GoldyGirl

So heres the thing, I have been a "big boned girl" my whole life. Im 6'1 so people always said " you're not fat you're big boned" My answer was always "Thanks, but bones don't jiggle" So now I've decided its time to do something about it. Lord knows I've tried before and failed so I did my research and came upon the sleeve. I zipped trought the pre cert quickly Tolerated the fluid diet for 2 weeks (minus 1 weak moment when I would've sold my kidney for a cheeseburger) and had the surgery 4 days ago. Doing well Spent 1 day in hospital. Have my 5 little glued incisions on my belly Am a little bruised here and there but all and all doing well. Worse thing that happened so far is the gas. But a little chewable Simithecone and I've burped and farted my way to a happier me. Fingers crossed only good things to follow Have my first follow up with my doctor Tuesday. Curious for the weight in. Friends tell me I've lost weight, I haven't noticed. Fat girl brain!

So I have been through all the emotions scared unsure happy sad calm etc. I am sure I still have some to go. I can only imagine the days or week leading to surgery. I can tend to be doom and gloom when facing the unknown! Then the dreaded pre-op liquid diet! I get snappy when I am hungry and I am sure my family will just love me those 2 weeks. I have been researching, picking brains, and trying to get me ready for this for over a year. I can see the end. Last week when I was approved I thought, "FINALLY" then some strange feeling of panic, and sadness. This was it, it went from I want to have this surgery to I am having this surgery. I mulled over this panic and sadness for a week. I realize that I am scared of changing me (never knew I kinda co depended on fat me until I was faced with finally get rid of her). I am scared/panicky ofcourse of complications and death. I have two young children. I am scared that I may fail. So I have been sitting with these feelings for a week. I woke up today and I know I am on the right path. I am sure those doubts will rear their ugly heads as I near my sleeve date but I know this is right. No ones opinion or advice can change my mind. I got this. Well today I do! What a crazy journey! I also decided to stop the chaos and focus on what is going in my big mouth. I pretty much eat healthy meals it's the in between when I am hungry that gets me. I need to make wiser snack choices. So I'm back on the wagon so to speak. I am even going to replace a meal and snack with a protein shake. So we will see how this goes. Ever since I put in my paperwork I admit I have been having food funerals. So that madness HAS TO STOP! Those funerals are just adding guilt on top of all the other emotions I am having. I am back in control! Happy Monday to us all!

Okay, so you know how sometimes you're ambling (or sashaying) through your life when all of a sudden something comes out of left field and blindsides you and you're left sitting on your butt with cartoon tweety birds flying around your head? Yeah, that's me. I realized something today. I am legitimately scared of being skinny. Weird, isn't it? Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about how far I've come in 11 months. This is so NOT a complaint. Yet at the same time I realized that I'm only 30 itty bitty pounds away from my goal. I've wanted to be skinny and healthy for over a decade....and it's practically here. And I am scared out of my ever lovin' mind about that! I was talking to my mom and I made some off-hand joke about being plumptuous...and she said that I didn't qualify anymore. I wasn't 'chubby', 'thick', 'plump' or anything else. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised. I look at me and I still see a muffin top...apparently other people look at me and see someone who looks normal. I really think that 2/3 of the battle after this surgery isn't actually the weight loss...it's the mind/body disconnect that occurs. Just when I feel like I've finally gotten a handle on it, I'm hit again with how things are different. Again, this is NOT a complaint, merely an observation. I feel...well, uncomfortable isn't the right word. Perhaps uneasy? Restless? A conglomeration of all of the above words? Maybe 'growing pains' (no pun intended. Maybe I should call it 'shrinking pains'?) would be best. I'm finally coming out of my shell and slowly building the life that I want to live. At the same time there was something so easy about being able to blame my weight for the lack that I felt in my life. Now I have no security blanket and it's time to grow up and pull on my (stylishly awesome) big girl panties and kick a little butt. I feel so much is changing and I have the feeling that I'm standing on the edge of a precipice and that the next year is going to be wild, crazy, and will dramatically shift the direction of my life. Scared? Yes. Excited? HELL yes. Nervous? Well...a lady has to keep some secrets, yes? *wicked grin*

I'm on my last week of liquid diets... Then I move on to soft foods!! Please tell me this whole surgery thing gets better.... Because it sucks so far =/

I had to go to my PCP yesterday for a check up and i was down 11lbs from my last weigh in. I was so excited! i'm finally seeing results in the mirror

I found a poem a few years ago after coming back from a mission trip to Africa.... I came acrossed it again today and it helped calmed my nerves for my appointment tomorrow.
 

BE THANKFUL


 

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,



If you did, what would there be to look forward to?


 

Be thankful when you don't know something



For it gives you the opportunity to learn.


