TonyaA

I have it! I have my approval. God was looking out for me and knew I would have a hard time waiting to hear. I called Anthem BC today to verify that the paperwork was indeed submitted, and much to my surprise I was told it was submitted AND approved 9/25! It's a small miracle that I received same day approval because I would have been a basket case waiting! LOL She said I am approved for a 1 day stay from 10/21-10/22. My first question was " this is a two day thing, but only approved one day?" She said it is standard to just submit for one day, then they will add the additional day at the time. Then my wheels turned a little further and thought about the date. I asked her how that day was chosen and she said it was the date my surgeon applied for. So being the ever brilliant detective I am (I say laughing) I deduced that is my surgery date - 10/21. Apparently they have it as a tentative schedule when submitting for approval, but do not tell us until after they have the approval. So I am one up on my surgeon- I know my date! LOL I am a mixture of emotions, which I expected. What I am sort of surprised about is that I am strangely calm too. I am really so very thankful that this is happening. I would have been devastated to get anything but an approval. And the way it has all worked out....Well all I can say is a higher power certainly had to have a hand in it. The date is exactly as I hoped, four days after my birthday. So October will forever be my birthday, and my rebirth day!!! I should be feeling pretty good ( knock wood ) by my daughter's birthday on 11/3, and should be back to my (new) normal by the holidays. I also reap the benefit of having already met my cap out of pocket amount for the year through insurance ( thanks DVT and PE) so this should cost me next to nothing! I am truly, truly happy and thankful and excited. I realize there will be rough patches ahead and will deal with them as they come. But right now I am on cloud nine and will save this feeling for those times...

Work is so busy, head is spinning. Emotions all over today. Tired of whiney ass coworkers. Tired of my pain in the ass girlfriend (yes yet another weekend of how I look like a sick person and need to gain weight). I flat out told her to go find someone with more meat on their bones. Dad, gotta love him, but dear lord he is needy. Has called 10 times today needing something. I love helping my dad, but I can barely breathe at work today. Told my boss I wanted a $2 raise. He giggled and I looked him square in the eye and said "I'm not joking I want $2". He didn't know what to say.
Kids are ok. my middle kid has some attitude lately that is driving me nuts. I know he has middle kid syndrome, but dear god. He can be so whiney. And my daughter has me on edge. Found a text on her cell that said something about needing to be at the park at 2AM. I was livid. Called her on it, said she was just kidding with her friend. Needless to say, I now make sure there's now way for her to sneak out. I put objects by the door so they will fall if she opens it. I put tape across the top so I know if the door has been opened. I removed all hallway lights. I know keep my bedroom door open. Hmm must thought of something, I may lean something up against her door so I can hear it instantly. Granted, I don't think she would sneak out. I've reminded her of the 2 new stories lately about girls in our city being abducted and used for sex slavery. But as a mother, you worry nonetheless.
 
Wow, i'm negative today but not meaning to be. Just really not feeling life today. Just want to get away for a few days, ALONE. not possible, but a nice thought

On Sunday 9/22 I will be celebrating my 2 month Surgeriversery!!! I weighed in today at 252 which is 31 pounds lost since Surgery. Also a ton of inches!!! I have been extremely happy with my sleeve. I have had one episode of dumping since surgery and that was a day i was bad and got over 65 grams of carbs. My sleeve hated me that day. I am still on the meat, cheese and eggs and next week I can start adding 1/2 cup of veggies to one meal a day. I am a little scared to see how my sleeve will handle it but I am hoping for the best. I am so excited to have asparagus , cauliflower and brocolli!!!
I know we aren't likely to have a dumping issue but I am positive that it was one, I was shaky, sweaty and weak. It passed with in a 1/2 hour. I hadn't had that many carbs in one day since months before surgery. Believe me I will not be having anything that isn't on my doctors approved list anymore. I was glad to have had something like that happen because it has put me back on my path. We all have times we mess up and it is what we learn from it that matters.
I started Zumba on Friday nights and love it!!! My new love! I have been walking mainly since surgery so it is so nice to switch it up a little. I haven't gone shopping yet for anything but I do know I need smaller underwear!! LOL I just don't want to go out and shop and then have to shop again a month later so i have been wearing baggy clothes. I did find some old clothes of mine that now fit me that I will be wearing for a while.

