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Three years out next month and I still do not like to eat rice or Pasta - sometimes I can eat a few bites and other times I feel overfull and sick after just one bite. I also avoid soft tortillas - same issue - I cannot eat more than one bite or so and they make me feel sick. And I still can't eat large quantities of iceberg lettuce, though other greens and types of lettuce are just fine. I can eat anything else, though, just not that much of it. ~Cheri

I think that it's important that you really focus on this issue and other similar ones you might have. There's a thread on the vet forum about happiness post sleeve that might make good reading, too. I was overweight all of my adult life and I blamed my unhappiness solely on my body but I can tell you that as you shed the weight you WILL feel better about yourself but you will also realize that the weight (in most cases) is not the cause of your unhappiness...it's a symptom of something else for those of us that have battled obesity since childhood. Many, many ladies here wind up on medications and in counseling, or battling depression or anxiety after surgery. That is not a bad thing at all. But it's definitely something to be fully aware of going in because it could also happen to you. We are all different and our baggage (emotional and physical) is personal. But I really did expect to just be "happy" and love myself completely once I lost weight and hit goal. It did not happen that way. In fact, until I started confronting and dealing with past issues things got worse for a while, because I wasn't able to eat my emotions, blame my weight for everything or focus on a new diet to distract myself and I still didn't have new non-food coping mechanisms in place. I'm still learning. And I'm still struggling with the old habits of abusing myself because it's a habit, or because it's the easy thing to attack. Once you lose weight, you will definitely feel better about a lot of things. But if you're determined to hate yourself or if you have underlying issues that need to be addressed, you'll just find a new thing to be unhappy about (restriction, maintenance or loose skin) so try to start thinking about these things now. Good luck. I wouldn't trade my sleeve for anything. And I'm thankful that it gave me a chance to not only be the size I never dreamed I'd achieve but also to shed a bunch of emotional baggage I hadn't even been aware was weighing me down. ~Cheri

So, the Inova meeting isn't working out for me but I found a few folks on Meetup that do a once monthly thing and I'm going to check that out. If there are folks that would really like to get a group together on here, what would make you most comfortable with actually doing it? If someone hosted at their home, would you be more comfortable, or would you rather meet out at a public place? What days/times work for most folks here? Weekends? That can be hard for folks with kids. And how far are people willing to drive? For instance, to get this started, I'm willing to host a sort of sleeve open house at my place (I'm in Alexandria, south of Old Town, not far off Rt. 1) if someone else will take over and offer to host (either at their place or in public) the next one. Any interest in this? Either quote this in your response here on the thread or PM me and we'll work something out. I see a lot of "I'd love a support group" but not a lot of suggestions on how to get one running. I'm happy to start it out if that's what we need to get the ball rolling. Oh, and to whoever asked about Mexico for sleeve, you can PM me if you're interested in details - I used Aceves and didn't have any issues with aftercare. All I ever needed were labs done and my PCM had no issues with that. ~Cheri

You can compare but there's really no telling where you'll wind up. I was stuck between 700-900 in loss and if I ate more than 1,000 calories a day I couldn't lose at all and might gain. In maintenance I expected to be really limited but my body accepted a window anywhere from 1,200-1,600 calories a day without much movement on the scale. In pregnancy I ate a consistent 1,400-1,700 a day or thereabouts. And in loss again I'm stuck with 700-900 or the scale won't budge at all. Carbs are different for everyone. Some folks are super sensitive to them and others aren't. I was super low at first and eventually between 70-90 a day (I think) in loss. Closer to 100-120 in maintenance, maybe more on occasion. If you exercise, you need more carbs for sure. But your body is going to tell you where you should be, and a constant feeling of deprivation is a sure sign that you're not eating the right balance for your individual needs. Maintenance is more about finding a combination of foods you can eat and feel satisfied with, both physically and mentally, while not seeing a bounce on the scale. Leave the figuring of calories to something you do at the end of the day - log your food AFTER the day in maintenance for a few weeks and you'll see your window and how you're doing. If the scale's not moving, there's no need to limit yourself to less and continue restricting. Good luck, ~Cheri

