Bandista

How many times have I said OK I need to start over? How many times have I told myself just one more time…and then I’ll start again?
How many times have I committed to recommitting? How many times have I told myself that I will write down every single thing that goes in my mouth? How many times have I told myself I WILL go to the gym today?
How many times have I found myself feeling guilty because of my perceived failure?
I go through these things and more too many times to count. My weight, my surgery, the scale, the gym, food they are always on my mind. When I wake up in the morning I think I need to get a weight today so I know where I am….that’s what’s going to tell me and help me get on track! So I go about my morning routine and the scale shines from the corner waiting for my feet to step up and weigh in but I have just one more thing to do…and I walk past the scale and escape into the next room.
I have defeated the siren call of the scale yet again! Sometimes, I drink coffee and think well now that’s not a “true” weight I just drank fluids! (Really?!) I have to go to the bathroom so weighing in will be better after that elimination of extra weight. (Really?!) Oops I just got dressed for the day including my socks and shoes and I can’t get on the scale now…that’s just too much extra weight and you know…you have to weigh with the least amount of clothing…and my scale needs bare feet and it’s cold and on and on and on…..
I sit at work and my smart watch tells me it’s time to stand…it might as well read “the beatings shall commence”. It starts with the guilt trip, why didn’t you get that weigh in this morning?! It’s been weeks…and you don’t know where you are, and you need to know that. (Really?) Why are you sitting so much..you should be getting up and being more active! You should bring your gym bag in and get your butt down to the gym! (The side commentary often replies with the standard “it’s January and all the resolutioners are in the gym, working out so they can pretend they are keeping their New Year resolution to get healthy. They are clogging things up and you can’t get in there with all that going on!” Really?!) and the beating continues as I guilt myself throughout the day.
I make the “healthy” food choices and for the most part when I am eating “food” I try to make sure I make the healthier choice steering clear of the fatty fried foods, eating my Protein and drinking my Water. So what’s my problem? My problem is that I am perfectionist. It’s all or nothing for me, and either way I have to do it to perfection!
If I have a bad day…well it has to be the badest of bad days. Complete with not only with lack of exercise, but forgetting to take my Vitamins, and consuming lots of all kinds of sugary Desserts. If you’re going to be bad might as well eat the ice cream and chocolate and forget the chicken breast right?!
If I am having good day well you know its perfect right? I wake up and the birds are chirping and the sun is shining and all is right in my world. My feet hit the floor and I can’t wait to step on the scale to see how wonderful I am and what a success I am! (Usually this is where the fantasy begins and ends)
On these days it’s the middle of the road for me. Reality has woken me up and given me that cosmic 2x4 womp upside my head and for a minute the obsessing stops. It’s not about what I did or didn’t do. It’s not about what I ate, but more about what I will do and what I will eat.
I don’t need to beat myself into submission to be perfect, I just need to live for this. Right here right now this very moment. I need to stop. Just stop, and be present. Right here right now. Nothing more and nothing less.
Yes some of those moments are going to be “bad” ones and some are going to be “good” ones. All that really matters is the reality of all of these moments. I don’t have to dwell on the past or the future I just have to live in the now.
It’s really all I am capable of these days. I don’t know what it is in me that strives for this “perfection” it is now and has been a flaw of mine. While it is true that in many ways it helps me strive to learn and grow and better myself, and it is also true that in many ways it holds me back and limits me, and it will even sabotage my success, when I let it (or use it as an excuse!).
I will look at my weight loss to date and I say I have ONLY lost….as though it is a negative. When I should be focusing on the fact that I have LOST that weight and it has not returned.
So today as I write this confession, and my smart watch is beeping at me to stand up and move around and I am taking that time to do just that and to look at it in a positive way. Not saying telling myself I am a failure for not getting to the gym today, but saying hooray you are moving more than you did before!
I am not going to beat myself up for sleeping later this morning, I am going to allow myself the extra Zzz because my body and my soul needed it. I am not going to beat myself up for not stepping on the scale this morning, instead I am going to commit to resetting the darn thing tonight and setting it up to move forward.
I am setting a reminder on my phone to prompt me to weigh in and take measurements and I am scheduling time for ME. Yes I am putting an actual appointment on the calendar to do things that I need to do for me. Including making lunch, getting to the gym, and having dinner out with friends. It’s important, and if I feel the perfection monster trying to sabotage me I’m going to come back here and refocus on the moment and get back to reality of being perfectly imperfect one moment at a time.