 

Be thankful for the difficult times.



During those time you grow.


 

Be thankful for your limitations



Because they give you opportunities for improvement.


 

Be thankful for each new challenge



Because it will build your strength and character.


 

Be thankful for your mistakes



They will teach you valuable lessons.


 

Be thankful when you're tired and weary



Because it means you've made a difference.


 

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.



A life of rich fulfillment comes to hose who are



also thankful for the setbacks.


 

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.



Find a way to be thankful for your troubles



and they can become your blessings.



~Author Unknown~


 
When I am going through my highs and lows throughout this process I am going to try and remember this.

I am so ready for summer! I'm ready to be out gardening. Going to farmers markets. Im excited at my new lease on life! I no longer worry about the scale. I actually no longer own one the only time I weigh is doctors visits. I feel good and I'm getting my protein and staying around 600 calories a day. Life after surgery only gets better

I'm now 6 weeks post-op and feeling great. My surgery date was November 20th, but it seems like years ago. I'm Down 30 lbs which I think is pretty much on track with what my Doc says I should be losing. I think lower BMIs tend to not lose as quick, and I'm OK with that. I'm trying not to be a slave to the bathroom scale, and I said before surgery I never would. But man it's tough to stay away from it! I said I was only going to weigh myself once a week, but I'm finding myself sneaking into the bathroom for a quick weight check. I'll do measurements again a the 2-month mark.
 
I'm getting used to life with my new stomach, or stomach size rather. There have been a couple hiccups along the way (pun intended), but nothing that makes me regret this life-changing decision. Some of the things that I read on this website and others from my Doc are making sense to me now. My doc used to say that the sleeve is only a tool that is one of many that need to be used to achieve and maintain weight loss. I get that now; Even though I'm restricted by the amount I can eat at any one time, it's still entirely possible to make bad food choices and eat *almost* continuously throughout the day. Sure portion size is limited, but I'm hungry in about 2 hours. I use the word "hungry" here not as head hunger, but as my body really needing food. this is something new for me - and weird. But it's as if my body is getting used to using food as a source of nutrition, rather than my brain using it as a source of comfort or stress reliever. Yes, I have had head hunger twice in the past few weeks and it didn't work out very well. the problem was not in the quantity of food I ate, but the speed with which I ate it. I just can't eat fast anymore! So the feeling of overeating, I mean really overeating, is not pleasant. I'm ok for about 5 -10 minutes, but then it starts - light sweat accross the forehead, heart races a little, dizzy. I don't know exactly what dumping is, but maybe that's what happened to me.
 
Now I have to eat very slowly in small bites and pay attention to the small signals my body gives me telling me to stop (I read this on this forum and didn't believe it). I might have the occassional burp which generally clears the way for a little more food to enter, or the occassional hiccup, but I notice a very slight tingling sensation and a VERY light sweat on the forehead. Nothing major, but similar to the very, very, first stages when you're about to be sick (vomit sick, although I never have). I need to pay attention and wait a couple minutes to continue eating. Usually it goes pretty well, but I'm eating small portions of food almost continually during the day. Yes, I've followed the Doc's plan about 98%.
 
I've determined that I can take 4 swallows of water before I get the light sweat feeling. I've got that one down and never drink more than 4 straight gulps from my water jug. No problem. Other than that, I've had no issues at all with salad, some veggies I've tried, any type of meat as long as its moist and cut into small pieces. I did have a little cheat last week and ate a good handful of toasted plantain chips...maybe not the smartest move, but they went down fine. But I saw the Doc for a followup visit yesterday and he said to be very careful and limit carbs to 30 - 40 grams a day. He said anything over that would slow my weight loss. I didn't have my whole wheat toast with cream cheese this morning.
 
I'm going to the gym around the corner from my apartment 4-5 times per week and walking about 40 minutes on the treadmill. I think its a good time to start exercising (sp?) because even though the gym is full with all of the "This is the Year I'm finally going to lose weight" promise makers, I feel comfortable there because most have a bit to lose. But I feel great, and even though I'm already cleared by my Doc for any physical exercise, I'm going to wait a couple more weeks before getting into some strength training.
 
