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Scared of the Skinny

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Lyra

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Okay, so you know how sometimes you're ambling (or sashaying) through your life when all of a sudden something comes out of left field and blindsides you and you're left sitting on your butt with cartoon tweety birds flying around your head? Yeah, that's me. I realized something today. I am legitimately scared of being skinny. Weird, isn't it? Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about how far I've come in 11 months. This is so NOT a complaint. Yet at the same time I realized that I'm only 30 itty bitty pounds away from my goal. I've wanted to be skinny and healthy for over a decade....and it's practically here. And I am scared out of my ever lovin' mind about that! I was talking to my mom and I made some off-hand joke about being plumptuous...and she said that I didn't qualify anymore. I wasn't 'chubby', 'thick', 'plump' or anything else. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised. I look at me and I still see a muffin top...apparently other people look at me and see someone who looks normal. I really think that 2/3 of the battle after this surgery isn't actually the weight loss...it's the mind/body disconnect that occurs. Just when I feel like I've finally gotten a handle on it, I'm hit again with how things are different. Again, this is NOT a complaint, merely an observation. I feel...well, uncomfortable isn't the right word. Perhaps uneasy? Restless? A conglomeration of all of the above words? Maybe 'growing pains' (no pun intended. Maybe I should call it 'shrinking pains'?) would be best. I'm finally coming out of my shell and slowly building the life that I want to live. At the same time there was something so easy about being able to blame my weight for the lack that I felt in my life. Now I have no security blanket and it's time to grow up and pull on my (stylishly awesome) big girl panties and kick a little butt. I feel so much is changing and I have the feeling that I'm standing on the edge of a precipice and that the next year is going to be wild, crazy, and will dramatically shift the direction of my life. Scared? Yes. Excited? HELL yes. Nervous? Well...a lady has to keep some secrets, yes? *wicked grin*

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