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I think one thing that everyone here needs to realize about the "passion" here is that everyone here has relayed their passion. His wife has not to him. "I just always wanted to" in my mind does not cut it for such a life altering procedure - especially without trying anything else first. What might be a helpful thing is, for lovinghusband to find a free seminar in the area, and go to it with his wife. Try to make an agreement with your wife that she'll do their pre-op program before going to Mexico to have the surgery. Listen at the seminar and ask the doctors questions. Ask every question he could possibly have - as well as the wife. Get the free medical information there before going to Mexico. Then make the decision from there. She may change her mind. She may not. But at least, if she goes along with it, at that point, you'll know you've done everything you could and educated yourself. I think perhaps you do have fears about surgery - and maybe for a valid reason, however, I do wonder if she had overly large breasts, would you support her getting a breast reduction because of the pain they put on her back? Its not a matter of life or death, but it sure may feel like it to her. I do get your issue. I totally understand what you're saying. All you're asking for is for her to try for a while just to prove that SHE is worth it to HERSELF. There might not be a need to take such a drastic step. Many people here have tried and failed at diets or yo yo'd with their weight so many times, their bodies have refused to respond to diets. But from what you say, your wife hasn't even tried yet - many people do succeed at diet/lifestyle changes without surgery and many people don't.

That's kindof a red flag for me. The fact that she won't attempt any weightloss through traditional means but she's gunning for surgery. its as if she's treating this as a vanity procedure - a boob job or a tummy tuck. I don't think she has any idea what she's getting into. Honestly though, this may be the only way for her to practice portion control. That's such a hard one. She's not actually addressing why she wants to have SURGERY. Just what she wants the outcome to be. We don't live in a toaster society. You can't just push a button and have what you want. Why surgery instead of attempting to diet? Why one but not the other? Surgery is a last resort, not a first. That's the question. Why one but not the other? I hope she will answer that for you Have you tried talking to her surgeon friend? Ask him why he thinks she should have the surgery if she refuses to try to eat healthy?

glad things are getting better! It does seem to get easier! So glad you have support! Welcome to the site!

You would know better than anyone here if she has tried to lose weight. What does she say when she talks about the surgery? WHY she wants to do it? I'd be curious to find out if she's just wanting to "take the easy way out" (trust me, this ain't the easy way out) or if she has something that is driving her.

that's awesome:) congrats!

I do see your side of things husband. I do know some people that have tried to have wls because they thought it was the easy way to not gain weight. I do know these people exist. Is that what you think your wife is doing? I also know people who have it done as a preventative measure because they see themselves spinning out of control (maybe like her sisters did). I think maybe finding out why she wants to do it is really important. An extra 40 lbs will not qualify her. The typical insurance requirements are 100 lbs or more overweight or a bmi of 35. That's MOST insurance companies. Depending on extenuating circumstances, I think these are appropriate guidelines. If there's a psychological issue - she feels herself losing control, etc then it might be a good preventative measure. I would love to talk to you more about this - feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss further. I'm sorry that you felt attacked. So many people here have been attacked for their weight and told "put the fork down - try some exercise" and its just not that easy for people sometimes. My situation is even more different than that - my excess weight was caused by medical steroid treatments. Everyone is different, including your wife. But getting to the bottom of the situation may change how you feel about the situation as well - and it may not. But I think you need more information from your wife too.

Same parents does not equal same genetics. I have every recessive gene possible - my siblings have none. I have a genetic defect in my liver, my sisters don't even carry the gene. The only thing same parents do for you genetically is increase the odds that you will have similar genetics.

the dissolvable strips work too!

sounds like a lot of sugar to me, but each person is different. I like the premiere protein shakes found at sams and costco (and other locations) They're not too thick, don't have a funky aftertaste and aren't overly expensive. 30g of protein each too!

definitely use your pain meds! No trophies are given out for leftovers! Walk walk walk. shift your body around - it helps to move the gas. I was up walking every 2 hours after surgery and my gas was gone the first night. It really does help! I also found that sitting up versus lying down was much more comfortable. Hope you get some relief! You'd think with all the marvels of modern medicine they'd figure out a way to get rid of the gas before they sew ya up!

Dr. Chae in Denver is amazing. I would have had surgery there if my insurance covered it. http://www.nationalbariatrics.com/

Take deep breaths and know that its going to be GREAT! I had my surgery 2 days after my birthday I had some jitters until I got there, but it went away immediately Good luck and keep us up to date!

Today, I didn't have the fatigue mid-morning like I did the other days. Step in the right direction! I'm getting better and better every day I'll be making an appointment to remove my stitches soon. Can't wait Starting protein shakes tonite

awesome I do love ice cream

sounds great! thanks for the suggestions!

Walmart carries EAS in the pharmacy section

I know I'm going to scar - you can see every scar I've ever had, no matter what I do. When I had a tumor removed from my breast, a plastic surgeon even closed me up and you can still see the scar like it was yesterday. I'm not afraid of my scars - I figure if they bother me, maybe I'll tattoo them later

I honestly think you need to file a formal complaint against the doctors that violated HIPPA. We often let it go and they do it over and over again. I'm sorry you're having a difficult situation with your Dad - Dad's get scared and they tend to lash out when they get scared.

I've never tried to shame anyone. There's no shame in dealing with a food addiction. I didn't eat something I wasn't supposed to. I didn't hyperfocus on watching food because I missed it so much I couldn't eat it. There's no shame in that either, however, it is indicative of an issue. You posted in a public forum. You posted that you want to lose 100% of your excess weight so you can eat. That doesn't strike you as having an issue with food? Of course you don.t I'm done

if you can find it, check out bison or venison jerky too - usually much less salty and more tender than beef jerky

Congrats Helen! That's a great loss! I have always been a protein first eater. That will definitely benefit me for getting my protein in every day.

Here's the problem - you didn't read MY post. Nor do you know anything about my situation. I don't have a therapist, and I'm not obsessing over food. I'm not watching videos of food because I can't eat it. If you can't recognize what you said in your own post, that's ok. Its a situation you have to deal with. So before telling me that I have failed at diets, you should probably do a little bit of research. I never said I failed at diets. I never said I wasn't going to eat again. I don't obsess about food and watch videos about it.

I gotta say, before I had my surgery, I had a long, long talk with God. We came to an understanding about this whole process. I know this because I felt confident in the decision and I felt guided through it. Trust your gut - its what God gave you to remind you about what's right and wrong

Feeling even better today. Mid mornings I get fairly tired - trying to find my groove of calorie intake while i'm still in this liquid stage. Today was the first day that I was truly hungry several times throughout the day. The broth and jello was quite fulfilling. Its amazing. I HATED chicken noodle soup and brothy ANYTHING before my surgery, but I really do like this chicken broth from Noodles and Company. Funny how things change Went to the grocery store and got some stuff to finish out this week and to start my full liquids on Friday. Picked up some stuff for dinner for hubby too. He doesn't need to keep eating out - Lord knows he's not gonna cook! He's finally getting better about eating in the same room as me. It doesn't bother me, but it does bother him. Its not a big deal to me. I'm able to satisfy my hunger with my allowed foods now. If I wasn't able to, that might be another story. As the diet progresses, we'll be eating much of the same things - other than I'll never eat rice and he wants red beans and rice for dinner - so no problem making that for him

That has nothing to do with it. I do feel hungry daily and I eat. I didn't say that its unreasonable to think about food, you brought the emotional "toll" of divorce into it. That is an emotional and mental addiction to food. You're watching videos of food - you're mourning it. Mourning is an emotional and mental process.