wiring of my brain that doesn't stop when it comes to sugar, there is no "stop" sign on hunger in my body. I don't need a genetic test to know that. I just need a fighting chance.

That's what this is. There's nothing easy about weight loss surgery. Nobody thinks, "oh, sure" I can just take the easy way out. This is not easy. It is not easy to accept that you have an addiction. It is not easy waking up every day and feeling self loathing. It is not easy changing your emotional and psychological crutches. 

This is about living. And that is the hardest thing. 

So instead of buying a gun and putting it in my mouth I bought myself a vacation to Mexico. I'm not telling anyone, I'm telling you, whomever you are that if you're reading this I know how you have felt. I have cried after eating myself sick. I have looked in the mirror with disgust. I have thought of my life as an empty shell, a lifelong ticket for the sidelines. 

I want to play in the game, not just watch from the sides.

I want to dance, not just wallflower.

I want to live.

And I'm willing to fight. 

But I need this fast forward, I need some jolt into success. I'm not asking for the easy way. I will fight. I will fight through the anesthesia, and the pain, and the stitches, and the burning stomach acid, and the gagging nausea, and the inability to swallow down meats that aren't pulverized, and the foregoing of old comfort foods, and no more big floppy pieces of pizza.

Why?

So I can sit on a plane and not feel mortified, so I can walk into a store and buy something off the rack (for the first time in my life), so I can ask someone out and not have to convince them I'm super smart and funny first, so I can go skiing in Breck, so I can go dancing and not have to drink my humiliation away, so I can play golf and tennis with friends, so I can hike, so I can kayak, so I can complete the triathlon I've signed up for three times, so I can sit on the ground and get up without an ordeal, so I can camp and not be exhausted or worried, so I can not be terrified of hurting my leg (again) because of ice, so I can not be ashamed to see family each year, so I can love myself, so I can be free, so I can go snowmobiling, so I can stop being scared of life, so i'm not screaming hateful words at myself everytime I meet someone new, so my life can be about living in the moment and not being worried about the weight. 

So my ex can see me and eat her heart out.

So finally after all those hoops I had to jump thru.. I GOT A DATE! January 20th is the date!
 
I am no longer anemic but my iron count is still low. Dr send me to see another hematologist who also cleared me for surgery. I am beyond happy right now.. ! I cant wait to see my life change and to have the oportunity of enjoy life with my kids. No words can describe my feelings right now.!
 
yayyyyyy to me!!

Hi! I just wanted to introduce myself. I've been thinking about vsg since 2009. doubted getting it done after getting 90% of the process done then decided not to. Now I'm all in for it and almost ready to go. All I need is to get the stress test done so my doctor can clear me for surgery. She needs that because I've complained to her about chest pain when I'm rushing up the stairs (as I live in a 6th fl walk up bldg). I scheduled everything fast. I had everything scheduled for August. within 2 weeks all my appointments were done.
 
I'm getting it done at St Lukes Hospital in Harlem, NY. I switched my insurance from Health First to Affinity because they don't require the 6mo weigh-in or supervised diet. I have an appointment to see Dr. Koshy on Oct 3rd to get my surgery date and submit paperwork to insurance. I am anxious and so ready to finally get this done. I want to be able to enjoy my kids and engage in the outdoors activities and not just sit down and watch. that's my main reason to do this. MY KIDS!

I have to say that reading blogs and viewing photos are so inspirational to me. When I made the decision to have this surgery it took me a year to say "I am going to do it". Now I am so excited to know that I am making the right choice for me and only me. I can't wait to have my surgery which is scheduled for Dec. 26th, 2013.
Just want to thank everyone on here for the good and bad stories reguarding their experiences and I wish EVERYONE success on their healthy weight loss journey!