What I miss: not much! Like others, there are times when I'd like to chow down on just the right kind of sandwich or a big, fat cheeseburger -- munching on a baguette, etc.
What I don't miss: being so damn self-conscious every where I went. It's been so great going out into the world these last two years and holding my head up high, having a good time. I no longer look around to see if I am the heaviest person in the room and I don't worry about what people might think about what I'm eating/not eating. I just do my thing and I sure don't miss questioning every aspect of my eating all the day long (should I have this, should I be "on" or "off" a diet, etc. -- happy to not be on a diet!).
Thanks for a great thread and Happy New Year all!
(Oh, I kind of miss champagne -- cannot do the bubbly unless it's in a mimosa or something that flattens out some of the carbonation....)

I like fresh guacamole with a dollop of hot black Beans on it -- something about the texture and temperature contrasts plus of course that jacks the Protein up.

Hi there and congratulations, welcome, etc. The plication people do very well -- I had not heard of it when I had my surgery in 2013 or I think I may have been interested. Weight Loss Surgery is such a great relief. I love having my hunger dimmed and being able to life my life in a whole new way -- wouldn't trade it for anything!

I like fresh guacamole with a dollop of hot black Beans on it -- something about the texture and temperature contrasts plus of course that jacks the Protein up.

So much to Celebrate, Liz -- very happy for you and all you've accomplished. You have been such an inspiration to me and so many others. Thank you for that! Love seeing all the fun you're having in your healthy new life!

So much to Celebrate, Liz -- very happy for you and all you've accomplished. You have been such an inspiration to me and so many others. Thank you for that! Love seeing all the fun you're having in your healthy new life!

So much to Celebrate, Liz -- very happy for you and all you've accomplished. You have been such an inspiration to me and so many others. Thank you for that! Love seeing all the fun you're having in your healthy new life!

thank you my dear friend. You know you are my inspiration as well.

Okay so Im watching the news yesterday while at the gym, Well reading the captions anyway. And it comes up that a new study shows that people who are successful with weight loss surgery, aside from having health concerns lessened etc, also have a much lowr rate of depression and are much happier with a better outlook on life.
Well DUH!!!
I mean seriously someone actually studied this!, So let me get this straight, if i lose weight, can be active, dont have all the pains and hospitalizations etc, ill be happier? Holy Cow! Who would have thought that would be the case?
On a serious note, though it is good to see that maybe things will start to sway in the direction of doing what we all know, and that is WLS is not something to be shunned or kept outside of the norm, but that it can be embraced as a meaningful way for people to take charge of their life and gain the life we desperately need and want.
We have all earned the right to be Happy, Now we have the Proof!
http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-bariatric-surgery-mental-health-20160112-story.html
.

Hi friends. Well today is my three year bandiversary and I've been in maintenance for about half that time. As many of you know, my journey was far from linear in that ten months after getting banded, I had both hips replaced. The recovery was long and hard fought and it was months before I was finally off the cane for good.

I literally had to re-learn to walk and move like a normal person. I also found myself in therapy due to body image issues and feelings of loss of control among others. I'm taking a break after two years to see if I can move forward without the therapist's help but I feel sort of like I did when I stopped using the cane. Both scared and happy to put it behind me. Time will tell if I can manage without her help.

I still have physical issues because of all the abuse my body underwent but I can do the things most people take for granted like going up and down stairs, bending over to tie my shoes, crossing my legs, fitting in a booth or airplane seat...the list goes on and on.

Mostly what's changed is that I got my life back. I know that sounds dramatic but it's true. I didn't even realize how small my world had gotten as I got larger and less able to move without pain. In 2015, I took a vacation to London which was something I wanted to do since I was a teenager. I even rode a bike through the royal parks. I met a gentleman online back in May and I am very much enjoying spending time with him. I've found physical love again and emotional closeness. The feeling of happiness as I lay in his arms nearly overwhelms me. I have to pinch myself just to make sure this is real.

My children no longer worry about my health. They lost their dad more than 20 years ago and they worried that I would die young as well and leave them without either parent. I know this is no longer an issue for them and I'm relieved I don't cause them any additional anxiety.

I like to shop and dress up. I care a great deal about my appearance now and I almost feel like a real life Barbie doll deciding each evening what I will wear the next day and what accessories I will pick from. I have lots of clothes, shoes, pocketbooks, makeup, real and fashion jewelry. It's all to make me look and feel pretty. It's wonderful to feel pretty when I felt invisible for such a long time.

I'm part of the world again and not sitting on the sidelines of it watching others engage while I cannot. I owe all of this to my band. Doesn't mean I don't struggle with hunger and making good choices. But I like the way my therapist said it. I 'sample' things now rather than overdo it. That includes food obviously but also my love life...we are NOT joined at this hip and it's a good thing. Same with work, exercise, friendships, and life in general. I sample things and savor them. In many ways it makes me appreciate it all the more because I don't do anything to excess.

For those of you starting your journey, or those of you who are vets, I just wanted to put it out there that while I went into this process kicking and screaming, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my family. I will always be so grateful for the tool I now have at my disposal, and the support I get from my virtual friends here on BP.