I think you hit it when you used the word "mindfulness" because that's where we need to be. Old (bad, bad, bad) habits we had before sleeves: Eating quickly Not tasting our food Not focusing on our meal and taking time to enjoy it Making easy choices, not good ones Being mindful about food helps a lot for me. And I have to be very careful about this as I've transitioned from maintenance to loss again. It's not the same way of eating, and it does hit home that I really did indulge in sloppy eating habits in maintenance, simply because I could do it and not gain any weight. I start my day and first thing I log my food plan for the day in MFP. Then I stick to it. And I find that for me, this works. I don't think about food or fantasize about what I might eat later...I just stick to my plan. Provided I'm not feeling particularly stressed or hormonal, it's like it trips a trigger and I all of a sudden just don't care about food. I'm not busying planning my next meal; I've already done it. I'm not wondering what's in the kitchen for snacking; I've logged my snack already. In fact, instead of sitting around grazing, I'm missing meal times again like the early days. When it's time to eat, I'm mindful about my food. When it's time to live life, I try to focus on all the other things I have in my life. And when all else fails and that head hunger won't go away? I exercise...some jumping jacks, push ups and crunches or half an hour dancing with the kids on the XBox and I've forgotten I wanted to eat in the first place. ~Cheri

Globe - I do not mean to offend you in any way and I certainly do not view you as a failure. But you are one of the few here that has really, truly, genuinely tried very hard to find something that works for you...and nothing is working. If you are viewing yourself as a failure, I wish you would try not to do that. I think that more truthfully, in your case, something else was going on that is causing the sleeve not to work as well for you. And most certainly the extreme levels of stress that you seem to live under at all times cannot be helping your body. I do not care what doctors or surgeons say. The hows and whys of weight loss are not fully understood by anyone just yet. If it were simple math and calories in vs. out, we'd all come by success fairly easily and that would the end of it. But that is not the case fora certain percentage of people here. I never reached my ideal goal and I've come to terms with that - but I'm only ten pounds up from that dream goal, not fifty or sixty. I also had to eat very little to lose weight, though I was thankfully able to eat more carbs than many and to incorporate a more balanced diet approach long before reaching goal. It helped a lot. For those that are still nowhere near goal and are still forced onto 20-40 grams of carbs a day and several hours of exercise every day just to maintain I would say that considering the next step is something I might do, too. So if you want to do it, start your research. I'd be scared for you - it's the only other surgery I would have considered myself but it is SO drastic. And the streamlined, stripped down way you eat now simply would not work with serious malabsorption like that - you'd have to "relearn" some less healthy habits just to keep your nutrient levels up. But you are deeply unhappy with your progress and it's apparent. Maybe it is time to consider another step. I don't know. None of us have the answers here! We can say what worked for us and why we think it did, but that's about all we can offer. I do not view you as a failure any more than I view coops or M2G as failures. You are women that have worked exceptionally hard to reach goal and have done everything we're supposed to do but without the same results, even accounting for slower loss. I think that if you want to take it further and explore DS, do it. But I also think you need to work on measuring your success solely by reaching your ideal weight. You are accomplished, you have a career, you have lost a huge amount of weight, you have learned new habits and incorporated them and you have endured a particularly hellish couple of years. Try to cut yourself some slack. I've been learning, slowly, that happiness doesn't just show up the day the scale says (close enough to) what you want it to. Start to applaud your successes now, because if you cannot appreciate how far you've come already, once you reach goal (and I do think you will, someway, somehow) you will find yourself looking in the mirror wondering why you didn't also stumble into instant happiness and love yourself a bit more when those numbers showed up. Or at least, that was my experience! It sounds trite, but happiness is NOT a number on the scale. It helps, but only a little bit. Good luck, girl. Keep us posted. ~Cheri