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections
 
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
 
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
 
 
This has always been one of my favorite songs..and I guess in so many ways it was MY song for so many years. When I was larger, I didn't feel like that was the true me. Everytime I looked in the mirror its as if the reflection was a stranger. Who is she? And what made it worse is I also hid the fact I gay. I didn't hide that too long, I did come out within a couple of years of realizing who I truly am. Maybe that's what started my journey to self discovery. Would I have had the surgery had I not come out? I spent so many years wondering who the hell I am (well was rather). The day I came out to myself was a wonderful moment. Admitting to myself WHO I AM. Coming out to my family was the second most wonderful moment. Dad took it ok. Mom went through a range of emotions. I wasn't looking for acceptance, however, the freedom of being who i am was beyond words. Now 10 years later, my life has been the best it's ever been. The only and final struggle was the girl in the mirror..
 
It's been 2 years since my 1st surgery...and I look in the mirror each morning, Smile wide..and giggle "There she is..." There's the person I was supposed to be all this time.. I am so grateful to God for giving me the strength to proceed with my life change. And to my family and friends for being 100% supportive (well minus 1 person, but it is what it is). Each and every day they keep me in check. At first I had issues with some of them sneaking a peek at what I was eating. now however, it's a welcome glance! My favorite person is my co-worker and wonderful friend Granny Cathy. She has been so supportive and such a wonderful friend. I was being bad a few weeks ago and grabbed a kit-kat (sorry those are and always will be my weakness). After I nibbled one piece of it, she looked over, saw it...and took it from me! I almost died laughing. i knew i shouldn't eat it. and she knew i would do it anyway. i love her for that.
 
i know some individuals struggle with this surgery before, during and after...i can't express to them enough how wonderful this life change truly is. I wish I had done this in my 30's, but i'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. just thankful i did it when i did. no regrets....

I had my pre-surgical clearance appointment today. This is the final appointment with the surgeon where I asked questions and signed surgical consent forms. My patience is wearing thin with all these medical appointments. I know, I know, it is a journey and takes time, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just feel overly anxious and antsy. Especially all the sitting I've done in waiting rooms. My appointment time today was 3:25. I arrived at 3:15 in order to sign in and take care of my co-pay and all that. When did I see the surgeon? 4:30. I still do not have a surgery date as I have yet to receive an insurance approval. I was cleared on 8/27 medically but the office did not submit to Cigna until 9/12. If you were wondering, yes, I called Cigna today to see if they approved yet but my claim is still processing. The recurring theme here is my impatience
I brought my ‘sleeve bible’ to the appointment. The 3 nutrition classes, 3 life-skills classes (courses specifically about the sleeve and how to eat), and 2 visits with the nutritionist were informative and produced a ton of paperwork and instruction packets. I appreciate all of the literature I have received and it helped to build my ‘bible.’ I had a few questions for the surgeon about the size of sleeve, blood thinners, medications, leak rate, opti-fast diet, etc. and they were all answered within 10 minutes. So 75 minutes of waiting for 10 minutes with the surgeon and a $50.00 copay. But at least I got my questions answered, right?
The best part of my trip happened around 4:00. Just as I felt my blood pressure rising, 2 nuns walked in. You heard me. Nuns. Not just any nuns. Nuns who are getting bariatric surgery. I was really thankful for the laugh and the blatant message from above:
Patience is a damned virtue.

Everything has been moving so fast that I thought I should take a moment out of my day to document how it is I got to where I am today.
 
Let's go waaayyyyyy back.....
I was 17 years old and started developing depression. I ballooned up to 206 lbs from 145 lbs. (I am 5:7") I was mortified to see the scale go over 200 lbs. I immediately started counting calories and riding my bike. in a matter of 8 months I dropped down to 156 lbs. I was delighted. (what I wouldn't give to weigh 206 today)
 
For the next 10 or 11 years I hungout between 152 and 158. Partly because I was a "professional" dancer and the amount of exercise I got everyday was awesome. July of 1993 I found out I was pregnant. I had mixed emotions, but overal was happy. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed myself. I was 158 lbs and in really good shape. I figured I had this pregnancy thing under control. Ha ha ha. I was contantly sick and tired. The only bad thing is I never threw up. So I ate and slept my way through my pregnancy and gained a whopping 100 lbs. This is where the struggle begins.
 
