donna450

I was molested from age 2 to 14. Physical and emotional abuse from rekatives. Not a pretty story. Without even thinking about it I ate to stay fat to be unattractive so the opposite sex wouldn't find me attractive and once the images and emotions were buried way down deep I was relatively heavy but not to the point of being obese. But I found myself attracted to boys and men and would flirt with them but only with a barrier between me and them. I worked in a drugstore and the counter along with my weight kept them at bay. I was in control. My past buried and forgotten I got married but couldnt do all things a married couple should do and one of those he was a man he couldnt be trusted. Well I couldn't get pregnant (weight I suppose-had endometriosis before anyone even knew the name of it). We adopted two young girls 21 mos old and 34 mos old. Upon raising them I became frightened about them for them and of them. Feelings of the past came rushing back. Just feelings I wasn't sure why or what was making me feel this way. I was a terrible mother or so I thought. After years when I was 30 I finally went to see a dr about my painful endometriosis.
About 5 years later I got an hysterectomy but after the first visit I also saw an endocriniligist that told me of my diabetes and also informed me of my depression. He admitted me that day to the mental ward that afternoon. So today 33 years later after realizing why I was always more comfortable heavy; why I always seemed yelling and screaming. The truth of my abuse came out throught my psychiatrist Teddy. Love that man to death. Anyhow that was many years ago. I was in 97 diagnosed also with bipolar rapid cycling. So the fat part lasted for over 30 years b/c by that time my eating had become habit. Feelings of inadequacies and alot of selfdoubt and thinking everyone was judging me kept me at a standstill. But my children and husband stood by my side through every tantrum and screaming insults lashing out to hurt because I was in physical and emotional pain. Self absorbed. Today banded and losing weight I feel a little better. I did stand on the grave of one of the persons that abused me and ask God to forgive him. The shackles of hatred and emotional turmoil fell off my back the second I said it. I have been steadily getting better. I take quite a few meds to control my bipolar and diabetes, low thyroid and other conditions which keeps me emotionally stable most of the time. But losing weight now doesn't scare me. I'm stronger and that's due in part of forgiving but also to my husband who has done sooooo much to push me to be more open and honest and work at what I wanted to do with no reprecussions of my painful years I'm sure for him as well as my kids. My girls now 35 and 36 understand in part about what happened and bipolar on top of that. Wounds are still somewhat lightly covered but so am I at times. I hope I didn't bore you. I just felt I had to tell my story of defeat and victory. I'm not there yet but I am looking at as a positive move now and looking forward to the day I'm on maintainence. I may always be a little off balance but I try to push myself making small victories with my self esteem. Im positive I'll make it. I'm 63 now so maybe by 65 I'll be a little more forgiving to myself.