I'm on my way! More later,
 
Joe
P.S. My libido has returned full strength, yeah! (and stamina is much better too

This is my first blog ever and it is on my journey to a new life. A life without pain each morning, when I wake up because half of my body when numb, because of my weight. Knowing that my first thought will not be “I will need lots of caffeine today to stay awake because I had trouble sleeping from tossing and turning and having trouble rolling over, or because I was snoring so loud I woke myself up”. Dreading what I am going to wear and will it fit today or have I out grown it. Thinking to myself am I going to make a mistake at work today because I cannot focus because my clothes are too tight. These are the things that I think about before I even get out of bed in the morning. I am so tired of these thoughts. There are many more that happen throughout the day.
To help me with all the issues listed and many more I have decided to get the gastric sleeve. I have been to the orientation and got all the information and went to the free consultation to find out if I qualify for the surgery, and I do. At the free consultation I received a free body analysis where I found out a lot about my body that I did not know. My extremities weights are torso (head to stomach) 67.2 pounds, right arm is 8.82 pounds, left arm 8.22 pounds, right leg 21.34 pounds and the left at 21.25 at this time I weighed in at 263.9. My BMI was 40.1. My lean muscle was at 142.6 and my body fat mass was 121.3 pounds. Since this weigh in on 11/12/12, I have gained much more. I currently weight on my scale at home (which is always 5 pounds less than the Doctors office) said 275.6 pounds I have gained 11 pounds since then. I believe it is because I quit smoking and snack more at night, and have not tried a new yo-yo style diet. I am waiting for the surgery. Figure I better enjoy it now because soon I will not be able to.
Today was different I did not want to enjoy eating large amounts of food. I wanted the weight loss to start. I only have a few clothes that fit me that I feel comfortable in to go to work that I am feeling depressed. I recently thought it was because of the holiday season, but it was not. It was me tired of being tired of being FAT. I am ready to get this weight off and I need all the help I can get. If that means major surgery; than that is the extreme in need to do. I am making the call on Monday December 31, to schedule my consultation with the surgeon to get it started. I am afraid of all the things that can go wrong, but I want a longer more for filling life than the one I have know. I am getting tired and could go on and on about how I feel. I am in hopes that I will keep the blog up and I am wanting to do one on youtube so that my family can see me and my weight loss, and maybe help them and others like me that struggle daily with food.
Tata for now.

All of my life I felt very different from everyone around me and constantly yearned to be “normal” like everyone else. In school, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis because I was “different”. In order to cope with the abuse at school and at home, I turned to food. What I didn’t realize at the time was that instead of running towards normalcy, my actions were driving me further away. As I gorged myself with calories, I gained weight and became less active.
 
As an adult, I became so fat that I had trouble doing simple tasks like getting dressed or walking a block to a place for lunch. I thought about getting weight loss surgery, but then, I would permanently be “not normal”. One of my greatest fears about getting the surgery was that I would never be able to eat like a “normal” person again. I thought that I would not be able to participate in social activities where food was served and my post-surgery eating habits would attract attention to me as being different from everyone else. It never occurred to me that at 325 lbs, I was not eating like a normal person to begin with and my eating habits were probably already attracting attention.
 
Today, after having lost 100 lbs from surgery, I am quite shocked to discover that I feel more normal than I have ever felt in my life. I am as active as any normal person and can physically do everything a normal person can do. My eating habits have not impacted my social life in the least. It feels wonderful to be able to walk into any clothing store and buy whatever I want just like a normal person.
 
Even though I am not happy about still being 60 lbs overweight, given the average size of people these days, even that seems normal. I was telling my therapist that I feel like I have normal weight loss issues now. Weight loss seemed like an impossible dream before surgery, but I am at a point now where I need to watch what I eat and exercise like a normal person to lose any more weight. With surgery, I have achieved normalcy, the one thing I feared I would not gain by having the surgery. I’m hopeful that I will lose the rest of this weight in the new year.

Hello Everyone!!
 
My start weight was 242 and with Kaiser's help, by the time I was sleeved on December 7th, I weighed in at 221lbs. Today is Sunday, December 16th, I'm at 207! I've lost 14 pounds in 9 days. I am extremely happy!! I thank God that my surgery and recovery has been great! I have been Christmas shopping all this weekend! No more use of pain meds since day 5. I'm drinking the liquids although, I am getting a little tired of them. I keep telling myself this is temporary and real soon and (at the two week mark), I will be able to eat moist chicken and very soft cooked vegetables which I love!!
 
I'm very excited and I used to dream of the results but now it is real! It's really happening! I am on my journey! Thank you everyone who is a member on here. Thank you for posting blogs, and just filling out your profiles have helped me so very much! I got a whole lot of information from this site that has helped me tremendously through the surgery.
 
If there is any questions I can answer, or any way I can help anyone. PLease let me know. Otherwise, I wish you all the best!!!