If every day were like a diet for me, I could not do this long term. For me, the adjustment back into loss from living in maintenance was very hard. But after a few days to reset, adhering to my diet got easier. But oh, do the hormones ever trigger head hunger! I have to ask myself why I feel hungry and I do have to go back to those old tricks of a glass of Water before a light snack, or some crunchy vegetables to give me that satisfied feeling. However, in every single case where I have felt the urge to just eat, eat, eat there is an underlying cause. Stress, usually. Actually, make that hormones and stress. As I'm relearning how to deal with it and how to say now when I'm not really hungry, it gets easier. And usually I find that I'm eating either too much junk (and triggering cravings) or too little overall (and am genuinely hungry) and I need to adjust my diet. But it takes practice and yes, willpower (which I'm sorely lacking) to get over that hurdle. Track what you eat. Really. It stinks and I hate to do it and I'm so sick of it after nearly three years. But if you don't cheat yourself of those minutes, it's hard to miss what's going on with your body/mind and it's far easier to stay on top of your goals for weight and nutrition. As for support 3+ years out, I can see why that would be a real issue. It's hard to use VST as a safe place for support even with a vet's forum. There's always someone waiting to be offended or scared by what you post. I'm starting to attend in person support meetings this coming week, and I hope they provide that outlet I need to at least bounce ideas and thoughts off of people when I need to do it. By three years out, we're at goal (or close to it) and it gets harder to be vigilant about your diet and exercise when you're not miserably unhappy about your body. It's easy to be complacent when you don't log your food daily, when you don't weigh and when you fit in your clothes and like what you see in the mirror. It's far easier to just slide into old, ingrained habits during stressful periods if you've been living fairly lax in maintenance. All you can do is try to be accountable and to stick with it. If you know you have an issue and need to lose, the answer is always the same. All of us know how to lose weight; we're vets here. It's harder to start over again after a few years, sure. But we know how to do it, right? ~Cheri

You are missed, for sure, by those of us that remember your upbeat and positive posts. But you hit it - I don't come around much anymore because I'm tired of giving and getting snark or silence in response to my questions or posts. ~Cheri

Oh, I can also admit to leaning over in front of the mirror or pinching up my skin and seeing what's underneath! Like all women, I have my days where I'm just not feeling in love with my naked self (particularly in this postpartum phase) and I'll just feel sloppy and unhappy about the skin in my middle. But then I'll pull it all up to where it would be if I had my plastics and yeah...there's a FLAT stomach and a SKINNY woman under that loose skin. It's not any stretch to think that plastics would take care of it and get me down to my dream goal in the mid-high 120s (assuming I do lose the final 8 pounds back to my maintenance weight!) and maybe I'd even lose a pant size in the process. Not sure, but it could happen! I like what my shapewear does for me, but a life free of it would be SO wonderful. I'm already saving my pennies and hope to have surgery by next summer. We'll see! I hope you're not feeling too nervous as you count down to your surgery date. How exciting! ~Cheri

Discomfort. Not mental "I'm worried about showing my body" discomfort but actual discomfort. Red marks, pinching, having to readjust your clothes constantly because they're riding up or down - those are the signs of poorly fitted clothing. You need an honest friend with good fashion sense to shop with you, or yes, a trip to an upscale shop for a professional's assistance. It took me a long time to overcome that feeling of almost vulnerability every time I ventured out in anything that wasn't bulky, saggy or baggy. I still sometimes see lumps, bumps and unattractive bulges where other people simply do not. We are hypercritical and insecure in our new bodies for a while so it's actually not surprising that we have trouble dressing ourselves or being confident about what we see in the mirror. I'm very petite and rise or hems are a HUGE issue. Even being in a small and having something fit everywhere else if the rise is off it will look completely wrong, or if the hem hits in the wrong place I'll go from hourglass shape to looking like a block. These are things many of us didn't pay attention to prior to losing weight. I just wanted to hide my fat; I wasn't concerned about being attractive or fashionable and I certainly wasn't revealing anything other than a bit of cleavage! One thing: absolutely DO NOT wear pants that pinch the midsection or are the wrong rise. Over time your body will get used to that and start to shape up that way. I had the "two belly" syndrome - I wore pants that pinched me right around my waist and it caused a smaller waist with a permanent muffin top above and an apron below. Wear things that fit properly and your body will thank you and you will look much better. You just had plastics and admitted you have much swelling - and you will for a while yet! Don't worry about that muffin top you see just yet. Be prepared to buy a slightly larger size to accommodate the swelling and to size down or alter your pants later. I'm sure you look lovely, friend. This little mental hiccup is ongoing for many of us, but you're just now accepting that you're a success and starting to dress like it. It takes practice and there are times I still have to ask a random stranger for an honest opinion in a dressing room - if I ask a woman if she'd wear the same thing and demand an honest answer, I'll usually get one. I see flaws everywhere, and more often, other women (and men, surely) just see a small woman who dresses nicely. Now, if you asked about age appropriateness I'd need help, too. I like to think I dress suitably for my age, but the other moms on the playground are all in yoga pants and I feel like I'm trying too hard to recapture my twenties even when all I'm doing is showing my shape (modestly covered), so there you go - another mental hurdle to overcome. I want to see pictures once your swelling goes down and you're rocking some adorable jeans you never thought you'd be able to wear! ~Cheri

