cul8r

I too ate away my unhappiness in a loveless marriage for many years. Getting sleeved helped me reclaim my sense of self. I too have filed for divorce and look forward to a new beginning.

The time will fly by. Use this time to order all your vitamins and protein for the first weeks. Best of luck

First time dealing with real food since surgery date, March 29. Got out of hospital on Easter and basically slept through the feeding frenzy at my mom's house. Bought lots of easy microwave food at Costco per-surgery for husband to make for himself and our son. Tonight I felt better so I did the heating and dishing out on the plates - man, I wanted to take a bite of the rigatoni so badly! Hurried out of the kitchen and am chomping on my Popsicle. One more week of full liquids may make me crazy!!

From central NJ - sleeved on the 29th. Gas build up in my left shoulder was most painful. Finally starting to feel relief. Stomach very swollen. Had a hernia repair during the surgery so I expect to be sore for a bit longer. Been so difficult to get in all the liquids. So far, I can only tolerate 1 Premier Protein drink and 10 oz of syntax nectar powder in ice Water per day. I force myself to sip hot broth at lunch and dinner time and eat 1 Jello cup for Breakfast. I was really looking forward to the Popsicles, but they taste so sweet right now. Took a week off of work and I'm glad I did. So tired. Napping a lot. Went for an hour walk yesterday in the sunshine, but it's very cold and windy today. Know I have to walk to relieve the gas and for exercise in general, so I am going to bundle up after I finish my broth and just do it. I've been having chills off and on since the surgery and wish it were warmer outside. I have my follow up appointment on April 9th. I'm not going to weigh myself until then. It's nice to read about everyone's progress.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I was sleeved yesterday at noon. Last night was tough. So thirsty. Thank goodness I read about Chapstick on the pre-surgery forum and brought mine with me. Absolute lifesaver. Surgery went well. Pain meds in IV drip help a lot. Burping and dry heaving not fun. Walking definitely helps. My gas is in my back and shoulders. Can't wait to go home tomorrow and use my heating pad around my shoulders. Taste buds shot for now. Just smelling the beef broth they brought for dinner made me sick. I love sugar free Popsicles but right now they taste too sweet. Sticking with water the rest of the day. IV keeps me hydrated anyway. Going home tomorrow. Can't wait.

Best of luck to you and all of us on this journey. I remember losing a lot of weight a decade ago and not seeing the skinny girl in the mirror. Now I don't see how fat I actually am unless I accidentally let my son snap a picture and glance at myself quickly while frantically hitting the delete button. I'm tired of deleting myself! I too have not told anyone but my husband (because I need a ride) and 2 friends because I'm embarrassed like you. Is it because we are secretly afraid to fail even with the sleeve? Perhaps. Is it because we are afraid they will talk us out of it? Probably. Is it because we are hiding our unhappiness with our weight and, therefore, other parts of our life? Definitely! I was told to do the 2 week preop diet of shakes or very little food like you. I can drink the shakes but I am soooo hungry! If I could live on 800-1000 calories, I wouldn't need the sleeve! I've read here that our tastes change after the surgery. Hope you are able to tolerate the shakes post-surgery! Good luck.

I've been stalking you all for months! Getting sleeved this Friday (March 29). Friday's Good Friday and today I turned 40. I feel like now's the time. My time to shine. I'm so happy for all of you I've been reading about and look forward to journeying with you soon. <a href='http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com'><img src='http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/tickers/54871-cul8r/bodyweight.png?ts=1364161644' /></a>

I was always the "big kid" - 100 pounds in kindergarten; 140's by 3rd grade. Food was my comfort. Grandma equated love with feeding you and she loves me a lot! Lots of carbs. Moved with mom & step-dad in 3rd grade away from grandma and her goodies. Through necessity I walked over a mile each day to the bus stop and back from 3rd grade through senior year. Stayed 140 from all the exercise and swim team. Teased a lot in elementary school - "MacTruck" haunts me to this day. I remember retreating inward and closed myself off. I always had boyfriends but I let them control me. Didn't think I was worthy of being treated well. Abandonment issues with biological father I found out years later in therapy. Never made solid friendships. I was popular and involved at school but I never went to parties. Never hung out with crowds. Never ever ate lunch at school, but would stuff my face every afternoon while watching Oprah. She was my hero. She was fat and successful. The one girl I thought of as my best friend betrayed me by sleeping with my boyfriends. Learned to not be vulnerable. Moved in with grandparents in college. Grandma's home cooking again. She plans lunch while you're still eating dinner! Gained 40 pounds. Didn't make 1 friend in college, but graduated with honors. Graduated and started teaching. Late night planning = cereal. 20 more pounds. Age 24, 200 pounds at wedding. Miserable. What I remember most is hiding behind a huge flower bouquet. Never thought I was pretty. Married a man who doesn't treat me well. He went out every weekend like a single guy while I worked 2 jobs to support us. Constantly being told no one else will want you because of how you look screws with your head big time! At 29, joined WW with a fellow teacher. I loved the meetings. I felt like these were "my people" - I excelled. I lost 80 pounds and was HOT. Problem was I didn't think I was. I saw the fat girl still in the mirror. After all, my husband was still gone every weekend and still telling me he drank all weekend because of things I did. I was so messed up in the head that I believed him! When he told me he would change if I had a child, I stupidly believed him. Duh, he was afraid I would leave him and he knows my abandonment issues so he knew I would never divorce him and leave my kid without a dad! Hindsight .... I remember being so sad when pregnant. I started eating carbs - hello, old friend. I forgot how much I need you all day long to deal with the dull ache in my heart. I was on the table pushing my son out of me and pleading with my husband to do right by us the entire labor. Pathetic. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. Spent the last 7 years working through that. Stayed with him through jail and rehab for drinking because I wanted him to wake up and realize I'm worth it. Hell, if I stayed with him, he should kiss the ground I walk on. All it did was make him think of me as more pathetic and a door mat. Even after I let him back home with no license and no job, he cheats on me with his old girlfriend he found on Facebook who is also married and lives far away. Instead of kicking his ass out, I cry alone and eat my feelings. In the two years since finding out, I've eaten myself up to 255 pounds. I'm ashamed of myself. I hate having to take my son to sports because I'm that fat mom in the baggy sweatshirt surrounded my the skinny moms in skinny jeans. I am dead inside. Every day is a struggle. I feel physically uncomfortable in this fat body. I don't make eye contact with people. I look down all the time and can't find one picture of myself with my son since he was one because I'm so horrified by the way I look. I know being thin will not make my husband love me. I know being thin won't erase the past. I do know I need this surgery to gain a piece of myself back a little bit every day. Right now I'm a hollow shell. Empty. Tired. Defeated. I know I don't have the fortitude to divorce in my present mental state. As I lose pounds, I'm hoping to get my desire for life back and with that the strength I need to make life changes. I am having this surgery to get back to me... Because I'm worthy and worth it.