For the last 19 years I have been all over the place on the scale. Anywhere from 172 to 301. About eight years ago I dieted and lost 90 pounds. I looked great. Did all the plastics and everything. But slowly over the years the weight has been piling on. My bipolar medication has not helped the situation out either.
 
November 14, 2012 I was diagnosed with Celiac's Disease..... I immediately had to go gluten-free. You know what has gluten in it? EVERY FN Thing!!!! I though god has answered my prayers and has now made it impossible to eat crap food without getting extremely sick. Everyone said I would definitely be losing weight. Well I proved them wrong. In a matter of 8 months I lost 14 pounds. whoopie!
 
So there is the history.... Fast Forward to now.....
My beautiful younger sister came to see me in June of this year. She is 4 years younger than I am, 5'6" and 140. She looks amazing. She was here to have some plastic surgery with my plastic surgeon. This brought me back to thinking what could I have done? Well...... nothing. I need a whole body makeover. Light Bulb! I am sooooo looking into bariatric surgery. My sister was in full support and support excited for me. So at my sisters next appt with the plastic surgeon, I asked for a referral for a bariatric surgeon. The plastic surgeon is so nice, he texted Dr. Zare right then to let him know I was coming and take good care of me.
 
I made my appt. with Dr. Zare for August 1st. He was great and very thorough. It took me two weeks to think about things, but on August 15th, I paid the $500 program fee and things really started to move then. the next few days I went to see the psychologist and the NUT; both of whom wrote me glowing recommendation. Two weeks later my case was submitted to insurance. Then the clock stopped moving for two weeks while I waited to hear from the insurance company. Finally the news came. I was approved. Called the office to schedule my surgery October 22, 2013 and it is on like donkey kong! My pre-op appt is Oct 4 with the surgeon. I am so ready for this. I can hardly stand it.
 
To Tell Or NOT To Tell
I started off not going to tell ANYONE! This was my own little personal journey. Then as I became more comfortable, I told my family, then I told my manager at work to get the time off, and then I told a couple of friends. AND THEN I told my immediate co-workers on my team. I am no longer ashamed of my decision, but I am also not going to scream it from the mountain top either. I will be honest when asked and tell people on a need to know basis. So far I have not had one person react negatively to my decision. I have had nothing but an outpouring of support.
 
 
Well these are all my personal thoughts for now. If you got this far reading this... Thanks. I really did this for myself, but just in case anyone else finds interest in it, I posted it for the whole VST to see.
 
Bye for now
Bonnie

It's been a month to the day that we were sleeved. During that time, I have lost 25 lbs, been stalled for over 10 days, learned how to chew again, realized that if I didn't set timers I'd never eat again, and today, I was sitting in a chair and suddenly picked up one leg and folded it up on top the chair leg. I did it unthinkingly, and not until it was done that I realized that before the surgery, I was in too much pain to be able to do that. Yay me!
 
I don't understand how this whole weight/inches/clothes things works. My bust, waist and hips are the same during the stall, I'm not losing inches. But I'm fitting into clothes that I last wore when I weighed about 20 lbs less than I do now. What sense does that make? Not a lot, I can tell you that! I don't get it, but I guess I don't have to. I just have to keep on keeping on. Meanwhile, the pile of clothes that don't fit me is growing slowly but surely.
 
One thing that I'm really grateful for is no RA Pain. I started my meds again but really it is under duress as a result of pressure from the doctor. I see no symptomatic reason for taking them. Had it not been for the slightly elevated levels on the blood tests, I would have refused all together. I cannot believe that I am in less pain now, at 5 week with no meds, than I was when I was taking my meds and shots! Really makes you wonder how much of RA is food/inflammation/weight related in my case. I know that's not always true, but was there a relationship for me?
 
Having trouble getting in all my proteins from food, and find that some days I eat close to 700-800 calories, and other days I eat 500 calories, and it all feels good.
 
Work is in full-swing and while I miss being able to spend hours on the forum, I also know this is the new normal. I still come here a lot to read, but other things are priorities now, as they should be.
 
I find myself wondering when the stall will break, and what I will be saying at 3 months when asked how much I've lost? I don't have a number in mind, I just want it to be more than 25 lbs
 
So, made it through the first month! I'm happy.