I was molested from age 2 to 14. Physical and emotional abuse from rekatives. Not a pretty story. Without even thinking about it I ate to stay fat to be unattractive so the opposite sex wouldn't find me attractive and once the images and emotions were buried way down deep I was relatively heavy but not to the point of being obese. But I found myself attracted to boys and men and would flirt with them but only with a barrier between me and them. I worked in a drugstore and the counter along with my weight kept them at bay. I was in control. My past buried and forgotten I got married but couldnt do all things a married couple should do and one of those he was a man he couldnt be trusted. Well I couldn't get pregnant (weight I suppose-had endometriosis before anyone even knew the name of it). We adopted two young girls 21 mos old and 34 mos old. Upon raising them I became frightened about them for them and of them. Feelings of the past came rushing back. Just feelings I wasn't sure why or what was making me feel this way. I was a terrible mother or so I thought. After years when I was 30 I finally went to see a dr about my painful endometriosis.
About 5 years later I got an hysterectomy but after the first visit I also saw an endocriniligist that told me of my diabetes and also informed me of my depression. He admitted me that day to the mental ward that afternoon. So today 33 years later after realizing why I was always more comfortable heavy; why I always seemed yelling and screaming. The truth of my abuse came out throught my psychiatrist Teddy. Love that man to death. Anyhow that was many years ago. I was in 97 diagnosed also with bipolar rapid cycling. So the fat part lasted for over 30 years b/c by that time my eating had become habit. Feelings of inadequacies and alot of selfdoubt and thinking everyone was judging me kept me at a standstill. But my children and husband stood by my side through every tantrum and screaming insults lashing out to hurt because I was in physical and emotional pain. Self absorbed. Today banded and losing weight I feel a little better. I did stand on the grave of one of the persons that abused me and ask God to forgive him. The shackles of hatred and emotional turmoil fell off my back the second I said it. I have been steadily getting better. I take quite a few meds to control my bipolar and diabetes, low thyroid and other conditions which keeps me emotionally stable most of the time. But losing weight now doesn't scare me. I'm stronger and that's due in part of forgiving but also to my husband who has done sooooo much to push me to be more open and honest and work at what I wanted to do with no reprecussions of my painful years I'm sure for him as well as my kids. My girls now 35 and 36 understand in part about what happened and bipolar on top of that. Wounds are still somewhat lightly covered but so am I at times. I hope I didn't bore you. I just felt I had to tell my story of defeat and victory. I'm not there yet but I am looking at as a positive move now and looking forward to the day I'm on maintainence. I may always be a little off balance but I try to push myself making small victories with my self esteem. Im positive I'll make it. I'm 63 now so maybe by 65 I'll be a little more forgiving to myself.

I'm not eating except tonight had a piece of pecan pie at a neighbor's Christmas dinner. I can usually keep myself from sampling it's not the baking but baking instead of exercising. If I would put more interest into exercising like I've done before I would feel more positive about myself.

So home is where the heart is or should I say friends who really care. I'm not doing good...but the dr.said I don't need a fill. I've never had one. I'm coming up to 4 mos.but I feel like I should be losing more. I've lost 25 lbs. It seems so slow. I can't get into a mindset to exercise and I'm baking like crazy for the holidays...about 20 dozen Cookies a couple candies etc. I'm keeping my distance from tasting or should I be honest and say I eat one cookie. I haven't tasted all of them. I've gained 1 lb. But thats not the point...I am failing the band. I need for health reasons to lose about 50 lbs more. I need motivation and don't know how to instill it into my mind that I must do it. The dr says I'm fine ...slow is good...I might be in the green zone...but why don't I feel like it? Am I depressed? I think so. I take about 6 psychiatric drugs to help manage my bipolar disorder. But I always find myself in a blue mood during the holidays. Happy one moment down the next that is bipolar. I know keep myself busy exercising instead of baking. I think today will be the last day of baking. I promised my grandaughter she could help me to make cookies this afternoon. But it will be my last cookie making project. I just talked myself into it. I ned all the advice I can get to get over this hump. I thankyou all in advance and have a very Merry Christmas.

What type of exercise is the plank?
I'm just joining the group so I will do 30 min a day on stationary bike and 30 min of treadmill a day and 30 min walking outside. Haven't been exercising at all. Need this motivation especially this time of year. I will check back later. Good luck to all of us!

What type of exercise is the plank?
I'm just joining the group so I will do 30 min a day on stationary bike and 30 min of treadmill a day and 30 min walking outside. Haven't been exercising at all. Need this motivation especially this time of year. I will check back later. Good luck to all of us!

What type of exercise is the plank?
I'm just joining the group so I will do 30 min a day on stationary bike and 30 min of treadmill a day and 30 min walking outside. Haven't been exercising at all. Need this motivation especially this time of year. I will check back later. Good luck to all of us!

I get that stuck feeling often. This a.m. took an excedrin just one and it feels stuck. I know it's not but the pressure is there a little. Yesterday was my 45th wedding anniversary and we went out to dinner...I couldn't get anything down had to slime what I had already tried. But I had this problem with Breakfast too. I can go several days in a row no problems and some days can't keep down the same foods I ate the day before. It happens maybe twice a week or so. But I sent the salmon back yesterday twice then finally order the parmesain crusted tilapia and when I got home was able to eat half of it. Then had a little strawberry frozen yogurt almost got that pressure feeling with that. Don't know what's going on. Need to maybe slow down even more.