Um, yeah. I experienced quite a bit of pelvic bruising until I learned my new body and found that I can move differently. Who knew hips and what-not could actually hurt so much? And how do super skinny women actually DO it with all those bones jutting out? It simply can't be comfortable...

Keep working on it - undergoing a drastic surgery without being in the right place is asking for trouble, so I agree with your choice to delay. I know you were suffering from quite a bit of anxiety. Work on those traumas and put it behind you. No sense being in the body you want if you're not in the right frame of mind. I think that starting a very strenuous workout regimen at the same time you scale back your calories might be a challenge, though. Don't be afraid to experiment and find what works for you. If you're feeling genuine hunger, that is not surprising if you've worked out very hard and burned almost as many calories as you've consumed in a day. Don't beat yourself up with a strictness you may not need. If it works and you're happy, do it. If it's a struggle every day even after a few weeks, it's time to readjust. And you know the weight comes off slowly when we're small, so be nice to yourself. My advice (unsolicited, I know) is to use this time to focus on being stronger and getting to the right mental place. I hope that those thighs come along and you don't need plastics for them. Who knows? I still see small improvements showing up in the way my skin lies or in my shape as time goes on, even now while I'm feeling overweight and ungainly. Though if you do dodge the thigh lift bullet, you must post your workout regimen so others can benefit as well! My thighs are much better than they were even a year ago, but it's a hard place to improve easily. Best - ~Cheri

I found that the buttaches faded with time as I got used to less padding. No, I won't be hiding from my kids in the bathroom reading a novel on the toilet anymore but hey - I no longer get achy from sitting at the table for dinner. I also feel more fragile. I know that I have lost muscle but I agree with butterthebean and it's simple physics. I can't help my husband lift and carry like before but I'm also half the size. I'm able to do more - stand longer, walk farther, do those pushups and squats, etc. but I'm not able to do those very physical things I relied on my bulk to help me accomplish. All in all, it's a fair tradeoff, I'd say. I'm sure strength training would help to some extent because if you challenged yourself you would get stronger. But I doubt that'll stop the wind from blowing you around. ~Cheri

Here's where I got my info: http://www.inova.org/healthcare-services/bariatric-surgery/patient-support/groups-and-education It appears they do a first Monday meeting for those 2+ years out and one on the third Monday that seems more general and includes a speaker. My intent is to go to the one on the third Monday of the month, which would be the 20th. ~Cheri

Ugh. I HATED walking around Manas to run errands or mail a box out or anything. If I wanted American food and went to the DFAC it was so painfully awkward. It's about 98% men out there and when entire tables swivel their heads to track you walking by - even when I had my kids in tow! - and I'd have to just keep my eyes ahead and pretend dozens of sex-starved men aren't eyeballing me like I'm dinner. It's just so unnerving. I can't imagine trying to get a decent workout in with the same thing happening! I really feel for the women deployed with a lot of those groups because especially in the combat arms you'll see men that haven't worked with more than a handful of women for an entire deployment. ~Cheri

A protein shake made with coffee as the liquid.

