Reputation from leannel90

leannel90 got a reaction from Skywalker in What is the rudest thing someone has said to you?!?! March 1, 2014

Wow this was quite the read. I've felt alone and as it turns out...I'm not alone on this!
1) I was late for work one day due to a doctors appointment. I always parked in the same parkade. The lady at the gate asks why I'm late. I say had a doctors appointment. She asks oh are you expecting. I just said no...drove to my stall and burst out crying.
2) at dinner with a bunch of family and complaining (quietly) to my mom that I had to buy a size 22 pants. My much larger cousin pipes up (very loudly) to the whole table...ya right a size 22!! Like I was lying about a plus size.
3) meeting my one true love again during his divorce. Called his house to speak with him only to have his daughter tell me he was at his girlfriends house. I was always the girl that was smart but not to be dated. (I will find him again after I've lost all the weight!)
4) my boss (who is short and.overweight) telling me that he was worried about my weight gain. I asked him that we must have met in a past life...my name used to be kettle and I'm sure that his name was pot?
5)recently vacationed to kauai with my best friend. She made a huge deal over me wanting dessert...embarrassing. I finally had enough and said you're right. Then I think she feels bad and requests the dessert menu. After all that!! We didn't end up ordering anything. There were three things I wanted to do but couldn't because of weight restrictions. Ziplining, tubing adventure, and a helicopter tour.
6) the best for last. Going to a retail store to shop for my mom with my dads credit card. A sales clerk walks up to me and explains that they don't sell anything over a size 14. (I was maybe a 16/18 at the time.) I left the store totally humiliated and in tears. I will NEVER shop in Suzy Shier...EVER!
There are many others that come to mind now that I'm listing them. I'm going to focus on me now...and feeling great about myself no matter what. I will go back to Kauai and do all the things I couldn't do...including ordering a dessert...even if I only have one bite. Its my decision and no one will make me feel bad. Ever...again. I'm super pumped about my decision. Perhaps my friend was jealous about it and lashed out in kauai? I told her that it was my last kick at the cat and I was going to go out with a bang. She seemed upset...the one person I thought would be the most supportive has been the least supportive! Oh well...up and on...my true journey starts on May 14th...I'm currently on liquids to prepare!
Thanks for sharing all...sorry this is so long.

leannel90 reacted to HealthyNewMe in Walked out of gym today on CLOUD NINE! April 5, 2014

I don't think I've ever had this many compliments from total strangers as I had just now. I was in the ladies' dressing room at my gym before i worked out, and the cleaning lady stopped me to say, "You have lost so much weight.... I just wanted to tell you." When I finished my 65 minute elliptical workout, the woman next to me said I INSPIRED HER! Then, as I was sitting in the lobby, waiting for my husband to finish his workout, another woman came up to me and said, " I've been wanting to tell you this for a few weeks, but you rock that elliptical workout." I was in such shock bc you would have to understand where I came from when I started exercising last June. I really couldn't do 10 minutes on that elliptical. The day I went 30 minutes, I went into the dressing room and cried. I pushed myself to get to that 45 minute mark, and for the past three months, I've been working out an hour a day on that machine. I'm inspired by so many others in that gym, and today I inspired someone else! My husband put his arm around me as we walked out of that gym together today, and I felt proud of myself for no longer being, Tammie, The Couch Potato!!!!!

leannel90 reacted to Bandista in Compliments...the good, the bad and the ugly April 5, 2014

I think as humans we are looking for radical acceptance of who we are, without judgement. Inner beauty is so often overlooked and society is obsessed with supposed physical perfection. Sometimes there is so much focus on the container rather than what is inside. This makes me sad and mad.
When I first gained weight it was a result of Prednisone -- fifty pounds practically overnight. I was 29, getting married and already alarmed at the bride-to-be attention. Now I had the attention of all the people who couldn't understand how I could have gained so much weight so suddenly. I felt a deep shame and anguish. After that initial fifty pounds, I went on every possible diet to try to rebalance my body and shed, but we all know how that story ends. Pretty soon that fifty went up to eighty pounds. Then one-hundred. I just couldn't shift it no matter what I did.
Along the way -- and it's been a long way from age 29 to 52 -- I have had to contend with people wondering how I let myself go like that, why I didn't just do this or that to lose the weight, what happened to her, etc. Being the subject of this kind of attention has been very painful, and we all share that here. Weight is so visible; every one notices. I found myself craving invisibility.
I wonder what it will feel like to be at an "acceptable" weight and how I will handle people remarking on that. It's all so personal. That's why I'm really glad to have all of you here. I can identify so deeply with this post and with all the comments here. I want to be able to hold my head up high and thank people when they offer me a compliment, but I don't know how to receive graciously.
A friend was over yesterday and said that I looked great; I just went silent for a moment then moved the conversation along without even acknowledging it. I think this is how I've lived for a long time -- just not acknowledging my worth. The gift I am. So that's all part of this big project of reinventing myself and securing my healthy future. There's a reclaiming that's happening and it's a bit daunting.
Sorry to ramble on so long. I guess this has all been on my mind, too. Transformation and what that means not only to myself -- that part I'm very excited about -- but also to the people around me. Thankfully my husband loves all of me and sees ME, my light, my wholeness, and he has all along. But my extended family, not so much. Choosing myself first now is bound to cause a few ripples, but I'm up for this. I'm up for ME.