Hi
I can relate to your problem because I have that problem I am bipolar rapid cycling. I take 22 pills a dayand just 10 of them are psychiatric drugs some weight gaining. I've had bipolar diagnosed for over 15 years and the symptoms for another 15+ years. I was banded 8-23. No fills yet as I have alot of stuck problems, sliming, and somedays just have Protein smoothies. But I have learned from my many bouts of sliming that I can eat foods and meats cooked in a certain way. My best protein I can eat is fish...tilapia...fried in a little olive oil and take small bites and chew usually get a portion down no problem but do have times when I eat too fast or to big of a bite I get stuck.
I am learning my abilities to eat with the lap band. If you aren't filled too tight , I feel you have a mental block....afraid to eat not even trying to see what works.
I've had 30+ years of depression and I could write a book on my experiences. It took me 20 years before I forgave my abusers the shackles of hate fell off and I began to heal. But I'm on anti depressents , antipsychotics, antianxiety, and two or three others that I will never get off of...I have to work around them while working with my band.
I still don't like to go out much..but I do. I start my exercise program at a gym through my mentalhealth disability social security where my insurance pays for fees.
How long will I keep at it? I don't know but I keep trying. I have several chronics diseases...like diabetes, low thyroid, etc that also works against me losing weight. If you really want this....eating, losing weight, feeling better, then you need to come at this from all different sides. Do your health assessment, nutritionist, and begin from the beginning again but with thoughts of how you CAN do this. I know depression leaches out every ounce of will if you let it control you and you don't fight against it. It festers and gets a little more of you each day if you don't do something positive to stave it off. See your mental health provider and maybe you need a psychologist to talk to. But don't jyst sit there and let it win....fight back...it's your only life you'll have..how willing are you take it back and start to enjoy and join life again? I wish you only the best...it's a hard life...but it is a life with happiness and sadness..ups and downs...love...friendships...hope for better things to come. Refigure your reasons for having surgery...you made the decision to better your life don't stop now when the hard work has to begin. You won't be sorry. Don't just stagnant...push yourself forward. Things can and will get better if you only fight back a little each day until one day you are more up than down. It happened to me. It won't happen overnight but it can happen. Remember the band is the tool...it's up to you to use it wisely. Blessings and prayers my friend. It's hard but doable. And you can do this. Keep in touch.

I ate a little of everything but very little turkey as it was too dry. We ate at 230 p. Didn't get stuck except later when I had my dessert we were visiting, talking, kids playing, etc and completely forgot I was eating and took two big bites and got stuck, so slowed down and got back into rhythym and all was well. But early am took meds and they wouldn't go down right and had sliming for about an hour like dry heaves. Didn't understand it was like I was having spasms but finally settledown and relaxed slept for 30 min then got up and was able to finish dishes for turkey dinner. I take 8 pills at Breakfast time and 22 altogether throughout the day. It seems it's getting harder and harder to get them down and to stay down. Does anyone else have that problem? Good news lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks on vacation. I did good..but couldn't eat a whole lot except fish...Mahi Mahi and a few bites of other things...Kauai was beautiful. Hope eveyone else had a great Thanksgiving.

I'm feeling the overfill today...ate quick oats, to church, grocery, ate some frozen yogurt, then a few chips then a1/2 bowl of Cereal then 2 eggs scrambled with chopped hotdog and cheese finally feeling satisfied. All went down okay but think I need my 1st fill. But won't eat again until dinner and maybe only a smoothie. Sounds too much huh?

For me stuck feels like the food is lodged in your throat like it's too big to go to your stomach and your esophogus is filled because you're not giving the food proper time or not chewing enough to let it pass down. Each bite has to be small enough chewed thoroughly like maybe 25x or more then swallowed then wait a minute or two between bites. Stuck is not fun. Mine puts pressure on the midway of my chest along the breast bone. Then I usually slime up the first couple bites and after I get rid of it I can eat again smaller bites and eating slowly enough to let the pass through. It happens about 1/3rd of the times. I am getting better though. Good luck I hope you don't get that stuck feeling.