Thanks for the info, and you're absolutely right about it being reconstructive surgery! ~cheri

Come check out the Vets board. Oregondaisy is there - she's four years out. I'm there, I'm three years out in July. There are a handful of us all over the boards. The reality is that most people drop off VST after about a six to nine months, return for a one year update and often only come back around their surgiversary after that. So it's difficult to find vets 2+ years out in any case, regardless of who did their surgery. And maintaining is the real challenge of this journey - not the loss phase as so many think. A small rebound should be considered normal but many drop off because they don't want to admit to struggles post op, or they're out there living life and don't need the support of VST and simply don't have time to visit regularly. Dr. Aceves did my surgery and I reached goal and maintained quite easily. I had a baby five weeks ago and have just nine pounds back to my pre-pregnancy weight. ~Cheri

Is anyone else here postpartum trying to shed those pesky pregnancy pounds? I'd love to get an accountability thread started so we can cheer each other on as we work our way back to goal while dealing with new babies! Getting to the gym is SO not an option for me with two five year olds that don't start school until the fall and a five week old that's just too young to be in gym daycare. I gained 32 pounds and have 9 pounds left to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'd like to lose those 9 and perhaps an extra 6 or so, but we'll see how that goes. I'd like to invite other new mommies (and even not-so-new mommies!) out of the woodwork to post how they're doing now that pregnancy is over. The biggest question we get here is about losing weight post op, and I'm sure that participating can help not only us, but other sleevers considering a child post sleeve. How are you eating? How are you getting enough rest? How easily is the weight coming off? Is exercise an option for you? What are you doing to help shed pounds? Let's get some conversation going here! ~Cheri

Even before we started our fertility regimen I was on a chewable prenatal Vitamin (BellyBar) that has Iron. I've got issues with iron already so while pregnant I was also on an iron supplement. I took folic acid for a few months, too. And I was already on B12 shots because the sublingual pills weren't cutting it. I didn't have to take a single large pill my entire pregnancy. Definitely get a panel done before you start actively trying. I felt miserable about one year post op and chalked it up to our crazy lifestyle but I was very low in iron and B12. Six months on those supplements and I was a whole new woman, and I think my pregnancy was much better because I was in a better place nutritionally. If there's just one thing you take prior to conception that makes a difference it's folic acid, so definitely be sure to get that one in if nothing else. Best of luck! ~Cheri

... That's me giving you the blank stare. 750 calories???!!! You're three years out, woman! Cut yourself a little slack, okay? I know you're one of the folks that has always needed a ridiculously low number of calories/carbs but that's so low you're bound to feel a bit peckish, especially after a workout. You know why we can eat post op style for six months post op? Because our stomachs are crazy small and swollen! Because it's hard to eat. Three years out? Not so much! Adjust something because you might need more fats in your diet, based upon the foods you're heading to after a workout. Did you ever find a Protein shake you like? Down it immediately post op and see if that curbs the weakness. Perhaps a Peanut Butter and chocolate one would do the trick? Let yourself eat back at least some of your workout calories. Ever heard of sludge? The bodybuilder trick of mixing a Tbs. of peanut butter (one Tbs. will NOT kill you!) with a scoop of chocolate Protein powder and enough Water to make a sludge? In the early days when I could hardly eat but needed more protein (and something sweet) I'd make this and eat it with a spoon after a workout. Sounds creepy but it was oddly satisfying. Of course, I never made it with peanut butter, since I hate peanut butter, but you get the picture. Keep working at it. Balance - you're looking for balance. That place where you can forgive yourself and where you acknowledge all you're doing right at the same time that you keep trying to improve. ~Cheri