4 year surgiversary
@@Julie norton
all of us are lucky to get a second chance at a healthy life
we sure are!! - whether we live in lap or sleeve land - we're all WLS survivors, you are right, it is terrible how some people treat others due to their weight - i hope we can help make that change with how WE treat others (not how we were treated in our past!) thanx for writing bud

@@DaisyAmy
Awesome post!!! Thanks so much for "spreading" your positivity!!
is that like manure?!! (did i really say that? )
gotta think positively about that!!! thanx for writing kiddo
@@umo
Happy birthday and continued success in your journey.
thank you - you are doing great!!! all the best on your continued trip through sleeveland
@@hopefullythininme
Happy birthday
thanx bud - 62 is MY 32??? hmmmm not sure about that, maybe close LOL
@@smallbird
long time - love to see you are doing fantastic!
wow -a blast from the past!!! great to see you again - so happy YOU have done so well too. you are now 3 years YOUNG - holy moly!! thanx for writing and stopping in the neighborhood!! come around more often ok?? plllllease - "tweet" around anytime!! "we're" open 24/7!!
@@OutsideMatchInside
reminder we can make changes at any age if we decide to.
that is right!!! i wish i had decided long time ago about sleeve better later than never!! thanx for writing
@@Bandista
So happy for you
happy back at ya!! - always great to hear/see you
thanx for writing
@@NewSetOfCurves
You are so positive and encouraging!
thanx for those nice words
back at ya - YOU are doing wonderfully - keep up the good job
@@CowgirlJane
Happy birthday my sleeve sister, you rock!!!
"we've" gone through a lot these past 4 years in sleevland - wouldn't have done it with anyone else!! you had WLS 4 days before me!! so you are older and wiser - but i am younger and CUTER
--------
all you guys are welcome for drinks (water!! LOL)
this time @@CowgirlJane is buying!!! (remember she's 4 years YOUNG too)!!
this cutting and pasting is for the birds - i'm exhausted, hope i didn't miss anyone, if i did - DEAL WITH IT
thanx all for writing!!
group hugggggs!!!
kathy

Yay, Kathy! So happy for you. You are a great inspiration and I always enjoy your posts.

I like fresh guacamole with a dollop of hot black Beans on it -- something about the texture and temperature contrasts plus of course that jacks the Protein up.

@@Amberbo congratulations on deciding to research weight loss surgery -- for me this was an act of choosing myself first and deciding on a healthy happy future. I was 53 and had never been an overnight patient in a hospital before, so weight loss surgery was a big decision. I found that in making that step I was admitting to myself that I just couldn't do it anymore. I was so worn out from diet after diet -- decades of various regimes. I'd lose weight and then put it back on with a little more each time. Getting the appetite monster off of my back was the best decision I ever made. As a stress eater, I thought about food all the time. I am some one who benefited from therapy. I live in a rural area and our hospital only had bariatric information sessions every other month. My process took five months and in that time I worked with a therapist to break down my triggers. It wasn't as though I hadn't done work on myself before. I had. You should have seen my bookshelves! I knew I was an emotional eater, blah, blah, blah. First twinge of any kind of stress and all I wanted to do was find something to soothe those feelings. We worked to really identify the specifics of what was going on and I discovered a few things that set me off in particular -- like a conference call or going for a meeting. I'd always prep with food, food, food and then reward myself after. Now I don't do that anymore. The desire is just gone. I actually welcome hunger because that's a sign that it's time for me to get something to eat. I love being a dainty eater -- I have learned to listen to my body and have small portions at appropriate intervals. I was not able to do this without intervention. I hope you find the help you need -- don't take advice from strangers on the internet but we are here for support. Find a good doctor and work with them to figure out the best path forward. And know that in choosing yourself first every one else benefits tenfold. It's amazing. Show up for YOU. You'll be so happy you did. Sending best wishes your way!
PS I am adopted and an adoptive mother -- talk about choosing. That's what I always say, chosen babies are very special.

Prior to weight loss I had a basic uniform of black jeans and a black top. I work from home but have to have meetings from time-to-time and that was always a nightmare trying to figure out what to wear. Now I play dress-up all the time. And I love to go shopping! I have some great skirts and colored tights, low boots and high boots, hats -- recently I got a faux leather jacket in a kind of silver grey. Looks great. We live in a rural area and when I go to the city for getaways I take my sexiest stuff along with me as I am still uncomfortable with attention. Last summer I wore a sleeveless linen sundress I bought in a consignment store. Oh my god, sleeveless. My goal is to work my arms so I look even better in it this summer. Isn't it great celebrating ourselves and enjoying the fun instead of hiding out? Thanks for this great thread.