I ate a little of everything but very little turkey as it was too dry. We ate at 230 p. Didn't get stuck except later when I had my dessert we were visiting, talking, kids playing, etc and completely forgot I was eating and took two big bites and got stuck, so slowed down and got back into rhythym and all was well. But early am took meds and they wouldn't go down right and had sliming for about an hour like dry heaves. Didn't understand it was like I was having spasms but finally settledown and relaxed slept for 30 min then got up and was able to finish dishes for turkey dinner. I take 8 pills at Breakfast time and 22 altogether throughout the day. It seems it's getting harder and harder to get them down and to stay down. Does anyone else have that problem? Good news lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks on vacation. I did good..but couldn't eat a whole lot except fish...Mahi Mahi and a few bites of other things...Kauai was beautiful. Hope eveyone else had a great Thanksgiving.

I ate a little of everything but very little turkey as it was too dry. We ate at 230 p. Didn't get stuck except later when I had my dessert we were visiting, talking, kids playing, etc and completely forgot I was eating and took two big bites and got stuck, so slowed down and got back into rhythym and all was well. But early am took meds and they wouldn't go down right and had sliming for about an hour like dry heaves. Didn't understand it was like I was having spasms but finally settledown and relaxed slept for 30 min then got up and was able to finish dishes for turkey dinner. I take 8 pills at Breakfast time and 22 altogether throughout the day. It seems it's getting harder and harder to get them down and to stay down. Does anyone else have that problem? Good news lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks on vacation. I did good..but couldn't eat a whole lot except fish...Mahi Mahi and a few bites of other things...Kauai was beautiful. Hope eveyone else had a great Thanksgiving.

Wow u have achieved a tremendous goal. I haven't been as true but I am getting better and finding my weak and strong points towards eating and losing. I still haven't mastered eat sliwly and chew alot...some foods just don't want to stay down. But it's getting fewer and far between so I am learning. With my 20 pills...used to be 33...its difficult but doable just have to remember slow is the goal...you have inspired me today. I am vacationing in Hawaii and I do believe I've lost weight which tells me I'm eating too much or wrong stuff at home and not getting out enough. But gym plan start 12-5 . Should be home for Thanksgiving...and I have alot to be thankful for....Happy Thanksgiving to you and family too. Have a wonderful day.

I am so happy to have finally found where everone went. Had no idea kapbandtalk was moving over her. Just today I found it. So I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Hope all are doing well. Good to be back with ya all.

I am so happy to have finally found where everone went. Had no idea kapbandtalk was moving over her. Just today I found it. So I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Hope all are doing well. Good to be back with ya all.

I am so happy to have finally found where everone went. Had no idea kapbandtalk was moving over her. Just today I found it. So I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Hope all are doing well. Good to be back with ya all.

I am so happy to have finally found where everone went. Had no idea kapbandtalk was moving over her. Just today I found it. So I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Hope all are doing well. Good to be back with ya all.

I am so happy to have finally found where everone went. Had no idea kapbandtalk was moving over her. Just today I found it. So I hope I can get back into the swing of things. Hope all are doing well. Good to be back with ya all.

5k run I could never do. Congrats!
I did join the shapes gym thru my medicare insurance. I can't get into one with a pool but if I take it safely I'll be able to get some all body exercise. Most of my joints have some sort of problen. So
I'll have to find the one that doesn't affect joints too much. They also have Zumba class size so will definitely give that a try.
I will be starting after vacation. Wish me luck.

5k run I could never do. Congrats!
I did join the shapes gym thru my medicare insurance. I can't get into one with a pool but if I take it safely I'll be able to get some all body exercise. Most of my joints have some sort of problen. So
I'll have to find the one that doesn't affect joints too much. They also have Zumba class size so will definitely give that a try.
I will be starting after vacation. Wish me luck.