A lot of the things that cause us to be obese aren't really about food. It's not about always sitting down and overindulging in a massive meal, though many of us do that prior to surgery. It's more about our emotions and our heads. The issues many experience post op with head hunger, cravings, binges, grazing, emotional eating, etc. are all head issues - not stomach ones. The sleeve is a tool. It's a tool that will help you control your hunger (most likely - very few people still struggle with hunger post op but some do) while you fix your head. You'll lose weight in the process. If you do your job and shed the emotional triggers and baggage and build new habits, you'll find that maintenance isn't all that hard. That said - we are who we are. We have, in most cases, spent most of our lives building bad habits, coping poorly and hiding our feelings in food. We have fallen back on eating poor choices in times of stress and eating far too much. We love food. It's our addiction. It's particularly difficult to control that addiction and "stay clean" so to speak, during hormonal times and stressful situations. And while we can learn to control it and while it really does get easier, that part never goes away. I'm not saying you're going to crave pizza a year out. Goodness knows, I hardly crave anything any more and when I do it's something off the wall like chickpeas or lima beans! I'll be three years out in July. My hunger hasn't come back. But while I've maintained very easily (I just had a baby five weeks ago and need to shed the final nine pounds but otherwise have stayed in my "maintenance window" without issue) I can say that it would be easy to slide off track. No, it's not the constant willpower struggle for me that dieting was, but for some people it is a constant struggle. It's all in your relationship to food and how you redefine it - because everyone's journey is different and we can't speak to how you'll experience yours. I still have to make the right choices. I really do best on a Protein coffee every morning. I still need to eat protein first but I have to incorporate enough good carbs and grains or I feel the urge to graze. It's a balancing act. I'm pretty firmly centered and not likely to fall over, but I worked hard to get here. We are not fat because of food. Accept that and make an agreement with yourself to work on it and you'll have a much better chance at long term success. Goal isn't a number on the scale. Goal is getting to a healthier size and weight and maintaining it happily for life. And for goodness' sake - everyone comes out of surgery unable to eat and it's easy to treat the sleeve like part B of your Atkins diet for the first six months. But after that point I urge everyone to really explore their eating choices and learn how to eat more normally and in moderation. A huge issue you'll see in your time here has to do with people that fly to goal in half a year on a seriously low calorie, low carb diet...but then they disappear and flounder on their own, because all they learned to do was diet. They didn't learn how to live in maintenance, eating moderately and making healthy choices when happy with their body. It's far harder to maintain than it is to lose the weight, I promise you, and most people fail to see that. Getting to goal is the easy part. Staying there and being happy and doing it without a lifelong diet - that's the tricky part. Good luck. Do your research. Accept that you will hit hurdles and stalls and maybe you won't lose as quickly as you like and you might even still want a dang Snickers bar when you're stressed. Don't let those things toss you off the wagon forever (stumbling and picking yourself up again a time or two is pretty normal) and you'll make it. ~Cheri

Yes, I even read some sites yesterday (doing my own research now that you posted, thank you!) where the surgeon doesn't even use a drain. Insanity! The drains are above and beyond one of the biggest complaints people seem to have post op - using drains for weeks on end isn't comfortable. And let's not lie...it's gross. I'd be interested to hear how the healing goes for you. I'm starting to think that if I address this issue - my midsection - first, I can have surgery sooner rather than later. I'd been focusing on saving up upwards of $20K for a full body lift but in reality, all I really need to have done to be happy would be tummy and breasts. Thighs would be nice, but very few surgeons do really great thighs (Dr. Siamak Agha does them best, from what I've seen) so I'd be reluctant to have a thigh lift of any sort done in any case. Big scars, painful and challenging recovery and not always the best results. ~Cheri