Tonight is the epic POWERBALL jackpot of 1.5 BILLION dollars and chances are I'm going to win! You have to feel lucky to be lucky right? Anyway I feel like I've hit the jackpot because I've lost 97 pounds to date. I know I will hit my goal.
And if I don't win POWERBALL tonight, maybe this was the 4 MILLIONTH post on bariatric pal and I won all that cool stuff that Alex Brecher was talking about.

Prior to weight loss I had a basic uniform of black jeans and a black top. I work from home but have to have meetings from time-to-time and that was always a nightmare trying to figure out what to wear. Now I play dress-up all the time. And I love to go shopping! I have some great skirts and colored tights, low boots and high boots, hats -- recently I got a faux leather jacket in a kind of silver grey. Looks great. We live in a rural area and when I go to the city for getaways I take my sexiest stuff along with me as I am still uncomfortable with attention. Last summer I wore a sleeveless linen sundress I bought in a consignment store. Oh my god, sleeveless. My goal is to work my arms so I look even better in it this summer. Isn't it great celebrating ourselves and enjoying the fun instead of hiding out? Thanks for this great thread.

Hi there, welcome !!! You'll get lots of different opinions , here's mine.. ..... Best decision ever !!!! The negatives ? I had to rethink how I ate, choose healthy foods most of the time, small bites, chew well, lots of Water, exercise minimum 3x a week, fills, following Dr.s rules, reminding myself "progress, not perfection !" Positives ? 80 lbs gone, no more sleep apnea, happy, healthy, size 8 pants, lots of energy and motivation !! Love mirrors, clothes shopping, walking for miles, feeling good from the inside out, compliments, seeing my body get stronger , etc........ my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner ! Being a strong healthy woman and mom is the best gift you can give to yourself and your family, no matter how you do it. Good luck whatever you decide !!!

Hi there and congratulations on your success -- and this trip! My guess is you will probably lose weight. Focus on walking and moving around, getting exercise and having fun seeing all the sights. I think that making friends with food and our appetites is a challenge we all share. What better place than France to truly enjoy tastes of really good food that is good for you. Listen to your body and enjoy yourself. We don't overeat now and that frees us up for so much more.

I like fresh guacamole with a dollop of hot black Beans on it -- something about the texture and temperature contrasts plus of course that jacks the Protein up.

Paris. Seriously. Paris! Stop worrying, and prepare to enjoy a glorious trip. Stop obsessing about every bite that goes in your mouth, or you will miss out on SO much of this wonderful experience.
You will be busy every moment. Enjoy knowing that your pouch limits you to not overindulging, but enjoy every sip and bite you take while you're there. You will probably find that you continue to lose while you're gone - I always have in Europe, partly because of walking absolutely everywhere. Your senses will be completely filled with all that is Paris, and you likely won't even think much about food.
You've lost 190 lbs. Think of this trip as a lovely reward for yourself. You will doubtless have the joy of fitting MUCH more comfortably in the airplane seat!
Plan to buy yourself something - a scarf, a pair of leather gloves, something that makes you feel special and absolutely Parisian. It can be your anchor for shedding the pounds that remain until maintenance.
Bonne chance!

I squeeze some lemon on it, add salt and pepper and eat with a spoon. Sometimes I add hot sauce, too. It's good with anything!

to all WLS newbies VET's, and everyone else in betwen
Today i celebrated my 62nd birthday
party dance party dance!!!
it's been 4 amazing years since i moved to sleeve land
i was one of the lucky ones that hardly had any problems PO
(not even gas!!)
in my previous life
i wore elastic waist blue jeans to work
they "hid" my rear end !!!
i wore big blouses/t-shirts
I looked great - NOT
didn't care about my appearance
if i didn't look in a mirror - i was "ok"
miserable etc - but that WAS me
fast forward
i have lost 105 lbs!!! GOAL
i feel wonderful, healthy and happy
experienced a lllllllong list of NSV's
and they keep coming
as i was reaching GOAL
my life was changing, improving
loosing the weight improved/got rid of meds and health issues
i "gained" confidence, happiness, - all those great feelings
"those feelings" were always there
couldn't find "them"
they were hiding
under all my blubber!!!
i peeled my excess skin off
feel like wonder women!!!
"we"/most say "WLS is not easy"
mental improvements aren't easy either
getting head/body issues to mesh together
isn't easy either
i'm stlll a work in progress
i look amazing, i really do
"cute as a button" LOL
DOS
12/15/11
235 lbs
57 years OLD

present
130 lbs
GOAL
62 years YOUNG!!!
Happy B'Day to me, today!!!!
my weight is a part of my past, present and future
life gets better and better
i am 5'3 short
but i feel 10 ft tall
congrats to ME
kathy

I've been off BP this week but I'm doing really well. Clean food plan, and I can't believe it, but I'm losing weight again. But it sure has been strict. I gave up the fried food three weeks ago. Planned and portioned meals. Working closely with my OA sponsor. I'm starting to believe I might actually reach my goal weight this year.