I had the best time at the Christmas party that I have had in over 25 years! I was so nervous about going, and was worried that I wouldn't look good enough, or that no one could tell I lost 75 pounds! It was just in my own head, because I got so MANY compliments about my weight loss, and my new outfit that I couldn't keep tract! LOL Some people even told me several times during the evening just how great I looked, and how they know that I worked so hard to get to where I am now! Guess what fellow sleever's? All those people even knew I was sleeved, because I have been talking about it on my Facebook page! Not a one said that I took the "easy way" out either! I felt like a princess last night, and got allot of my self confidence back that I haven't had in YEARS! I had taken my new digital camera, and took many pictures at the party, and they even asked to use my camera to take a group photo of all the employee's at the party! Normally I would have just sat at our table and just wished it would get over, so we could leave! Not last night, my hubby and I were some of the last ones to leave, and I walked around with him, and mingled! My hubby and I even danced a slow dance to the song "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton! It was so romantic! I'm only 6 weeks out Tuesday, but it has already made such a difference in my life! I can't wait until I reach my goal, then I'll feel even better about myself, and be even thinner! The only thing I could eat at the dinner was some chicken, and drink water, but I didn't even care! No one said anything to me about it, and I was full and satisfied. I didn't feel deprived, or sorry for myself because I couldn't eat what everyone else ate and drank. Especially after all those nice comments I got all night! Then to top it all off, I weighted this morning and I was down another POUND to make it 76 pounds! 48 of those are before surgery, but the other 28 are after sleeve! I just had to share with all of you. I'm so excited right now.

So its been exactly 3 weeks since my surgery and I'm doing great. I've lost about 20 lbs in 21 days and Dr. says I'm right on track. I feel as normal as I did before surgery now, I have my full energy, and I'm able to eat mushy foods and allowed beverages with no nausea (I've never had any nausea anyay). I pulled a pair of Levi's out of the closet, ones that I could fit into 2 years ago, and they fit again. In fact, they're a little baggy. It's a great feeling and I can definately see a big change in the size of my face and feet.
 
I have to say that I've followed my Dr's diet to the T: only soup with no chunks and milk-like consistency, water, and some diet drinks (non-carbonated) for the first 2 weeks after surgery. By the time day 15 came around I would have killed for a solid piece of food.
Biggest issues now are continuing to get 60oz of water in each day, and practicing eating small bites and chewing completely. As for the water, its not just the Dr telling me to drink it, but I've known for a long time that drinking to stay hydrated is good for anyone. The difference with the sleeve is that I have to sip water throughout the day. With the smaller stomach, I can't just wait til evening to start then try guzzling a quart of water. Plus, I'm a kidney stone factory and they say staying hydrated is one of the best thing you can do for preventing stones.
 
Saturday was my first experience with overeating with the sleeve. I'm finding that I must eat every 2-3 hours. If not, I get too hungry. I was at Jason's Deli and ordered the Tomato Basil soup and a small amout of hummus from the salad bar. But as I sat down to eat, I was concentrating so much on relieving my hunger that I forgot about eating slowly and chewing completely. Mistake! I began sweating, got a nauseous,dizzy feeling and a heartburn like sensation but without the burning. The feeling left in 5-10 minutes, and I thought I'd learned my lesson. Well, not so easy. This is one that I'll have to work on.
 
more soon...
Joe
P.S. Thank God insurance is covering most of this. Bill from hospital arrived today... $46,000 !!

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was around 10 yrs. old, standing in front of the refrigerator on a scale, and it was a Sunday Night. There is still a picture in my parent’s photo album. The last day before MY FIRST DIET. The Diet would Start on Monday morning. I was gonna LOSE weight!
 
That was about 29 years ago, and I AM A FAILURES! Still bright eyes as the 10 yr. old wanting and wishing it to happen but it NEVER does….. I lose 30 gain 35, lose 20 gain 29….and on and on it goes…. I am a FAILURE at this point the GAME of Weight LOSS.

So, this is my first blog ever! I've been a member of this site since for several months and as of today I am 5 months post-op with a total weight loss of 112.6 lbs. I'm super excited about the results, and wonder if I'm average, behind or ahead in my weight loss. I know it's not good to compare with others, because we're all different, but I still wonder. I am sloooooooowly incorporating new foods into my diet and I still get an upset stomach most of the time when I do. Honestly, I stick with soup, oatmeal, fresh veggies, protein bars and protein shakes. Beef is a definite no-no, turkey and chicken are okay in super small survings and I haven't attempted pork. I miss my diet coke terribly, but Crystal Light is my new best friend.
 
I love it that my patient's notice the difference (I work in out-patient radiology) and I have the absolute best support system in my co-workers. My family is pretty supportive, but there are always issues with family...
 
I love feeling better in general, not getting winded walking up a flight of stairs, wearing my car seatbelt without choking, fitting in a restaurant booth comfortably and seeing my waist and collarbones again. I was always overweight, but I actually weigh less now than I did when I graduated high school 21 years ago!
 
I just wanted to drop a little note tonight to my fellow sleevers. We're all in this together and, from what I read, most of us are overjoyed with our surgical decisions. Keep up the good work everyone!