No joke, right? Even as a spouse this is true - every medical issue I had prior to losing weight the answer was always take a Motrin, drink a glass of Water and lose 50 pounds and you'll feel better. Um, I have screws in my leg and would like physical therapy, and losing weight is the answer? YES. Losing weight by consuming less calories is the standard military answer to EVERYTHING. Take a nutrition class and see a dietitian and your problems will be solved and if they aren't, you're just not trying hard enough, right? And let us not pretend that we can so freely access mental health services anyway. Oh, the opportunity is there...and will follow you around forever unless it's a specifically protected reason for seeking therapy (PTSD or sexual assault, for instance) because if I, as a spouse, seek therapy for, say, postpartum depression and my counselor were to say that I need ongoing therapy, that could (and likely would) interfere with my husband's ability to work in his field or take an assignment overseas. I've seen it happen and it can destroy a career. Today, in this day and age, it's still a sign of weakness when working with or around the military to get support through mental health services, or to take a medication that will help depression. Sorry to hijack your thread with a rant. This is a very real issue though, and I understand your inability to really seek out good care. We were just in Kyrgyzstan (at the Embassy) and Manas Air Transit Center doesn't really offer much, either, and it's considered a really cushy deployment site. In any case, try hopping onto one of the food accountability threads and posting daily or getting into a challenge group (or starting your own) so that you can tackle this challenge and get to goal with some measure of support. Perhaps making the challenge as fun as possible will help. It sucks that we can't lose weight as easily as other people. But we're not alone. There are so many obese people in America right now beating themselves up because that standard 1200 calorie deficit diet and some exercise aren't doing the trick. Medical science knows next to nothing about why we're obese and how to fix the problem. Until then, we work with what we've got, and frustrating as it can be, the sleeve is a hell of a lot better tool than most people get to work with. ~Cheri

Congrats on three years, and it's good to see you around again, GlobeTrotter! The year you're talking about is one that would crush just about anyone - being unforgiving of yourself for gaining weight in times of extreme stress or for coping the way you've done your entire life is unfair. Many of us might expect one or two or even three hurdles or life-changing events in a year but to have them repeatedly knock you down would take it's toll on anyone. Regain is hard. I think you need to be more active here so you can keep some type of support around you - people that understand what a beast maintenance can be and what life is like at or near goal. Do not just slink away with your thirty pounds and hide in a corner - stick around and let other people with similar struggles support you. I think that the habits of living and even feeling like an obese person stick around much like the food habits do. It takes effort and attention to correct those thoughts and behaviors, and expecting to be a totally normal person after just three years when it took years and years to build those habits up isn't reasonable. And honestly, in some instances, we never become normal. We're much like recovering addicts that control our behavior until better habits replace the old ones and hopefully, those will eventually become the instinctive response. I'll always have to watch myself around foods that set me off. I have to weigh daily because the old habit of slipping into denial about my size or weight will creep back in otherwise. I will never know exactly what it's like to be a woman that never struggled with her weight, her emotions or her body image, because that's not the path I took to get here. I do think that you need to relax about the scale goal. It's easy for me to say, I know. But my opinion is that you should take this regain five pounds at a time and work your way downward slowly. Find that point you can maintain without beating yourself up to do it, without having to track every single bite and without making yourself feel stressed out. I'm 5'1" (and a tiny extra) tall and while I'd love to be in the 120s my body just likes the high 130s better. I can either make myself nuts trying to fight to and stay in the 120s or I can relax, be happy and be ten pounds heavier. I'm happier without the fight. It took a while to realize I wasn't a failure or that I hadn't sold myself short when I adjusted my goal weight upward. But the reality is that this is not about reaching a certain weight. It's about being able to maintain it, and happily, for life. Be fair to yourself and try to avoid setting a goal that will make you unhappy...goal is supposed to be happy, not challenging. You've done a really amazing job. Like coops you have struggled to lose and find what works for your body. I know you've had a particularly hard time finding a diet that will work for you, especially one that you can maintain and feel good about. Try to focus more on the positives of the last three years than on the negatives. Take this slowly and work on what's going on in your head. It's easy (okay, easier) to shave our calories and carbs down to almost nothing and lose. It's working on why we regain, why we feel the way we do, why we have the relationship with food we have and how to be happy that's difficult. And how will you keep those pounds off if you don't find a good place to do it from? We'll always want to revert back to those old habits that made us obese in times of stress. You need a stronger foundation to stand on if you want to weather this for life. In the meantime, be nice to yourself. You've been through an exceptionally terrible year and stress alone would have packed pounds on to you in these circumstances. Best, ~Cheri